Today's the day, everypony hasn't been looking forward to at all. Today was the funeral of a bright and happy pony. One had brought smile and laughter to everypony she visited. But a pony's appearance on the outside may not be the way that pony feels on the inside. Apple bloom learns this lesson a very hard way...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm. Well, this is a premise I've seen numerous times before. The point of a short fic like this would be to have a strong impact on the readers' feelings. However, this fic didn't seem to carry that impact. I didn't feel particularly engaged by the sadness of the piece. I believe the problem lies mostly with telling vs. showing in this case. For a fic of 1000 words, to have great impact, the story should show a lot more than it tells. Also, there is very little conflict shown in this piece. The conflict is supposed to be AB struggling to come to terms with her friend's choice. But really it's only told to us that she has the strength to get over it, but it is not shown.
Thanks for writing,
~SilentBelle
2951109 Thank you so much for the help! I know my writing it's the best.(it's really bad) And I really appreciate people like you. People who help me instead of insulting me. Thank you. What I am going to do from now on is I am going to read 2 fanfics BEFORE writing a story. This was I know how people use words in a good way to move people. Thank you SilentBelle for the help.
295110 Thank you so much for the help!
2951437 I enjoy helping out where I can, as explained on my user page. Feel free to message me if you want my opinion on a future piece of writing.
2951487 I think I might. Thank you!
damn it dude, i love sweetie belle!!! now im crying damn it!
I'm sorry but I can not like this reading this made me only feel rage. Sorry so I have to give this a thumbs down.
4838324 If you don't mind me asking, what made you rage?
4873172 it just seems like something that wouldn't happen in my opinion and I know we can take writing the characters that don't have much screen time like they're OCs but its things like that I can't like sorry