So, you have a story, and you want some advice from us. Excellent, because this is the thread you need to read. The way we accept stories has changed slightly, due to a number of factors. So now, if you want to submit a story, post a short comment here about it. Your comment should include the following:

1. A brief description of the story. Get us interested in reading it, and let others know what it's about.
2. What you need help with. Tell us what to focus on, and we will do our very best to make sure that gets addressed.
3. A link to the story (unless it's NSFW). Make it easier for others to access your story from here.
4. Please reply to this post, otherwise I do not get a notification!

Stories posted here will be added to the Pending Review folder and promptly reviewed. So now we have a new system, there are a few new rules (Admins, please feel free to edit this. You guys probably know more than I do):

1. Authors can only submit one story per week
2. If there isn't a good reason why you need a review, say for example you just want the added attention, then unfortunately this isn't the group for your story. There are groups for that. Your story will be ignored, and we will send a PM to you explaining why.
3. Stories should be added by us to the Pending Review folder within two days. If they aren't, contact a contributor or admin.
4. All stories already in the folder will be reviewed eventually. However, stories posted here will be given precedence. So if you really need that review, post your story description in the comments here, and let us know it is already in the folder. We'll get to it.
5. Don't be mean or overly antagonizing to others. This applies to the whole group.

That's all for now. This post will be edited as time goes on, and if you have any questions, contact one of us. We'd love to hear it!

Hello! I'd Iike to submit my story: My Name Is Floyd Damn You! (found here: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/256321/my-name-is-floyd-damn-you )

It's a story following a young film student named Floyd becoming trapped inside of Pinkie Pie and his journey to get her her life back. I'd like some feed back on Floyd's characterization so far. If it's realistic or if I'm making his emotional state all wonky. Thank you very much!

4777341 Sorry for getting back to you so late! Just a heads up, I get a direct notification if you reply to the post. I probably should have included that up above. Anyway, I'll get right to it! Thanks, and I'll send you a message once the review is done.

4739784

Sharing Is Caring (NSFW)

Description: The Princess of Love is willing to help those in need of repairing or strengthening relationships even if it means of "swinging" with others when necessary. In this case, a school filly and an older colt "played" doctor with one another. Cadence has other plans on helping Dinky's relationship with the changeling.

Help: I need some more feedback on the story regarding characterization, clop, pacing, and of course the writing. I might need a review of this clopfic before I start writing another one so I can improve on my writing skills regarding character and pacing.

http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=category&user=141081

4739784 I wish to submit my story for a review:
1.

It’s time for a routine check up on Nightmare Moon. Celestia removes all potential means of escape to make sure the captive stays put. Despite her busy schedule and the memory of her sister still fresh in her mind, the alicorn in mourning finds it in her heart to talk to the condemned pony on the moon.

2.
I worked really hard on it, rereading it more than 100 times and getting an original cover art for it. And yet, it's getting bombarded with downvotes. Nopony tells me what I did wrong. I wish to receive some criticism, so that I can do better next time.

3.
Celestia Visits Nightmare Moon

Hi,
I could use a review for my story "Terminator: Equestria."

The portal to earth was opened long ago, and Equestria has joined the war against the machines. General Twilight Sparkle of the resistance leads a march on the ETDD (Equestrian Time Displacement Device) to stop a terminator from being sent back in time to kill her, but her team is too late. Two terminators. One to protect and another one to kill. Which one will succeed in their mission?

I'm not sure about the flow of my story, and it would be great if someone could help me out there. Additionally, I'm bad at some characters and I'm worried they might be OOC.

4739784 Hello I need a review of the starting story for my Flash Saga. The story is called Flash and Nox.

The Story is rated M. But you can go to the Flash Saga blog. This is also where I will be linking all the parts of the Saga.

The story description: Upon Princess Luna return back to Canterlot. The roster of guards gets changed up as Flash Sentry, is forced to work along side a Batpony named Jack Nox. Will this unlikely partnership turn into a life long friendship, or will it crash and burn?

I need to know if this is a good start to my saga before I start writing the next story.

4882047

1. Authors can only submit one story per week

This rule is written up there with all the others. You'll have to wait another six days before you can submit a second story.

4882054 oh sorry did not see that rule I guess I need to look better . Fine I will re-post in a week.

1. Twilight Sparkle is a princess en route to a diplomatic function. Indigo Zap is the bat pony assigned as head of her escort. When adorkable and sexy mix, you get friction. And by the union of friction and the Romance tag, what you get is one hell of a crush.

2. This is my first real attempt at writing love, and I need advice. What did I do right? What did I do wrong? What turned you off from the story? How should I improve on this in future stories?
And so on. Basically, I need more help on writing romance.

3. In the Dark of the Night

I have a story that got 5 dislikes in the first twelve hours since its publishment. pls help.

Skystorm is the leader of an elite group of soldiers called the Dawn Guards. He falls in love with Rainbow Dash, a prismatic pegasus. When Queen Chrysalis learns of his love, she embarks on a mission to utterly destroy him. In the end, does love truly conquer all?

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/305473/sky-of-storms-a-new-dawn.

Pls let me know if there is anything I can do to get those ratings up.

4878535
4924168
4906403

Due to the frankly shameful period of inactivity here (which is partly my fault, so I'm really sorry), I'm no longer sure if you still require reviews for your stories. If so, I'm more than happy to review them as soon as I can (this time, that means very soon, not months later). Please reply if you are still interested.

5234902 Yeah, I could really use a review, I've been inactive because my writing could use something, but I'm not sure what.

5234902
I've gotten quite a lot of feedback on that story, and I think I've got a good idea of what I've done correctly and where I've screwed up. I don't think further reviews are necessary (although they are certainly still appreciated!), but I thank you for getting back to me about it!

4739784
Princess Twilight gets a hold of a new spellbook and, naturally, decides to try out some new spells. However, this book also possesses dark and forbidden magics and Twilight ends up casting a portal spell which casts her into a strange new world.

Now, with nothing but the spellbook and her wits, Twilight must find a way back home, all while surviving in a world at war.

How will the natives from this world react? How will Twilight change in this war-ridden Sci-Fi world? Will Twilight ever get home or will she be stuck here forever?

What I am looking for, besides just general errors, is pacing and details. I have been told to add more details and slow it down. Its postive and has been edited, oh, 3 times now.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/320928/the-twilight-adventures

4739784

Mages of Virtue: The Phantom Thief

First book of the Etheriaverse. A new year has begun at Chantalot Academy for Gifted Mages and Sunset Shimmer is looking forward to it; seeing her friends, making new ones, and just trying to get through the problems that come with high school. But when a school myth begins to resurface as more than just a legend, Sunset refuses to sit on the sidelines. Luckily, she won't be alone. But between planning to catch a ghost, dealing with typical high school life, and preparing for a test that could, quite possibly, determine whether or not she moves forward with her life, it couldn't possibly be that tough, right?

I'm looking for some comments on the pace of the story and the lore (that's been revealed so far), as this is a BIG project, a whole AU on it's own. Also, considering that OCs will play a major role, it would be nice to get some feedback on them: what I did right, what I did wrong, what should change. Finally, my writing: quality, finish, vividness, what I need to work on, what I should do more of.

Thanks in advance.

I would like a review on this story(Overcoming The Past).

Description-Twilight is an exceptional student. She has been a star pupil for her entire life. But what did that exemplary life cost her? Not even Twi herself understands the pain her life has cost until Rainbow asks her about it...

Reason for help:I wish to know how the story stands and the pro/Cons of the story.

I hope the story is good.

Review my best story please.
The Secret of Vinyl Scratch
Slice of Life
Random
Romance
AU

Vinyl is a mute and this day turns out to be quite special for her, very much so indeed.

4739784

Is this group Still alive?

4739784
Hello! I’d like a review of my latest story, The Hunger (it’s M rated for future gore and language, so I cannot link it...).
I don’t have a particular reason for it, other than I’d like some feedback on it and maybe some suggestions on how to improve it (as I can always use it!)

Inside the Great Walled City, anyone is safe, safe from the Shadows, safe from being Taken. The Shadows know no boundaries, have no limits on killing. They have no humanity left in them. To them, murder is just another part of everyday life, if it’s even a life.

Twilight Sparkle, Truci, and Pinkie Pie have had quite enough of life in the protected zone. And Twilight has a plan. A plan to escape. A plan to free humanity from the darkness outside The Walls.

Any feedback is much appreciated!

4739784
Story: Hunter's Path

Long before unicorn and pegasi nations were founded, ponies lived in fear for their lives. They hid from the terrors outside, squeezing themselves into whatever corner could hide them, for it was the monsters who killed the worst. Manticores and cockatrices, to name a few, threatened pony existence anywhere outside of walled cities. Only monster hunters, trained in castles named in the old tongue, are equipped to handle the threats of the wild. And among them, one walks the an empty path. Behind Fiora is blood and fire, and the roads to come look the same. If there is no meaning living from one contract to the next, then what new adventure can restore her lost passion for life?

Focuses: Unlike a lot of stories, Hunter's Path barely has characters from the show (story description explains the "barely" part). The world and characters are entirely original and, aside from being inspired by the idea of constant strife between monsters, ponies, and hunters, it is also largely independent from the Witcher games and books. I want to know how this is received by readers who seem only to care about characters they already know in a world they already understand.

4739784
Can MY story be in your group? I think it's very imaginative...

It's a story in which a girl is Displaced as Megan from G1. Except she isn't, because it turns out she's actually some sort of dark sorceress, and she becomes a self-modifying-magical construct. Also, there is science and logic and philosophy. Actually, fuck the plot, this is just a story about science and shit.

I would like a bit of feedback on the inaccessible nature of this story. I'm a pretty experienced writer, and I consider it to be a good work, but I've stepped a bit out of my comfort zone, and would like to know what I can improve to make it a better read for everyone. I'd also like to note that I wrote this partially as an example of how to write a Displaced fics which weren't generic and boring to read.

TDisplaced into Nothing

• MLP: FiM
• MLP: Comic
• Dark
• Adventure
• Drama

While studying an alien spellform, Twilight makes the most important discovery of all time... The one which could doom her planet. | Horror Rationalfic with Lovecraftian & World of Darkness elements. Deconstruction / Subversion of Displaced.

• Violence
• Death
• Human
• Twilight
• Spike
• Luna
• Other
• Main 6

Rockstar_Raccoon · 91k words  ·  1,075  77 · 17k views