• Member Since 28th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen May 12th, 2013

moonlight shine 2


T

"Ok ok don't panic don't panic...I think I should get he-" *WOLF HOWL*
"OH GOD WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT?" I could felt a warm feeling in my pants..damn.


Poor marcus seems he got taken to a land that he will soon know. This story of his will have happy times, sad times, etc. Oh boy oh boy!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

sorry! i won't read it because of you know
sex * gore
i'm a little bit sensitive with that :scootangel:

Ha Ha! Cliched!

But seriously, you've got some major cliches in here that typically do not go over well on this site.

Your OC is a brony, never a good starting point.
He carries brass knuckles with him wherever he goes and teaches boxing. I smell a Gary Stu.
And he's going to f*ck Lyra.

Sorry, but thumbs down on those points alone.

Tisk, this is a barf fic. It doesn't even earn a 'bad trollfic' status. It's like you barfed up some alphagettis and arranged them into words.

Gary Stus, Cliches, horrible format, bad premise. Need I continue?


I suggest that you start over, and keep it to only ponies. And learn how to format. And descent narration. Third person, and one P.O.V per chapter.

2559286 I couldn't keep a straight face with that one:rainbowlaugh:

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