“Oh hi, you make some friends?” Cadence said when Twilight entered her tower with Dash and Fluttershy in tow. The mare had been playing around with Spike. Apparently she was looking for him in a game of hide and seek.
“I did, they’ll be staying here until a big storm passes so they can get picked up. Where’s Spike?” Twilight replied.
“I have no idea. He is incredibly good at hiding and I promised him no magic...” Cadence said, looking around the room again.
“Oh Spiiiiike~” Twilight called, shaking one of the bags of gems. A book halfway up the shelf suddenly popped out of its place, which was probably thirty feet in the air, and the baby dragon in question crawled out of the space and carefully climbed down. Both Cadence and Twilight freaked out and ran below him in case he fell.
“Spike! What are you doing so high up?! You could have gotten hurt!” Twilight exclaimed, Cadence saying something similar.
“It’s alright, my claws wouldn’t let me fall! Oh, by the way, I found this in that secret compartment.” Spike said, picking up the book was was knocked off the shelf. Her attention now on the book, Spike’s dangerous action was forgiven... for now.
“‘Elements of Harmony and the Mare in the Moon’?” She read the title. Spike shrugged and looked hungrily at the bag of gems. Twilight sighed and pulled a small sapphire and a topaz from it and levitated them to him.
“Oh you are just so adorable!” Fluttershy exclaimed, appearing next to him and nearly tackling him in a hug.
“Um... who are you?” Spike asked before shoving the topaz in his gullet.
“Oh! I-I’m s-sorry... I don’t know what came over me...” Fluttershy said, quickly letting go of him and backing away.
“Spike, this is Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. I think you heard what I told Cadence, right?” Twilight said. The dragon nodded and finished the topaz. Instead of wharfing the Sapphire down, he started sucking on it like a lollipop.
“Well unless you have a bunch of beds sitting in a closet, I’m guessing we’re going to have to figure something out for them.” Cadence said.
“We can worry about that later, if push comes to shove we can just sleep on these chairs.” Dash said, plopping down on a large bean bag-like chair that the observatory room they were in was littered with.
“We can probably drag two of them into the bedroom, since the observatory is technically public.” Twilight said.
“That’ll work. I could just take your bed and they can share the spare if you decide to sleep in Celestia’s bed again.” Cadence said. Twilight thought for a moment. It was actually a pretty good idea.
“I don’t think she’d mind that one bit.” Twilight said with a giggle.
“Whoa seriously? I mean, I know she’s totally adopting you... but you guys are that close already?” Dash asked.
“You should see them together. Celestia acts like she’s Twilight’s age.” Cadence said.
“We saw... um... a bit of that...” Fluttershy said. It was then that Twilight picked up Spike and the book he gave her and sat down in one of the chairs with Spike in her lap.
“It was awesome! She let us meet Spitfire and Celestia at the same time! You’re awesome, Twi!... … Twi?” Dash started, but looked at the unicorn to see her so encroached in the book it would be almost impossible to get her attention. Spike was reading it too, but he still had his gem to keep half of his attention.
“She gets like that sometimes... Hmm... You guys are going to have to tell me two things. FIrst, how did you guys meet? And second, why is she wearing those and you better hope to Celestia they’re clip-ons.” Cadence said, finally noticing the four silver rings.
---
As the evening rolled in, and Twilight had managed to extricate herself from the book, there was suddenly a frantic knocking on the door. Cadence was teaching Dash and Fluttershy how to properly preen their wings, as Fluttershy was an Orphan and Dash’s dad had never been able to, so Twilight opened it.
“It is true?!” A mass exclamation sounded the second it opened. Standing there was a great number of nobles. In front of a group was a noble she had never seen before, but heard of from Celestia. Her ‘Nephew’, Blueblood. He seemed to only barely be in his teens years, but his presence alone was enough to give Twilight a headache.
“Is... what true?” Twilight asked.
“Is it true that the Princess is adopting you?” One of the nobles asked. Twilight was confused.
“Um... yes... what’s the big deal?” Twilight replied. Blueblood scoffed.
“You are but of minor ancestry! Somepony as unimportant as you doesn’t deserve to be in this family!” He exclaimed. Twilight actually facehooved. He was only Celestia’s nephew in title, as a favor to his more kind father.
“One thing I miss about Stalliongrad, there’s no such thing as nobility there...” Cadence said lowly as she appeared next to Twilight. Dash and Fluttershy, the latter just barely, appeared on either side of her.
“Twilight’s not some nopony! She’s awesome!” Dash exclaimed.
“Oh, and she brought in more peasants.” Blueblood said, rolling his eyes. “‘Tis a shame that this palace is reduced to such a state as to let such common riff-raff in.” He continued. It was around this point where the other nobles behind him started giving him uneasy looks. It seemed that they thought he was going a bit too far.
“Hey, not only is most of the palace open for public, this tower is one of the few parts that is completely public- save for the living area. They have express permission from Celestia herself. If I recall, it was her idea no?” Cadence said, turning to the two who nodded. Blueblood just made a dismissive noise and stepped in. The four gave him room, albeit with a bit of hesitation, since it was really public and they couldn’t stop him without good reason.
“Hm... At least you keep this place relatively up to standards.” He said, looking around. He ignored Spike, who was napping on one of the chairs, and noticed all of the magic books scattered about the tables. “Oh right, you are her student in magic as well. My auntie is much too soft sometimes, I think it’s time somepony with real noble blood teach you a few things.” He continued, turning back towards her. Cadence burst out laughing, but Twilight narrowed her eyes.
He just slandered Celestia, maybe just a little bit but he did it.
“You’re on.” Twilight said lowly. She was NOT going to let some pompous moron talk about her mom like that.
“Twilight?” Cadence started. Twilight looked over and Cadence winked. “Teach HIM a lesson.” She finished. Twilight smiled at her and then turned towards Blueblood. He was about twice her size, but when he started gathering magic in his horn it was extremely weak. At least compared to what she was used to.
“Shall we make it an official duel, then?” He asked. The other nobles had peeked in and were now about ready to start yelling at him.
“Whatever you want. Just don’t destroy anything.” Twilight agreed. They faced off for a little bit, Twilight not even bothering to gather up energy. Dash decided she wanted to be the one who started it.
“Begin!” The pegasus exclaimed and with that Blueblood started.
Twilight had to admit, the noble may be a moron, but he was good at making it look like he had no real power. He still broadcasted exactly what he was going to do.
Blueblood charged at her, his horn suddenly engulfed in a torrent of greyish blue magic. Twilight felt herself leave the ground. He flung her across the room with a great feat of magical strength. Instead of smashing into, and possibly through, the observatory’s wall of windows, the filly landed on the wall lightly. She stood up, even though she was still on the window, and started walking down it.
Without a word, she opened up one of the larger windows and Blueblood felt himself in the same situation Twilight did. She didn’t let him go, though, and simply hung him out the window. He was yelling and flailing and begging for her to stop. With a small flash, she appeared on the outside of the window and brought him closer.
“Do you concede?” She asked.
“YES YES YES YES YES!” He exclaimed in response. With another flash the two appeared on the floor. Twilight was much more composed and didn’t seem to be even breathing hard after the use of such strong magic as gravity manipulation and teleporting two ponies at once.
“If the books I’ve read are correct, the winner of an official noble’s duel gets one unquestionable favor from the loser.” Twilight said. Blueblood shakily got to his feet and nodded at her with a glare.
“I... will not back down...” He said. Well, at least he had SOME semblance of honor.
“It’s simple, then. All I want you to do is to never slander Princess Celestia again. If you do, not only would you lose any dignity you have, I’d have to ACTUALLY throw you out of a window.” Twilight explained. Blueblood nodded and quickly scurried away.
“Alright, seriously Twi. You get more awesome every time something happens.” Dash said. Cadence was still busy laughing and the other nobles followed Blueblood.
“Oh... Oh man. That was priceless. I’ve got the strangest feeling that Celestia announced your adoption in today’s day court.” Cadence said when she finally got over her laughing fit.
“Oh, what made you think that?” Celestia asked as she appeared in the doorway. Dash and Fluttershy made to get up from their seats to bow, but Celestia just shook her head at them and they stopped themselves.
“I saw the whole thing, by the way. While I normally wouldn’t condone dueling, my ‘nephew’ can be quite a hooffull.” She continued. She walked over and hugged the Filly, who hugged back without hesitation, but from when she pulled away to look at her. Twilight smiled sheepishly, Celestia noticed the earrings. She sighed and chuckled lightly.
“I suppose you’re going to want real ones, aren’t you?” She asked.
“Well...” Twilight started and never finished, looking off to the side.
“When you’re older, perhaps... Well, I think definitely when you’re older. I have to admit, they suit you rather well.” Celestia said. Dash let out a huge sigh of relief.
“Oh thank Celestia... er... you... We convinced her to get them and if you would have been upset with them or mad we would have felt so bad.” The cyan filly breathed. Celestia chuckled and turned to the two pegasus fillies.
“One of the first errands I ran was getting into contact with the Edinspur guard via magic messages. Rainbow Dash, your father knows where to pick you and Fluttershy up now. The last message had instructions specifically for you, Rainbow.” Celestia said. Dash looked at the Princess curiously. Twilight and Cadence both noticed the playful grin on her face.
“‘Treat Twilight as you would a sister and respect Celestia like you would me. They’re kind enough to let you stay with them even though they just met you so if I hear anything negative at all I’ll have your flank mounted in the flight academy barracks.’ While I believe it’d be very hard to offend either of us, I’d avoid the nobles. Don’t leave the tower without Cadence, Twilight or I with you or somepony might try and throw you out.” Celestia recited and explained. Dash flushed up at the message, unconsciously sinking further into the chair.
“The only thing I’m worried about is what we could do for two or three days... Cadence, Spike and I can just sit and read to pass the time. Dash, I doubt you’d even be able to sit still long enough to read a book.” Twilight said.
“You got that right! I need somewhere to practice my flight routines!” Dash exclaimed.
“Your father did ask for something else, but there’s a condition to it that involves you, Twilight.” Celestia said.
“Oh?” Twilight said. Celestia nodded and walked towards the window. She pointed out a building on the palace grounds with a large field attached to it. The three fillies walked over and looked. Cadence peeked over Twilight’s shoulder and bore a look of surprise.
“Do you know what that is?” She asked. Fluttershy and Dash shook her heads but Twilight answered.
“That’s the royal guard training barracks right? And that’s the training field.” She answered.
“Close enough. That’s not for all royal guards, more of the elite of the royal guard. Sometimes they bring foals from scattered academies to go through a few days of various training. Your father asked me to put you through the pegasus regiment, Rainbow. He suggested that you take the medical regiment, Fluttershy. Apparently you help fix up Rainbow when she crashes at the flight academy.” Celestia explained.
“He really asked that? And you’ll let us do it?! That is so awesome!” Dash exclaimed. nearly bouncing on her hooves.
“I pulled a few strings for the two of you. As for you Twilight, It’s going to be a regular thing. I don’t exactly want you to become a guard or anything of the sort, but you’re my daughter and you’re entitled to both the good and the bad of the position. The bad being rather sinister, I don’t want you relying solely on getting help should anything happen when I am not there.” Celestia continued to explain. She had a very serious tone and her expression was unwavering.
“So you want me to know how to defend myself?” Twilight asked.
“Both physically and magically. Now, I know this is sudden, but I had been thinking about it ever since seeing the border cities again. You can’t stay in Canterlot your whole life. I had planned to wait until you were older to start you on self defense training, but your fight with Blueblood made up my mind about that.” Celestia replied.
“I was wondering if seeing how dangerous those cities were would have any effects on you here.” Cadence said.
“Huh?” Dash asked.
“She just got back from the peace talks with the Griffons, remember?” Twilight asked the cyan filly. Apparently she forgot the entire reason the event that caused their meeting even happened.
“Oh... Right...” She said, rubbing the back of her head.
“Well, anyways, we can talk about it more tomorrow when it’ll actually start. For now, though, I need a power nap if I’m going to survive the night court. I’ll join you for dinner and be back at the normal time. My chambers are open for you, Twilight, should you wish a repeat of last night. I haven’t slept that well in ages.” Celestia said.
“I’ll take you up on that. It makes sleeping arrangements much easier.” Twilight said with a grin. Now that the Princess mentioned it, Twilight could see the exhaustion in her eyes. Celestia grinned and turned to leave.
“Oh, and miss Fluttershy? The gardens are especially peaceful all day, the animals in the day are easily frightened but the nocturnal ones are quite friendly. And Miss Dash, the field down there isn’t exclusive to the elite guard. Use it whenever you like to practice.” She said before leaving. Dash looked like she was about to go into another awesome induced silence, but surprised them with a simple “Coooool!”. Fluttershy said nothing, but instead looked out to where you could barely see the edge of said gardens.
“Elite Guard, eh? Shining told me your parents were part of that, but he decided on the path of a normal guard. Felt he could do more generally that way.” Cadence said. Twilight looked at her and was about to say something, but Dash cut her off.
“I’ve only heard rumors about them at the flight academy. One of the ponies three classes up got chosen to go see what it was all about and they didn’t come to the academy for a month afterwards. It’s supposed to be super tough.” Dash said.
“Well they have to be trained very well. From what I’ve read, they’re like the first ponies that are called on when things get really bad. I didn’t know that my parents were elite guards, I only knew they were guard captains.” Twilight said.
“He found a few records of them, apparently. It was recently, so he didn’t know much when I left for here and he was all busy with helping Celestia out.” Cadence said. Twilight nodded and looked at the other two fillies, who were still looking out the wall of window panes.
“I never thought you’d make friends so quickly, and you already seem like you’ve been friends for weeks.” Cadence said, changing the subject when she noticed Twilight looking at the two.
“Gee, thanks.” Twilight said, rolling her eyes in a joking way. Cadence giggled at that and nudged her with a hoof.
“It’s just that, at least according to Celestia, you were pretty reclusive before.” Cadence said.
“Well she did seem kind of like Fluttershy here when we first met. It kind of went away after a bit though.” Dash said, entering the conversation with the yellow pegasus in tow.
“Well... you guys were so nice...” Twilight started.
“Either way, it’s a good thing. Friendship is magic, as Celestia likes to say a lot. And it’s very true. Now, I need to stretch my legs a little bit. I trust you three and Spike will be fine without me until dinner?” Cadence asked.
“We’ll figure something out to pass the time.” Twilight assured her. The mare smiled and left as well.
“So I was thinking, since this is supposed to be a slumber party...” Dash started. Twilight ,remembering a book she read about common happenings at slumber parties, knew exactly where this was going as the cyan filly eyes the area of the tower full of cushions and pillows.
“Pillow fight of epic proportions?” Twilight asked.
“Pillow fight of epic proportions.” Dash agreed. Fluttershy suddenly had a feeling that ‘of epic proportions’ was going to be an understatement.
hopefully you can forgive me for the attrocious author's note... I'm half asleep at this point lol
2612628 good lord man, not only have you read the update not even ten minutes after it was uploaded, but you're on practically all of my good stories... and all of the other good stories on fimfiction lol
and yeah, I can't see Blueblood as a good guy... his character just screams ass hole
Suddenly, I want a pillow fight. Great chapter as usual!
hmm nice story so far, but i dont know if i like a humanized sequel, but anyways its only my opinion
keep it up!!!
I was very surprised to see an update to any stories this late at night. Lucky me, two of the stories that I like have been updated very close to one another. I chose to read this one first. Good job on the chapter. Now I'm off to read the other update!
I like this chapter, quite a bit, actually. Not quite sold on the whole 'humanized sequel' thing, though.
2612641 I actually saw a 'Blueblood isn't a cunt' fic a while back.
...Can't remember it, though, but I did.
2612641 Clonetrooperkev is omnipresent (within fimfiction at least).
Another fine and fluffy chapter with more interesting back story. I have to admit I've never thought of Fluttershy being an orphan, but I think it works with her reclusive personality... no one is that reserved without some kind of an issue. And I guess its always fun to see Blueblood being kicked around.
I like how you made Twilight more sociable as opposed to canon. So I expect that Twilight will meet Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie later?
1. Umm... whats the matter Blueblood did you just get served by a little filly?
2. Still an awesome story and i cant wait for more!
2612694 Yeah. I'm following one where Blueblood isn't a douchebag either. It paints him as being a prick due to stress of so many mares wanting to go with him to the Gala and him taking the time to write back to each and every one that he isn't interested.
2612815 Ooh, which is that? It sounds good.
I think you're my new hero. The frequency of updates for this story is simply amazing. I tip my hat to you sir.
How many times do I need to tell every writer that you don't want to rush?
2612641 If you want some really good ideas on how to make Blueblood a good guy check out The Color that you Bleed or The Best Night Ever.
I love how Twilight decides to duel Blueblood and Cadence just basically tells her to whoop his ass. And lets not forget Celestia is okay with it too.... they are such bad influences.
But as a side note, how would you explain the magic bit?
I'm not sold on a humanized sequel to be honest. That mostly stems from my preference of stories that use the characters as they are naturally. Humanized ponies just never seem as well written to me as they could be because in the end their characters are ponies, and humanizing them seems like a shortcut or a crutch more than anything else. It just seems wrong to me to that the characters will into humans in a sequel because they are already perfect as ponies. This is all just my opinion, and I respect your right to write whatever you want. I just don't understand the need to transition the characters into different bodies if they are still the same characters. Also I think the "all just a dream" idea is a seems like a bad trope to start a story with.
one bit of advice, please don't go the way of hasbro, keep your characters the same. the rest of the story is fine, but the sudden shift to them being humans in the sequel sort of just doesn't feel right.
not the biggest fan of humanized but this it a good story
Yay new chapter!
Humanized.....sequel?
Not...so....yay. I've never been a fan of humanized ponies. I hope you decide to develop this alternate universe as the pony characters as well.
did anyone else hear europa's song Globus start playing at the end?
Wait, what? What's this about the sequel being humanized? Why would you want the sequel to be humanized?
Also,
The word you're looking for is "engrossed".
2612823 Best Chance For a Romance, by Crosis.
2612694
2612815
The Best Night Ever
Reformation fic about Blueblood. He starts off as a prick but he develops into a respectable stallion. Very excellent fic featured in EqD i think and its in the top ten, I think on, this site.
2612977thanks!
2612997 No problem.
I am curious, will Twilight, Rainbow, and Fluttershy share their cutie mark stories and find out their connection early on since they became friends earlier? Seems like 3 fillies who just got their cutie marks might discuss it, and rainbow would want to brag, and finally Twilight would be smart enough to make the connection between the rainboom and getting their marks. It does seem more believable that Twilight could meet Rainbow and Flutters early on, Though maybe she'll bump into the other girls earlier too?
This story is a diamond in the rough, really. That's cool beans, man.
Humanized sequel? You sure ya want to go down that path? I ally myself with these fine folk.
2612683 2612692 2612871 2612888 2612907 2612925 2612947
Your awesome with these.
It's your story, so do as you see fit. I've always been confused by 'humanize' though.
It always felt like when you humanize a pony, you really only have a human.
And if you just wanted a human, why bother with the pony to begin with?
Also, I'm getting this real child molester vibe from Prince Celestia. She is just a little too no-personal-space around Twilight.
2612628
I have seen you around WAAAAY too many places..Could it be..?
THAT YOU ARE NOT A SINGLE CLONE, BUT A THOUSAND!?
COULD IT BE THAT THERE IS A LEGION OF CLONE TROOPERS NAMED KEV ALL LOGGING INTO THE SAME ACCOUNT!?
I can't help but grin like a mad man and spaze out in excitement when I see that this has updated. Earned me a few funny looks when it happened while eating lunch with some coworkers.
The fight seemed way out of place and a little forced. Many of the plot elements just feel as if they are shoved in to add a controversy that is quickly resolved. Twilight feels far too Mary Sue in this story, the dialog for characters likes to jump topics a little fast to remain plausible; I really like this premise and I feel bad that I cannot nail down what is holding this story back.
MOAR! What? I've been quiet the whole chapter!
You can choose to discount this for your own comfort, but I believe most of the readers would be unhappy if you humanized them. I don't see how humanizing the ponies could have any benefit to the plot of the story. And until you give me a good reason for why it should happen, I'm against it. I want to read about the cute ponies. Not humanized ponies which were originally ponies but turn out to be a human just dreaming of ponies. Well... that actually might make a good story if that distinction were the focus of the plot, but somehow I don't think your going to go for that kind of psychological story plot line (are you?)
Anyway, now that I've finished my small rant... squee~! The finding of the guide to the elements, magic duels, the possibility of the plot thickening with regards to why Twilight's parents died, and pillow fights. Great chapter!
BeauZoe
P.S. I really want to see a picture of filly Twilight with those earrings and a spell book. It would be awesome is what it would be.
TAKE STOCK OF YOUR PILLOWS MEN FOR NEXT WAVE HOOWHAAA.
ok i dig humanized ponies not gonna lie. But im getting the impression that the sequel will be grimdark(is it?) and honestly that would be a bummer. This is just to cute and happy to not at the very least be light hearted. I could see the sequel being similar to canon episodes such as self sufficiant twilight moving to ponyville to be around her childhood friends dash and fluttershy and winding up fighting nightmare moon. Poor example but it shows my point light hearted but interesting. O and sorry about grammer and spelling but im writeing from a junky old phone.
Let the shenanigans ensue. And I'm not to thrilled with the idea of a sequel with the mane 6 humanized with the idea given.
2613421 PREPARE THE DEFENSES!
ponybot.net/pix/4722.png
Oh, don't go making the sequel humanized...we're going to get enough of that crap with this whole "Equestria Girls" spin off thing as it is. Ponies are meant to be Ponies, not humans.
To quote animal farm: Four legs good, Two legs bad.
so you went the obvious 'Blueblood is a dick'-route and made him a worf for the nobles? Well at last it was cool
and this is the day pillows got officaly marked as WMV
You're gonna make a sequel?!
And you're gonna make it humanized?!
I'm a little disappointed at your decision on the sequel...You should just keep it the way it is. Pony pony pony.
I'm fine with it as long as Spike doesn't end up as a dog.
2612845 but really im not rushing. it's my pace. i'm not forcing myself to write faster, if you followed any of my other stories that actually got completed this pace is actually slower than normal
2612857 oh I know how to make him a good guy, and I plan to make him at least neutral in the sequel, it's just it's too fun to have assholes getting their shit kicked in
2612868 what magic bit, you mean what Twilight did? And even the other nobles thought blueblood went too far.
2612888 I actually have an idea that I plan to actually plan out first. and don't even pull that 'like hasbro' shit on me. I've been writing humanized for a long time, it's just for what the sequel is going to be for me it's a million times easier to write it humanized.
2612902 lol, I used to be on the same level as him. we talked a lot, but then I fell off the face of fimfiction for a couple months.
2612947 I just put what gdocs told me to put lol. and I've already explained many times why I want it humanized... MANY times...
2613060 I plan on that connection being made when pinkie comes in- she'll be the last of the six.
2613198 maybe I'm too fond of the twilestia pairing, but it's not THAT bad. She is a prankster at heart and I imagine in this situation she'd be a bit too close to see Twilight's reactions.
2613353 that's kind of account to the fact that I come up with the story literally as I write it. This time it just happened to take a few strange turns that I had a bit of trouble melding in. I guess it's also on account of the fact that I really want to start the sequel, but I do my best to not let that effect the quality of these last chapters.
2613387 you and everyone else don't seem to understand. THIS STORY will NOT be effected in any way by the major changes the sequel will have. I've explained MANY TIMES my reasoning for what I want to do and it's damn good reasoning... sorry for kind of blowing up but do you know how incredibly annoying it is to get nearly fifty people a day asking you and saying the same things over and over and over again?
good fucking lord people... going through the fifty comments that I got simply overnight, more than half of them are saying I shouldn't change the story and make it humanized.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE PAY ATTENTION THIS TIME BECAUSE THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M EXPLAINING IT IN THE COMMENTS!
this story will be in no way shape or form be effected by the grimdark or he humanized. That will be the sequel, and it won't be a direct sequel. It's a sequel only in name, meaning the only similarities are the universe. There are very specific reasons why it is going to be humanized, and those reasons are simple. It is a million times easier for me to write violence and romance when it's humanized, and that's what the sequel will be about. If I left it ponified the quality would suffer immensely.
I repeat, the sequel is NOT a direct sequel. If you don't like the things I plan to do with it then please stop bitching about it in the comments and simply don't read it. Most of you obviously don't know anything else I've done, because humanized, dark and romance are three things I prefer doing and normally do best.
WWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
That is all i have to say
The confrontation between Twilight and Blueblood seems more like one that would take place between him and cadence-- or celestia. Twilight, everybody's favorite nervous wreck, should have been distraught at such suggestions that she didn't belong. And challenging a tiny filly to a duel? Your characters have jumped completely off the rails there.
2613961 You don't seem to get the premise of alternate universe.
changing one little thing affects major things ahead. Personalities can change completely just because of something simple like being orphaned instead of having parents. It's not exactly a very drastic change, but I'm writing what I believe would happen in the universe I have created. If you don't like it and the alternate universe, I recommend you leave. No use shit talking something just because of personal preference
<3
No spelling errors noticed here, also don't push yourself any more than neccicary.
uhm i just noticed that this story has a 'Random'-Tag .... why? it doesnt seem random to me