Argus thought this world was safe but when the enemy follows him there, finding a way home is the least of his worries. Will he be able to defend Equestria? Will he ever go home and take back his city? Only time will tell. Join me as I tell the the Legend of the Human.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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...'Dangour'?
3189226 *facepalms* did I really do that? I'll fix it right now
Haven't read the story and probably won't but I figured I should point out that first impressions are everything. Having a grammatically or spelling flawed summary will lose you readers before they even read. Make sure that summary is immaculate for ultimate success.
I just read all of the story you have written so far. I would like to start off by saying I think your premise has alot of promise. However there are a few things you need to do in order to make this better. First of all I would appreciate more back story on your main character. What drove him to give up his royalty? Was there something he saw, was someone close to him killed? Right now I am intrigued, but feel like there is something missing. Another aspect you need to flesh out is why these necromancers are attacking. Are they trying to take over the world? Are they mad at the king for some other reason? I would also apreciate a little more detail and description. Reading this story is like riding a roller coaster, very fast with no time to admire the scenery. I would like more detail and charcter development, for example what did your main character think and feel when he entered Equestria. What happened that he went from almost crying to nonchalontly talking with a pegasus? Beyond that go back through and try to fix your spelling/grammar. Several words that sound the same out loud are spelled differently I caught several where you used the wrong word. You also are using the present tense (is) traditionally that is relegated to dialogue and second person writing. The past tense is preferable if no one is talking (was) and the story is third person (yours is third person).