• Member Since 10th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

neutralmilk


Yes.

T

[Second-person romance fic starring "you" and Lyra] Months have passed since you, a human, have appeared in Equestria and were taken in by a pony by the name of Lyra Heartstrings. Now, you and her are the best of friends, being nearly inseparable.

But what happens when you begin to develop more romantic feelings for the musical mare? Will you face rejection and ridicule? Or does Lyra have some secret feelings of her own?

NEW! Internet Reading!

Chapters (14)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 573 )

My first foray into the world of romantic fics. Originally created as a trolling clop fic, this took one hell of a wild ride before it wound up with the fic here. Needless to say, I hope you all like it and any feedback, thumbs and favorites are greatly appreciated! :pinkiehappy:

I want to thank everybody out there who helped keep me sane while I wrote this as well as my other stories. To every one of my fans: you guys are amazing. Thanks for sticking with me. :twilightsmile: Hope this is up to par!

Bad authors notes are bad.

Thanks for letting me read this early, man! I loved it! Especially the ending :rainbowlaugh:
The characters were believable, unlike the majority of HiE fics I've seen and it was overall well written. BAM.

I thought you were NEVER gonna finish this! God, it took long enough :derpytongue2:

Edit: Im happy you kept your style of humor in it. It made the story that much better :rainbowlaugh:

You wrote it. That's good enough of a reason to insta-like and fav. I'll read it later, don't worry :pinkiehappy:

So, six likes and only two views. Yup. That makes sense.

I lost it in this chapter :rainbowlaugh: Other than "Prince Adam," this is your best work :pinkiehappy:

javascript:Italic(document.getElementById(%20'chapter_editor'%20));

I don't think that's meant to be there

721305 Holy crap, nice catch. I don't even...

720869 seems legit

ANYWAY
I don't have anything to say

I really liked your... story?

I mean, I really liked your story. :pinkiehappy:

721336 It's that bad, huh? Guess I should stick to obvious troll stuff :derpytongue2:

Nice burp.
I give it a 8/10 for timing and getting a reaction out of somebody.

if only it didnt have the human tag...

721381 What's wrong with the tag?

721345 NO NO NO NO NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT

I meant, I am speechless, I just don't have anything to add to my comment
So here's my attempt at one:

Liked the bit about Lyra and bon bon not being together, that was cute.
LYRA GOT FRIEND-ZONED
or so she thought...

Liked lyra and... "the persons" personalities.
I thought the scene with "the person" pulling all the faces was a bit weird (It sounds like "the guy" was pulling some really out there faces, just didn't really get what face he was trying to make)
I think every body suited there character over all.

I give it 7.879/10 because it's not the best (you've written better sorry to say :fluttercry:) but I still enjoyed it and liked the fact that there was no LyraxBonBon. IT IS SO CLICHÉ.

That's my attempt at a comment. I liked the story. Good read, not to many javascript codes that it makes it unreadable. Didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors (although I suck at picking up on them)

Imagining myself making those faces described makes me die with laughter.
Although, the ending of the chapter kind of killed the humor, what with Lyra being incredibly sad. It would have been nice if this whole chapter was simply revolving around hilarity.

721399 Oh the humor picks up again. :pinkiehappy: The ending, now THATS what I'm proud of the most.
721396 Bahaha yeah it's a bit strange to read something NOT incredibly random and trollish from me. While it's not the best thing I've written (easily), I'd say this was the most rewarding thing to write. It's the complete opposite of all of my fics.

721388 nothing. im just not that into humanized fics. other than that, i would DEFINITELY read this. ill give it a shot though...maybe i just need to be a bit more open-minded.

721412 Well, it's more about a human ("you") in Equestria than about humanized ponies. I agree, those stories kinda annoy me

Well done on the fic Neutral! :pinkiehappy:
It's quite good! Well written, short and sweet, and yes, I did smile and chuckle my way through because I can associate some of the things that happened in this fic as to how I used to mess around with my now girlfriend...

But if there's one thing I can criticise is the number of chapters in comparison to the number of words... Some of the chapters could be rolled together and make it a much more whole feeling experience with a bit of creative writing. I mean, I understand where the idea of short chapters comes from but it's difficult to become immersed in anything, even a short and sweet fic like this, when the chapters are about 1k on average...
Maybe i'm nitpicking but hey, at least it's honest feedback.

Near Friendzone at the end. Made me die. :rainbowlaugh:

721420 all right. ill read it and see where it goes. good luck, im hard to please! Really hard.

721429 Well, I was originally trying to write a Crowley-esque fic, you know with the short chapters and a (thankfully in this case omitted) clop chapter, but in the end I canceled the whole idea. I'm happy you liked it, I was trying to get a more realistic relationship between "you" and Lyra, unlike all the Mary Sue fics I see on this site.
Thanks for the feedback and I'm glad you liked it :twilightsmile:
721427 :trollestia:
721433 Oh crap. I hope it's up to par, then

721451 Slightly more reluctant :trollestia: ....
Bad ending?

721505 Glad you liked it :pinkiehappy: I was beginning to fear that I made a serious mistake :moustache:

I laughed... not sure if that was your goal, but I laughed.

You seriously need to continue this story. I almost got in trouble at work for reading on the job. Meaning I found this more important to read than work. Glad my supervisor is a brony... :pinkiehappy:

If I could give it two thumbs up, I would :rainbowlaugh:

721768 No. I refuse your thumbs. BLEH.
721641 I hope to sometime in the future:pinkiehappy: I love the characters way to much to just leave them flat like this. But I'm happy you liked it that much! See, it's comments like this that make writing worthwhile :twilightsmile:

-mouthwaters-

Cliche title is cliche.
Still gonna read it anyway.

721801 Trust me, I know. I'm still looking for a title to replace this one.

Oh.......damn.

You made my first Comedy fic a great one.
I almost never read comedy because I would imagine cheesy jokes that make me puke on my iPad but this was hilarious.

i put this on my list of awesome romance stories already EPIC BURP

721908>>721993 I'm really happy you guys liked it! :pinkiehappy: Thanks for reading!

I think I can sum it all up with one word: Sequel?

Okay, one word and a question mark. Sue me.

the wingboner grows *swag*

You wake me up from a long day of sleeping for this!?!?!? Nah just kidding. THIS IS AWESOME :rainbowlaugh:
The human's personality is very believable

722033
Thank YOU for making an awesome fic!
Just one request;
SEQUEL WITH JUST AS MUCH IF NOT MOAR HUMOUR!!! :twilightblush:

My first story as a brony. THIS WAS AWESOME! :yay:

I thought this was a great story. This is the kind of story that I would read if you continued it until the characters died. Mind you that I would not like you to take it that far, but I would like to read more. That last line just made me want to read more.

Cute and funny, a very nice fic. It's got a very different attitude than most fics I've read, so kudos on making that interesting all the way through too.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!