EFNW Retrospective - IRL Shipping, friends, and learning friendship lessons in the process · 4:54am May 22nd, 2018
Ho boy! Everfree Northwest was this weekend, and it was one of the best, most emotionally exhausting things that I've done in about a year. The last time being last year when I ran the writing track in 2017. I volunteered as the writing track lead again, and then got to have the fun time of spending most of the weekend moderately stressed out while making sure that nothing in Twilight's Writing Room set on fire. Or stayed on fire too long.
But I also got to spend a lot of time with friends, which was super awesome. I can't express how much fun it was to spend time with Monochromatic, Novel Idea, Oroboro, The Albinocorn, Titanium Dragon, finally getting to see Ebon Quill - my boyfriend - again in person, as well as meeting a myriad of new friends and old ones.
Honestly, seeing Ebon made me super nervous. I knew that Novel Idea was super excited about it, because dear lord that boy has too much fun with shipping. But... it was really, really nice to spend time with him. One of the things that I love about conventions is being able to see the people that you don't see all year. One of the things that Ebon said last night (at about 4am in his room when both of us should have been in bed and not dead on our feet) was what he appreciated about things like Everfree and BronyCon and PPC was that they truly do give us a window into another world for a little while. I'm getting a little choked up as I write this because he said he made a point to attend the closing ceremonies every year because it gave a 'quiet ending to our time here, that let us know that the portal to this other world was closing, and now we have to go home.' Which was really true, or rather felt really true this year.
I tend to be a very private person, and this year saw me opening up a bit more about things than I normally would have. I had more friends at the convention, and... while I spent far more time running around trying to make sure everyone else was having fun, I thoroughly cherished the quiet moments that were had throughout the convention. The dinner we had at a restaurant across the street where Ebon paid for our meals to make sure that we talked more. The meal I had with Novel where we just had a chance to finally talk before needing to run off to the Fallout Equestria panel. Train Dodger approaching me after said panel to tell me that I spent the panel selling myself short, and that people really did, indeed, love my writing. Watching my friends play TSSSF in Novel's room, and having Mono tell me to put her pikachu hat on my head. Hap thanking me for giving an extremely deep story of his a read, and then the realisation that when I gave a three minute rapid-fire ramble about writing trauma and deeper emotions, the reason the room was silent wasn't because I said something weird, but because I had everyone's attention.
Ebon and I talked for a good five hours last night, and honestly it was one of the best, most real talks that I've had with someone in a while about... well, everything. It also made me realise how very much I appreciate him, especially in moments where I have things that I desperately want to say, but the words aren't coming out very well. But really, when our friends care about us, they're willing to wait. They're willing to wait and let you cry as you talk about how painful it was see Golden Oak Library get blown up because of the loss of a maple tree that was a safe haven for you when you were a kid whose family was going through a rather shitty time. They're willing to patiently listen as you talk about your fears and worries and doubts and insecurities, and will only offer support for you at the end. Even if sometimes that support comes in the form of being shot with a nerf gun every time you say something negative about yourself (Seriously, Novel and I talked about this, and due to a modded Nerf gun, he accidentally nearly shot me in the face during the Iron Author awards ceremony!). Because, at the end of the day, our friends are those that care about us the most, even if we struggle to express that in spoken words at the time.
One of the things Ebon and I talked about that resonated with me was how things have changed in the fandom. I remember when things got started in 2011, it was common to see people talking about which 'element' they identified with. I brought up the conversation recently with some friends, and they pointed out how it's... a very simple metaphor and doesn't work 'in real life'. And that may be true. The fandom has grown up a lot in the past 7 years. But I think there's an aspect of it that still rings true. Ebon and I talked about Swan Song's views on the changes to the fandom, and how we sometimes have missed opportunities.
But at the same time, I challenge that. Maybe it's because the name Heartshine has grown a bit over the past few years. Originally it was just because I thought it was cute. Then it was because I thought I needed to be a torch that blazed for all of the people I've helped over the years in my work as a mental health therapist. Now... I don't know again. But I like to think that it's gone from a blazing torch to a small candlelight that brings quiet reassurance to others. Even if I'm not the strongest or the brightest or best.
Ebon and I talked about our elements, and how they evolved. While he has a very fascinating view on why he identifies with Generosity, I... have a different story. When the fandom started, I would have told you that I was Kindness. I tried to be that. I tried to emulate that with my friends. Until one night my friend Derpy (yes, he goes by Derpy) pointed out that really I was Magic. That scared the hell out of me and I think, in some ways, I ran away from it. Swan talked about missed opportunities, and one of my biggest regrets was not taking the compliment about being Magic - the element that brings friends together and keeps those friendships going - and running with it to try to do bigger and better things. Sure, I ran Guardians of Equestria for 2 years on Star Trek Online, I moderated the Fallout Equestria channel on Canternet for a year and a half, and I more or less 'run' the peer support vent channel on the Post Apocalyptic Emporium Fallout Equestria server. But there is more I could have done, and more I could do. So... I want to try to do that. And part of that starts with getting over a bit of uncomfortableness.
Ebon Quill bought us dinner one night, and it changed the dynamic of the table immensely. He pointed out that all of us expected that we were going to be paying for our meals, were probably mentally budgeting, and then in a moment of generosity, one of our friends paid for our meal. And in that moment, the tone of the table shifted. Loofa, Sylvian, and Jyki got closer to Albi, Bookish Delight, Ebon, Novel, and I. We were all on the same 'level' as it were, and our conversation and openness shifted rapidly because of that. Which made me very uncomfortable! As someone who grew up in poverty, I've... always tended to set myself as a little bit lower than other people. I was used to taking a step back and letting my sister have things and get the attention because I knew we didn't have much. So when he paid for our meal, my first reaction was a massive amount of discomfort because I don't do well with gifts. But not only that, but because by 'levelling the field' as he put it, it meant that I was dragged up to being on the same plane as everyone else. And I had to sit with that discomfort, but honestly it made that dinner much better, we had deeper conversations, and I would like to think that we got a bit closer because of it.
And I think it's in those moments that we see what we really can be. We can be friends. We can be those people that allow others to lean on us when times are hard. That can celebrate with us when times are good. And are there for a laugh when the storms of life are hard to weather. Maybe we did miss the mark as a fandom. But as people. As flawed, beautiful, people... I think we can do the best we can to be the best that we can be. We may not do so well on that some days, but there's always tomorrow. We may be a long way from Equestria... but that doesn't mean we have to give in to the hate and the pain and the hurt that the world can heap upon us. Everfree NW may only bring Equestria to Earth for 3 days, but with that portal closed, it's up to us to keep that spirit of friendship alive every day.
So... What I'm trying to say is... thank you. Thank you all for being my friends. You all mean to me more than I can express and I'm not going to try to express that to you by kissing you like I did to Ebon. :3 I love all of you so very much, and I am so happy to call you all my friends.
I can't wait to see you all again.
It was great seeing you again! Thanks for all you do at EFNW for the writing track and so much more!
It's really, really hard not to ship you with Ebon with blogs like this, you know?
Meeting you and listening to you talk about FoE was awesome, the con was awesome, and I'm already looking forward to it again next year.
It was great seeing you! I'm sorry I didn't have more of a chance to chat with you at the con, but it was a blast.
I look forward to seeing everyone again next year!
Why is there no blushing emote here? I feel this is a missed opportunity.
Jokes aside, this was a magical weekend, and it was wonderful seeing you again!
(Edited because mobile keyboard is a dum.)
Always a good meeting with old friends, and not just the old ones. Very happy for you.
However, I'm not sure about the relevance of the fact that I have the right to leave comments here.
I'm glad that the convention was such a good (and particularly more than in the sense of just "fun") experience for you. :)
Conventions can be very powerful.
"Sure, I ran Guardians of Equestria for 2 years on Star Trek Online, I moderated the Fallout Equestria channel on Canternet for a year and a half, and I more or less 'run' the peer support vent channel on the Post Apocalyptic Emporium Fallout Equestria server."
Don't forget that time you organized the PH team getting together at that past EFNW! I don't think I will. :)
You're welcome, Heartshine, and thank you. Even if we're a bit more distant these days, I hope it still counts. :)
Do you know if you'll be able to attend this year's Bronycon? We and our respective convenient cons are unfortunately on opposite sides of a continent.
Damn, I'm beginning to feel that I should one year just say "screw it" and fly to USA to attend one of all those bigger conventions you guys have on that side of Atlantic, everytime I read somebody's blog or whatever afterwards they all make it sound like a magical and super fun experiance
Anyway, happy to hear you had so much fun there, thanks for the interesting read^^
I had no idea who you were before the con, and now I can't imagine it without you.
I like the candle analogy. It fits well.
Now that was wonderfully emotional, and cute to boot. The portal analogy was an inventive summation of the con experience, one that I've only had the pleasure of reaping during the 2012 BronyCon. That was the first time JJ and I got to meet in person. It was one of those, as you wrote, "moments that we see what we really can be." For him and I that moment was a confirmation that friends in person, when you can be more real with one another, are so much better than simply via a monitor.
Wow, I forgot about those 2 years you ran the GoE on STO. Makes me feel nostalgic for those gaming days when I could stay up all weekend with y'all. That speaks to the missed opportunities. I think you and Ebon struck a small core of truth about simply being people, the best people we can, and enjoy what opportunities do come our way. That's something upon which many of us could improve. Glad to see that a good time was had by all.
I swear I have to make more of an effort to make it to one of these things. Mostly to make good on my promise to greet you by picking you up and to yell at Mono and Albino for making me feel feelings with their stories.
I didn't really know you before the con... though as it turns out I had read and upvoted Macaroni Noodle Star Charts so there is that much. That said, you made a great impression and I know I'm not the only one who'd say so. It was great meeting you and I look forward to seeing you again next time. Thank you for all the work you've done making EFNW what it is.
Everyone gets thumbs up and things and hugs because I can't give them in person thank you all so much
Girl you need to stop being so cute, idk if my heart can take it
I'm really sad I missed EFNW this year, but I'm doing it next year, come hell or high water.
I really need to come back to Everfree, I had so much fun the last time I was out there. I need more con going friends out here in Tennessee. I also need to start talking to more people.
I'd like to be there, but i live half a planet away. This post gives a lot of feels. Even some needed inspiration. Thanks!
One of these days I need to save up and go to one of these cons.