• Member Since 28th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen May 12th, 2013

moonlight shine 2


Hellex finds a filly and decides to take care of her

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 3 )

wow... this is bad... seriously needs some editing... No offense though:twilightblush:

I like the idea itself but you need someone to proofread it. There are mistakes all over the place! :twilightblush:
I noticed that you have little to no description. Wile it is true that to much description will make a reader bored, no description can have the same effect. I get the feeling that you're just listing things, like one would do in a journal or something. Take a moment to describe feelings, thoughts, surroundings.
Suggestion: Go to Equestria Daily and then press 'Fics'. All the Fanfiction there has been specifically chosen, any fic you find there is a perfect example of awesome writing.
Your idea, I like it... but your writing is... less than awesome...
I hope you're not mad :fluttershysad:

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