Muddy Bottom, Eloni Pear and their adopted daughter Fae are travellers.
Mud is an unfortunate-coloured earth pony stallion with a talent for tracking and exploring.
Eloni is a zebra story-teller with a penchant for cartography and common sense.
Fae is a bright green and blue pegasus filly with strange, lizardine eyes.
Together they explore the small sea-side village of Lilac Cove, and begin to discover some of the mysteries surrounding the area.
Interesting Events is a chance to discover how places other than those we know and love from the canon get on, both with daily life and the more world-shaking events.
Chapters (3)
As someone who can never fit them into his long-winded stories, I must say I love the descriptive detail you have going in this. Any plans to continue?
While I realize that this is more of a test story rather than anything else, I have some hopefully helpful hints.
Your description is rather bland. Sure, it tells us what the characters do and what they look like, but in comparison to the plot of the story that isn't important information.
She raised her hand...what?
When the dialogue begins, there's no attribution. We don't know who is speaking which lines.
Be careful with your commas. You might be using too many, or in the wrong places.
Your spelling and grammar is good. I also appreciated how you did the worldbuilding of the town.
The ending of the chapter was rather abrupt, but you seem to understand the concept of how to hook the readers and give them something to look forward to in the next chapter.
Overall, a solid first story. I'll favorite it if you promise to write more.
Fixed the hand/hoof issue.
I do intend to keep writing with these characters: I actually have a decent proportion of the next chapter ready. The real issue currently is that I'm busy at the moment. Really busy.
As for the dialogue... dialogue has never been my strong point. If you know where I can find a guide to improve that I would be indebted to continue this story.
You may have wanted to describe Fae's eyes again, just a little reminder. It's been a little while since the last chapter and I had forgotten.
Also, in the description:
Fae is a bright green and blue pegasus colt ?
Whoops...
Filly not colt.
Heh. She's cute.
2924981 Good to hear. Thanks for the favourite.
2929874
Thank tnab for that. He should advertise more. My only critique is that the paragraphs are a bit hard to read. Please put a space between them if possible. You can use [hr] to separate each scene change. Unless it's personal preference, then ignore this.
Hey man, what's the next chapter coming?
bump bump bee dump
...chapter?
Looking at the statistics, this story has earned almost 100 views across all three chapters in the past year. People still find it.