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A short little romance about Rarity and Fluttershy's trip to a hot spring in lieu of their weekly spa date. Will Fluttershy be able to overcome the voice inside her head telling her she's not good enough?
Cover art by megasweet, colored by explosivegent, edited by myself (art used without express permission)
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This was a nice short story. Very cute and romantic.
I'm cruel. But I love inner torment. So I loved this.
It was rather short, and in the end sweet. I'm sure everyone has those little niggling voices of self-doubt. Naturally Fluttershy's would be louder. And that loud, nasty voice of doubt being silenced in the end is what makes it all the sweeter.
The image is not by explosivegent. its by megasweet. explosivegent colored it. I know this because it took me months to track down the real artist to get permission. You might want to use a higher res picture also.
2232614
The description has been changed to reflect what you told me. 
At any rate, if you click the "source" link underneath, it takes you to the high-res original image.
Thanks so much for the info!
I did the underwatery silly photoshop filter effects at that resolution, and I don't much feel like doing it all again.
Thanks again! Hope you liked the story.
Congrats on your first story! It's sweet and very nicely written. I like it.
Constructive criticism? I'll try...
- As far as I'm concerned, your grammar and spelling are spotless. :)
- Once in a while some of your longer sentences felt a bit too long and might be broken up to give the reader some breathing space.
- I also like the use of Fluttershy's inner voice, but occasionally -- not always -- I felt like it could be moved to separate paragraph for better emphasis (though this is a personal stylistic choice).
- "The two ponies made their way to Whitetail Wood. It looked so beautiful" -- I'd remove that last part; you already immediately show it was beautiful, and then also have Rarity confirm it in the next paragraph. The way it is now, I felt like that line interfered with my ability to judge for myself because it was telling me the forest was beautiful. Make sense?
- Fluttershy should get her hair wet, so we have two wet ponies in hot steaming water. Sexier that way. ;) Maybe she could dip her head in to try to dispel her negative voice and nervousness?
- "Rarity seemed to notice something was wrong." - How did she notice this? It'd be good to have just a little something there, some nervous behavior.
- Rarity's kiss was a bit too quick! Can I make a suggestion? Stretch out the tension a little. Rarity's a fairly reserved character, and Fluttershy's revelation would come as a bit of a surprise. It would be nice for Fluttershy to see a little of her expected shock on Rarity's face; maybe a hoof covering her mouth in surprise, widened eyes beneath her wet mane, and just enough delayed response for Fluttershy to think she'd royally screwed up, only to have her bad inner voice interrupted by Rarity's surprise kiss. Just a thought. :)
Then again, I could be entirely wrong; I just see things the way I might have done it. If you leave it as is, it's clearly a very nice, very sweet story. Nice work!
2232673
I'm going to do some editing tomorrow, and will try to incorporate most of your ideas! 
I will definitely get rid of "it was beautiful" and I do agree the ending feels a little rushed, so I'll work on fleshing that out. And... wet manes... 
Thank you so much for all your thoughtful comments!
The one bit of advice I think I may not follow is breaking some of the inner voice into separate paragraphs. I just like the idea of the voice really "invading" the story, if that makes any sense. Like, it is so insidious in the way it torments her, I feel like it should just creepily take over the paragraph rather than have a place of its own. But then again, if that didn't come across, then I do need to change something!
Thanks again for all your help! If you get a chance to check up on this story after it's been edited, I'd love to hear more of what you have to say. ^_^
This was really good for a first fanfic. Though I don't think the last paragraph is really necessary, Rarity's "I'm glad the spa was closed today'' would end the story nicely. I would also suggest a little more variety of sentences in the kissing scene, several short sentences together don't ''flow'' really well. But you have earned a like from me.
2232714
Yeah, you're definitely right about the last sentence. As it is it doesn't provide much of a "button" to the story.
As per WolfeTrax's comment, I will be redoing the kissing scene and the buildup to it entirely. Hopefully it will flow better once I'm finished with it!
I am so glad you liked it! Thanks for your help.
2232701 Hey, you're very welcome! I'll follow you so I can see when you repost the edit.
That is absolutely your choice as the author, and honestly I can't say I disagree with it, especially for good the reasons you gave.
everything went strange than expected... in a good way... i guess i can explain it by this, .eciN
Not a bad first attempt. The end was a bit abrupt, but aside from that, you did well.
I thought it was actually pretty good.
But not exactly my favorite couple......
This deserves THREE SPIKES and a TWILIGHT! 
Wow, very nice! I like the changes you made; honestly it works much better now, in my opinion.
I forgot to mention that along with everything else, I loved what you did with Rarity and her melodrama; that was just hilarious! Also, Fluttershy's inner dialogue was appropriately painful, and the ending did help to relieve that built up tension.
Cute ending, too. Nicely done!
A very nice fic with a very happy ending. I'm glad I came across this little gem. Well done, sir/madame. You've earned these good ratings.
The spa is now closed due to AIDS and stingrays
3.bp.blogspot.com/_U3s_dmo5lKA/TUhF2_MVD5I/AAAAAAAAET0/1y8K_fpdeEk/s1600/pool_closed_note_20100714_1237114795.jpg
how wonderful very heart warming