Shower Rain is a young Pegasus mare from a whole different dimension then Equestria. When her father learns about the rift between these two worlds he, in desperation sends her on a important mission to Equestria. On borrowed time she learns the true meaning of friendship, a important lesson if she plans on getting anypony to help her with her cause. What else will Shower learn about Equestria and her world that is different? New adventures, cultures and friends is on its way.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Are you planning on continuing this? If you are I can't wait to read more.
A few constructive comments.
First, let's take a look at this sample,
Now, your grammar is good, minor errors here and there, but that's about it. What I'm most worried about is your phrasing and flow. You need to string some of the shorter sentences together, to make it flow.
Also, the plotline is...Gary Stu/Mary Sue-ish. An old alicorn? Just...overused. Maybe you can...y'know...revamp it. It might take a complete foundation restructure, but you're lucky someone caught on it early. You still have time to change it.
Everyone can make their writing better, just get an editor or pre-reader, and you should be good.
Keep it up!
Why are your OC's wings gilded if she's not even an existent figure in Equestria?
2285624 If i tell you...i'd be giving the story away...
either way...i used it cause i'm trying to make her seem different from other ponies..and if your questioning it i guess that's a good thing?
2284806:
want to be that editor by chance? i did plan to rewrite the short description (i hate writing those lol) as soon as i finish my term lol but thanks and i reread n rework some stuff.
2284776 i do plan to continue it :) n thanks
2286277
Good! And as a side note I noticed that you had some isuses here and there. (Mostly just minor things like a missing or misplaced word.) But going back through the piece I wrote I was shocked at how much I did that. Specifically I remember that you mixed up your theres (There, their and they're) and yours (your and you're), Something I also do sometimes. I hope this helps and just be aware.of them and keep it in mind while you're writing. This was meant as helpful criticism and I hope that I didn't offend you.
2286327 lol not at all thank you :)
Hi. I've noticed all of the negativity this story has been getting and I wanted to say to just ignore it. I have really enjoyed this story and I think that you should continue. I would also like to help you and point out a few mistakes you have, the biggest one being names. Almost everypony else spells the main six's names like this: Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy. And going on this pattern I believe that your characters' names should probably be separate like this: Shower Rain, Flare Wisp. These are however your choices and you don't have to change the way you're spelling the names. It is just a suggestion. I have also noticed a few errors throughout the story. They are small silly mistakes that would probably be caught if you read through your story once or twice before publishing a chapter. For the most part you just left a small word out or a word or two got mixed up and were in the wrong place. I did notice at least once you seemed to have forgotten the suffix on a word. Again these are little mistakes that would probably be caught with a read through before you post the chapter. I have also noticed that you only have one chapter up to the public. I don't know if you're aware of that or not, it was just something I noticed because I read the rest of your story before and I enjoyed it but just having this chapter up makes the story hard to understand because of the missing chapters. This is all supposed to be helpful and not hurtful. I am sorry if I have hurt your feelings in anyway but I really hope that you continue this story because I am eager to learn what will happen next. And if I hurt your feelings I am truthfully sorry.
2301720 oh lol no you haven't hurt me at all i'm a writing after all (hope one day to be a author) I thank you for your help and no I didn't know my chapters weren't up lol i'm still getting use to the format of this website so i might of hit something by mistake idk I'll try looking into it right now thanks again
2301966
No problem. I'm also aiming to be a writer. I'm also getting used to the format and I've written the entire chapter 2 of my story but haven't posted it because it's in a notebook not online and I haven't attempted to try writing anything on my story cuz I'm currently using my phone and not a computer. I am aiming on tackling that problem in a few minutes. And I'm glad to have helped out. And remember that no matter how many negative comments or thumbs down this story gets I'm still gonna be reading it.
2301980 lol thank you so much that encourages me I just wish the people that gave me thumbs down would tell me why so I can write better lol. Its harder to get better if just a click of a button decides your fate. lol
2302124
They probably just didn't like the ideas behind your story. And unfortunately they felt like they had to dislike it. Probably they were expecting something different and were disappointed by that.
2302142 shrugs probably lol
Idk why people dont like it.
I like it
So please keep going
2302502 thanks lol
2302988
Lol np
After seeing the first, i began to like it. So keep it up^_^
3719080 oh ty lol