Cadance expects a nice night on the town. Chrysalis expects a feast of love. They both get what they want, but in a way neither of them expect. The only question is how long can they keep it a secret?
I noticed some changes. Specifically the lack of the security system as well as Shining Armor's less violent method of subduing her. Very glad to see this started again.
And that's when the screaming began.
First it was Shining, then Chrysalis, then Cadance, then back to Chrysalis and then Shining before the loop started again.
Seems like most people are a bit lost by the rewrite. Myself, well, I am mostly confused about what did and what didn't happen, as always with rewrites... Maybe you should do a changelog Anyway, I like what I see for now, good work!
I suppose it's almost too obvious there'll be two Cadances in the bed some night when Shining's finally warmed up to the idea of having Chrysalis around. Makes me wonder about the rest of Chrysalis' hive. Aren't they worried for their Queen Princess not returning on time? Assuming there isn't a spy sent to the Castle when she's overdue.
And what of the changeling hierarchy getting wind of this 'wrinkle'? She screwed up the Canterlot invasion and yet manages to befriend the very couple she used and abused, gaining their (Cadance at first anyway) friendship and most importantly, their love? Either Chrysalis is an absolute tactical genius who should be leading all changelings... or utterly blessed with the most incredible unlikely sheer dumb luck of any being ever, meaning not to trust her with anything more dangerous than a wet paper bag. I suppose they will let her keep the Princess title but only because she's hauling in stupid-large amounts of love and making the rest of the Princesses look like noobs at the collection business.
7624815 Well, you're not wrong about the two Cadances, but i have other sexy ideas that will be more predominant Don't want things to get old and predictable.
As for the hive and the hierarchy, much of the reason for the rewrites was to fix the characters. This is one of my earliest stories so it had quite a few mistakes in it. Plotholes, poor character development and a bit of OOC-ness. The Hive had plenty of it since it was mostly of my design. It's much better than it was before and many of the details you noted are addressed properly (or as well as I can).
So just wait and see what happens. I promise that it's much better than before.
7632292 Long story short, the original had a way more violent/aggressive Shining, Chrysalis had about as much spine as Fluttershy, Plotholes everywhere, one dimensional villains, and a bunch of other little details that didn't need to happen (like spike being aged up and shit for no fucking reason other than to ship with Rarity later).
This was one of my earlier stories that started during S3 so lot of changes were being made on the fly. After a while and a lot of growth as a writer, I could see how much crap it was and I wanted to do this idea justice by rewriting it. So far, it's much better than before.
Interesting depiction of Chrysalis, and one that does make a certain amount of sense-a princess without the wisdom of a queen with a lot to prove and her own personal army at her disposal would be the type to stage an open invasion using an army of bloody shapeshifters.
That being said, I found myself enjoying the back and fourth between Chrysalis and Cadance more so than the actual clop. Not that the clop wasn't good, mind you, but I found myself wanting to see their friendship progress more so than to see the sexy times. Well, with Shining Armor at least. I'm all for Chrysalis and Cadance one on one.
7632805 I agree, the back and forth between them is great and it's going to get better. Not just with them but with any character Chryssy talks too. Girl's got sass and snark to spare, but can she beat Spike in those terms? We'll see about that
Hello. I had already read your story and realize that it was rewritten / modified from the beginning. really he surprised me. Shining armor of the original version was much more aggressive and less responsive in the thought that Cadence could be controlled by Chrystali. in this new version apart from the stolen kiss can say. Here it was more "realistic" in terms of initial amazement and immediately react. I will not see forward to seeing the new changes you have made and your progress.
pretty good. I like.
A large portion of this story seems to be suddenly missing, did I miss something?
And so the new edits are released into the wild, to be hunted and consumed by the voracious Fanfic readers.
7622776 been rewriting it. Deleted the old chapters for the new ones
I like this new version.
Shining Armor is fond of using his magic to restrain Chrysalis.
Let's hope they can make use of this later, hm?
7623243 well then you're going to love the next few chapters
I noticed some changes. Specifically the lack of the security system as well as Shining Armor's less violent method of subduing her. Very glad to see this started again.
I can easily see this as a 10 hr loop on youtube.
Wait wasn't there more to this story?
That was one interesting morning.
Poor Chryssie, she's too innocent for this.
7623471 Ooooh, something to look forward to.
Seems like most people are a bit lost by the rewrite.
Myself, well, I am mostly confused about what did and what didn't happen, as always with rewrites... Maybe you should do a changelog
Anyway, I like what I see for now, good work!
7623944 made a bunch of rewrites. Something I've been harping on for a while but no one noticed.
7624053 I didn't think of that. I'll have to edit that into the author notes later
7623471
I suppose it's almost too obvious there'll be two Cadances in the bed some night when Shining's finally warmed up to the idea of having Chrysalis around. Makes me wonder about the rest of Chrysalis' hive. Aren't they worried for their
QueenPrincess not returning on time? Assuming there isn't a spy sent to the Castle when she's overdue.And what of the changeling hierarchy getting wind of this 'wrinkle'? She screwed up the Canterlot invasion and yet manages to befriend the very couple she used and abused, gaining their (Cadance at first anyway) friendship and most importantly, their love? Either Chrysalis is an absolute tactical genius who should be leading all changelings... or utterly blessed with the most incredible unlikely sheer dumb luck of any being ever, meaning not to trust her with anything more dangerous than a wet paper bag. I suppose they will let her keep the Princess title but only because she's hauling in stupid-large amounts of love and making the rest of the Princesses look like noobs at the collection business.
7624815 Well, you're not wrong about the two Cadances, but i have other sexy ideas that will be more predominant Don't want things to get old and predictable.
As for the hive and the hierarchy, much of the reason for the rewrites was to fix the characters. This is one of my earliest stories so it had quite a few mistakes in it. Plotholes, poor character development and a bit of OOC-ness. The Hive had plenty of it since it was mostly of my design. It's much better than it was before and many of the details you noted are addressed properly (or as well as I can).
So just wait and see what happens. I promise that it's much better than before.
I realy looking forward for the rest of the story.
You know, I had the old stuff in my read later for ages. Now I'm actually reading it, and wondering about the original.
7632292 Long story short, the original had a way more violent/aggressive Shining, Chrysalis had about as much spine as Fluttershy, Plotholes everywhere, one dimensional villains, and a bunch of other little details that didn't need to happen (like spike being aged up and shit for no fucking reason other than to ship with Rarity later).
This was one of my earlier stories that started during S3 so lot of changes were being made on the fly. After a while and a lot of growth as a writer, I could see how much crap it was and I wanted to do this idea justice by rewriting it. So far, it's much better than before.
Interesting depiction of Chrysalis, and one that does make a certain amount of sense-a princess without the wisdom of a queen with a lot to prove and her own personal army at her disposal would be the type to stage an open invasion using an army of bloody shapeshifters.
That being said, I found myself enjoying the back and fourth between Chrysalis and Cadance more so than the actual clop. Not that the clop wasn't good, mind you, but I found myself wanting to see their friendship progress more so than to see the sexy times. Well, with Shining Armor at least. I'm all for Chrysalis and Cadance one on one.
7632762 Thanks for the response! And I see why you chnged it up.
7632805 I agree, the back and forth between them is great and it's going to get better. Not just with them but with any character Chryssy talks too. Girl's got sass and snark to spare, but can she beat Spike in those terms? We'll see about that
Hello. I had already read your story and realize that it was rewritten / modified from the beginning. really he surprised me. Shining armor of the original version was much more aggressive and less responsive in the thought that Cadence could be controlled by Chrystali. in this new version apart from the stolen kiss can say. Here it was more "realistic" in terms of initial amazement and immediately react. I will not see forward to seeing the new changes you have made and your progress.
I think I see what you did there.
7659304
Didn't read original version but this one is A-OK :)
Thumbs up!
Tiny typo that slipped through editing
- its
If I'm nitpicking then maybe nonstandard "anyways" (first chapter) could be changed to "anyway" too.