Twilight Velvet, in her time a famed romance novelist, visits her daughter in Ponyville to finish her latest work. Will her romantic encounters give her the inspiration she needs?
Well fuck. Sexsexsexsexsexsexse-WAR And Pinkie, when did you become so smart or battle strategies? At least we know the ponies are winning this one....Unless she decides to go changeling
It's a bird, it's a plane, not it's........war? Okay, kinda came outa nowhere but I can get behind it. What's strange to me is Night Light.
They were ready to get a divorce years ago, and now he wants her back after that? Though that actually makes some sense to me, waking up to an empty house that used to always have that one person in it can really bring things home.
Boy, this is gonna be a long review. So, lets get to it!!
First: yay for Sparity!!!! It was certainly a treat that we have a setup for a "first time", and the backdrop of a soldier going to battle and needing one night with their sweetheart before the fighting commences was beautiful, hauntingly beautiful. And the twist that it's the woman that going to war, not the guy like it originally is is a sweet touch!! I am a Sparity and Spilight shipper, so I was beyond ecstatic that it shows that the dragon and the unicorn do care for each other immensely.
In a related note, I should have known better than to think that Rarity had rejected Spike in the beginning. Some Sparity fan I am--the first sign of trouble and I go out and say that the ship is sunk....I should have realized that it has to be something huge to break them up, plus Velvet has to stand up for her nephew.
Second: I did enjoy the voyeurism that occurred through here. You didn't have to explicitly see it and have Velvet in the middle of the room to know what was happening to Spike and Rarity. But thanks to her impressive imagination, you could "see" what was happening. Velvet's re-imaginations in her mind were vivid, and completely believable. I take it that there isn't gonna be that awkward feeling that Velvet heard everything from the other side of the door when the two wake up in the morning and see that Velvet's up. Her occupation for being a romantic writer is well-founded. I bet that this book when it is published, jumps up to the top of the Canterlot Times Best Sellers list.
Thirdly, I want to hit a bit on Night Light and Velvet. It was tense, just as it was expected. I'm happy that Night realizes the error of his ways, but I'm also happy that Velvet is gonna have a bit of distance between the two. I'm assuming that the divorce has already happened and has been filed, it just hasn't been official yet. It's good of them that they are gonna stay civil--even if it's just for the sake of their daughter. I hope Twlight's okay, falling dozens of feet to the ocean is gonna hurt, I just hope that it isn't severe, and that she doesn't drown.
Lastly, let's talk about the war. It seems to be a bit shoehorned here, considering that it originally was just Twlight and Velvet having trouble finding time for each other as mother and daughter, not princess and consort, but ultimately, I hope it was necessary to having it happen. It's always recognized that Equestria is not always a place of sunshine and cupcakes, and that there is a reason that Equestria enjoys peace. More evidence that the Elements of Harmony are Equestria's last line of defense is neat, and finally--Pinkie as a General Patton-like leader despite her goofy, carefree persona? Such win! I truly enjoy here that Pinkie's straight-mane side does not show a mindless psychopony, but rather that her straight-mane style shows a more mature and pronounced personality--all business. We really need to see more stories that truly flesh out Pinkie's profile, and I hope that this is just the beginning, much like how our fandon has completed fleshed out others like Twlight, RD, and Rarity.
Well that's it for now..... ****insert standard "MOAR!!! image/animation here****
All in all, it just seems that even though we have gone through so much already, it feels like the actual story is just getting started. That to me is the sign of a classic.
With the review for chapter 7 of Twilight Velvet's Creative Spark, , this is DanvilleBengal. Stay brony, and keep writing and reading!!
2962453 Can't argue with that. I just didn't have the full story planned out, when I started writing this fic. So I couldn't foreshadow it as much as I probably should have.
I might have a look through the earlier chapters at a later date to see whether there's a place I can work something like that in.
The thing is, though, Velvet isn't a politician and the situations she's been in so far have been rather mundane, despite the odd crazy turn of events. She's now being swept up by events that are beyond her control and has to work out what is happening and she will before it's over.
2962309 Thank you very much. I appreciate in-depth feedback like this.
Chapterwise, nicely done. Life is full of curveballs, and that certainly was a big one. I'd go out on a limb and say Chrysalis captured Twilight. It was interesting to see Rarity and Spike's scene from Velvet's perspective. Makes for a shorter sex scene, but its something I'm not sure I've seen before and was well done.
Of course, with the Elements leaving its hard to guess what Velvet will be doing, or perhaps I should say who Velvet will be doing.
Ironic as it may be, get you mind out of the gutter. I was not inplying anything explicit between Velvet and Princess Twlight. I wrote it like that to underline they wanted to be as a mother visiting her child, w/o all the proprieties of being royalty or famous.
Besides, I think incest was covered in the chapter w/Spike, unless you think otherwise....
2964135 "Princess and consort" hasimplications. And "Twilight and Velvet [have] trouble finding time for each other as mother and daughter, not princess and consort" implies that they are not having trouble finding time for each other as princess and consort, which implies that Twilight Velvet is Twilight Sparkle's consort, which leads to the aforementioned implications.
2966063 Now that is true. Although it might have been sudden it still doesn't mean it's bad, or is going to dominate the story. We have to wait and see.
Good chapter. Glad to see Rarity with Spike but wouldn't be suprised one bit if Velvet goes down on Rarity regardless that Rarity is in a relationship since that hasn't stopped her yet. As for Night Light, she anything but loves him. She got fucked by Big Mac, had a lesbian experience with Lotus, gave a blowjob and titfuck at the same time to Spike, had a threesome with Thunderlane and Snowflake, a BDSM session with Pinkie Pie, and a futa experience with Zecora on the receiving end. At this point you couldn't pay me to even be near her. If there's gonna be a war I'm guessing Velvet will be doing soldiers from both sides.
2966737 Like she stated to herself, she used her husbands cheating to justify doing the exact same thing to get back at him. I'm not sure he'd ever wanna get back with her if he ever found out how much of Equestria she's eventually gonna go down on.
“I'm so happy right now,” Spike said deliriously, tears rolling down his face. “I'm so glad auntie gave me that blowjob and convinced me to tell you outright.”
I was saving my first comment for the best chapter so far and dammit this is it! Apart from Sparity is the only OTP for me and all the military stuff going down and Pinkie being a badass makes this The Very BEST thing to happen!
2962059
Well, the accident at the cloud factory came out of left field as well. But everything will make sense before this is over. Trust me on that.
The war itself won't be the main focus, anyway. This is still Velvet's story.
This is a case of a plot comming out of nowhere. Okay....
Well fuck.
Sexsexsexsexsexsexse-WAR
And Pinkie, when did you become so smart or battle strategies? At least we know the ponies are winning this one....Unless she decides to go changeling
It's a bird, it's a plane, not it's........war? Okay, kinda came outa nowhere but I can get behind it. What's strange to me is Night Light.
They were ready to get a divorce years ago, and now he wants her back after that? Though that actually makes some sense to me, waking up to an empty house that used to always have that one person in it can really bring things home.
Boy, this is gonna be a long review. So, lets get to it!!
First: yay for Sparity!!!! It was certainly a treat that we have a setup for a "first time", and the backdrop of a soldier going to battle and needing one night with their sweetheart before the fighting commences was beautiful, hauntingly beautiful. And the twist that it's the woman that going to war, not the guy like it originally is is a sweet touch!! I am a Sparity and Spilight shipper, so I was beyond ecstatic that it shows that the dragon and the unicorn do care for each other immensely.
In a related note, I should have known better than to think that Rarity had rejected Spike in the beginning. Some Sparity fan I am--the first sign of trouble and I go out and say that the ship is sunk....I should have realized that it has to be something huge to break them up, plus Velvet has to stand up for her nephew.
Second: I did enjoy the voyeurism that occurred through here. You didn't have to explicitly see it and have Velvet in the middle of the room to know what was happening to Spike and Rarity. But thanks to her impressive imagination, you could "see" what was happening. Velvet's re-imaginations in her mind were vivid, and completely believable. I take it that there isn't gonna be that awkward feeling that Velvet heard everything from the other side of the door when the two wake up in the morning and see that Velvet's up. Her occupation for being a romantic writer is well-founded. I bet that this book when it is published, jumps up to the top of the Canterlot Times Best Sellers list.
Thirdly, I want to hit a bit on Night Light and Velvet. It was tense, just as it was expected. I'm happy that Night realizes the error of his ways, but I'm also happy that Velvet is gonna have a bit of distance between the two. I'm assuming that the divorce has already happened and has been filed, it just hasn't been official yet. It's good of them that they are gonna stay civil--even if it's just for the sake of their daughter. I hope Twlight's okay, falling dozens of feet to the ocean is gonna hurt, I just hope that it isn't severe, and that she doesn't drown.
Lastly, let's talk about the war. It seems to be a bit shoehorned here, considering that it originally was just Twlight and Velvet having trouble finding time for each other as mother and daughter, not princess and consort, but ultimately, I hope it was necessary to having it happen. It's always recognized that Equestria is not always a place of sunshine and cupcakes, and that there is a reason that Equestria enjoys peace. More evidence that the Elements of Harmony are Equestria's last line of defense is neat, and finally--Pinkie as a General Patton-like leader despite her goofy, carefree persona? Such win! I truly enjoy here that Pinkie's straight-mane side does not show a mindless psychopony, but rather that her straight-mane style shows a more mature and pronounced personality--all business. We really need to see more stories that truly flesh out Pinkie's profile, and I hope that this is just the beginning, much like how our fandon has completed fleshed out others like Twlight, RD, and Rarity.
Well that's it for now..... ****insert standard "MOAR!!! image/animation here****
All in all, it just seems that even though we have gone through so much already, it feels like the actual story is just getting started. That to me is the sign of a classic.
With the review for chapter 7 of Twilight Velvet's Creative Spark, , this is DanvilleBengal. Stay brony, and keep writing and reading!!
War out of nowhere, twilight's missing, and rarity and spike have sex before one goes off to fight... Wow, things took a quick turn for the worse...
2962453
Can't argue with that. I just didn't have the full story planned out, when I started writing this fic. So I couldn't foreshadow it as much as I probably should have.
I might have a look through the earlier chapters at a later date to see whether there's a place I can work something like that in.
The thing is, though, Velvet isn't a politician and the situations she's been in so far have been rather mundane, despite the odd crazy turn of events. She's now being swept up by events that are beyond her control and has to work out what is happening and she will before it's over.
2962309
Thank you very much. I appreciate in-depth feedback like this.
2962309
Ew. No.
2962118 Sounds like something I'd say
Chapterwise, nicely done. Life is full of curveballs, and that certainly was a big one. I'd go out on a limb and say Chrysalis captured Twilight.
It was interesting to see Rarity and Spike's scene from Velvet's perspective. Makes for a shorter sex scene, but its something I'm not sure I've seen before and was well done.
Of course, with the Elements leaving its hard to guess what Velvet will be doing, or perhaps I should say who Velvet will be doing.
Nice Though I was expecting a threesome.
War?
Really, War?
Please don't turn this Story into a Grimdark! She was good until now!
2962930
.......
Ironic as it may be, get you mind out of the gutter. I was not inplying anything explicit between Velvet and Princess Twlight. I wrote it like that to underline they wanted to be as a mother visiting her child, w/o all the proprieties of being royalty or famous.
Besides, I think incest was covered in the chapter w/Spike, unless you think otherwise....
2964135
"Princess and consort" has implications. And "Twilight and Velvet [have] trouble finding time for each other as mother and daughter, not princess and consort" implies that they are not having trouble finding time for each other as princess and consort, which implies that Twilight Velvet is Twilight Sparkle's consort, which leads to the aforementioned implications.
Please don't make this a dark fiction, I was enjoying the light hearted tone.
Spikes naiveté got a chuckle out of me
2962453 The Changelings once invaded their capital, their queen kidnapped and impersonated a princess, tried to enslave ponykind...
I think tensions already exist.
2964041>>2964127>>2962059
I am not sure I agree with the serious direction this fic has taken.
Velvet's fun around town with comedy bits was enough. The shift in tone is a bit jarring.
Problem:
War with the changelings.
Answer:
Call Discord.
2965859 It could be they were just laying low until they had their strength rebuilt.
2966063 Now that is true. Although it might have been sudden it still doesn't mean it's bad, or is going to dominate the story. We have to wait and see.
Good chapter. Glad to see Rarity with Spike but wouldn't be suprised one bit if Velvet goes down on Rarity regardless that Rarity is in a relationship since that hasn't stopped her yet. As for Night Light, she anything but loves him. She got fucked by Big Mac, had a lesbian experience with Lotus, gave a blowjob and titfuck at the same time to Spike, had a threesome with Thunderlane and Snowflake, a BDSM session with Pinkie Pie, and a futa experience with Zecora on the receiving end. At this point you couldn't pay me to even be near her. If there's gonna be a war I'm guessing Velvet will be doing soldiers from both sides.
2966463 I'D DO HER!
Really though, half the time she falls half flank backwards into these messes.
Mac and Lane/Flake are totally her fault though. And Spike.
What a clever way to write a scene. Impressive.
2966737 Like she stated to herself, she used her husbands cheating to justify doing the exact same thing to get back at him. I'm not sure he'd ever wanna get back with her if he ever found out how much of Equestria she's eventually gonna go down on.
I...
Facepalmed...
So...
Hard.
i really don't want them to get back together. let velvet have her fun.
"Auntie gave me a blowjob."
[youtube=3O8J2locx5o]
I was saving my first comment for the best chapter so far and dammit this is it! Apart from Sparity is the only OTP for me and all the military stuff going down and Pinkie being a badass makes this The Very BEST thing to happen!
was a sentence I did not expect to hear today......
2965808 this is an actual cadence we use when marching to chow. haha. It goes like this.
I hear the sound of artillery,
knockin on my door.
Uncle sam's a callin,
callin me to war,
and we say:
chorus:
WAR, HOOAH, YEAH, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR, ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN!
and we say:
WAR HOOAH, YEAH, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR , ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN!
The CO calls the big guns,
The sergeants throw grenades.
The privates lay down cover,
the enemy's ablaze.
and they scream,
repeat chorus.
Back home with my family,
I hug on everyone.
They still have their freedom!
because of what i've done.
and we say:
WAR, HOOAH, YEAH, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR, ABSOLUTELY SOMETHIN!
and we say:
WAR, HOOAH, YEAH, WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR , ABSOLUTELY SOMETHIN!
This just happens to be one of my favorite candence's to call. that and the airborne ranger candence. which is just awesome.
I say you executed it just fine.
3084004
And yet, probably a fairly common expression in the deep south...
I like having it be up to the imagination, but with the character also giving us a "visual."
*Punches Spike on the back of the head*
You f*ckin' idiot!
If you ended up like Springtrap, that trap was for worse.