) and I've put it off many times, so, I'm putting it out to all of you.Was it really a good idea or should i cut my loses and try a re-write? · 7:36am Nov 6th, 2016
You probably know what i'm talking about. In Twilight's Twinlight, i made a side arc where Ken ends up back in time and becomes the same Clover the Clever from the Hearth's Warming play.
Problem is... i'm starting to think i was biting of WAY more than i could chew with that, despite getting featured briefly today on the main page. Did i not go into enough depth? can i really make it believable for Ken to return to the past and still act mostly like the human-turned pony from before the time travel? Would Ken have developed too much of a bond with celestia and luna to not be too close to them for the story to work?
I know some people tell me not to keep doubting myself about my writing, but i'm honestly starting to wonder. My main idea (note, most of this will be further expanded upon in the side story, so kinda spoilers) was for maybe Ken to stay a year or two in the past (though some think it might makes things suspious, even though it could be that celestia and luna re-wrote histoy a bit to make it seem like Clover the Clever didn't simply pop up out of nowhere and then vanish) before Discord ends up becoming a thing she has to deal with and, in fighting him, gives Celestia and Luna the courage to fight back as well when she seems to vanish before discord can wipe her out, with her having mentioned to celestia about the tree of harmony during a story or two at some point, thus celestia and luna end up FINDING the Tree instead of just knowing where it was all along.
Other things people might not seem to realize it, Ken may have gotten a grip on her normal magic in the past thanks to Star Swirl, but she still had Pegasus and Earth Pony magic to learn, something she would do alongside Celestia and Luna in the past, learning from Commander Hurricane and either Smart Cookie or some other Earth Pony (you really think somepony who has an attention span only a little longer than Pinkie Pie could teach three Alicorns about the full importance of Earth Pony magic?).
Plus, there's the Crystal Empire and griffons once the ponies have expanded their views of the world with Equestria.
So, i really need confirmation: Do you think i should keep things as they are, or just redo the idea somehow, maybe not have Ken go back to such a specific date?
As you can tell, i'm really uncertain about all this. i just want the story to be as good as it can be and i'd honestly felt that was a great way to get Ken in touch with her pony roots without having huge problems cropping up.
i'm really not wording this too well; then again, i'm not sure how to.
*sigh*
well, cast your votes, let me know if i did screw up or if this is somehow redeemable or whatever.
later everypony
I do like the arc itself but to make it work, you must go in-depth like fairly in-depth have a look at Star Eater, he does something akin to that but it ends up working quite well.
I like the stuff in the past. It would be interesting to see Ken the Clever work with the rulers to unite the three tribes and iron out problems you alluded to like earth ponies hoarding food. What if Princess Platinum came back and her father was angry about the unification? Maybe a pegisi coup attempt? Right now you could end up with 4 countries slowy forming into 1 as division is broken down. Also Ken should have more time to bond with her new friends plus the royal sister fillies maybe as a teacher eventually and more stuff with Starswirl on occasion for the 'slice of life' stuff. Also she could learn how to use her other magic types in the past so she's a competent alicorn when she goes back to the future.
Anyway thats my 2 cents do what you want.
I'd say to keep things as they are, but to keep the details as a series of noodle incidents that never manage to get examined. (And to later do so in that one story idea you mentioned earlier.)
I'm just against this arc, takes away from the double of Twilight. It isn't the writing Autmun, it's where you went that is the problem for me. You have a guy, basically get killed, ended up as a double of Twilight and not even a week or so of dealing with that you have him go back in time to Hearth's Warming. That feels like just too much on the guy. Maybe have this for a sequel rather then the first story. Trying to jam too much in and it hurts the story.
Maybe deepen the arc and include other stuff, but don't rewrite the whole thing!
I am afraid I have to agree with everything Admiral Q Ponyform has said.
4287414 I see this the same more time in the Past to see minimum to the end the Conference and the first day of Equestria. With little more slice of Life. And yes the return from clover the clever in the time to Twilight and the Others would be a large inpact to the society i mean the Founder of this Country is back.
The Perfect time to learn things from the past Maybe is Ken the one how teach Luna and Celestia to move the Sun and the Moon or to Fly.
And in all is felt little bit Rushed would be hear how can explain Alicorns to the 6 others.
I mean he is the first Alycorn in history of Equestria ever seen.
In other Word many Potential and to rush through the story.
I would not be a bad idea rewrite this arc.
Honestly, I thought it was fine. I had no problrms with it. Then again, I've always been a sucker for Predestination-type Time Travel stories.
Hey it is your story do whatever you feel is best for it
I didn't mind it. I thought it was weird but neat. While it was enjoyable, I don't think it was essential for the story however, so if you want to retcon this arc out I won't object either. Though if you do that I ask that you keep these chapters as a sort of "archive" of what could've been, so to speak.
Sorry this comment is kinda useless as a vote in either direction
Personally, I believe the only real thing that might need editing, was his interactions with filly Tia and Lulu... You know, since their apparently close relationship could cause issues with the plot later on... Things like: "why didn't (s)he just talk to the Sisters; they could've helped him in numerous ways!", without it sounding contrived... I have no issue with #KenIsCloverTheCleverConfirmed, so nothing new there...
I am really like this story as is but at the same time I can see your problem with this ark.
personally split the story at this point you may hate my idea but bring Ken back ASAP in this troy and go from there.
at the same time make a different story with this ark as the starting point and keep Ken in the past and at the same time you code have fun with time turner in either story.
It's pretty jarring when you're into an existing arc, then the character get time travelled into the past for a kind of mini-arc and a few chapters later returns to the middle of the arc we were last in.
Depending on how critical the knowledge of her time in the past is to us as reader and the story in general, either compress the Time Travel arc into a single one-shot and link to it in the story or make it longer and more in depth. Or leave it as it is, fill in the knowledge gap with a big exposition/summary of events next chapter and move on.
I'm fine with whatever.
If you're not sure, why not nake a spin-off? Also, I think it was Chancellor Puddinghead who had attention span similar to Pinkie, Smart Cookie was more like Applejack.
I think that the biggest issue with the whole time travel segment is that you're trying to shove what is literally an entire story on its own (Or, what should be a story in and of itself, standalone) into this one.
At first appearance, this story sells itself on a human becoming a lookalike of Twilight, and at that, my mind immediately jumps to conflict and plot of the story revolving on that. Adjusting to life as a pony, dealing with the fallout of being Twilight's lookalike, and finding a place in the world. That's probably what a lot of people think, initially, I would believe.
This time travel bit completely negates the whole adjusting to life bit, if you make them as experienced, or moreso than Twilight, and slot them in as this big, historical figure integral to Equestria's history, through a 2-3 chapter segment... honestly, it feels like bad decisions and bad writing. It's like you're trying to shove two ideas that merit their own story together, relegating one to a mere footnote.
I would honestly recommend to pick one or the other. If you'd wanted to go the historical route, you could've just dumped the entire first half dozen or so chapters and had Ken wake up in Equestria's past, Starswirl find him/her, and gone from there, with Ken assuming the mantle of Clover. Or, just put this whole time loop thing off until a sequel. As it is now, you barely really got into the whole 'I'm a pony now! I look like Twilight! I don't know much of anything!' bit before dumping Ken into the past, and castrating a large part of your initial plot hook.
It's probably a bit harsh, but I don't think these are two ideas you can fit into the same story. Can't have your pie and eat it too, with these two ideas. Least, not with how you presented it. It's a large disservice to skim over the past like you did, and it's a large disservice to glaze over and put behind what should be a large part of your story's hook.
It's ultimately up to you what to decide to do, though.
I personally love the story so far i think it's really good and im looking forward to more
stayclassy
Don't re-do it. I mean, it wasn't really a good idea, but it's done.
…it's not like Twilight's had any instruction in either of those, either, beyond just flying. Have 'em learn together, maybe.
I mostly agree with Spacecowboy. Even if you weave them together better, the problem is that there was not much that was NEW about the past. We already know about Hearth's Warming Eve. If you are doing that, you need to show a lot more detail, show how it is different or more detailed, etc. As is, it almost feels like a cheap way to get Ken to know magic and be more comfortable in his/her new body.
I personally think you should make it a sequel; but cut out the Celestia and Luna child stuff. That could create a plot holes and overall limit your story. I do like the idea of Clover being the first Alicorn in Equestrian history, but just not recorded as such.
I HIGHLY recommend you still pursue the Ken being Clover arc, just not done in the way you made it. If you do still go with that, I would recommend some major world-building of the past and a better development of Ken and Star Swirl's master-apprentice relationship.
You should make it a separate story similar to how Dexter's Lab in Equestria did it for his time travel arc, look up that story for an idea, have it cut with a note saying read this Side Story then have your main story pick up where your last chapter did with a brief summary of what happened.