Rainbow Dash and Applejack go looking for Rarity in the Everfree Forest, but Rarity isn't the only thing they'll find in there...
(Cover art by: Sakura)
Chapters (11)
- Member Since 20th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Aug 17th, 2023
Raidah
Barely active anymore. Feel free to read my plethora of stories though. I’ll reply to any PMs I receive
Raidah
Joined 20th Aug, 2013 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Raidah · 4.2k words · 11 2 · 433 views
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Got where? Where the hell were they supposed to meet? Is "there" some sort of store?
THANK YOU, RANDOM CITIZEN
They literally just walked in. I do not think saying that they looked "everywhere" for her would be justified.
For all they know, that could have been Zecora's. Unless Rarity has some deformity on her hooves that make her prints look different.
And this has been my reaction for the things within Chapters 1 & 2
Why is this moving so fast?
Wow a broken wing? How original. Also needs more set up
You... UGH
3162202 haha, okay I guess I did miss a few things, sorry on my part. But I DID say that this is my first one, they will get better over time I promise.
Ok I will admit I missed a few things, I will make improvements where i see fit. Thanks for all the feedback (albeit only 5 comments at the time of this) I can see where I made mistakes and will fix them soon.
3162474 I will see what I can do
3162231 I will admit the pace is a bit too fast, ill try to slow it down a little
3162202 also, they looked all around Ponyville on their way there, I just forgot to mention it
3164973
I am no expert on writing (based on previous berating of certain teachers/instructors/professors/whateverthehellpeoplecallthemthesedays) but in my opinion it would be wise to look back on what you wrote to make sure what you wrote makes sense. While you may have an artistic masterpiece in mind, you won't always translate it well onto paper/screen.Happens all the time when I try to draw a tree
Good luck on your writing and have a twilight so then I don't look like an emotionless robot
3165138 thanks for the advice, I am making the necessary improvements as we speak, so it will be better within the next hour or so of this being posted
There everypony, I fixed what I saw needed improvement (thanks to you guys pointing it out) and now it should be good. If there is anything else wrong, please tell me. Because all of the feedback I have received is the kind of feedback I want, where people tell me where something needs improvement without being rude about it.
3168454 I will now proceed to die of laughter...
3168454 what I meant by "people telling me what's wrong with it" is in the story itself, such as the pace being too quick or there being details I missed, etc. not something like how long it is, because I spent a lot of time and put a lot of work into this, so I really don't care how long it is thank you very much
3165138 P.S. how do you put in the pony emoticons? Because I've been seeing them everywhere and I don't know how to put them in
3202768
They should be in some box to the right of where you post comments at the bottom of the page.
3203396 something tells me you can't do it with an iPhone can you?
3203505
No, you cannot
3203902 well shit... And my computer is being really retarded as of the moment too...
YOU MIND READING OC REPLICATING AUTHOR!! I just happened to make an OC (named Namira) who is a black Alicorn with a midnight purple mane and tail, red eyes with slit pupils, and a *coughpentagramcutiemarkcough*. I swear, you either read my mind or stole my first oc. You brilliant bastard...
3259274 most likely the former, as i just came up with the alicorn as i was writing this. i call it a coincidence, and a hilarious one at that.
3271023
You're right. You wouldn't steal my OC. But that sure was one hell of a coincidence, huh?
3273827 damn straight
Aeches: I'm... not sure I can say I like this. Horror's not really my cup of tea. The premise is good though and some kind of "boogeypony" Alicorn that haunts the Everfree is a good way to create tension, which is necessary for good horror. Unfortunately, your story-killer here is not the OC, but the short chapter lengths, fast story progression and a mix of too much description where you don't really need it and not enough description when the reader should be given an idea of what's going on.
Also, AJ and Dash seem to be having a bit of an identity issue in the first few chapters. Dash is the one who's quick-tempered and loses patience quickly while AJ's the one who reins her in and thinks the situation through.
That said, your grammar is not even half as bad as some of the jokers on here, which says a lot about you as a writer.
3311751 I can't believe that I never noticed the personality swap between AJ and RD, I'll definitely get to fixing that ASAP. But otherwise, I don't know whether to say thank you or buck you...
Very good story one of the best stories ive ever read
Awesome so far
Can't wait till next chapter. Please make them longer
Wtf i thought this was a flarity ship?
5214881 I accidentally added it to that group. Aaaannnddd completed tag means no more chapters.
NOOOOO!!!! AJ is fav pony.
ih0.redbubble.net/image.48058910.9254/flat,800x800,075,f.jpg
7208020 omg my old shitty first fanfic. Why would you read this?