After diving on a granade to save his squad russian officer tokeahv wakes up in a different world.. One in grave trouble, and he is the only one who can save it, if he wants to get home. Some fight for religion. Some fight for country. Some fight for honor. Some fight for glory. A true soldier fights to save the lives of millions. Follow Tokeahv on his journey that will save a land not of his own. Note the lyrics used in this story are not of mine, they are used and owned by mushroomhead and their label, I am just using them.Author note you may need google translater for some lines. I'm releasing this a bit unfinnished, its been sitting around and i havnt had the time to write more on it. ive been working on a short story, but if this does well roughly i will finish i just dont want this sitting around for nothing. Also if you dont enjoy then ust leave it alone.
Ok now I can see why someone voted this down... you have problems, note the s, with this story luckily ones that can be fixed easily. First capitalize the words that need to be, such as names, proper titles, and I. Second break up the text, start a new paragraph when a different characters start to talk or between transitions. Right now this story is very hard to read, some can but most do not like to read through a solid block of text.
Text walls
Bad spacing
Lack of capitalization
Too fast going, pacing-vice (You're going at mach-3, when you should be walking merrily)
It's ''I'll'' (the shortening of ''I will'') not ''ill'' (another word for ''sick'')..... When shortening use an apostrophe like this: I've, I'll, don't, should've, you're....
Many simple spelling errors
Try to describe a little more than just simply ''he/she said/asked/replied/answered/.....''
Sorry, but with so much to go on..... you get a no-go from me.
"Granade"
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1407647first of all its caled reading the description before reading it is unfinished and raw.
1408644
I was excepting something more along the line of minor issues that aren't easily catched, not blocks of text and errors easily seen. Look I am not trying to be mean, just pointing out what needs to be fix to make it readable. If we can't read it then it is very hard to judge if it is a good fic or not.
1408666fine when i was wrighting this i didnt have microsoft word ill go back through it then and fix it and then come back and read
1408666llok at it now and tell me what you think
1407699yes im russian and i know how a the english language works but i wrote most of this in early mornings with no sleep you can udge all you want to nothing negative you say will effect me