Ignoreland

by Atlas_Nebula

Chapter 3

As you and Fluttershy wander the marketplace, your mind retreats back into its figurative shell. The yellow mare next to you appeared to be saddened by your existence. It’s almost insulting, now that you think about it. Although there is a small part of you that might feel otherwise, and there’s no denying that at least some of what Fluttershy had said was true.

You don’t have a family to speak of, much unlike the ponies that you serve daily. The closest thing you have to family is Mother, and she’s hundreds of miles away at the moment. There’s a distinct vibe going on as you venture through the rural town, almost a feeling of loneliness. You blink in disapproval. Fluttershy seems to notice right away, almost as if she read your mind. She pokes you with her wing in concern.

“I’m fine, honestly. Just thinking about stuff.” Partially true, but not entirely.

“Are you sure? You got me really worried back there. I sincerely hope I didn’t offend you,” she said. “It’s just... nopony deserves to live like that. Not even Trixie back when she first came here.” Your ears perk up at the mentioning of that name.

“Trixie? The magician? I’ve heard she’s been rehabilitated quite some time ago.”

“Yeah, but a few years back, when she came to Ponyville for a show, she was really mean,” Her nuzzle scrunches up for a second at the memory. “But she’s better now. Even back then, I wouldn’t have wished that life upon her.”

You can’t help but get the impression that Fluttershy feels sorry for you. Slightly. Maybe. Must not think too much of it. If anything, you’ve learned to deal with your job and how much time you have on the planet. Eight years. That’s more than enough time to make other ponies happy. That’s what you were built for, after all. The sun is blocked out by an oddly shaped cloud, and it looks like a storm is heading your way. No matter. You like days that are overcast. The townsfolk are happy, minding their own business, being completely ignorant. But of what? Then it occurs to you that Ponyville must be purposely isolated from other parts of the country. There’s no way that these ponies could be unaware of androids by sheer coincidence.

“Believe me, it’s not that bad. Although I do admit I’m a bit jealous of what you have.”

“Jealous? Of me?” That might not have been the best choice of words. Fluttershy looks puzzled, so you decide to quickly head that off at the pass.

“Not of you, specifically, Fluttershy. Of what you mentioned earlier. I never noticed how lacking my life was. I like it, sure, but... I’m not contented...” you start to doubt yourself. It is not uncommon for anys to develop their own emotional responses over time, but it’s definitely not something that can be easily gotten used to. You need a distraction, right now.

“Oh. You ever thought of a family before? Just wondering. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” she said, hardly above a whisper. You’re starting to wonder if this mare would qualify as adorable. It doesn’t matter right now, though. Must find something to take mind off things.

“Well, no. Like I said, I don’t have one, and the only pony I can really say would even come close to being family is Mother.”

“Who’s that?”

“Right. I call her Mother, and so do other andys of my type, but you probably know her as Pri-” Suddenly, you get hit in the side of the head with a rock. Where did that come from? “Ow.” It didn’t really hurt, but it did throw you off balance. Suddenly, you remember where you and Fluttershy are going, and it isn’t to the giant tree that contains the town’s public library, as well as Princess Twilight’s home. Fluttershy gasps for a moment, taken back about as much as you are, and looks to where the small rock came from.

Over by what you assume to be the arcade, you see a young colt kicking the ground in a noticeable fit of frustration. He’s wearing a cap, and like you, lacks a cutie mark. Maybe he’s a child version of your type? Probably not. Too emotive. Not enough patience. You see Fluttershy’s face contort into one of mild anger, and she trots over to the arcade in a huff. Might cause confrontation. Wouldn’t want that to happen.

Following her, you take her by the shoulder just before she reaches the colt. He’s still clearly frustrated. Spouting curse words. Not very polite, is he.

“Don’t go near him,” you whisper into Fluttershy’s ear.

“You mean Button? I don’t know; he’s causing a bit of a scene.” She’s not wrong. A few ponies have gathered around the arcade, with its flashing lights and vibrant colors, and sort of just observe the colt’s actions.

“I know how to deal with kids. This one might need an adult who understands,” you reply. While Fluttershy does seem to be good with kids, and it wouldn’t surprise you if she would be a great mother, she’s not a computer expert. Just from looking at the child, you can tell that Button has at least a moderate interest in video games. Actually, it somewhat surprises you that they even have those in this town. Definitely strange.

Without saying another word, you go up to the colt (who’s too busy being a little ball of anger for him to notice you) and grab him by the arm. He looks up to you, an intense frown on his face, and tries to pulls away from you.

“Hey, lemme go! You’re not my mom!” Your forceful grip doesn’t make his efforts fruitful whatsoever. No matter how much the colt tried to get away; your strength still wins out.

“No. I wouldn’t try to fight back, kid. You’ll end up hurting yourself,” you say nonchalantly. Technically, you couldn’t do anything in defense if he fought you, but Button is also unaware that you’re an android. At least for the moment. Could use that to your advantage if townsfolk are ignorant enough.

“But-”

“Calm down. Think for a second, little stallion. You don’t want to get into trouble with your mother, would you?”

“NO! Please don’t tell her! I was already grounded for breaking the window with a controller!” He pleaded, and hesitated for a second. “I forgot it was a wireless controller...” he trails off and looks down at the ground in shame. Probably has anger issues. Not matter.

“I promise not to tell her if you stop this nonsense, Button,” you say sternly. “Is that understood?”

“Y-Yeah... I guess,” he says, and makes a circle in the dirt with his hoof. You notice a filly with a white coat not far away, caught between paying attention to what’s going on and playing with a portable game console. A Joyboy, if you remember correctly. Video games are quite popular in the Stardust Palace, as well as Canterlot. It’s always been odd to you that they can manufacture life-like animals, but can’t seem to make game graphics as nearly as convincing. Fluttershy slowly makes her way next to you, and appears to be utterly speechless. Not a big surprise. Almost everypony that was watching the scene has left by now, leaving you three together.

“How did you do that?” Fluttershy was bewildered by what you had one. “I would’ve probably used the stare on him, but you... you just made him sit still!”

“Not really. I made myself look threatening. I didn’t have to do anything. Heck, I couldn’t do anything, even if I wanted to.” Button raises an eyebrow.

“Whaddaya mean you couldn’t have done anything? You’re a big stallion; you could’ve beaten the crap outta me!” Kids these days lack manners.

“I don’t think you noticed, Button, but have you looked at my flank?”

“Wait...” he does just that, and almost screams his lungs out. “An adult blank flank?!”

“Yep. And not just that,” you figure that if there’s anypony in this town who would know what an android is, it’s this colt. It takes him a few seconds to register what you mean, but he looks both astonished and shocked at the same time.

“You’re one of those fancy robots, aren’t you? The ones that just look like ponies?”

“Not quite. Being a robot would mean I’m a slave, and I can assure you I’m no slave,” you say. It makes you wonder if you really aren’t a slave, though. You’re a servant, but you’re allowed to think for yourself, and you have a business mentality that slaves in the ancient times did not possess. Not to mention the obvious fact that those slaves were ponies, not andys. “I’m an android. A synthetic pony, my dear boy.”

“Ah. Aren’t those kinda the same thing?”

“Sort of, but not really,” you glance at Fluttershy and refer to her in a hushed tone. “It’s okay if you leave us here, ma’am. I can see Twilight tomorrow instead of today.”

“O-Oh, really? I guess that’ll be alright. I can’t wait to tell Twilight about you. She’s really into stuff going on in Canterlot and the big cities...” she shyly replies, and turns and heads over to the library, her wings occasionally fluttering. You don’t let the energetic colt out of your sight, though. Must ask questions.

“As for you, little guy, I think we should go for a bit of a stroll, don’t you think?”

“Wait, you’re saying that I get to talk to a robot?”

“Android.”

“Android?!” Button’s excitement comes back to him, and gets off his haunches.

“Don’t be too reckless. If anything, I want to ask you some questions. I haven’t seen anypony use sophisticated tech in this town, up until now,” you chuckle. “C’mon; we still have the rest of the afternoon for this.”

“Okay...” Button looks over his shoulder, at the white unicorn filly, as we leave. “I’ll be right back, Sweetie!” She just sighs and continues with her business. Might not be in a good mood today. Overcast days are your favorite.

A few hours pass as you, and the little hyperactive colt wander the town, chatting, and before you know it the both of you stop for ice cream. The table you’re at is round and smooth, and the ice cream is fairly refreshing, if not stimulating. Andys don’t necessarily need food in order to survive, but a nice treat won’t harm you.

“So how come you can’t hurt anypony, really?” Button suddenly asks. He’s already gotten a “brain freeze” three times. Doesn’t know how to pace himself.

“Well, it’s not something I’m physically incapable of. We andys are extraordinarily powerful in terms of strength and speed, even when compared to earth ponies. But, we have to be like that. An android is designed to be prepared for any job, emergency, or task given to it. A lot of andys are used for manual labor, not like that’s a bad thing, and a lot of us also hold positions in the education system. It’s common for a teacher in say... Manehatten to be an android.”

“Yeah, I get that part, but is it like a crime if you even touch somepony?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but to physically harm another living being would be to break one of the Three Laws of Robotics,” you say to him. Just as you mention the word “robotics,” Button’s ear perk up.

“So you are a robot, then?”

“We’re synthetic, and have internal workings similar to those of what you would call robots, but we’re far more advanced than that. Back in the days when the Lunar Corporation was the first and only robotics manufacturing company in Equestria, the initial robots were clumsy, slow, and stupid. They were basically just walking calculators, and artificial intelligence was still in its testing stage. One of the first actions the Lunar Corporation took was creating a short and simple set of rules by which all robots and artificial beings must live by. One of those rules was that you couldn’t ever harm a living thing, even if they attack you first.”

“Ah. So you’d get arrested if you ever hurt any of us. That doesn’t sound so cool, dude,” he says, obviously saddened by the prospect of somepony not being able to defend itself. Either that or he ran out of ice cream. Probably both.

“I’ll admit; it's not the best law in the world. Many robots and andys have practically shut down, or even self destructed, because of all the loopholes and paradoxes within the Three Laws of Robotics. But, it’s not all bad. I mean, look at me, I’m still okay,” you smile, trying to raise Button’s spirits. It works.

“Yeah, I guess that’s cool enough. I’ve heard about you guys for awhile, but I never got to meet an android before. Are you staying here for a long time?” Buttons has a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

“What, you mean in Ponyville? Not for long, I think. I came here to sell some electric animals and hopefully make a good profit, but I don’t know.”

“I hope you stay long enough for us to play some games together. My brother’s not around much anymore, and I used to play with him all the time,” he frowns for a fraction of a second, but perks up. “Getting to play a video game with an android would be awesome!”

Both of you had eaten your ice cream by this point, and it’s actually the first meal you’ve had all day. You can’t help but chuckle at the colt’s enthusiasm for what he loves most. Surprises you that he doesn’t have a cutie mark. You’ve always wanted to play a video game yourself, and you’d hate to crush a child’s hopes, so of course you can’t refuse his offer.

“I think I can do that. Sounds like it could be a lot of fun,” you say cheerfully, and the moment you do, Button somehow makes his way across the roundtable and hug-tackles you.

Turns out making friends in this town might not’ve been impossible after all.

Comments

[kalash93]

Okay, there's not much to go on, but let me say that I can think of. It's difficult to talk much on an ongoing fic with only 7.5K words down that feels like it has yet to even fully begin.

The basic mechanics and narrative are fine. There isn't much at all wrong with these. The grammar and mechanics are almost perfectly sound. Here are two instances where I noticed things amiss.

Chapter 3

your mind retreats back into his figurative shell.

Correct to: your mind retreats back into its figurative shell.

Chapter 3

life-like

Correct to: lifelike

The atmosphere is nicely done here. Everything gives off a dysphoric vibe. It seems strange for this story, given that there are no sad, tragedy, or dark tags. I never have read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, or much Robert Heinlein. However, I did read some Isaac Asimov a number of years back. Yeah, I can see the similarities. However, I'd dare say that you, Atlas and Elec, are a fair bit more into telling than he is. If there's anything that I don't really like about the fic, it's just how much telling you do. And some of it is stuff that you went back over in dialogue not even that much later. Either that's an oversight and redundant, or it's intentional. There is a strong cyberpunk vibe, which I really like.

I like the characters. Granted, the second person thing is always slightly jarring, and it's not typically seen for stories that aren't porn. Delving into your character's thoughts in second person can hurt immersion. Your protagonist, his reality, and his world are interesting. I would like to know more about it. At least he's entertaining to watch, if only because he's a smartass. Fluttershy seems true enough to her canon self. I want to know more. However, neither your protagonist, nor Fluttershy, are all that engaging or memorable. They currently have minimal conflict or goals, meaning that I can't really find much reason to identify with them or support them. The dialogue is alright and gets the job done, which is all that there really is to say about it.

Personally, I'm not a fan of lots of short chapters. I think that it's better for pacing and flow to have longer chapters. It often feels like you are cutting things just a bit too short. I appreciate your attention to detail, but such things feel cramped in the tight narrative. Perhaps there is conflict or imbalance between you authors, because one of you seems to like keeping things brief, but the other one of you seems to like letting things take up space. The result resembles shoving a pear-shaped girl into a corset.

One thing I wish you would do less of is telling. While this story reminds me strongly of Blade Runner, it has very little of the subtlety that Blade Runner did. I'm feeling like I'm being handed absolutely everything on a silver platter out of fear that it might make my delicate brain have a meltdown. Show and imply more things, especially core elements such as the prejudice towards synthetics. Also, I recommend relying less on the inner monologue, especially because such things

Overall, this fic is just alright. I'm not particularly impressed by anything yet, but I don't see anything really bad in it other than being a tad directionless. The conflicts and concepts you are introducing had better been leading us somewhere, though. I could take it or leave it as it stands. There's a lot of potential for greatness, but also much potential for mediocrity. I wish you both the best in this project. I'll hold off on saying more, as well as a numeric score until I have more to work with. Just know that it's above average. It gets my upvote.