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Review by Ghost Mike
Rarity has always been Ponyville's most elegant and fashionable resident. Her generosity knows no bounds, but what caused her to have such aspirations of fame and glamour? Sometimes to find the answers, you need to go beyond surface deep.
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This will be a rather short story, about 3 - 4 chapters in total.
I hope I set the proper kind of mood. This story is not meant to be depressing, but rather to provide a bit of a glimpse of what's going on beneath the make-up and glitter. I feel that fans of The Cutie Mark Master may enjoy this one, as I'm trying to follow the same format in that the storyline could realistically be used in the show's canon.
As always, please forgive any minor grammatical errors that may have slipped through, and thank you for reading.
Well, nothing spectacular by now... but I'll track this to see what happens.
... i dont get it, did she get bullied or something
im clueless
More to come on this story shortly. I've been tied up with trying to get the next chapter of The Final Element out while dealing with other things.
It will all become clear in the next chapter or two.
There's my two cents, as it is. I still give two thumbs up to The Cutie Mark Master, and I notice you've got a bigger fanfic project on the go, so understandable if you've got time constraints and/or want to do other stories.
330442 You've talked me into finishing this. Working on the 3rd and final chapter right now.
332186
Hey, no problem.
I'm glad I did; this chapter was fascinating. Rarity was getting picked on at school for her farm origins, so she becomes a perfectionist as a reaction to it. This is nicely realistic, I could see the idea fitting into canon, and it's easy to empathize with her in this situation. I really like how you weave the flashback in between the present day scenes. I could learn one or two things about setting the mood from this passage. 
This story is like a mirror image of Applejack - AJ prefers country living to sophisticated socialite living, Rarity the opposite. I don't know if you were aiming for that, but the irony of Rarity coming from a farm is a good one to explore, and it's nice to see she enjoyed it once. And it can work if Rarity's father is an earth pony, as many have speculated (notice you never see his horn in that scene?).
> "I made it nice a warm, and... oh my gosh, are you crying? Who did this to you? I'll show them not to mess with my friends!"
could be rewritten more like
> "I made it nice and warm, and - are you crying? Is she crying? What happened? Is she hurt? Did somepony do something to her? Did they do that?" She pointed at the mud on Rarity's mane. "Those jerks! Who did it, Rarity? I'll show them! Mess with my friends, will they? I'll give 'em the old one-two and a -"
I admit this might be personal interpretation, but I was thinking of Sonic Rainboom when Rainbow goes into a rant about how she's going to fail. Also, "They were too busy being her best friends for that" seems a little telly, not to mention over-sweet. I'd replace it with "They were too busy helping her for that" or "They were too busy cleaning her up for that", or however you prefer.
While I'm at it, I think there were a few spelling errors and tense problems in the last chapter, as well. For instance, They were a culmination of years of studying the fashion industry, thousands of hours of practice and experience, and an early desire to become the very best at what she does should end with a past tense "did" rather than a present tense "does" because you're using the past tense when describing the list ("They were"). A second example is this:
"It's just a little dirt, it never hurt anyone."
Replace that comma with either a semi-colon or a full stop. Commas shouldn't be used to separate two sentences that can stand alone.
Nicely done, and good to see both a happy ending and a thoughtful moral.
Well done!
334821 Constructive feedback is good feedback. I've corrected the grammatical errors, and stole a slightly-altered version of your Rainbow Dash dialogue. I admit I need to be in the right kind of mood to properly write Rainbow Dash, and I was not in that mood when I wrote it.
I've left the "best friends" line as-is. I personally like it. If the pre-readers disagree, I may consider altering it. I don't feel that changing it would be any kind of improvement for the tone I wanted to set there. Just like the ending to an actual episode of My Little Pony, it's supposed to be a bit "over-sweet".
You're correct with all of the canon nods, including the auction. It's not necessarily the same auction from the show, but it's the same venue and the same auctioneer-pony.
The pre-readers haven't gotten back to me yet, so hopefully the corrections have been done in time to save a little bit of a headache later on. I'm not a fan of relying on Ponychan or anything else, though. I'm of the mindset that I succeed or fail based on my own decisions. If EQD likes the story and gives it a chance, then it's my own fault if I can't get it right within 3 tries.
Thanks for reading, and for the advice. I'm glad this little story was worth reading.
A couple of edits and a few rewritten passages and BAM. Equestria Daily-approved. Let's hope people like this somewhat altered version.
361881 well by the looks of it let the view spree come :D
I will try to arrange time to read this, and for the comments i read it look a really solid and good read. Good job.
367088 I literally burst out laughing when I saw FiMFiction go down for maintenance the moment this hit EQD. The story of my life!
Anyway, now that we're back up, I'll be eager to hear everypony's thoughts. Again, this is my first really serious attempt at anything outside of comedy other than an HiE fic I'm writing. Hopefully everyone enjoys.
Dawww. In the end, Rarity is okay.
Really though, I HATE bullies, even though I was never a real victim. Perhaps it's the fact that the concept of looking good by making someone look bad makes me sick. Glad Rarity dealt with it.
This story is head canon now. It explains alot.
If the show was aimed at a slightly older audience, this could easily be an episode. Great, great story.
Awesome story! Second story to make me go "aww.." in a few parts. Rarity is such an under appreciated character and this has made me like her a lot more. Great job and keep up the good work. I'll be sure to feature this in my article! That is....if it's okay with you..
368058 Thank you. Unless you write an article titled "Worst Fan-Fics of All-Time," I won't have any problems with that.
I like having as many people as possible get the chance to read my stuff, because hopefully I can make those people smile (or laugh, cry, etc)!
368292 Nope, it's an article actually describing in good reasoning why you should watch MLPFIM, and you'll be featured in the The Fandom>>Fanfiction section.
(Why the hell does it say 368292 instead of TheSlorg? Eh, oh well.)
Not bad, not at all. 3.5/5 stars.
368501 It's a placeholder until you reload the page.
I loved this story; in fact, the only disappointing thing is that it wasn't longer! I could happily read a more in-depth accounting of Rarity's time as a filly in this setting - but I appreciate that it was likely the feelings and legacy that you were aiming to impart here, which you did very well.
Trendy Star seems like she would love being in a Representative Republic. Popularity certainly makes elections easier.
Very well written. I enjoyed every second of this fanfic.
Magnificent. I'm always amazed at how some of you, writers, can add depth where there wasn't supposed to be one. Congratulations on not only the idea alone, but also on the amazing way you written it. And thanks for sharing.
Have a thumb.
This story fits amazingly well considering how imo Rarity is the most complex of the Mane 6, and everything just seemed right. Good Job bud
I'm sorry to disrupt this magnificent story
but it just feels like it's missing a scene or a single sentence. There is no given explanation as to why Rarity chose to go to Twilight's place after the rain started. There are reasonable explanations that quickly come to mind (like she forgot the time and everyone was waiting for her), but still...
(I kinda get compulsive over such little things
)
552806 It was established in chapter 1 that she would be delivering the dresses 'in a week'. It's also established in that chapter that it would be raining 'next week'.
There really didn't need to be anything explaining that they would meet indoors somewhere. Rain + Finished dresses = Meet the girls inside somewhere.
That was definitely a stirring read. I can't quite say much other than that; it's just great.
There are only certain fics out there that have moved me to shed tears, either happy or sad: 'My Little Dashie,' 'Background Pony', 'Piano Man Act 1 & 2' and 'Simply Rarity' Just to name a few.
You can now add this one to that list.
Powerfully written and well deserving of its place on EQD. One of the many reasons that I am coming to like Rarity more and more.
This story makes me sad that I cannot properly enjoy it, as I just don't see Rarity that way and so it does not resonate as it ought to when I read it.
2460045 See, this is the kind of feedback/criticism I wish more people would bother to leave.
What I like about this comment is that you didn't just read something, disagree with it, then leave a thumbs-down. Far too many people do this.
You explained what you disagreed with, realized that it doesn't necessarily make it a bad story, and held off on giving any thumbs at all. Kudos for being one of the very few who are capable of giving feedback the right way, and thank you!
Absolutely love this story, top notch writing mate.
Rarity is easily my favourite character in the show, and I love your version of her background.
Too many authors leave out the depth that this character deserves and I love how much you put into her character.
My favourite aspect was how you drew connections between Rarity's current character and the origin of certain traits from her youth.
Love this, love the character, love the writing and love the plot.
Great Job
This is really sweet, you made me smile! Rainbow Dash's line upon seeing Rarity's tears reminded me of one of my own best friends, and so that was what touched me the most. The letter seems especially well thought out, and is a morale I can agree with
As someone who knows how little Rarity felt, I find this story touching, amazing, and sweet. I always wanted to see a good story about Rarity... didn't know it would relate to me too.
4172386 Howdy again!
The third story I wrote, over two years ago. How things change! I remember one of my own criticisms of this story being that Rarity cried a bit too often. I think I changed it up and removed or altered some of those scenes since it felt forced.
I really should go over my older stories and give them a good editing sweep, but I'm glad you liked this one. I felt for the longest time that this was my most underrated story.
To be fair, the lesson Rarity learned is a good one. Even so, I can't relate. I love Rarity, for she's an awesome character for her weaknesses just as much as her flaws, but to call her childhood harsh just because of a few teasing bullies is going a bit overboard to me. It feels less to me like 'the past haunts her' than 'she refused to grow up.' At best, she's being blatantly melodramatic... even for her.
Not to say that this was a bad story, mind you. Not at all. It's simply a situation I can't relate to.
I think this is a really lovely story; bittersweet and thoughtful. Nicely done.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!