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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First of all, changing the races results in the audience having to remember too many details. There's no way that's going to happen, and they won't be able to keep up. Putting a guide at the end doesn't help. Don't confuse the readers.
Second is the rampant OOC-ness. You're just giving the characters the names of ponies. You aren't actually putting those ponies into the story.
Third, you cannot have more than one character speak in a single paragraph. If someone else has something to say, you must start a new one.
All in all, I'd sum the experience of this story up in two words: "groan-inducing."
i liked it could've used there own personality but its far from condemnable also wheres the magic oh . i gave u the like
cant wait for the next chaps
2719447
Lol, dem haters.
2721853 Excuse me? Did you really just brush me off by calling me a "hater"? That's almost as immature as comment deletion. I was explaining to you what your mistakes were. Most people accept criticism, as it helps them improve. Heck, that's the reason the concept of free speech came about in the first place. Calling critics "haters" is the online equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling, "LALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
2722326
Apparently, you don't understand social banter.
In terms of ,"hater", are you calling Bill Gates immature?
Anyone can use the term hater and be mature. Just because someone banters another doesn't make them immature.
Search for fallacies in your comments before continuing please,
2722476 It seems we have a different understanding of the word "hater". And I happen to be mildly autistic, which makes it very difficult for me to tell the difference between banter and what I assumed you were doing. I understand banter just fine, but I can't always recognize it when it happens, especially with people I've never met. In other words, I have a medical excuse for this!
2723818
Lolk,
sorry.