C.10
Needless to say, the three fillies weren’t bored as Dinner came around. The meal was rather uneventful, save for Chef Iron freaking out at having so many ponies to feed, and so they were back to being bored as Celestia’s night court was held. Their boredom was alleviated when night first started to fall by a knock on the door. Dash and Twilight were currently trying to find the energetic pegasus a book she would at least look twice at, so Fluttershy answered the door.
“Fluttershy! Darling! So it IS true that you’re staying at the palace!” A white unicorn filly exclaimed, nearly tackling the shy filly in a hug. INstead of freaking out, though, Fluttershy returned the embrace with a smile.
“Oh Rarity, it’s so good to see you! What are you doing here?” Fluttershy asked. Twilight and Dash walked over to see what was going on.
“Well my parents, Celestia bless them, passed away last week so I’m currently living with a friend until I’m old enough to live in the Boutique by myself. I actually left the day after we met. Anyways, I heard about the storm and knew you didn’t have a place to stay so I asked around a bit. ” The white filly explained. The shy more put a hoof over her mouth in a gasp.
“Oh I’m so sorry Rarity, I didn’t mean to bring anything like that up...” She said in a whisper.
“Not at all Darling, while I’m not exactly thrilled about it... I’m not exactly devastated. Well, I was when I first found out, but they lived good lives. They died smiling ,or so I’m told, so I’ll live the same way.” Rarity explained.
“Wow, Rarity was it? That’s really intelligent of you.” Twilight said. Rarity blinked and looked at the two new ponies. Well, new to her.
“Thank you Darling, and yes. Rarity is my name. You two are...?” The white filly asked.
“Rainbow Dash.” Dash said.
“Twilight Sparkle. Nice to meet you. If you’re a friend of Fluttershy’s why don’t you stay a bit?” Twilight offered. Rarity seemed utterly shocked at the offer, but she appeared to recognize the name.
“Twilight Sparkle... Are you that little filly that impressed the Princess so much she made you her protege?” Rarity asked after a moment of thought.
“Protege AND adopted daughter!” Dash exclaimed. Rarity’s surprise meter skyrocketed and she felt the sudden need to bow. Twilight managed to stop her, though.
“It’s a recent development, but yeah. Come on in, we were just trying to see if Dash likes any books while we wait for Spike to wake up.” Twilight said, stepping backwards and letting the other unicorn in.
“Whadaya whatsa whoosit?” Said sleepy dragon mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he walked over from a rather messy basket-bed. Rarity’s demeanor instantly changed as she had a reaction to the dragon that was very similar to Fluttershy’s.
“Ooh~, you are just the most adorable thing ever!” She exclaimed, picking him up with her hooves and hugging him suddenly. That woke spike up. The scales on his cheeks lit up at the contact.
“Whoa... you’re pretty...” He said, earning a laugh from the other three.
“We were going to see if he can control his fire breath enough to heat up a kettle without burning the place down. I’ve set up some fire proof spells around it.” Twilight said when the white filly finally but the dragon down. He shook his head after a few seconds and ran over towards where there was a slight distortion in the air around a kettle.
“You already have it all set up?” Spike asked.
“I got bored waiting for you to wake up.” Twilight shrugged. She then turned to Rarity. “I read in a book that a dragon can send and receive messages using their fire breath and a bit of draconic magic.” She continued. She didn’t know why, but she didn’t feel shy around this filly she had never met. The thought confused her, but she decided to think it over later.
“Ready?” She asked, Spike gave a thumb-claws up and picked up the kettle. He took a breath and blew. Green flames engulfed the pot and exploded out, stopped in its tracks by the distortion.
“Spike? You alright?” Twilight called. Fluttershy had cowered behind Dash, Dash let out a ‘Whoa!’ and Rarity had yelped in surprise. The flames quickly died down to reveal a red hot kettle and a slightly blackened Spike. He gave another thumbs up.
“Oh my gosh is he ok?!” Fluttershy and Rarity exclaimed.
“He’s fine, dragons bathe in lava.” Twilight said. Her horn flashed and the kettle and the surrounding area went back to how it was. “Spike, maybe you should start small instead of big.” She continued. He nodded and repeated what he did before. This time, though, it produced a small stream of fire. He stopped and took another breath, this time the fire came out bigger. He kept doing this until it was just big enough to encase the lower half of the kettle. He held it there for a little bit and then the kettle whistled.
“Good job!” Twilight exclaimed when he stopped, panting.
“Yeah... I... need to... work on my... endurance...” Spike breathed.
“We can talk to mom about that spell now.” Twilight said, walking up and hugging the dragon.
“Well I’m happy that you managed such an amazing feet, and it was very nice meeting all of you, but I need to return. Thank you for you hospitality, Twilight.” Rarity said, turning to leave after eyeing the big clock above the door.
“Oh, um so soon?” Twilight asked.
“I’m afraid so... If I stay much longer I’ll worry my caretakers. I’m already a bit behind.” Rarity replied.
“Well, you’re welcome back any time. It’s always nice to make friends.” Twilight said.
“Hey, if you’re friends with Fluttershy then why not come back tomorrow when we go down to the barracks? I want to get down there and practice some stuff before we do anything so we can all hang out for a while.” Dash suggested.
“That sounds like a great idea.” Twilight said.
“Hm... I agree. I’ll try, that field right down there?” Rarity said, pointing at the field through the window.
“That’s the one.” Twilight said.
“Very well. I’ll see you tomorrow, then, I hope.” The white unicorn said. She gave them a little curtsey and left.
“When did you meet her?” Dash asked after a moment.
“Oh... um... remember when I fell off of cloudsdale? Well, I landed near Ponyville... She found me wandering around talking to the animals with a whole bunch of gems following her!” Fluttershy explained.
“Wait... you fell off of cloudsdale? How does that even happen and how were you ok?!” Twilight asked.
“She’s not the best flier, and when something startles her, her wings snap shut and won’t open. Ever since she got back, though, I’ve been doing it on purpose to get her used to it.” Dash explained.
“And... um... a bunch of butterflies helped stop my fall... oh it was such a wonderful place filled with so many wonders!” Fluttershy said.
“That’s... That sound really unlikely but... I guess anything’s possible...” Twilight said.
“That’s what I remember happening... um... And she was so nice to me and she took me to the Ponyville spa and even used some of the gems she had to pay for me! It was so generous of her, and she wouldn’t let me promise to pay her back! Though I refuse to not do so, so next time we meet in ponyville I’m going to treat her to a spa day.” Fluttershy explained rather confidently for her personality.
“Well that’s very kind of you. You guys know where the shower is, right? I’m going to go use Mom’s baths. Saves time, y’know?” Twilight said.
“Right, or maybe it’s because it’s an awesome hotspring waterfall thing.” Dash said, rolling her eyes. Twilight grinned sheepishly. She had told them about the baths and Dash was kind of jealous. She had always wanted to shower under a waterfall.
“Once I come back we can see if we can find you a book you like. I have to admit, it’s quite a challenge.” Twilight said.
“Pfft. Good luck with that.” Dash said, turning towards the bathroom to shower first as Fluttershy sat down next to where Spike was practicing writing messages using a stack of things Twilight penned up for him for that very reason. He asked her for help every now and then, things like what a word meant or if his clawwriting was decent enough.
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I'm loving these fast updates!
No worries. Just have the dislike bar set at 69
.
Why are you upset at this chapter?
It's quite nice. I'm loving how you fit the canon with all of this.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2617478 I agree
-Hotwingsrule
So um, it kind of seems like Rarity should be like this:
But instead after her parents died ONE week ago she's all like 
... Sorry but how she acted was the exact wrong tone to act in my opinion. But still, sigh, MOAR! 
2617513 Im agreeing with you, it seems slightly illogical. Maybe make her break down in a later chapter?
I farted
*looked at the actor notes* and that's why you don't want to rush with a chapter what's so ever
loving the story
Now all we are missing out of the equation is the two earth ponies, I'd like to see how you introduce those two.
Keep 'em coming!
No seriously, this is awesome and you're awesome for such fast updates.
2617569
That's probably her putting up a brave face in front of others, if anything it might be something that she try's to keep bottled up only for it to explode out later on.
Twilight's parents are dead. Rarity's parents are dead.
Why are all the unicorn fillies unlucky?
Suddenly, Luna comes back and adopts Rarity.
2617513 could be she is masking it, and we see a break down later. It did seem a bit off though.
2617513 Depends on the person.
For me my parents don't mean much. My mother is detached and my father and I...
Needless to say if my father were to be announced dead I wouldn't care too terribly much. So either Rarity is in a similar position or she's incredibly mature, either one works.
Whoa, back up now.
Bit of advice. EXTEND YOUR DEADLINE. We can understand if you have life issues. If you want, you can take this down and re-work it.
In addition, we can wait. You don't have to do everything every day. You shouldn't force out the writing, but let it flow like a river.
Above all, though, life comes first. Handle those problems before ponies. Yes, i may have just said something akin to blasphemy, but it is true.
Hey am I the only one worried about the cutest crusader
I mean come on I know this is an au but is sweetie going to be in this.
I want to think that but hmm... 2617637
1337? No it needs to be OVER 9000!!!
2617645
Here, here. Don't feel like you should make your updates to suit us. You don't have to upload something you're not proud of. We can wait for sure. We waited for season three, we're waiting for season four, we can wait for more of this a'daw'able story. Take all the time you need.
2617513
Or she might just not be feeling it yet. Takes some time for the whole thing to hit you sometimes. Could also just be putting on a brave face while she's with others and prefers to cry alone.
To the author, still loving this story! Kinda got me sad now though. Looks like the CMC is gonna be one short of a trio... unless Sweetie Belle is an infant and just not there or something.
why is everyone suddenly orphans?
Nitpick time!
"Feat"
Also, you didn't capitalize the "c" in "Cloudsdale" several times.
sounds like rarity, she is the type to follow after the nobles mannerisms and usually that involves no real grief for the departed.
2617598
*Puts on Gasmask* I can tell.
2617716 She did mention caretakers, so maybe relatives or something are looking after her and Sweetie.
A couple quick things: as others have pointed out, Rarity seems super blasé about her parents' death. More than that though, you missed a huge emotional moment between her and Twilight, since Rarity is newly orphaned, and she knows what that's like. On a more minor note, Dash just did the sonic rainboom like what, a week or two ago? I'd expect her to be positively unbearable about it.
Other than that though, fantastic story. I have no Idea how you manage this level of quality this quickly and often. Excited for more!
2617716 well that's just it isn't it the author hasn't exclusively told us about sweetie yet nor do we know if apple bloom has been born yet. At this point in time situation is kind of like Schrödinger's cat. Look it up.
Rarity gives not one fuck.
Not.
One.
2617639 cause it makes characters great, look at Batman
errrr... that was a tad bit abrupt, and it made the whole thing kinda terrible. No build up just " Hi I'm Rarity, and my parents are dead. I magically heard that fluttershy was here so I decided to barge on in." It doesn't flow, and it made me cringe reading. Slow down and take your time to get all the pacing and shit right so that characters don't feel like convenient cardboard cutouts.
2617639
Fluttershy's parents are dead, too. Also, AJ's parents are canonically dead.
s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/photos/images/newsfeed/000/191/505/33611%20-%20Batman%20applejack%20my_parents_are_dead%20parody.png.jpeg.png?1319613209
I think Rarity's early inclusion to the story feels forced, and the fact she's also recently an orphan yet she sounds/acts no different than she does as an adult is breaking with her. She is easily the most mature filly there.
Also, so many orphans is completely killing the feels for Orphan Twilight, which in turn sort of lessens the impact of Celestia adopting her.
2617738
And thus, chemical warfare was introduced
2617730 hey!.......I am not Annoying
.........now I am the Sad Changeling *overdramatic cries and such follow yada yada*
okay, she's a filly. It's grossly out of character for Rarity to be calm and collected about her parents DYING. And she talks like an upper crust dowager aunt!
Never mind the fact that her parents are very much alive at the time of "Sisterhooves Social..."
2617776
Rainbow Dash's father dies somewhere in the story (He's a soldier, and there's this problem at Stalliongrad) and Pinkie's family exiles her. I see where this is going.
2617513
Well it's also not established why they died, if it was a long terrible illness (like a cancer) she may feel sad yes but also happy that they are no longer suffering.
I'm all for fast updates, but your life should come first. Take care of your problems, your fans won't mind at all. You've given us an awesome story to look forward to each time you update. It was another good chapter and every author has at least one chapter of their stories that they don't like. So don't worry about.
Not shoddy, just short! I still love your characterizations of the younger ponies, you're doing great (was that too over-the-top?
). Seriously, I love this, thanks for writing it!
2617779
Returning fire with distilled sweaty sock.
2617848
True but who knows, might have been in an accident of some kind that caused a slow death. Or magic cancer...
Hey don't beat yourself up we all make shit chapters and I imite that I've made a few in other stories on other sites.
2617755 I guess you're right, going back and reading it. Again she could just be stepping up well for her sister's sake. Maybe instead a chapter later to show Rarity having a bit of a break down after trying to be an adult for a couple of chapters.
2617864
Count with essence of wet dog
2617910
Defend with concentrate of FABREEZE. Return fire, dirty diaper grenade away.
2617843 lol don't sweat it, it made me laugh
The Mane Six meeting as fillies. Love it.
The chapter seems good, but Raritys ease of speakeing about her parents death seems WAY off, its the largest gripe I have with the entire story thuse far.
First things first: your chapter sounds like it belongs within a chapter; it doesn't sound right to start a chapter with "Needless to say" and the chapter reads like it didn't end where you wrote it did.
I have to agree with the several people above that Rarity might not have been quite capable of being so calm about her parents passing (a week is very short) unless she doesn't understand the concept of death yet or she's masking her emotions. Also, how is she conveniently in Canterlot? Unless her caretakers are visiting the city, I don't quite see how they'd be there (they'd probably also be living in Ponyville).
Another thing I'm agreeing with: most of the Six seem to be having a hard time hanging on to their biological parents (and it is lessening the blow/feels for Twi); Fluttershy's orphaned (I imagine she's practically a part of Dash's family by now in this), it sounds like Dash's mother has passed (or you didn't mention her), Applejack's parents died at some point in cannon, Pinkie doesn't stay at the rock farm (too many theories about that one), and now Rarity's parents have just passed.
All in all, there's good premise and potential for a great story, but you need a pre-reader and you need to take your time; good stories take time, so while we all love daily updates, they don't do a story any favors if the quality ends up poor. I suggest that once you've finished writing this, use it as a guide, take your time, and re-write it: it'll probably be more amazing.
Aside from Rarity being so OK with her parents deaths, I don't really see much of a problem with this. If you really are unsatisfied with your work then take it down and write it better. WE. CAN. WAIT!!!
I would much rather wait for a while and then read a story at it's best than read a half thought out one. Take your time and deal with real life first. It can sometimes be a pain but it's still better to deal with distractions first so they don't get in the way. If you real life issues are more serious then take your time. Ponies can wait. I love this story and wish to see it completed but I would prefer to read it when you yourself are satisfied in it.
So in short take your time and if this isn't good enough for your standards then do it again.