"Ok ok don't panic don't panic...I think I should get he-" *WOLF HOWL*
"OH GOD WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT?" I could felt a warm feeling in my pants..damn.
Poor marcus seems he got taken to a land that he will soon know. This story of his will have happy times, sad times, etc. Oh boy oh boy!
sorry! i won't read it because of you know
sex * gore
i'm a little bit sensitive with that
Ha Ha! Cliched!
But seriously, you've got some major cliches in here that typically do not go over well on this site.
Your OC is a brony, never a good starting point.
He carries brass knuckles with him wherever he goes and teaches boxing. I smell a Gary Stu.
And he's going to f*ck Lyra.
Sorry, but thumbs down on those points alone.
Tisk, this is a barf fic. It doesn't even earn a 'bad trollfic' status. It's like you barfed up some alphagettis and arranged them into words.
Gary Stus, Cliches, horrible format, bad premise. Need I continue?
I suggest that you start over, and keep it to only ponies. And learn how to format. And descent narration. Third person, and one P.O.V per chapter.
img.pandawhale.com/41408-quotSomebody-posted-somethingq-ZRrD.gif
2559286 I couldn't keep a straight face with that one