You wake up to find Gilda sleeping next to you in bed. Alcohol may have been involved. Quick! Think of something!

Myself, I love cats so I would say: Damn the consequences, and start petting.

I might end up clawed to death, but totally worth it.

>Gilda
>Me
>Scissors
>Bald Eagles

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Neck snap

3473641 Ask if she wants some catnip

FALCON PUNCH!

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3473641 If Gilda was in my bed........

I would honestly make out and make love with her ask her out on a play date.

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I don't like Gilda. I wouldn't have ended up with her in the first place. So she likely would have snuck in or something.

In any case, I'd probably do nothing. I'd kick her out, and that's it.

Griffin, huh? Must have been one hell of a night. Meh, I would still try to have a go at her. She seems like the kind of bridy girl that would appreciate a little morning in and out.

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3473649

Violence against women is wrong.

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I did say booze was involved.

3473680
Would Falcon Hugging Gilda do?

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I wake up to find Gilda next to me in bed and alcohol may have been involved?

3473680
Actually, you said:

Alcohol may have been involved.

May have.

So that means there may not have been alcohol either. I get what you're implying, a one-night stand and all, but you weren't exactly clear on this. I'm a nit-picker at this stuff, so I get nagged by that. You're playing the 'may means yes' innocent card here, but I keep seeing it differently. I suck.

And since there's a possiblity that booze may not have been involved in my eyes, it's possible in that case that she would have snuck in during the night and I wake up next to her, because she has a human fetish or something. I don't necessarily have a hangover, so I know nothing would have happened. I'm really being nit-picky here. I mean, how did Gilda get in my bed anyway? I wouldn't have invited her to a party or anything... Yeah, I really suck.

But I still stand by what I said, alcohol or not. I hate her, so I would kick her out. If alcohol was involved and something did happen, and she spent the night rather than sneaking in, I'd try not to think about it afterwards. I'd probably try and deny it too.

3473680 Elaborate.

Grab a piano and hit her with it.

3473691

3473682
Sure. Watch out her beak though.

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Show her this picture.

I'm pretty sure she would stay the fuck away from me.

I'd cuddle with her.

I'd likely just stare at her for a moment, then roll back over and wonder what sort of laws I just broke, and ask her later if she has seen my pet cat.

3473680

Violence against women is wrong.

Not necessarily, it all depends on the situation.

I woke up to Gilda staring at me.
Inside my head I'm screaming "Nononononono!" but on the outside I remain calm. I get out of bed just as she lets go of my hand. She smirks at my horrified face.

"You were good last night." She says, I blush intensely. I walk out of the room to make breakfast, because at this point, I need coffee. She follows me. She makes some cereal for us, I handle the coffee. We sit at the table awkwardly.

"Last night, Gilda.... I was seriously drunk." I said, her eyes widen. She looks angry.

"But, if you'd like to, we can go out for ice cream later today." I follow my past sentence with just as Gilda is about to attack my face.

"Fine, if it'll make you feel better." She laughed at my phased expression, and she taps my nose. I cower.
"You're so wimpy, it's cute." Gilda said as she flew out my window. And now I have a date with a gryphon.

3473841

Go on....

First, I scream "ACK! BIRD, BIRD, KILL IT IT's EVIL!"
I then proceed to roast her with lasers and obliterate her with rockets.
I then start to wonder how I'm even in a bed, and why there was a griffin in the Aperture Science testing facilities.
I then bake her.
And then there will be cake.

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3473853 As soon as she leaves I pace and mutter, so much that my landlady comes up.
Twilight comes in with a tired look to her, her eyes are drooping, her hair is messy, her face is slightly puffy. She grabs me with her magic, it tickles a bit. I stop muttering and turn to panicking. I start hyperventilating.
"What's wrong Three-Patch?" She asks sleepily. I try to get the words out, but I'm wheezing.
"Twilight *wheeze* I think *wheeze* I had *wheeze* with Gilda last night." She dropped me in shock.
"What did you say?" She asks suspiciously.

"I was drunk, and I think we had SEEEEEEXXX." I wheeze out the last word sadly. Twilight raises her eyebrows. I feel dizzy.

"And now, I accidentally asked her out!" I scream
"Why in Equestria would do that?!" Twilight yells back.
"I don't know...." Suddenly, there was a thump on my window. I open it for Derpy to fly through. She smiles her signature goofy grin.
"Hi Derpy." I say.
"Hi TPP." She greets back.
"Uh, why are you here?" I ask She pulls a letter out of her mailbag.
"This is for you." She says. I nod, curious about the contents. Derpy stays for a minute, so I used my magic to make a muffin appear. Derpy smiled and flew out the open window.

I opened the letter and pulled it out.
It read like this:
Meet me at 1pm at Sugarcube Corner.
Wear something cute.
Gilda

I frown, that's only an hour away! I consider the choices. Go out on a date-like thing with somepony I don't truly know, or get beat up by that certain somepony for not showing up. I decide to go. I head to Rarity's because I don't have any idea what to wear.

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Creep out of bed quietly and go tell Rarity. I think her next fashion line'd involve feathers...

--Sweetie Belle

3473908 Alright, let's see where this goes...

3473908

Wait... Gilda wants to meet at Sugarcube Corner? Home of the pink menace? This is gonna be a fun date.

*Shake her until she wakes up*

"Wanna go another round?"

3473641 Umm...Luna...This is totally not what you think.
Hobos do this kind of thing. I could have sworn I locked the door.
Gilda...GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!! YOU DON'T LIVE HERE!!!

I'm totally okay with this.

3474038 NEVER!!! My Luna would never do such a thing! Would she? Unless this is a joke. Luna? This is a joke right? Don't scare me like that.

3474064 One: Not sure how that would work with a griffon in the group.
Two: No. Just no. I don't drink and I'm not into that really. Sorry to disappoint.

3473641 Touch her paw pads.

I might never get another chance!!!

3473641 Pack my things and move to Bangladesh to smuggle drugs.

3473982 I walk down the street to The Carousel Boutique, where it looks kind of deserted. I hear Rarity crying from inside. I open the door, she's sitting on her drama queen sofa, dressed in a black cape and a red dress, eating ice cream.

"Rarity? What's wrong?" I ask.
She starts weeping again.
" Nopony wants dresses!" She says, placing a hoof to her forehead for dramatic effect. I pick up the empty cartons on the floor and poof them away.
"Well, you know, I need an outfit for tonight...."
I say. She lights up and jumps up to her design room, dragging me along. All the way singing
"Project, project, project!"

We reach her room, and she immediately starts designing a dress. She pulls a few odd colors, golds, greens, and pinks. While she sews the colors together, she turns to me.

"So, who's the lucky stallion or mare?" She asks in a teasing way.
"Actually it's a gryphon." I say. She nods.
"Oh yes, gryphons. What's his or her name?" Rarity asks.
"Gilda." I say. She stops sewing.

"What?"

"I'm going on a date with Gilda." I say.
She pulls the dress of the sewing machine.
"Darling you can't be serious."
"I am." I say. She stares for a bit, and places the gown on me via magic. It's a lovely pink sundress with a green ribbon and a gold silk flower on the bust. I smile at the dress.
"Thanks Rarity, it's lovely." I say. She smiles weakly.
"Pink and green go great together." She says. I pay her for the dress and walk out. A few people stare, it's about five minutes before the time in the letter.

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I would totally read/fave/upvote this

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Me: I hope you're rested because I'm taking you for a ride.

Gilda: ...Is that an euphemism?

No. No, it is not.

3474124 I'll post it as a full story then later today.:)

3473664 This.

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I'd first fangirl. Then I'd ask her what Equestria is like.

3473641 Go back to sleep.

It's only 10 AM.

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EUGH!
*quickly grabs knife from nightstand*
Oh wait... You're not a pony.
*puts knife back*
Gryphons are cool.

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Me: Oh, um...hi there.

Gilda: 'Sup.

Me: What happened last night, and am I going to get arrested for whatever happened last night?

Gilda: You're really worried about the police when you've got a half lion, half eagle critter in your house?

Me: ...Fair enough.

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Okay mouth, listen closely because our very lives depend on it:

This is absolutely, completely and inarguably NOT the time for a "tastes like chicken" joke.

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FUCK!!! *Grabs my handgun I use for self defence and plants a bullet in her brain* That's for Fluttershy you stuck up bitch!

3474833

It's too late! She's dead! She'll just die again if you being her back!

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"I prefer the left side. Also, I've been drooling on that pillow pretty much every time I've gone to sleep, so, you know, your funeral."