Twilight Velvet, in her time a famed romance novelist, visits her daughter in Ponyville to finish her latest work. Will her romantic encounters give her the inspiration she needs?
2973628 Pretty sure there'll be changelings and Chrysalis that are gonna fuck Velvet in the near future. Won't be suprised if there are Royal Guards and some other races as well as the rest of the Mane 6 including Rarity and Twilight, Celestia, Luna, Cadence and Shining Armor thrown in during and after the war.
I'm getting the feeling you are all putting too much emphasis on this war. While it is important, it is only a puzzle piece of the bigger picture that is going on behind the scenes. We've only got two chapters and the epilogue to go and hopefully all will be made clear by the end.
Velvet isn't a soldier. She isn't gonna march to the front lines and mud wrestle Chrysalis in the trenches. This isn't gonna turn into some grim-dark drama of blood and guts flying everywhere either. If you asked Velvet, she'd probably say "Make love, not war" after all.
The focus is on Velvet coming to terms with what has happened so far and trying so save her daughter. That's why I put the Slice of Life tag next to the Comedy tag. Trying to keep on going while your loved ones are out fighting is arguably a part of life.
you're overlooking the fact that in fiction a pissed off mother is frequently something that intimidates a soldier. And in a comedy where the main character is having sex constantly if violence isn't the answer then seduction could be. So don't be surprised when people focus on things like that
I actually didnt like this chapter, or the last one. It's the whole "war" thing. A lot of stories use war correctly, this is not one of them. I would prefer you get the war thing over-with with diplomacy instead of fighting. Additionally I would also like if you could focus on quality rather then quantity.
She only revealed herself for who she is after she "revealed" her payment to the Diamond Dogs. Not to mention that she probably already knew ahead of time that she was going to go to the oldest profession in the book to get what she wanted. If you ask me, that's the ideal spy: somepony that knows the enemy so well that it's just like manipulating a puppet. Plus, even a girl similar to Rarity understand that she was gonna get dirty to get what she wanted. (Of course, the fact that Rarity knows more than enough about the Diamond Dogs from personal experience did play a significant part)
2979396 The timeline was shattered by a mad clockmaker, and when the History Monks put it back together they made a few mistakes. This explains away all inconsistencies.
Here's the inconsistency. I just had to re-read it before I noticed it . (Actually it's in a couple of places, but it's the same thing):
Spike narrowed his eyes. He wasn't a baby dragon anymore, so perhaps he was starting to suspect something fishy was going on. But to Velvet's relief he shrugged, putting the matter out of his mind and turned his attention back to the luggage. “I'll take those upstairs and finish making up the guest room for you, auntie.”
“Gah!”
Velvet's ears perked up. Was there an echo in here? She could have sworn that she had heard a second groan just like hers coming from downstairs. Then there was the unmistakable sound of a door closing.
Notice the bold words. Look at them carefully.
Now look at Chapter 7, after everypony is going to bed:
She threw a bathrobe over her night gown and went to see who it was. “Darling, are you awake?” a familiar voice whispered behind the glass.
“Rarity?” Velvet asked as she opened the window. It was indeed the white unicorn mare who stood outside her room on the ground floor.
“So sorry to disturb your rest, Velvet. I need to talk to Spike, but his room is on the second floor. Could you let me in?”
Velvet's eyebrow shot up. She had an idea what this was about. “You can't go through the front door. Night Light, Battle Axe and the guards are sleeping in the living room. They'd see you. Climb in through the window.”
“Thanks, darling,” Rarity said as she hoisted herself over the windowsill. “There's something I simply must tell him. But I'm not so sure Princess Celestia would think it a good idea.”
Velvet pressed a finger on her lips. “I understand. Just be quiet. Celestia is sleeping in Twilight's room.”
Look at what is bold and italic, about where she is contacted by Rarity. It's saying that Velvet is now sleeping in her guest bedroom.....ON THE GROUND FLOOR . That sounds like a pretty sizable mix-up there.
2979850 2979967 Very good. Here's a cookie for each of you. *cookie give*
I like the history monks. Though I'll probably just give Chapter 1 a rewrite later on to move the room to the ground floor from the start. It'll be safer than mucking about with time.
Devious minx, isn't she? Then again, she is a mother worrying about her child.
So, the Changelings caused a ruckus in Cloudsdale, lured Twilight out, and foalnapped her. Everything's starting to come together.
I'm curious as to how this is going to play out.
Also curious if this is going to end with a mother/daughter incest chapter.
Something tells me that Velvet is going to wage some "guerilla warfare" behind enemy lines.
I really want Twilight to have a serious discussion with her mom about slutting it up around town after a nasty divorce. Like, really.
2973628 Pretty sure there'll be changelings and Chrysalis that are gonna fuck Velvet in the near future. Won't be suprised if there are Royal Guards and some other races as well as the rest of the Mane 6 including Rarity and Twilight, Celestia, Luna, Cadence and Shining Armor thrown in during and after the war.
I'm getting the feeling you are all putting too much emphasis on this war. While it is important, it is only a puzzle piece of the bigger picture that is going on behind the scenes. We've only got two chapters and the epilogue to go and hopefully all will be made clear by the end.
Velvet isn't a soldier. She isn't gonna march to the front lines and mud wrestle Chrysalis in the trenches. This isn't gonna turn into some grim-dark drama of blood and guts flying everywhere either. If you asked Velvet, she'd probably say "Make love, not war" after all.
The focus is on Velvet coming to terms with what has happened so far and trying so save her daughter. That's why I put the Slice of Life tag next to the Comedy tag. Trying to keep on going while your loved ones are out fighting is arguably a part of life.
Edit: 400 likes! Woot!
>sees chap title:
>Rarity mentions Dogs:
>Epic clop scene:
My idiot mind accused night light of being the changeling spy.
2973759
you're overlooking the fact that in fiction a pissed off mother is frequently something that intimidates a soldier. And in a comedy where the main character is having sex constantly if violence isn't the answer then seduction could be. So don't be surprised when people focus on things like that
2973536
Hopefully it does! Also shining Armour better join in
Oh Velvet, you clever little pony.
I actually didnt like this chapter, or the last one. It's the whole "war" thing. A lot of stories use war correctly, this is not one of them. I would prefer you get the war thing over-with with diplomacy instead of fighting. Additionally I would also like if you could focus on quality rather then quantity.
2977724
Who says the war is gonna be decided by fighting?
She is bad at spying. Mentions Zecora, tells them in detail how she did this, mentions her fake name...no, no, and no.
Heh. Velvet has literally become a bad ass. She will defeat you with the power of her vagina!
Pop Quiz:
I made a continuity error concerning Velvet's bedroom in the story. Whoever finds it first, gets a virtual cookie.
Whoever comes up with a clever way to explain the inconsistency away, gets another cookie.
2978661
She only revealed herself for who she is after she "revealed" her payment to the Diamond Dogs. Not to mention that she probably already knew ahead of time that she was going to go to the oldest profession in the book to get what she wanted. If you ask me, that's the ideal spy: somepony that knows the enemy so well that it's just like manipulating a puppet. Plus, even a girl similar to Rarity understand that she was gonna get dirty to get what she wanted. (Of course, the fact that Rarity knows more than enough about the Diamond Dogs from personal experience did play a significant part)
Like they say: Hook, Line, and Sucker
2979396
The timeline was shattered by a mad clockmaker, and when the History Monks put it back together they made a few mistakes. This explains away all inconsistencies.
2979396
Here's the inconsistency. I just had to re-read it before I noticed it .
(Actually it's in a couple of places, but it's the same thing):
Notice the bold words. Look at them carefully.
Now look at Chapter 7, after everypony is going to bed:
Look at what is bold and italic, about where she is contacted by Rarity.
It's saying that Velvet is now sleeping in her guest bedroom.....ON THE GROUND FLOOR . That sounds like a pretty sizable mix-up there.
No idea on how to fix it though.
2979850
2979967
Very good. Here's a cookie for each of you. *cookie give*
I like the history monks. Though I'll probably just give Chapter 1 a rewrite later on to move the room to the ground floor from the start. It'll be safer than mucking about with time.
2980027
I'll have to forward on my cookie to Sir Pratchett, as he's the one who came up with that.
2980027
Thank ya kindly. . I assume they're Snickerdoodles!!
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9113-throwing.GIF
So yeah...this was..........disturbing.....