Before they were business partners, they were brothers.
Flim and Flam have been pushed out of every town and village they've set hoof in since the 'Super Speedy Cider Squeezy' incident. As Flam keeps watch one night he thinks back to how the Flim Flam brothers began and begins to wonder where everything went wrong.
A look into the lives of the Flim Flam brothers, before and after the events of The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.
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I find it great that you are tackling these characters. It already feels like a challenge that will really pay off nicely. Keep up the great work!
3157525: Thank you so much, I really appreciate the kind comment. I certainly hope that the challenge will pay off, I've kind of grown attached to these two already and I want to be able to do them justice. Thanks again for taking the time to comment :)
"He whimpered" is redundant
Dialogue is punctuated wrongly, both here and in most of the rest of it. Refer:
Now, as for the story itself: there's not much of it. It's a pity, because it's competantly written. Nothing too fancy, but sufficient to get the meaning across. There's hints of a good style waiting to develop in here, in that you don't spell everything out, with
being a nice example of using body language to good effect rather than adjectives. Why you've decided to start this with Flam's life story confuzzles me a bit; I'm sure you could take events later down the road to establish them solidly while starting closer to the ending, thereby reducing fluff and giving your words more weight. The prologue is functional, which is more than can be said for a lot of those out there; it sets up the situation fairly well, though again, short, stumpy chapters lack the feeling of substance.
But even so, this is better than the 10+ stories I sifted through to get here, and I do think it's got the makings of something nice if you'd flesh out your chapters more. You've chosen interesting characters to play with, and the theme of brotherhood is always memorable when handled well. Keep writing.
I comment on stories I've finished. It'd be really appreciated if you returned the favour - not necessarily to me, though that'd be swell, but to any others you read.
3159317 Thanks for the critique, I really appreciate it. I realise my writing isn't the best it could be right now and I appreciate any help I can get..
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Love this. Ever so rarely do you find a decent FlimFlam story. Keep up the good work ^.^
3159731 Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. Yeah, Flim and Flam are probably two of the lesser appreciated ponies in the fandom, but after drawing them I realised they'd actually be pretty interesting to work with (especially when my head started coming up with head canon).
Thanks for taking the time to comment :)