• Member Since 15th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 20th, 2019

Sketch Scribbles

Almost two years... I have a lot of catching up to do...


All of Ponyville has gone crazy, every pony seems to be acting wrong, and every pony seems to be watching her. Old friends are lying their way through conversations, even Applejack is acting shifty...

What is Twilight going to do?

(Special thanks to DA's ~MangaKa-Girl for letting me use her art as the cover pic)

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 13 )

Nice! Well done! Was this inspired by the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode 'Whispers'?

Yeah, the first chapter anyway. I was kinda wondering when someone would notice that.

the first half was a good story, the second half not so much


well, i would appreciate knowing what i did wrong besides just "less good" mind elaborating a little?


the point of the second chapter is the exact opposite of the first chapter. The first chapter was a good complete story. You used the second chapter to undo a good story. That's why it's bad

the first chapter was an adaptation of an episode from a tv show, cause i couldn't think of how to write the setup properly on my own. it was never suposed to stand on it's own... I'll have to remember to avoid that in the future.

thanks anyway.

Gonna have to opt out of rating. The story was pretty good and would have been upvoted, if not for the completely pointless and unnecessary Diabolus Ex Machina [Grimdark] ending. Seriously, cut that last italisisted text and everything's good. [Grimdark] endings should be things that are built up, not dumped at the end of the story. Not only does it put the reader in a bad mood, but it weakens the story as a whole.

You spelled a word wrong in the TITLE.

I'm going to have to agree with everyone else. The second chapter could have been made a lot better without the Shyamalan at the end. I was expecting Twilight to rush forward and project her love of Dusk enough for Dusk to survive the wound. This mind switch malarkey was unnecessary and there was no build up to it. The tone of the story was a positive buildup to eventual acceptance of Dusk as her own pony. Having Dusk switch minds with Twilight at the last minute and kill her? What is the moral there? That being a good person to others and showing compassion is brutally punished?

You keep forgetting to capitalize names. I saw several instances where Rainbow, Dusk and Twilight weren't capitalized.

I think I get loss or something, I don't understand, so Dusk killed Twilight because she was already Twilight but with a changeling form?
Or Twilight was saying that she was dusk but she wasn't and she ended killing the true changeling or what?
I'm truly lost.:facehoof:

7074504 If I read the story correctly, Dusk/Ebony performed a mind-switch spell with the last of her magic, just before she died.

Unlike several other commentors, I'm glad I read this. I understand that downer endings via diabolus ex machina is generally considered a pet peeve of many people, I'm fine with the grimdark ending. There are definitely a few negatives in the first half (revealing Twilight's "hunger" was done poorly, and revealed the twist too early for me, and Twi's explanation of being trapped in the cave, etc was written in a way that made it confusing as heck and I had to re-read it a couple times to understand it).

The only negative I see for the second half is the ending, which to me seems like a cop-out. Even though I'm fine with the grimdark, diabolus ex machina ending, I don't think that's where the story went wrong. I think it went wrong in the scene just prior, when Ebony's body gets a sword through it. Thanks to the ending, Dusk/Ebony's arc feels unfinished, and thus so does the story. A lot more could be explored here if the story had more chapters, and more stuff to tell after Ebony captured AJ and Rainbow.

Just my two cents.

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