Closed for Renovations
Fluttershy, you big dummy! You need to pay closer attention to the time when you have appointments to keep... Fluttershy was running woefully late to her weekly spa date with Rarity. She had been so busy tending to to a possum she’d found lying unconscious in the road, she completely lost track of time. Rarity will be so disappointed in you. Why can’t you be a good and reliable friend like she is? Doubly disappointing was that it took Fluttershy all of an hour to realize that the possum was merely playing possum and was never unconscious to begin with. She gave the critter a mild scolding before letting him go off on his merry way.
As she cantered down the road and approached the spa, she heard an anguished voice groaning loudly into the air.
“Why me?! Why, why, why...?”
At first Fluttershy was startled. She considered escaping back down the road to her cottage, but then she realized the voice belonged to her friend. When she spotted Rarity, the unicorn was pounding her forehoof against the door to the spa, sobbing melodramatically. Rarity may be a bit over the top sometimes, but at least she can express her emotions.
“Rarity, what’s wrong?” Fluttershy squeaked, her timid voice just barely audible over Rarity’s cries of grief.
Rarity looked at Fluttershy, eyes flooded with tears, and simply pointed at the spa door in answer. The door was locked. Above it, a sign was posted that read:
Ponyville Day Spa and Beauty Resort
* * * Closed for Renovations * * *
Our apologies for any inconvenience.
Thank you for your continued patronage.
“Have you ever heard of anything so positively heartbreaking?” Rarity asked, clutching her chest as though her heart were literally breaking.
“Oh my,” said Fluttershy, feeling that somehow the spa being closed was ultimately her own fault. “I suppose we’ll just have to check back again next week to see if they’re open...”
“Fluttershy, darling,” Rarity said, regaining some of her composure. “Don’t you know how important our spa visits are to me? I would be a walking stress time-bomb without them!”
“Oh -” said Fluttershy. Rarity continued, not hearing her.
“If I don’t get my weekly dose of pure relaxation and indulgence, I am simply doomed! I’ll be completely unable to focus on my work, irritable toward my little sister and my friends, and worst of all I will be absolutely hideous all week! I can feel my skin getting drier as we speak. Am I peeling? Tell me I am not peeling.”
“You are not peeling.”
“Oh and my poor, poor mane! How ever will it keep its lustre? I’ll have to hide myself away until the spa is open once again.”
As Fluttershy listened to her friend lament, she got an idea.
“Well...” began Fluttershy, but then she decided not to say anything. Rarity doesn’t want to hear your stupid idea. You should just keep your big mouth shut.
Rarity stopped her weeping.
“What is it, Fluttershy?” she asked, suddenly all smiles. Her smile is so effortless. Why can’t you be pleasant and beautiful like she is?
“Oh, it’s nothing...” said the pegasus meekly. None of her friends knew this—she was far too ashamed tell them about it—but Fluttershy always had this voice in her head, telling her all the things that she did wrong, and all the ways that she was wrong. She knew her friends would think it was stupid. Why do you have to be so self-conscious? Can’t you just be yourself like everypony else?
“Come on now, dear, what were you going to say?” Rarity gave her a reassuring look.
“Well,” she began, “a bear friend of mine has awful stress problems... He told me about a hot spring he found in Whitetail Wood that has been doing wonders for his upper back tension...”
“Ooh-hoo-hoo!” Rarity cheered gleefully. “Let’s have our own spa then, just the two of us!” Rarity began to trot toward the wood, but stopped short and turned around to face her friend. “What a wonderful idea, Fluttershy,” she added, with a wink.
* * *
The two ponies made their way to Whitetail Wood, which was bursting with springtime flair. Flowers were in bloom all around and the leaves in the trees were at their brightest green. Squirrels and chipmunks scampered about and birds and butterflies flew overhead. The sky was a perfect blue and the sun was shining warm, gentle rays down past just a few white, fluffy clouds. When she was surrounded by nature, Fluttershy felt almost free of her doubts and fears. Almost. You think you have anything in common with Rarity? She is an elegant, intelligent mare. And you? You’re nothing.
“Why, Fluttershy, it is simply beautiful out here!” Rarity exclaimed. She was clearly enjoying the fresh air, but was not exactly accustomed to traipsing about in the wilderness. Fluttershy couldn’t help but notice how very careful Rarity was about where her hooves fell as she walked. When she was not looking down at her steps, though, Rarity was basking in the sun and sky above her, and the impressive forest scenery all around.
“This is getting to be quite relaxing already!” Rarity said pleasantly after narrowly escaping a patch of mud.
“The hot spring should be just around the corner here,” said Fluttershy, hoping she remembered the bear’s directions correctly. She had listened to them very intently, but was still worried that somehow she’d gotten the way mixed up.
Suddenly, a great pool of steaming water came into view. A small spout above it was gurgling fresh, hot water out of a rocky outcropping. The water flowed down a tiny waterfall and poured tantalizingly into the deep natural basin. Both ponies marveled at the sight.
“Wonderful!” Rarity rejoiced, sauntering over the pool most ladylike. “You have outdone yourself this time, my dear.” Rarity dipped a tentative hoof into the water.
“Perfect temperature!” she called to Fluttershy, who had stopped to watch from a safe distance. Fluttershy couldn’t help but stare as Rarity lowered herself slowly into the water. She was so impossibly beautiful. How dare you look at her that way? You must be completely sick to have thoughts like that about your friend. Fluttershy blushed and turned away, utterly ashamed. She instinctively began to walk away from hot spring, but then Rarity called out to her.
“Fluttershy! The water is just delicious. You simply must come in and join me.”
Fluttershy turned back around and noticed that Rarity had already dipped her head under the water. Her perfect mane was wet and heavy, wrapping luxuriously around her horn and clinging to the sides of her face. Fluttershy’s cheeks turned an even deeper shade of pink as she reluctantly drifted toward the spring. If Rarity knew how you felt she would be mortified. Disgusted. You’ll probably let it slip since you’re no good at keeping secrets. You’re about to ruin one of your only friendships, aren’t you?
Fluttershy eased herself into the water, trying to ignore the cruel voice in her head which was getting louder and louder. Her heart was pounding. Her breathing was quick and labored. Rarity noticed the pegasus pony was shaking a bit more than usual, and realized that something was surely wrong.
“You do not look like you’re very relaxed, my dear!” Rarity said, concerned. “Is something the matter?”
“No, Rarity,” Fluttershy responded, not daring to look her in the eye. She doesn’t believe that. You can’t even lie properly.
“Fluttershy. You are my best friend,” Rarity reassured her. “You can tell me anything.”
“I can’t,” Fluttershy said, feeling defeated.
“But -”
“I just can’t!” she snapped, her assertiveness training coming back to her if only for a split second. She felt the hot sting of embarrassment and regret wash over her. You really blew it.
Fluttershy nervously dunked her head under the water, attempting to cool her temper and shut the voice up, but it only made both worse. You can’t cool down in hot water, numbskull. She lingered under the water as long as her lungs could stand it. But soon enough she had to breathe and face her friend once more. When she surfaced, her soaked mane covered both of her eyes, so she couldn’t see Rarity’s expression, but the voice in her head filled in the blanks. It’s about time. As if somepony like Rarity could put up with you for very long. She’s so angry. She hates your guts. She’s going to yell at you.
But Rarity did not raise her voice. Instead she leaned over and gave Fluttershy a heartfelt hug.
“Whatever is wrong, darling,” she said, holding the terrified pegasus tightly, “just know that I am here for you. Whenever you are ready to talk about it, I will be ready to listen.” Rarity released Fluttershy from the embrace and gingerly brushed her wet, pink mane out of her eyes. Fluttershy was finally able to see the unicorn’s face, still close to Fluttershy’s own, smiling sweetly.
Fluttershy tried to look away, but saw the encouragement in Rarity’s eyes and in her smile. Fluttershy’s heart was awash with feelings of comfort and love. The voice in her head had nothing to say that could undermine that. She was suddenly brave.
“Rarity, will you be my marefriend?” Fluttershy sputtered out before she could stop herself.
Fluttershy’s mind went completely blank, horrified by what she had said. She saw the look of total shock on Rarity’s face. She didn’t need the voice to tell her what a mistake she made, she could see it for herself. It’s over. But after that instant of surprise, Rarity’s expression changed. Before Fluttershy knew it, Rarity’s lips were pressed up against her own. They were kissing. They were really kissing.
Rarity’s lips were so soft. Fluttershy felt her friend’s breath lightly tickling at her muzzle. Their tongues gently brushed up against one another. Rarity’s arms wrapped around her once again in a tight embrace. It was the safest Fluttershy had ever felt. Their bodies, submerged in the soothing hot spring, were pressed up so close against each other as they kissed and kissed.
After what seemed like forever, their lips parted but their faces remained close. Their manes were tangled and stuck to each others’ cheeks. A thick cloud of steam rose from the pool and hovered around the ponies’ heads. Fluttershy’s heart was still racing, but it was joy, not fear, that stirred her. Rarity nuzzled up against Fluttershy’s neck, giggling quietly. Then Rarity whispered, “I never thought I’d ever say these words, but... thank goodness the spa was closed today.”
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This was a nice short story. Very cute and romantic.
I'm cruel. But I love inner torment. So I loved this.
It was rather short, and in the end sweet. I'm sure everyone has those little niggling voices of self-doubt. Naturally Fluttershy's would be louder. And that loud, nasty voice of doubt being silenced in the end is what makes it all the sweeter.
The image is not by explosivegent. its by megasweet. explosivegent colored it. I know this because it took me months to track down the real artist to get permission. You might want to use a higher res picture also.
2232614
The description has been changed to reflect what you told me. 
At any rate, if you click the "source" link underneath, it takes you to the high-res original image.
Thanks so much for the info!
I did the underwatery silly photoshop filter effects at that resolution, and I don't much feel like doing it all again.
Thanks again! Hope you liked the story.
Congrats on your first story! It's sweet and very nicely written. I like it.
Constructive criticism? I'll try...
- As far as I'm concerned, your grammar and spelling are spotless. :)
- Once in a while some of your longer sentences felt a bit too long and might be broken up to give the reader some breathing space.
- I also like the use of Fluttershy's inner voice, but occasionally -- not always -- I felt like it could be moved to separate paragraph for better emphasis (though this is a personal stylistic choice).
- "The two ponies made their way to Whitetail Wood. It looked so beautiful" -- I'd remove that last part; you already immediately show it was beautiful, and then also have Rarity confirm it in the next paragraph. The way it is now, I felt like that line interfered with my ability to judge for myself because it was telling me the forest was beautiful. Make sense?
- Fluttershy should get her hair wet, so we have two wet ponies in hot steaming water. Sexier that way. ;) Maybe she could dip her head in to try to dispel her negative voice and nervousness?
- "Rarity seemed to notice something was wrong." - How did she notice this? It'd be good to have just a little something there, some nervous behavior.
- Rarity's kiss was a bit too quick! Can I make a suggestion? Stretch out the tension a little. Rarity's a fairly reserved character, and Fluttershy's revelation would come as a bit of a surprise. It would be nice for Fluttershy to see a little of her expected shock on Rarity's face; maybe a hoof covering her mouth in surprise, widened eyes beneath her wet mane, and just enough delayed response for Fluttershy to think she'd royally screwed up, only to have her bad inner voice interrupted by Rarity's surprise kiss. Just a thought. :)
Then again, I could be entirely wrong; I just see things the way I might have done it. If you leave it as is, it's clearly a very nice, very sweet story. Nice work!
2232673
I'm going to do some editing tomorrow, and will try to incorporate most of your ideas! 
I will definitely get rid of "it was beautiful" and I do agree the ending feels a little rushed, so I'll work on fleshing that out. And... wet manes... 
Thank you so much for all your thoughtful comments!
The one bit of advice I think I may not follow is breaking some of the inner voice into separate paragraphs. I just like the idea of the voice really "invading" the story, if that makes any sense. Like, it is so insidious in the way it torments her, I feel like it should just creepily take over the paragraph rather than have a place of its own. But then again, if that didn't come across, then I do need to change something!
Thanks again for all your help! If you get a chance to check up on this story after it's been edited, I'd love to hear more of what you have to say. ^_^
This was really good for a first fanfic. Though I don't think the last paragraph is really necessary, Rarity's "I'm glad the spa was closed today'' would end the story nicely. I would also suggest a little more variety of sentences in the kissing scene, several short sentences together don't ''flow'' really well. But you have earned a like from me.
2232714
Yeah, you're definitely right about the last sentence. As it is it doesn't provide much of a "button" to the story.
As per WolfeTrax's comment, I will be redoing the kissing scene and the buildup to it entirely. Hopefully it will flow better once I'm finished with it!
I am so glad you liked it! Thanks for your help.
2232701 Hey, you're very welcome! I'll follow you so I can see when you repost the edit.
That is absolutely your choice as the author, and honestly I can't say I disagree with it, especially for good the reasons you gave.
everything went strange than expected... in a good way... i guess i can explain it by this, .eciN
Not a bad first attempt. The end was a bit abrupt, but aside from that, you did well.
I thought it was actually pretty good.
But not exactly my favorite couple......
This deserves THREE SPIKES and a TWILIGHT! 
Wow, very nice! I like the changes you made; honestly it works much better now, in my opinion.
I forgot to mention that along with everything else, I loved what you did with Rarity and her melodrama; that was just hilarious! Also, Fluttershy's inner dialogue was appropriately painful, and the ending did help to relieve that built up tension.
Cute ending, too. Nicely done!
A very nice fic with a very happy ending. I'm glad I came across this little gem. Well done, sir/madame. You've earned these good ratings.
The spa is now closed due to AIDS and stingrays
3.bp.blogspot.com/_U3s_dmo5lKA/TUhF2_MVD5I/AAAAAAAAET0/1y8K_fpdeEk/s1600/pool_closed_note_20100714_1237114795.jpg
how wonderful very heart warming