I'm a pegasister with a love for all things Rainbow Dash! So Awesome! /) >3< (\
The mane 6 are all grown up and have children of their own. But on the Summer Sun Celebration, a mysterious time controller appears and takes the Mane six into the future. It's up to the Mane 6's children to travel through time to find them. But one particular travel, they get turned into...
Stay tuned to know!
This is a collab work by BlueBlitzPegasister and ScarletSagePegasister.
Enjoy!
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Heyo!! Mind if I help with the story??
3192881
Oh jjjjeeeyyyaaaa!!!!!!
Damn dude! LOVIN' IT!! Should the next one be about Sundae Spirit?
Chapters under 1000 words? Check.
OCs are the children of the Mane six? Check.
Each one mentioned in turn, but never reference another that we haven't seen yet? Check.
All children have one defining feature? Check.
Result: Story is not looking very good.
But most of these things, well a couple of them are mechanical and easily fixed. You need to write more. Any chapter that is less than 1000 words is barely worth reading. You're not putting in enough to keep a casual reader's attention and the only people that are willing to put in the time are those that have something invested in this story.
Adam Apple? Yeah, I get the joke but it's not really anything dealing with apples now is it? I'd change his name to something more fitting. Also, why does he call his mother "Applejack"? Shouldn't he call her "ma"?
All in all, it's not bad. It's just not very interesting.
3203157
Thanks for the advice, dude.
Me and ScarletSage will try to fix the problems and will you get back to me?
Cheers,
BlueBlitzPegasister
Hmmm... this looks interesting. I'll keep an eye on it.
I love this story so far!
3203157 Well, I'm interested! Loving it so far. Anyway, MY stories are under 1000 words, and PLENTY of people read them!
I don't really like Fluttershy's son's name. Ponies don't have paws.
Do you read Warriors by Erin Hunter? Timidpaw sort of sounds like a name from there. Also, I'd like it if there was another mare in the group. Thanks!
What will happen next? Please do next chapter soon.
3203263
Hehe. We're both Warriors fans so I think that's where BlueBlitz got her inspiration for the name. About another mare in the group, we'll keep that in mind. It helps a lot when a reader tells us what we should do or not do.
Cheers,
ScarletSage
3203293 Check out my story. Pretty awesome, if you ask me.
Wow this story is awsome so far.
3203250
But it takes a talented writer to pull it off and sorry, but you might have some views but your story isn't knocking 'em out. No, if you want a story with short little chapters that's really good, check out Austraeoh. You've got a tiny fraction of those views.
When you're starting out you need volume. You need to write like you've never written before and that also means chapters with more than 1000 words. Why do you think that you can't publish something until you have at least 1000 words?
3205562
I understand what you mean but they are new writers, so that goes to show why they aren't writing enough and such. They'll probably only pull off that quality of writing in Austraeoh in their fourth story or something. They're new here, they're getting into the swing of things. Hopefully, they'll work on their volume.
3206656
Thanks my fellow Pegasister
cool name choice the warriors series is cool
Hello, my name is DrakeFyre.
I am really liking this story!
Can't wait for more!
-DrakeFyre
PS: You just earned a new watcher!
I love this story so far and it's actually building up my courage to write one of these (I can be such a procrastonater
). Though I have to admit that your characters need more personality and since your introducing your characters with their own chapters, you could tell more about the characters (I'm only saying that for future chapters). I still loved this story, so you got a like and favorite from me.
4690192
hey, thanks!
Me and Scarlet have taken a break, because I just moved to Australia.
We're re-writing the story and improving the characters and we're going to re-post the story in about
a month or so?
I'm glad that our story inspired you to write your own, and I will definitely read it!
-BBP