• Member Since 22nd Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 15th, 2013

Purple Thunder


Luna in trapped in her own mind, thanks to Nightmare Moon, but she can still have a diary. A little look into life on the moon. SPAAAAAAAACE. Translated into Modern Equestrian for your sake. Yes, You. The one and only, YOU.

Thanks to zaczac111 for helping me proofread! You helped a lot :)

MLP is owned by Hasbro.

Portal 2 is owned by Valve.

Picture by me.

(If I've got these wrong, please tell me!)

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 42 )

Yes, it's short, but all the chapters are going to be very short. I'm sorry everypony. :ajsleepy:

Also, it's my first fic! Hope you like :raritystarry:

EDIT: Correct any mistakes!

EDIT 2: I know this chapter isn't very funny. But the others will be funny! (hopefully.)

First Chapter: I dislike the dialogue you've given nightmare moon. The way you made it happen seems rushed to me. But otherwise it alright
Second Chapter: What? No Wheatly dialogue? :rainbowhuh: Your no fun. Well at least I get Space Core.

Overall I'd say it's pretty good. Kind of funny in some parts.


1. Yeah, but it was at the time when Nightmare Moon first talked to Luna. But what would you change it to? :trixieshiftright: (BTW I've changed it)

2. Umm.. Sorry! There might be some in 3rd Chapter. But does this mean the rest of the chapter is good? :raritywink:

Really? Thanks. You don't know how much this means to me! I don't think it deserves the comedy tag. :twilightoops:

3rd Chapter probably up tonight. :scootangel:

Fics don't need to have a comedy tag to be funny. If you don't intend on making it funny the rest of the fic then I'd say take it away. And yes the rest of the chapter was good.

Hey Purple, if you need some help feel free to ask me, I'll try my best to assist you, just send me a PM. Also, if you need a pre-reader I can help with that. I got some experience in both departments and would be glad to help you with either if you'd like.

Anyways, on topic: I'm enjoying this story so far, although the dialogue in the first chapter felt rushed. I can't wait to see where you take this, as it has a lot of potential that you can easily delve into.

255817 I'm writing the 3rd chapter atm, when I finish it (which should be soon, like 15 mins maybe :pinkiesmile:) Want me to PM it to you? It's also on google docs, PM me if you want to help! Yeah, Prologue was a bit rushed, I've edited it already (to the version you saw) but if you have any ideas for it, PM me! Always happy to receive constructive criticism. :twilightsmile:

Lol, took an hour and 25 mins for 3rd chapter to get up. :derpytongue2:

256129 Ooh, okay. I'll get started, and add another story up. :twilightsmile:

Oh, I love how its like "Oh nothing really happend in the last 20 YEARS"

Well.... that was.... interesting.....:derpyderp2:
But it was interesting in a good way. Looking forward to the next ones.:pinkiehappy:

272239 Thanks :twilightsmile:

The reason it's not in the Royal Canterlot Voice is because it's been translated into Modern Equestrian. Just so you know :twilightsmile:

Hello everypony, sorry there hasn't been an update but I've been delayed. I am also writing more stories as well, so juggling the writing time for each story is hard. :ajsleepy:

It was a good effort. The biggest thing you can do for your story is to add length. The expression "Don't tell the story, describe it." comes into mind there. (Or "Show, don't tell the story") Because the paragraph lengths are short, the pace of the story tends to be very fast. It's really hard to grab the readers emotions when the pace is too fast.

Adding length is tough, it's probably one of the things I struggled with most. But you can do it if you stop and brainstorm a bit. Taking a five minute break can also help if you are completely stuck. Sometimes there's other angles to approach the story.

On a second suggestion, don't use adverbs in your story. A thesaurus is a writers best friend, or of course you can always pick up creative verbs from other fics.

The last suggestion is to not write about how your characters feel. Be your characters. Imagine yourself in their hooves. What do they feel? Why do they feel that way? It can be a useful trick to really getting into the minds of your characters.

307945 Thanks,

I am terrible at showing, not telling. I know. This is my first fanfic and I'm not working very hard on it, probably because I'm trying to write a better one at the same time.

But thanks so much for your help! :twilightsmile:

307945 Truth be told, I don't really want to write this story. I think it's really bad and not worth continuing, and it's just going to get repetitive. So very repetitive. :twilightoops:

Nice story. A little bit silly but very funny.


My pleasure. :pinkiesmile: Are you planning to continue the story? I mean, Luna's part of the story was a little bit repetetive but the side story with Twilight and Celestia really grasped me.

451005 I agree that Luna's part is repetitive, and I'm happy the Twilight and Celestia part is making you happy :twilightsmile: I might cut down the chapters a bit, I dunno.

So... Does it mean you're coming back to writing this story?

454672 Yeah, thinking of writing a bit more right now :twilightsmile: But I'm about halfway through the next chapter, might be up tonight sometime :twilightsmile:

454797 Okay, now to write more.



Ideas anyone?

Luna inventing imaginary friends? Human landing on the Moon? An unicorn who accidentally teleprt him/herself on the Moon? Rain of meteors hitting the surface?

1. Thanks, will keep in mind.
2. Maybe.
3. No other ponies on the moon, remember? Check the beginning of Prologue: A Time to Remember.
4. Thanks again.

Thanks for your suggestions!

Next chapter up later, sorry :ajsleepy:

Oh, right, no ponies, I forgot... Donkey who was ccidentally teleprted by an angry unicorn? Or a dragon, perhaps.

455012 Maybe, thanks for all the ideas! It helps a lot :twilightsmile:

You're welcome :twilightsmile: I just can't wait to see next chapter.

455047 R.. Rea.. Really? :yay:
I didn't know people looked forward to what's happening next! :twilightsmile:

I'm so sorry it took so long to get up, but I'm just running out of ideas!

(Not to mention that I'm working on another story)

But anyway, I hope this chapter makes up for it. :twilightoops:

Well, well, well, look who's in the latest updates! I see you're taking a break from spreading the good word of TDB, haha.
I think it's time for some procrastination!

Oh, come on Luna, Wheatley isn't that bad! He could've retold stories... for about ten minutes. :rainbowlaugh:
Haha, that is the greatest-worst joke I've ever heard. I can totally imagine Luna using it as a guilt trip on Celestia.

'Le Sigh'- that brings back memories, :rainbowwild:
I like the informal mental-diary style that's going on, because I sure as hell wouldn't try to be formal for a thousand years.
That and Luna's sudden mood-change. Well, I wouldn't call it sudden over twenty years, but still, haha.

God, Nightmare moon is a lot like me, talking to inanimate objects and such. And Pinkie. :pinkiecrazy:
I like how it's progressing, especially with the short chapters because I usually hold off from reading long ones for ages. I'd suggest aiming for a thousand words on each official chapter though, simply because it's a nice number to look at. :raritywink:
The humour also feels relatable, (which is strange because she's on the moon) which is great!

FINALLY, amongst my many Fancypants pictures there is actually a Luna one with Space Core:
Until you get a drawn one you could use that... if you want to that is... :fluttershysad:

Sorry about this comment spam, but consider it revenge for the Dark Brotherhoof, haha.
Take my fave, thumb and watch nao! 'Tis the least I can do for your help.

653269 Yes, haha.
653276 Nice, I'm glad you're liking it. :twilightsmile:
653290 Yeah... I think I put that in at about the same time I heard the Yogscast say it. :pinkiehappy:
653344 Hehehe, yeah.
Thanks, I'm aiming for a thousand words per chapter.
Really? :yay:
I've already considered using it, but as Space Core is only there for a bit I don't think it's really suitable. Also, I don't know how to request an artwork from someone... So I kinda did my own.
Well at least I didn't do four comments in a ROW on TDB. :derpytongue2:
Awh, thanks! :twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::yay::ajsmug::raritystarry::scootangel:


Glad to again be able to read this story :pinkiehappy:

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