Chapters (1)
rainbowblitz246
Joined 24th Jan, 2012 ·
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First!!
Nah I kid, I don't care about that. I think your story has potential! You just gotta coax it out! I think I can help you out 
Just pretend this one wasn't here mmmk?
1. First thing that jumped out at me was grammar/spelling. Something you could try is to have somepony else look over your chapters before you submit it? Or go over it multiple times to make sure mistakes are few and far-between.
2. Something else I noticed was some bits that were in normal text seemed as if they should be a thought process of your character. But that might just be how I would have done it instead.
3. It seemed to me that things MIGHT be going a little fast, but it is after all the first chapter so don't worry about this one too much.
4. I forgot what the fourth thing was, but it wasn't that important
5. But what IS important is that someponies will like your story, someponies won't. That's just the way things go. Don't let some bad ratings or super critical comments get you down.
6. Most importantly, KEEP WRITING. Your skill will grow the more you write. Also, I'm here if you ever need some advice, or somepony to bounce some ideas off of!
hmm... tracking cuz interesting. keep it up
If you have something negative to say, say it. It's going to help me improve.
Hmmm...It does seem rather rushed, but I can't help but to be kinda so-so on that, I did it the first time as well, now I'm writing my 5th fanfic!
Good job, I see the potential tracking
Hello blitz, a lil rushed but still good start, traking and..... Hope it gets better and better, because it will
I demand DESCRIPTION! And I agree with Mr. Anderson, especially his last statement. Get some help, or somepony to help you with ideas. This is going to be better that way.
Ah, I remembered the fourth thing! The bit about the flying seemed a little off to me, about how he just 'imagines' flying and it happens. But that's just me! Everypony has it happen their own way.