Adopted By The Enemy

by PrincessAmythest

Breaking The News

Breaking The News

The bell that signified the end of break at Ponyville Elementary School rang out, causing all of the filly's and colt's that were playing to file into the schoolhouse. When all of the students were finally sat down, a silent Miss Cheerilee entered the classroom. The usual smile on her face was replaced by a sympathetic frown and her eyes were rimming with tears as she sat down at her desk and started to address the class.

"Dear children, a terrible thing has just happened in Ponyville's town centre involving the adults in the Apple family!" A huge gasp sounded around the room and Apple Bloom's eyes widened as she remained silent, hoping to find out the room rest of the story. "Their cart crashed as they were on their way to Mister Riches mansion, and unfortunately all of them were severely injured. They were carried into hospital about an hour a go, where they died of their wounds ten minutes a go. I understand all of your distress, especially yours Apple Bloom, which is why school will be cancelled for the rest of the week!" Instead of cheering, the class glumly walked outside where most of their parents were waiting. But Apple Bloom stayed behind, shaking her head and sobbing uncontrollably.

"It can't be! They cannot be dead! They were my only family!" she muttered to herself over and over again. She was so distraught that she didn't even realize when Cheerilee wrapped a hoof around her neck and stared patting her mane gently.

"I know this must be a really big deal to you. Which is why I've decided to look after you just until you can be adopted by somepony more qualified. Come on sweetie let's get you to sweet Apple Acres so that you can collect your belongings," Cheerilee murmured softly stroking Apple Bloom's mane. Before carefully guiding her out of the schoolhouse and in the direction of the apple family's most prized orchard- sweet apple acres.

'I suppose there will be nopony to carry on guiding sweet apple acres while I'm still a filly. Nopony to make zap apple jam. Nopony to fix a fence when Derpy flies into it. And nopony to do the apple bucking that needs to be done daily.' Apple Bloom thought to herself, staring wistfully at what was her home, but no longer was.

"Apple Bloom, be a good girl and get your stuff and I'll wait here for you." Cheerilee broke through Apple Bloom's apple related thoughts with a gentle sentence and a little nudge towards the barn.

Apple Bloom trotted towards her old house for the last time ever. She sent dust flying everywhere as she pounded her feet on the ground, trying to vent some of her frustration out. Apple Bloom did this all the way to the barn door where she stood silently, glaring at the barn trying to will herself out of this horrible nightmare that she was having, which of course didn't work as she was well and truly awake.Sighing in frustration she quickly slid into barn and closed the door behind her.

'Let's get this over and done with!' she groaned mentally. Apple Bloom crept up the stairs towards her room, not bothering like she usually did to miss the broken step- that was the 5th step up. She stomped into her room that was at the end of the corridor and used her muzzle to flick on the light. She walked solemnly over to her bedside table, where she saw a framed photo of her with the other crusaders, Rarity, Applejack, Big Macintosh and Granny Smith all smiling happily, not knowing what was going to happen in the near future. A surge of rage built up in Apple Bloom causing her to scream in agony and fling the photo to the other side of her room, shattering the glass and ripping the photo in half, separating Apple Bloom from the rest of her family before gently floating down to the ground. Suddenly, there was a fizzing sound and the light flickered before turning off completely, leaving the room enveloped in darkness and silence.

"Oh, pony feathers. I don't know where the supply of bulbs are, I just guess I'll have to look for my things without light!" Apple Bloom groaned as she stumbled towards where she thought her bed was, but was only met with a face full of her wardrobe. Letting out a frustrated scream Apple Bloom fell to the ground sobbing and unable to control herself much longer.

Comments

[Pop chatters]

""It can't be! They cannot be dead! They were my only family!" she muttered to herself over and over again. She was so distraught that she didn't even realize when Cheerilee wrapped a hoof around her neck and stared patting her mane gently."

Season 1 episode 1 anyone?

Hurr durr.

[garfan]

2930886

yeah, the Apple family is massive.

[Pen Brush]

2930886
the rest of her many that is still alive is her extended family. Applejack big mac and granny smith were her immediate family

[PinkPearl]

dude there ALOT of things wrong with this story
it lacks details, it's way too fast paced, it doesn't give any real reason to much of what is written...it's one big amature mess.

1. teachers can't do that with the recently orphaned. they'd be sent to a social worker to place them in a foster home until they're a dopted or sent to an orphanage if they can't find one

2. THEY'RE PONIES!! esencially horses. THEY WOULDN'T DIE IN A CART ACCIDENT!! hurt? yes. they wouldn't die. it's fricken wood

3. she wouldn't cancel school when it was normally scheduled. it's equestria, but even then there's a school system.

4. there will ALWAYS be somepony to help on the farm and run it. THEY'RE FAMILY IS MASSIVE AND COUNTRY WIDE!! hell, they could have breabunr run it til bloom gets older.

i say completely rewrite it with someone who can HELP you!

[Tachyon Xenophile]

Wait, if they are now adopted sisters, than romance... is somewhat creepy. I like DiamondBloom, but if they are adopted sisters than that is slightly disturbing. Still going to like, but just saying.

[shadowblitz13]

one of three things is happening to applebloom right now:
1.she's taking this surprisingly well
2. the full force of the news hasn't hit her yet
3.the part of her brain that feels sorrow and loss has shut down to protect her mind from the horrible tragedy that has just occurred

[Mattricole]

It needs a lot of work plot wise.

[Obsi]

Never have seen a fic about AB if her Family died.
You certainly have a good and overall NEW Concept, but you also really have to improve the execution.

[ServingSpoon]

2934593 really I think you could just cut the prologue out entirely, or combine the prologue with this chapter to get one decent chapter over 1000 words long. This should be the first chapter and we really should have gotten farther into the story before dropping it.

Applebloom should have found out by the end of this chapter that she would be staying with Filthy and Diamond. Being dropped off while Bloom is searching for her belongings in the dark was just entirely unsatisfying. This is not even a cliffhanger, it's just drops us off at an entirely inconsequential moment.

Ms Cheerilee's part should have been greatly reduced and instead have Filthy Rich be the one to take Bloom in. Diamond would be all suprised her father actually showed up to pick her up only to find out that he was there for Bloom and a fit would ensue. Maybe Silver Spoon would remind Diamond that Bloom just lost her family and now would be the time to show just a little decorum! So she would then leave with Silver Spoon (because she wouldn't want to go to Sweet Apple Acres) and Filthy Rich would escort Bloom back home and help her move out.

That and the symbolism with the torn photo was entirely unnecessary and just came off as cheesy in my opinion. It was too soon in the grieving process for that level of rage to purposely destroy a photo of your departed loved ones.

Imagine if the author waited until Bloom was with Diamond before she threw a picture of her family against the wall. Imagine Diamond feeling awkward because she wasn't used to feeling anything for Bloom. Then DT picking up the pieces and helping her come to terms with her grief and feelings of abandonment. Now that's good drama. This was dry and rushed and left me with no emotional investment in the plight of Applebloom.

The concept is sound but as it has been pointed out the execution is severely lacking in substance.

I'm tempted to rewrite this myself.

[Jonny Bench]

Good story so far. Can't wait to see what happens next!