Music To His Ears

by FrostbiteTheBlind

The Sweet Sounds of Love

The entire ampitheater went deathly quiet when Music Note stepped out. Either admiring her dress, or her breast size. Either one was accepted at this point. She saw a lot of stallions, and even Princess Twilight, as promised. She heard footsteps behind her, and turned to see Vinyl, holding a microphone. Now, the crowd began to erupt into cheers. But....there were two ponies that remained silent. One, visible by few, was Princess Twilight, but she did bear a smile to Music Note, as if to try and ease her nervousness. The other was a mare with gold and black fur, who also happened to be a pegasus. She seemed to be looking for someone.

"WHAT'S UP, PONYVILLE?!" Vinyl's confident voice boomed throughout the speakers of the theater. "WHO ELSE DID YOU COME TO SEE? NOPONY! BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE TO SEE ME! THE MISTRESS OF MAYHEM, PRIESTESS OF PUNK....DJ PON-3!" The crowd, save for Twilight and the other mare, were in complete mayhem now, cheering and hollering. She looked over to Music Note, and her expression saddened slightly. "But...before I preform for you all, I promised my friend that she'd open this concert wide for you guys. Now....her music's a bit of a twist from mine, but she IS good. So.....mares and gentlecolts....or not-so-gentlecolts...." She laughed, along with everyone else in the audience. "Put your hands together for my dear friend, Music Note!"

Music Note blushed, and gripped her guitar tightly. Vinyl had taken her place back behind the turntables that were set up. Muse held up two fingers, and Vinyl nodded. 'Let's hope she still remembers....' She thought, as Vinyl held up a yellow and white record, placing it onto one side of the turntable.

* * *

All hell breaks loose. The sounds of Music Note's guitar and Vinyl's record scratching fit together, like a wheel and axle. During every lapse, there were a few cheers, and then there was the concluding measure. 'One, two, three, four.....Two, two, three, four.....three, two, three, four.....four, two, three, four.'

As the song died down, the entire amphitheater erupts into cheers, even though Music Note was only OPENING for Vinyl Scratch, it was as if the show was centered around the two of them. Roses flew to both of the mares' feet, even from Princess Twilight. Yet that gold and black mare.....something was wrong about her. Standing up and curtseying for the crowd, Music Note picked up her guitar and started to walk backstage.

She was met with a hug and kisses on the cheek and hand from most of the stage crew, but no Phoenix. This struck her as odd. She looked up at the clock. 'Intermission.....perhaps he's talking to someone out in the audience.' She felt a thin pair of arms hug her from behind, and she craned her head, seeing Vinyl. "Oh, wow, Muse....you were great! I never knew that you'd gotten a lo-"

Music Note, for the second time tonight, cut Vinyl off with a finger to her lips. "Vi.....do you...have a crush on me?" Vinyl's cheeks flared a bright red, and Music Note caught the DJ's eyes flashing to her chest, which made her blush as well.

"Yes." Vinyl admitted, hiding her face in her hands. "Look, I know you're not a fillyfooler, and I didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd hate me....and I know you have a thing for Pheen, but.....he already has a special somepony."

'Oh.....well....that's a surprise.....in all fairness, he didn't seem like the type of guy who'd be single forever....' She thought to herself.

"But...." Vinyl continued. "He's gonna break up with her soon. He doesn't feel the love anymore. So you probably have a chance! And....like I said. You have a thing for Pheen." Music Note nodded. Vinyl looked like she was about to cry, and that would've made her feel bad. So, just to show Vi that she cared, Music Note kissed her once, her hands on the small of Vinyl's back.

"I care a lot about you, Vi. But I can't be with you." She looked serious for a moment, but then gave her a wink. "You'll always be my closest friend, though. Maybe even with....'those' benefits." Vinyl blushed, kissing Music Note's cheek before looking back to the stage, and making a break for her second part to the show.

* * *

Music Note sat in the dressing room, the reverberations of Vinyl's music seeping through the thick walls. She was about to change back into her street clothes, when the lights cut off, and she felt a small, sharp blade to her throat.

Comments

[Thaums]

Music To His Ears

wat

[Mr Ignorable]

3130075

a quiet, nervous Pegasus

She is kind to everyone she meets

Her music can charm birds

Hey look! It's Fluttershy!

[Warren Peace]

You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself...

[Warren Peace]

So, right off the bat: a ponycreator cover image. Using ponycreator images for cover images here is generally looked down upon, so don't do it. There's a group that'll help you if you ain't an artsey fartsey sorta fella', or you could go without a cover image (arguable a better decision than using a ponycreator one). Continuing on this train of thought, if the ponies here are anthro, why the flying tits would you use a pony image? Logical flaw detected.

Moving on, I don't even need to start the first chapter to find another error: chapter lengths. Aim for a twelve hundred minimum for chapter lengths as anything under a thousand words also tends to get instant hate here.

Now, as there's nothing abhorrent with the description, let's move onto the story itself...

They were usually graphic, showing for several hours either someone hurting her, or her family.

Ooh, I'm very scared! Not. Here is where it pays to show instead of tell. Instead of her waking up with a sweater (who the hell sleeps with a sweater anyways?) why not show us one of her positively horrifying dreams? Dream scenes can be a great way to get into the psyche (or whatever the term is) of a character.

and resolve her nightmares.

[new paragraph]Popping the cap off of the orange bottle,

Why? Because we just finished talking about her oh-so horrifying nightmares and now we're going to a scene of her popping pills. That's what new paragraphs are for.

a 100 hundred Series Sapele Acoustic guitar.

Whenever writing numbers less than a thousand, always spell them out. It looks lazy and unprofessional so don't do it.

Author's Note:
This story is complete shit, I know. Please don't hate.

Complete shit? Hell, you don't know the the flying asshole tits complete means. This story (thus far) is only shit, not complete shit. I pray to Sithis that it remains that way. Either way, people are going to still hate if it's shit no matter what you ask of them.

The vendor, apparently Cheese Slice, laughed.

You already told us that the old geezer's name was Cheese Slice, you don't need to have that first part.

[Bumping mister Wing scene]

Cliche love at first sight clumsy scene? Check.

One of her friends

Logical flaw detected. Reason: in your description it was said that this bitch had no friends, only acquaintances.

Author's Note:
DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, DID YOU?

Not really, no. That, however, doesn't instantly make it a good thing.

sharp blade to her throat.

Yeah, in all reality I really don't care. I'm not interested in this character as the story so far has contained nothing of any substance. There's almost literally nothing of any value here, no interesting story, no interesting characters, no interesting conflict, no interesting anything. All this said, I'd suggest getting help and learning how to write better. You've got the formatting and grammar down, all you need now is the substance.

Questions or concerns? PM me. Otherwise good luck and farewell...
/)

[iloveportalz0r]

11/10 i cri evertim ;_;

[The Watcher 509]

3130458

I slept in a sweater several times.

3130157

One can never be prepared

3130149

Hey look. It's me, that guy in Skype.

3130458

<.<
>.>
(\ Steals brohoof

3130075

It's a he since most pears are male due to their genitals coursing through one's blood stream