A Foal Sitter

Shining Armor was Twilight's go-to foal sitter in her younger days, when he was about fourteen and didn't really have anything else he'd rather do than hang out with his little sister.

He grew older though, as all big brothers do, and although his heart stayed with his little sister with the purple coat and wide eyes, Twilight's parents noticed that he was spending more and more time outside of the house.

There were many reasons for this. He was growing up, and even Twilight knew she had to respect that. He was training for Celestia's royal guard and although Twilight was frustrated that she saw him less, she knew Shining Armor would be the happiest colt in the world if he got a spot on Celestia's royal guard!

Twilight also knew she'd be one of the happiest fillies in the world if her BBBFF was on Celestia's royal guard.

So Twilight was okay with Shining Armor being out of the house more, that is, until her parents called the entire family back to their round dinner table to make an announcement.

“Because of Shining Armor's recent training, we've decided to hire Twilight a foal sitter. We put an ad in the paper for one,” Twilight's mom had said.

Twilight's eyes widened. A- a foal sitter? But Shining Armor had always taken perfect care of her! She didn't need a Foal sitter!

She felt a tear well in the corner of her eye. She wanted Shining Armor to stay, to take care of her forever. He was the only pony she ever felt really connected with.

Now she needed a new pony, and imposter, to infiltrate her seemingly perfect life; a foal sitter.

She felt her brother's heavy hoof on her shoulder. “You okay Twily?”

She looked up, smiling at the sight of his soft eyes.

Twilight's real problem was clear to Shining Armor. She was shy. She rarely talked to other ponies. He was the one exception.

“It'll be okay! I'm sure your new foal sitter will be nice, and if she's not, I'll give her a black eye for you, 'kay?” He said, jokingly, laughing, causing Twilight to let out a giggle.

Then he was scolded for promoting violence to his little sister, but you know, you can't have everything.

The tall white mare scanned the piece of paper being held up easily by the yellow glow of her long slender horn.

Her eyes rested on a small corner of the paper, an advertisement.

One foal sitter needed for a young filly, Twilight Sparkle

Then the address of the pony, which Celestia skimmed over uncaring, she knew the dwellings of all her subjects, especially those in Canterlot.

It was the name that intrigued her; Twilight Sparkle.

Parents in Equestria took part in naming their children, of course, and they always had full veto power, but they were guided, helped by a group of unicorns who were gifted in the art of telling the unknown. Unicorns who could vaguely see into the murky future, and peek a bit at the destiny of a pony.

Destinies, and all futures, can change, of course. Over the thousands of years she'd been living, Celestia had met many ponies with names and a cutie mark that don't match. The unicorns in the staff change, and so does their accuracy rate.

But that name.. Twilight Sparkle. It couldn't be a coincidence that Twilight came in between the day and the night.

As she felt her heart grow weary, Celestia let out a sigh..

Don't think about her.. 'Tia, Celestia thought.

She almost broke down, hearing the nickname echo in her thoughts. Her sister was the only pony equal enough to dare call her by a nickname.

Celestia looked casually at the guards by both her sides, standing proud and tall and barely looking her way. She knew she couldn't cry. Not in front of them, not in front of anyone. Celestia, Equestria's fearless leader, did not cry.

Somehow, Celestia couldn't take her eyes off that name, and being rather gifted in the art of telling herself, she closed her eyes for a moment, visioning the purple unicorn from the time she had last seen her. Lighting her horn, she focused, traveling deep into the pony's eyes.

All Celestia saw was her sister. She looked harder and harder at the purple pony's destiny, but all she saw was Luna.

Slowly, Celestia drew herself out of the spell, wondering if it was just the fact that her thoughts were on Luna at the moment, or if Twilight Sparkle's future really would cross paths with her beloved sister.

Celestia was curious, she had to keep watch over this Twilight Sparkle, for Luna.

For Luna.

Standing from her throne, she faced one of her guards. “Please summon Princess Cadence from her tower,” She ordered gently, her tone commanding.

The guard nodded, the metal of his armor making a soft clinking sound as he trotted away.

He returned seemingly moments later, along with Celestia's pink alicorn adopted niece, who smiled at Celestia warmly.

“Hello Celestia,” Cadence greeted, flipping her long curly ponytail to the side of her head.

“Hello Cadence,” Celestia replied. “I have a mission for you," She said, her tone more serious.

Cadence's face lit up. Cadence's life was rather dull, her heart always had this empty feeling, like she had forgotten her purpose in life, and there was no way for her to ever remember. The work ponies in the castle took care of her every need, and she never needed to lift a hoof.

A mission sounded exciting, like something she needed.

“What is it?” She asked, trying to keep the excitement in her voice contained.

“I would like you watch over the young filly, Twilight Sparkle. Her family is looking for a foal sitter,” Celestia explained.

Cadence frowned for a moment. There's a reason I didn't zap those kids with my love spell for calling her Trollestia last week, she recalled, annoyed.

“I think she may be able to bring her back to us,” Celestia said, so quietly it was almost impossible to hear.

Cadence nodded, understanding.

She was the only pony Celestia could at all confide in when she missed her sister.

“I also hear Twilight's older brother's quite desired by all the teenage girls in Canterlot,” Celestia teased, a smirk replacing the frown from only moments ago.

Cadence blushed. “I'm hardly a teenager,” She protested, rolling her eyes.

“You are in terms of alicorn,” Celestia replied.

“I think anyone's a teenager in terms of alicorn,” Cadence remarked.

Celestia shrugged her shoulders, ruffling the feathers of her wings slightly in the process. “So, you will foal sit Twilight?” Celestia clarified.

Cadence nodded. “I will. I'll send them a letter right away.”

Celestia offered Cadence a grateful smile which disappeared as Cadence turned, heading back to her castle tower. With a forlorn expression on the white mare's face, Celestia tilted her head upwards, staring out the castle window.

It was time to raise the moon.

Author's Note:

Okay.. This is my first Fim Fiction story, so.. Wish me luck!

I mean.. It's not my first fanfiction.(Not by a longshot). But It's my first real My Little Pony fanfic.... So.. Yeah, I'll quit rambling.

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Burnasius

Burnasius #1 · Mar 21st, 2013 · 1 · ·

An interesting tale, I shall track for now.

Col_StaR

Col_StaR #2 · Mar 21st, 2013 · 1 · ·

The description caught my interest, and the plot is progressing at a decent rate and quality as expected.
But you have to work on your literary style and do some basic proofreading.

In terms of style, the way you're currently telling the story is mostly flat and boring exposition. From what I'm reading, there's just a lot of Telling, generic descriptions of basic actions that don't really engage the audience's attention so much as it does force-feed us actions. In order to come alive, a story must convey its scenes to the audience on a more engaging level. Use more vivid description, give us deeper glimpses into a character's perspective, delve into the metaphorical world, tell the story in a new and interesting way: there are many way for an author to succeed in this task. Right now, you're just giving us sentences of, "_____ did _____"; your objective now would be to do some research to do something better than that, while still conveying the same idea. I suggest you start with The School for New Writers and their stylistic tutorials.
Regarding proofreading, there's just a number of typos and errors throughout the fic that are quite distracting to come across. Their existence is emphasized by how short your sentences and paragraphs are, too. Your textual line break is ugly and overlong, use the editor's [ hr ] tag instead. You misspelled "piece" as "peace" within the phrase, "peace of paper". Two of the paragraphs is missing an indentation. There's a few more, so I suggest combing through the text once more.

This story's decent thus far. It's readable, and I'm interested to see where you take the plot. I'll be tracking this one.

InkDust

InkDust #3 · Mar 22nd, 2013 · · ·

2297113 Thank you so much for your review!
The advice means a lot to me, and I'll try to take it into account when I write the next chapter (Or anything for that matter).
I really should of proof read this chapter again, and I'm about to now. This website is new to me and I'm still figuring it out XD
Thank you!!

Nova Force