Interesting Events: Lilac Cove

by Chris Kingsley

Arrival

The track wound through the forest, the trees swaying in the chilling breeze. The scent of salt blew across the path of the zebra as she slowly trudged along with her heavily laden pack. She looked ahead at the increase in the cold sunlight‘s intensity and paused, shifting the pack slightly forward to try and reach an apple. The zebra took the stalk in her mouth and pulled it from its secure pocket.
She took a couple of bites, before sucking the juice from the core. Her green eyes flicked from bush to tree as she headed towards the end of the forest.

“Stand and deliver!” came a cry from the bushes, and a small green shape emerged with a crash.
The zebra raised a hoof to her mouth, swallowing the remaining apple and looking at the new arrival with wide eyes. The young female in front of her pawed the ground with her mud covered foreleg, her back covered in sticks and leaves. The mud obscured most of the rest of her body, and her mane was draped in twigs and other green foliage.
The bandit’s eyes stared coldly at the rigid victim, the only unhidden thing on her body. The iris was green, whilst the pupil was a vertical slit. The eyelids blinked twice, before she opened her mouth.
“You have fallen into Bandit Lizard-Eyes cunning trap. Yield and pay the toll, and perhaps I shall let you on your way.”
The zebra shook her head mutely, eyes not blinking as she backed away from the much smaller bandit. Catching the movement, the bandit took the opportunity to advance, muscles tensed and ears raising themselves from their lowered position.

A sudden yell erupted and the bandit was set upon by a stallion that had been hidden on the opposite side of the road.
“Never fear, fair maiden, you have been rescued by Sir Bottom of Gladswood. Rapscallion, do you yield?”
“Never!” came the high-pitched reply.
“Then you leave me no choice. My lady, avert your eyes.”
The zebra nodded and turned her back to the pair.

The bandit looked up into the blue eyes of her assaulter. She gulped, as the stallion pinned her to the road and stared with a frozen expression.
She squirmed as he began to raise his foreleg, before wincing as the hoof came down.
“No! Ha-ha, stop, stop! No!”
“Take your tickles in silence you filthy bandit.”
“Stop! Stop, Dad! Mum, help!”
“You got too dirty this time, Fae. Look at you! Covered in dirt, twigs and leaves. Keep going Mud, tickle her more. Teach her a lesson she won’t forget in a hurry.”
Fae managed to squirm out from beneath Mud. She shook the camouflage from her back and leapt into the air, small pegasus wings frantically trying to reach the lowest branch.
The three burst into laughter as she settled up on the branch. Mud lifted himself up from where he had been tickling Fae and smiled up at the zebra.
“Hey Eloni. We found a spring up ahead we can have lunch at, and we can all clean up there.”
Eloni smiled slightly and nuzzled Mud gently, while Fae glided unsteadily down. They moved out of the wood, the little filly running on ahead while the two adults kept pace. At the top of the hill, Eloni stopped at the sight of the blue expanse now laid out in front of her, small sailing boats catching the stiff breeze that ran down the coast. She blinked twice, before the impatient cries from Fae caused her to follow Mud.

The spring was in a secluded dip in the hillside, sheltering it from the wind and letting the small flowers bloom in the sunlight. Fae had already dived into the stream and was splashing about wildly. Eloni placed her pack with the two others of different sizes that rested in the grass before she turned towards the river herself.
Mud jumped in himself, revelling in cleaning his coat. His face curled in a mischievous grin as he saw Eloni touching the water cautiously with her fetlock.
Eloni looked at him curiously.
“What are you grinning about?”
Mud’s smile broadened as he continued to watch.
“Muddy Bottom, what are you grinning about.”
Fae leapt from the grass and barrelled into Eloni, pushing her into the cool water. A surprised shriek and Mud began laughing hard, earning him a faceful of water. Eloni glared at Mud before Fae began splashing again, taking the sting from her irritation.
“Eloni, she got me when we got here earlier.”
“I did! I got Dad wet!”

They spent a while playing around in the water while the sun moved overhead. The wind died down and the trio shook themselves dry on the bank. Eloni plucked a brush from her pack and began combing Fae’s short green and blue hair. Fae’s eyes closed tight shut, she gave out a tiny yelp every time the brush caught a knot. Eloni gently nuzzled her freckles before moving on to Fae’s short tail. Having got the worst of the knots out, Eloni stood back to let Fae soak up the sun’s rays, her green feathers outstretched and her bare blue flank crouched low in the grass.
Mud was carefully examining each patch of his coat. Despite being as clean as a whistle, his earthy red coat with the numerous undergrowth green splotches meant that he had to check to be sure. He scrutinised his cutie-mark, a solitary wooden torch, and satisfied himself that since that was spotless, the rest of him must be.
Eloni herself had to retie her hair and tail. The black and white Mohawk was separated and split into multiple pony tails, whilst the faded green dye in the white stripes of her tail had nearly completely gone. She left it be for the while, making sure her back and flanks were clean of sweat from carrying her pack. Eloni stretched briefly, the dark indecipherable letters that formed her cutie mark warming in the sun with the rest of her darker stripes, before trotting over to the packs.

Fae was the first to see the sign, scampering back with her small pack to tell her parents.
“Mum, Dad! We’re here! Lilac Cove!”
Mud and Eloni smiled as they came to the sign. Laid out beneath them was a small village, resting snugly between the two headlands on each of which stood a small lighthouse. Boats rested on the shingle or sailed in and out between the gently coloured rock outcrops that gave the village its name. A couple of fields of wheat stretched between them and the first building, with a couple of carts laden with hay ready to be taken down to the tiny market.
A couple of kelping boats were mooring up by the quayside, and the mute greens of fresh wet kelp shimmered in the sun. The kelp drying rocks nearby were covered, and a solitary worker was replacing the far left corner.
As the trio approached the village, the view was cut off by the houses. Small, closely built cottages lined the winding road as it descended. Fae ran rings round the adults, laughing with anticipation of seeing the sea close up. Mud smiled, but Eloni was less amused.
“Fae! We have to get a place to stay, then talk to the village council, and then register you with the local school. You can see the sea later.”
Fae stopped bouncing around, eyes looking forlornly at Eloni. She began to let her bottom lip quiver, but puppy dog eyes don’t work very well if your pupil is slit shaped. Eloni was about to reiterate her position before Mud stepped in.
“Hold on Eloni. Fae, I know you want to see the sea close up, but once we’ve found somewhere to stay you can take off your pack. Then you can fly down to the shingle while we talk to the council, and you can meet us at the school. How does that sound?”
“Sir yes sir!” Fae yelled, standing on her back legs and saluting before swivelling and speaking to thin air.
“You heard the general! No R&R until we’ve found the barracks! On the double, quick… March!”
Mud chuckled as Fae led the way, marching with her four legs keeping time with the chant she was muttering. Eloni smiled as well, nuzzling Mud before walking behind Fae looking out for an inn.

Halfway down the hillside, they came across one of the few two-story buildings in the village. A pub sign swung gently in the breeze, the image of an apple core emblazoned in fresh paint. A red-maned yellow pegasus mare was opening a can of black paint, brush in hoof ready to redo the sun-faded letters.
She turned at the sound of the hoofs on the cobblestones.
“Afternoon.”
Mud nodded back.
“Hello. Any idea where we can find a place to stay?”
“Sure. Salt Breeze was looking for lodgers, third on the left after the apple tree. The one with the stone cockatrice.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure. See you around.”
As they kept walking, Eloni looked bemusedly at Mud.
“No name exchanges?”
Mud shook his head.
“Not in Lilac Cove. Casual conversation is brief and to the point.”
They arrived at the house they had been directed to. Fae was examining the statue very carefully, pretending to be turned to stone for a few seconds every time she stared at its eyes. Eloni beckoned her to the door as Mud knocked on the door of the large cottage.

An old blue unicorn mare came to the door. She looked pointedly at Mud.
“Clean yourself up before you come in.”
“It’s my coat, I promise you. Name’s Mud, Muddy Bottom. You are Salt Breeze?”
“I am,” she gingerly touched a hoof to Mud’s coat before examining it closely, “And so it is. Do come in.”
The inside of the cottage was a deep sea blue, and the hallway led off into five rooms. Salt took their saddlebags and hung them by the door before leading them through into a living room, where hundreds of sea shells were on display around the wall. Fae looked at Salt’s sea shell cutie mark and back at the wall, eyes widening as she began looking curiously at some of the more colourful specimens.
Salt sat down in an armchair and motioned for Mud and Eloni to sit on the sofa. A quick glance at Fae’s behaviour and she turned back to the two adults.
“Now, lodging here is five bits a night for all of you. Breakfast is on the house, I don’t get much company in the mornings. Sound good?”
Mud and Eloni nodded.
“Good. Now I like to know the names of the ponies who’re sleeping in my house.”
“I’m Eloni, and she’s Fae. Fae, don’t touch that!”
“No, she’s fine, that one’s worthless. I used to collect them by the dozen, but they never sell well unless I strung them on a necklace. That one was too big. So what are you three doing here? Not often we see a zebra, a stallion and a pegasus filly travelling together.”
“We don’t know. In fact, Mud and I ought to get to the village hall and talk with the council, they called us in. Fae, you can go see the beach now.”
“Yeah! See you later Mum! See you later Dad! See you later Ms Salt!”
The sound of the door being wrenched open before closing itself with a bang as Fae sped off. Salt raised her eyebrows and turned to Mud and Eloni who already knew the question to be asked.
“Adopted.”

Mud and Eloni arrived at the village hall a short while later. The hall was right next to the empty market square, and was hard to miss. The biggest building in the village, the walls were made of carved lilac granite and the roof was slate instead of thatch. A small clock tower rose from the top of the first floor. The clock itself was decorated with shells and the hands were carved to look like strands of kelp. As the clock rang out four o’clock, the pair opened the large wooden door.
Inside, a couple of unicorn quay workers were talking quietly to a grey coated earth pony with silver glasses that didn’t even begin to disguise the slightly vacant stare as she listened to the two. At the sound of the door closing, her ears perked up and her back straightened.
“Now gentlecolts, I think we will have to pick this up after market day.”
She showed them the door politely but firmly, before breathing a short sharp sigh of relief. Her cutie mark was a couple of crossed quills, and her grey suit was well dressed and orderly.
“Mr Muddy Bottom and Mrs Eloni Pear, I presume. The name’s Sundried Kelp, village bureaucrat, and I am so glad you could make it.”
Mud scratched his mane.
“So you want both of us? Why in the world would you need a certified tracker and explorer and a learned story-teller and cartographer?”
Sundried returned to behind her desk, and leant forward as she looked at the zebra and earth pony in front of her.
“A mystery monster.”

Comments

[PaulAsaran]

As someone who can never fit them into his long-winded stories, I must say I love the descriptive detail you have going in this. Any plans to continue?

[totallynotabrony]

While I realize that this is more of a test story rather than anything else, I have some hopefully helpful hints.

Your description is rather bland. Sure, it tells us what the characters do and what they look like, but in comparison to the plot of the story that isn't important information.
She raised her hand...what?
When the dialogue begins, there's no attribution. We don't know who is speaking which lines.
Be careful with your commas. You might be using too many, or in the wrong places.
Your spelling and grammar is good. I also appreciated how you did the worldbuilding of the town.
The ending of the chapter was rather abrupt, but you seem to understand the concept of how to hook the readers and give them something to look forward to in the next chapter.

Overall, a solid first story. I'll favorite it if you promise to write more.

[Chris Kingsley]

Fixed the hand/hoof issue.
I do intend to keep writing with these characters: I actually have a decent proportion of the next chapter ready. The real issue currently is that I'm busy at the moment. Really busy.
As for the dialogue... dialogue has never been my strong point. If you know where I can find a guide to improve that I would be indebted to continue this story.