One average brony by the name of Jay Tillbrook finds himself transported to Equestria. What does he do? He finds love... with a very depressed pony by the name of Roseluck. And what happens if the character he created... Full Moon... Actually EXISTS!
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I like this fairly good story I give your story 9.6 good luck with this I look forward to more chapter's.
2667310
Thank you!
I will do more chapters but I am currently working on my other fic..
Plus I also have exams at the moment so I will work on this when I get the chance!
wanted Jay to stay as an alicorn :P, anyways, like the story so far :D
2667961
Thanks.
To awnser your question.
I do not see how a alicorn and a earth pony will stay in love.
Apologies.
Things wrong with this:
-Brony in Equestria. Never done well.
-Not only that but angsty BiE.
-Army enthusiast. Been done before and always badly.
-Random portal outta nowhere. Laziest damn thing next to dying and waking up in Equestria.
-Alicorn. No. Nobody is even batting a goddamn eye that he's an alicorn. There's four alicorns and Twilight becoming one was a HUGE deal so people should be ACTING like Jay being one is a big deal! It doesn't matter that he changes.
-Walking to Canterlot. Canterlot is a day away by train. It'd take days for him to walk there by himself.
-It's rushed as hell. Scenes that you should be spending a lot of time on you zip through. There's no inner thoughts or description of emotions just wham bam thank ya ma'am scenes.
Things right with this:
-Roseluck.
2670591
Thank you for sharing your thoughts as i felt the exact same way.
Now why don't you p*** off and read fics which interest you hmmm?
That more worth your time?
(I don't mean to ever be so rude but i am not in the "Happy moods")
2670899
Whatever. Just trying to help a struggling writer.
2670920
Well as I've said before i need help just not from someone who is not at demand and close (If you get the gist of what i'm trying to say)
If you actually gave my other fic Fallout Equestria: Moon's Malestrom a chance you'll find out i am not quite a 'struggling writer'
Thank you for your suggestions and i hope you have a good day
2670952
But that fic has a 2/19 upvote/downvote ratio. How is that not struggling?
2671059
You don't honestly know when most of that "19" came from
Probably against Vinyl Scratch romance fics
Mostly trolls (There are actually come people in this community who are a**holes in this place.
And whatever i'm gonna finish that FoE one and then stop writing! I've had enough of this f**king community!
Congratulations you won!
You've picked a very... questionable premise for this story; You've done a BiE and, unless executed correctly by a seasoned writer, these can become lazy self-inserts.
Like Commissar-Rarity said, this is just some angsty allicorn brony popped into Equestria with no viable explanation. There's a problem with this premise, as it's something not many people can pull off without making the story rushed and tedious to read.
Look, if you want to get better, accept criticism. You can't just blame the "trolls" for all your dislikes and scream how the world hates you, and you're just innocent. Telling people to "p*** off" if they don't like your story is tripe; you've put this thing up for public viewing on the internet. People can say what they like about it. Wether you choose to stick your fingers in your ears and yell "lalalalalala you're all idiots! I'm being totally reasonable" or you choose to think "hey... these people don't like my story. Oh well. Maybe I'll continue, but --whatever they say-- I'll keep trying so I can get better" is up to you. Blaming the community for being "mean on the internet" is a weak, defensive stance when someone hurts you because they didn't like your work.
If you have questions about the story, maybe get some help from someone you know. I'd be happy to help if you need it.
Otherwise, keep writing and have fun doing it.
2671298
The Fic is cancelled as you can probably see.
I'm working on another fic anyway known as "White Sparkle"
I appreciate your concern... And your generous offer i'm afraid i have to pass on that offer. For that i was tired, and felt gloomy when i wrote this.
I respect everyone's view on this fic like or dislike... This fic was a mistake ok?
I am not getting angry at anyone's comments As i have said that at the end of the 2nd chapter Like if you're generous and think this fic deserves a second chance, Dislike if you are dissapointed.
I have said enough, I was not interested in writing this anymore.
If you would like me to put it on "On Hiatus" I will
But i will probably never work on this... Again
(Do not bother looking for "White Sparkle as i am still working on the intro)