Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #31 · 5:00pm Oct 3rd, 2022
Well, that was a pleasant weekend. Picked up one of those “loss of appetite” illnesses during the week, and it peaked on Saturday. Nothing more pleasant than being perpetually hungry all day while only about to chow down small quantities of simple, plain food.
Recovered the bulk of that by now, at least during the day (I’m a slow breakfast eater as it is), though I’ll still be careful to take it easy. UK PonyCon is this weekend, my second ever and three years after the first, and handling meals throughout a con weekend is tricky at the best of times! Still, looking very forward to it. For the panels, the atmosphere, and the folks. Andrea Libman’s attending too, probably the only chance I’ll ever have to see a major FiM voice actor without travelling to America.
Plus, y’know, there are ponies there. That automatically makes it better. 
Thankfully, none of that has any direct effect on the Ponyfic reviews, they just keep coming! Shorter batch after two around-50K weeks, but October’s a busy month, you have to remain sensible for some weeks.
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Coming Home by Noble Thought
The Ones We Can't See by applejackofalltrades
How to Wing-Hug in Two Easy Steps by TheAncientPolitzanian
The Worst Show and Tell Ever by TheVClaw
Surface Deep by Thunderbug80
Weekly Word Count: 22,892 Words
Coming Home by Noble Thought
Genre: Slice of Life
Other, OC
9,851 Words
September 2015
After eight years trying to make it in the big city, Marian has returned home to Dodge Junction. Ostensibly, this is to found a library, something that would be a boon to the little desert town. Deep down, there’s another reason: to make amends with her sister, Cherish, whom she ran away from following a terrible mistake. And avoid her she cannot, as Cherish has the final say on her outward goal.
Oh, this was a delight, even if much of the story is not a happy one. It’s one of those tales where both a lot and not much happens all at once, owning to a restrained delivery style content to drip-feed us details about Marian’s time away and the incident that split her and Cherish up something fierce (it involves a falling-out over a stallion, and is nothing like the lazy cliché that sounds). Even by the end, we don’t have a full picture, and I can see detail-hungry readers feeling disappointed. But we get the right amount relative to the story’s goal of reconciliation from two guarded, emotional mares.
Not to say the story’s a difficult, brutal one by any means. Noble Thought does a exemplary job at keep the energy breezy through most scenes, alternating between Marian’s observations on how the town has and hasn’t changed and is a rough adjustment, helped by having her old schoolteacher as somepony to talk to, allowing the fic to have more open moments as appropriate. We also get details about how a town like this operates, hints about a cousin presiding as Mayor in Ponyville, nods to how the town is by the time we see it in Canon, and more. It’s a dense and light fic all at once, yet in a way that leaves one wanting to soak up every detail. Structure, prose, it’s all here, and to near-perfection.
It’s not some unseen masterpiece of either OC or bit player extrapolation (Marian is a character featured in flashback in Friends Forever Issue #9, as a failed romantic goal for the Flim Flam Brothers, playing into their Music Man origins; though that’s just an inspiration, and you need know nothing about it), and despite the exemplary character work here (even the bit players register as more than their plot role, the teacher especially), only Marian herself truly feels like somepony we know well enough to wager her future for. But it’s a greatly pleasurable read of realistic characters barbed by a falling out, and great at communicating emotion subtly and through implication. Well worth your time.
Rating: Really Good
The Ones We Can't See by applejackofalltrades
Genre: Slice of Life
Applejack
1,897 Words
July 2022
Thunder can be scary, especially to little AJ. Thankfully, on one night when it especially gives her the spooks, somepony is there to point out that the thunder isn’t loud and imposing for no reason, that it’s striking for a reason, and it’s best to listen. The thunder certainly is.
It probably shouldn’t be a surprise coming from an author proclaiming immense affection for Applejack right in their username, but this is quite an unusual take on the well-worn genre of AJ talking to a dead parent(s). Certainly, the back half of her doing so is quite similar to that, but the work the first half did of Pear Butter comforting her and explaining how thunderstorms are lost family speaking to us recolours that ending material.
That gimmick alone wouldn’t be enough to make this rise above the pack, but the fic also demonstrates a commendable use of language and prose, from getting into filly AJ’s headspace in the early going, to capturing her curiosity at what her mother says, to making something loud and booming as thunder feel of a place with the light, constant rain, setting a quiet mood. The fic doesn’t push for an overt emotional reaction either; rather than mine this material to provoke tears from the reader, it just presents the moment of Applejack saying a few words, and departing, making for a simple and honest conclusion.
Nothing much else to this; a simple yet unusual concept played not as you might expect (no Mufasa appearing in the clouds or anything of that ilk!), with unassuming yet effective choices in prose, language, tone and goal that make its goals feel very honestly earned. Quite a respectful little fic.
Rating: Pretty Good
How to Wing-Hug in Two Easy Steps by TheAncientPolitzanian
Genre: Slice of Life
Twilight, Spike, Other
2,592 Words
August 2022
In the wake of getting his wings, Spike has had reasonable success adjusting to the changes it’s brought, as has Twilight. But there’s more to wings than just flying, and one night, he finds himself asking if Twilight can show him how to do something with the appendages she’s done for him many times.
There are a few things that elevate this fic above regular “adorable Twilight and Spike cuddling and bonding”. TheAncientPolitzanian’s handling of Twilight and Spike’s dialogue and speaking patterns, already quite reasonable in his previous fics, is a little stronger here, and while there are still spots that felt a little inorganic (mostly speaking when silence would be better, or a little rushed pacing, though thankfully these don’t occur in the early going, so we’re invested seamlessly), they don’t detract much.
Next, there’s enough tension present to keep the events therein interesting and not just an excuse for adorable shenanigans. Which, yeah, it is, but on top of Spike’s request for wing hug tutoring and the revealed reason why he asks it, there’s some not-insufferable reflection on Twilight’s own anxieties, blended with Spike’s reflection on growing bigger himself, material of all they’ve faced lately and are likely to face going forward, and so forth. And it’s so well-tuned to the maturity of the characters at this point in the show that even it being, y’know, a Season 8 fic doesn’t bother much.
Toss in just enough logistics to the matter of wing-hugs, and how’d they differ between pony and dragon and the recipient, and this is a reasonably solid Twilight/Spike bonding depiction. Disposable and frivolous, but there’s just enough meat to the bones to earn it a reasonably enthusiastic recommendation.
Rating: Pretty Good
The Worst Show and Tell Ever by TheVClaw
Genre: Comedy/Random/Slice of Life (Sex)
Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash, Cheerilee, Other
2,900 Words
March 2016Reread
Show and Tell is always a popular mainstay at the Ponyville Schoolhouse, and this week, Scootaloo is especially excited. After all, she found a Derring Do story written by her idol Rainbow Dash. There’s no way it couldn’t be the most awesome thing ever! And Rainbow Dash surely won’t mind Scootaloo reading some of it as a sneak peak to her classmates. Cheerilee’s scepticism soon turns to horror once the content of the story becomes clear
For a fic that takes the path of least resistance towards its given goal, it’s at least not as tasteless about it as it could have been. That’s not the only positive thing I have to say, though it’s awfully plain about the given subject matter. What stuck out to me was some rather flowery and passive prose, with more than a few descriptions of a character’s appearance as they first appear, and overall it’s just a very lax fic.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and the moments of embarrassment and innuendos within have their amusement. But it’s awfully plain and simple, with nothing beyond the base idea to really stick. Well, maybe a heightened depiction of Cheerilee. That’s always neat.
Rating: Passable
Surface Deep by Thunderbug80
Genre: Sad/Slice of Life
Rarity
5,652 Words
February-March 2012Reread
Rarity, for as long as most have known her, has been Ponyville’s most elegant and fashionable resident. Yet in the midst of all her generosity, one must wonder, where did she acquire such lofty aspirations of glamour and success? Even as she enjoys a lovely picnic with her friends and makes yet another generous gift to them, her mind is elsewhere, going over what made her the mare she is today.
It’s not fair to compare this to the numerous Rarity Backstory fics that would have improved on this story later on (or before; Simply Rarity is a 2011 fic, just not on Fimfiction), but even in isolation, this is a bit lacking. Going for a fragmented approach that alternates between present-day scenes of Rarity with her friends and flashbacks of Rarity as a filly is a good idea, telling us only the key moments and letting the blanks get filled in. Yet rather than letting the canvas in between dance with intrigue, it just feels closed off. Partly this is because the root of Rarity’s aspirations boils down to being a former country filly bullied to the point of changing who she is, something we only ever hear about, not see, and even then it’s barely focused on enough that you’d think the story was embarrassed about it. Yet it’s the full foundation of Rarity’s character here, something that affected her enough she still thinks about it, long after she’s reached success (yes, Season 2 success, but that’s still plenty) and made lots of great friends. Perhaps it’s the lack of organic flow between many of these scenes, but at no point this did feel like a natural evolution of character, just bland melodramatic writing. Not that the writing itself is: it’s understated, point of fact. But the actual content is melodramatic.
It’s a pity, because absent the source, the path she takes, and the eventual lesson learnt after support from her friends, they ring reasonably strong. But the route there is a slog through routine, amateur fanfiction backstory, coupled with novice writing that tells upfront without a clear voice and describes physical things the reader and Rarity already know (evidently Thunderbug80 improved fast after this early stage of their writing). I did just about enjoy reading it again, but with or without comparison to other Rarity Backstory fics, it’s a sloppy one.
Rating: Passable
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 2
Decent: 0
Passable: 2
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
.
Hey thanks for the review :) considering it was an older fic I didn’t put too much thought into, Pretty Good is… pretty good! Thanks for the kind words !
Sounds like me lol. Kidding aside, this story sounds right up my alley, and I know Noble Thought is already a strong writer to begin with (I've started reading through their novel, The Primrose War, and while I've only just started, it's a very good beginning). I'll add it to my unfortunately ever growing list of fics I will read... I promise.
Hope you enjoy the UK PonyCon! I've got a few friends going, as well as having their own panel. Seems like a lot of fun!
5690127
That line you quote was meant as a compliment! Just in case that wasn't clear. This fic only just missed the Excellent rating, for what it's worth. Well worth the read whenever you find the window to do so.
Ah yes, the Project Organisation panel from the Elements of Justice crowd.
That did catch my eye. Dunno if it'd be my speed, not least from not having watched the series and being rather unlikely to (reasons that don't have much to do with the actual content of the web series, to clarify). Still, could be interesting, it's always amazing when a group of fans build something monumental as a whole. Possibly, if there's little else on at that time.
5690126
You're welcome! You can thank Loganberry for it, his review led me to it, though I did vaguely recall seeing it around the site before, and passing on it. Good thing he's got good taste I trust!
Pretty good batch here. I may have to check out Wing Hugs because it definitely seems to hit a few of my "makes me happy" checkboxes.
Enjoy the con!
5690139
Checking out a fic that didn't get a rating of Really Good or Excellent? Who are you and what have you done with iisaw?
Anyway, ironic appraisal, because it's been four weeks since a review slate of the same quality as this (if assigning numbers of 1-7 to the ratings), everything in between has been stronger. And the last one to be lower was the first week I looked at entries from the Who Crossed Over My Little Pony? contest, which made sense, as I was obliged to look at everything rather than being selective. Course, this just shows the unreliability of ratings without looking at what they say about the fic.
How to Wing-Hug ticked some of my "comfort fic" checkboxes too. I do like me some good Twilight/Spike bonding.
I'll assume Derpy is trying to be ecstatic, it's hard to read her expression sometimes.
But thanks, will do. 
5690145
Hmn... yes, my appraisal was based on the actual reviews , rather than the ratings. I mean, personal taste does factor into it. I personally loath what I consider to be one of, if not the best-written story I've ever read on this site, dislike a very skilled and popular author's work simply because of the pervasive, poorly-concealed misogyny in most of it, and I love quite a lot of stories that are—well, let's be kind and just say "unliterary" shall we?
I'll take a favorite meal indifferently prepared over an exquisite dish comprised of ingredients I don't care for any day!
As I said before, that's why good reviewers are so valuable! Thanks again for taking the time to do these!
Wing Hug kinda falls into the "this is a cute pony serotonin hit and little else" kind of stories, but there is absolutely a place for those on my shelf.
yeah, slorg is definitely a good writer, can confirm, but everyone's gotta start somewhere, I guess! :B
Well, today has been a bad day. So why not see what I consider as my worst story (besides maybe The Cutie Mark Master) get reviewed?
On the plus side, perhaps if my worst story is passable I don't have much to worry about?
Hey, one I've read! I really enjoyed Noble Thought's story, and she's an all-around solid author.
Very minor comment:
The Rarity story is listed as:
"February-March 2022"
However, the story itself shows publication as being in the year 2012.
Best wishes for your continued recovery.
Interesting to see AP popping up here a few weeks after I did. Unfortunately, you didn't choose the fic that I edited so we could have a full role reversal. I only preread Wing Hug at the 11th hour. Literally. I quickly read it the night before it went live at 11pm at the last minute.
It's one thing I mentioned in a comment on the fic itself that I'll repeat here. I'm glad AP knows to throw some tension into the mix so the work goes beyond "snuggles and wuv". Not saying those are bad, but they're definitely what I call Lemon Starburst fics: 5 minutes of sweet fluff that you immediately forget since it's ultimately meaningless.
Sometimes, I need some fluffy junk food, but for the sweetness to linger, I need something to grab onto. Even if its a very light tension, it still bears meaning. Otherwise, if it's all easy sweetness with no weight, you basically wrote a payoff without a setup, so it's unearned and uninteresting. Even "My Neighbor Totoro" knows it can't just be magical fun all the time.
Glad AP knows to give the audience something to nibble on.
5690198
I hope you don't consider Imaginary to be poor, since that's fairly near the top of my own RiL list now and, well, the [Human] tag often puts me off a bit but in this case the description fascinated me.
I do have to admit that there's a strange fascination in reading an author's really early/poorer works when you know there's more later on that you're going to like more. Seeing whether you can spot the seeds of that later improvement, that kind of thing. :)
5690277
Imaginary is special to me because it is based on a real event. As such, it's one of my favourites regardless of the writing.
5690210
Well, after 160+ stories reviewed here, mucking up the publication date was bound to happen. As a fair share of fics tend to be those published recently, 2022 got inputted on autopilot, I'm sure. Thanks for the correction!
5690248
For sure, a little tension and meat to fluff goes a long way to making it linger in the mind, when done well. Many writers, in ponyfic and "professional" media, can easy fall victim to conflict poisoning, where the "need" to have a major enough conflict is murder to the characters and the work's charms, but it's easy enough to go the other way, as you note. Though I didn't explicitly state it, it's this factor you cite which made this fic fare better for me than either of his prior TwiSpike fluffy friendship/familial fics.
5690198
Heh, sorry about that. I'd read it before, it was on my Re-evaluate bookshelf, it got picked and reviewed somewhat at random, that's all there is. Least I'd already looked at If Only In My Dreams as a better first review of you work!
As it happens, I've read both Imaginary and its sequel before, and liked them both very much – they'll get reviewed at some point. I've also read Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium before, though length will keep it off for a while. Point being, outside of this fic, I've found all of your work that I've read impressive. And a couple of your other stories, namely Allure, Golly! and Half Minute Horses, appeal enough that I'll probably check them out at some point.
5690277
Well, you know I am also put off by the Human tag, but the fic worked wonders for me. Glad it's close to getting read for you! If this extra vote of confidence helps.
5690339
Thanks! Fics like that are sometimes tricky, as many (most?) readers aren't going to know about the real-life event, and even if they do it won't hit them the same way. But your reply, Mike's, and a couple of other favourable comments I've seen around and about have convinced me I did the right thing scheduling it for a fairly near-future read.
(The first ten seconds get the quip across.)
Yeah, for better or worse, I'm prepared to make as much clothing out of that black sheep's wool as I possibly can. I'll admit it's a bit… messier than its predecessors, but darn it, it's what I got and it's what I'll wear.
Quips aside, thanks for such a comprehensive review! I agree that I could've handled the pacing better in the fic's latter half — out of curiosity, did you think things were moving too fast or too slow? — so that's definitely something I can try and shore up for the next go-around, whatever it winds up being.
I mentioned this in my reply to the comment 5690248 Rego made and reiterated earlier (Thanks again, by the way!), but I'm also glad to hear that the "tension" worked as well as it did. Most of those segments came from 2021 as opposed to 2019; once I noticed the pattern, I actually became a bit nervous that I was just going to make the whole story an unstable mess by dumping my accumulated baggage atop its comparatively lightweight foundations. I came around on it soon enough (reminiscing on the tenser moments of some of my own favorite Twilight/Spike bonding stories certainly helped), and in immediate hindsight, I'm that much more satisfied with the story for it. Again, happy to hear that it came across as a plus! Definitely something to keep in consideration down the line.
One more for the road: thanks again for the review! Hope you enjoy PonyCon!
5690139
I got a notification that you put Wing-Hug into your "Kindle" library, and I actually got really freaked out for a hot minute because I thought you were saying that the story deserved to be set on fire. Amazon's e-reader must've slipped my mind.
If you haven't read it yet, I hope it does indeed hit those happy checkboxes!
5690185
Makes perfect sense to me. Happy to hear you found a place for it all the same!
5690738
