"Sorry, but I'm just not feeling it right now. How about you ask me again next Tuesday and we'll see," said Rarity, pulling her hand away and stepping gingerly out of the laundry room. At that very moment, Octavia could feel nothing. Nothing save for a desire to get to the bottom of this seemingly rash given reply.
Etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. That's the first thing I thought of reading that ending and I hope nothing at all like that happens, or I'll be reduced to
Oh man, your style and ability is so good. The only issue is that your story itself is so normal level of fanfic that it is bad in comparison.
I suppose this gripe mostly comes from it seeming to be the end and Rarity not growing as a character.
It started with such potential. When Sweetie Belle broke up with Scootaloo it was actually a two way street. Sweetie understood and knew where the problem was in the relationship, she had spent too much time studying and not enough time with her lover and lost her because of it.
At first I thought it would be where you were going with Rarity and Twilight, since when she was the element of Generosity she was doing stuff all the time and working to the bone, and you showed how she loses track of time.
Hell while the Vinyl thing didn't go like I wanted it made total sense and was well done since Vinyl learned what went wrong in her relationship too. The only issue being she had no reason to be Twilight's sister since they could be just as close without that.
But no, Twilight is all in the wrong. Twilight is fairly intelligent, she would not have fallen for Rainbow AND acted on it without telling Rarity MULTIPLE time. Believable if it was the one time and Rarity left but you made it a full on relationship behind Rarity's back when both of them should have been close enough to want to tell her about this.
Let alone, why did Twilight's feeling's stray? I'd assume it was similar to the Scootaloo thing where Rarity was working too much and didn't spend time with Twilight, but all we got was a new plotline about Rarity having high blood pressure and needing meds, something Twilight knew about and still hid the trust from Rarity for so long.
Yet what did Rarity learn from her relationship with Twilight that would be a positive influence on how things go with Octavia? NOTHING
At best, Rarity would be paranoid about Octavia spending too much time with other women because Twilight cheated on her with someone they both mutually knew very well and trusted and was able to keep under wraps because she trusted too much. This would cause way to much clinging or having a lot of jealousy that would either break them apart, or be something she at least needs to overcome.
It's why I thought Octavia was going to be more of the buffer relationship that would help Rarity either get over her issues and either get back together with Twilight who also learned something, or Rarity would get a new lover that is just a bit part at the end of the story or hell follow through all the way to the sex like you did here.
But honestly everyone in this story grew except Rarity.
Using any of the other three main characters would have been a better idea with this case.
Octavia because she had to get out of a relationship with Vinyl that was bad for her and find a better one, while we see her cheat on Vinyl so we know where she went wrong and she learns something.
Vinyl for how she reacts and what she comes to understand about herself through this story.
And even Twilight who wronged a best friend and lover and struggles to finally just admit her wrongs and grow as a person.
All three of them have a far better and more interesting story to tell than that of Rarity because Rarity didn't have an arc and didn't need one in this story. But that means she doesn't work as main character material.
It's why I give this a thumbs up, but I can't outright favorite this story despite it being on the higher end of quality on this site and better than half the things I favorited. because the skill you possess only brings out the story faults even more to me than a writer less skills so I can understand and be surprised when they pull the same sort of stuff you do.
I suppose this gripe mostly comes from it seeming to be the end and Rarity not growing as a character.
I don't see a completed tag...
I've taken a long break from writing to wrap my head around things and kind of take a moment to step back from the fandom, see where things are, see where they're going, and whether or not I want to remain a part of it. As it stands, I plan on returning within a week with a new chapter for this story. It's not finished yet, and has maybe 2-3 more chapters. Possibly more, now that I really think about it.
But no, many of the issues you've put in your comment can and will be addressed, or maybe they won't. Who knows? Well, I do. Or at least I think I do. But anyways.
No, the story is not completed yet, with plenty of room for Rarity to grow as a character.
Also:
Don't you think one month (or was it two?) is an awfully short time to know someone before marrying them?
That is interesting actually, but I'm still on the fence even with that because while you could show Vinyl and Twilight changing, as far as character they already seem to be perfectly fine ending where they are.
Everything just comes off as the next chapter can just be the end right there. One month may be too soon, but this is a land with magic and they were encouraged by Celestia herself so I sort of ignore stuff like that in fictions.
Hell if you believe love at first sight theory, Rarity basically is dating Twilight again only with slight diff......Fuck now I gotta favorite.
This story is absolutey wonderful. I can also see the reasons why Rarity hasn't grown as a character yet. She has been working her butt off for the past year? or two? (lost track of time) to support herself and help out her sister with little for reflection. When there is time for reflection however, she seldom goes there for fear of breaking down again as the pain is still too great. It adds to the story I find as I have been in a similar situation before.
I do however hope that it is revealed why Twilight cheated on her with Rainbow Dash and why Rainbow Dash went along with it. There are two or more perspectives to every story and I believe that this'll bring closure to what truly is one of my all time favourites (as is the case with many of the commenters).
I also hope for Octavia to show her just how fun anal can be.
Damn, you know how to make a good sex scene and a concert scene.
It was as if I was there, I felt the songs and its emotion.
Good one as always Loyal. Looking forward to the rest of your work
dundundun I need MOAR. NOAW
Wow what an ending. if Rarity doesn't say yes I'll jump off a bridge.
FABULOUS DARLING! Loved the new chapter, can't wait for more!
"Sorry, but I'm just not feeling it right now. How about you ask me again next Tuesday and we'll see," said Rarity, pulling her hand away and stepping gingerly out of the laundry room. At that very moment, Octavia could feel nothing. Nothing save for a desire to get to the bottom of this seemingly rash given reply.
Etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. That's the first thing I thought of reading that ending and I hope nothing at all like that happens, or I'll be reduced to
Wonderful chapter, as always
this is just perfect
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=Q93TnzVZw4k&NR=1
>>Killabyte
;A; Gwaaahhh!! damn it Loyal! Why must you be such an amazing wordsmith?! This is best seller quality stuff man, you need to publish stuff for moneyz.
Oh man, your style and ability is so good. The only issue is that your story itself is so normal level of fanfic that it is bad in comparison.
I suppose this gripe mostly comes from it seeming to be the end and Rarity not growing as a character.
It started with such potential. When Sweetie Belle broke up with Scootaloo it was actually a two way street. Sweetie understood and knew where the problem was in the relationship, she had spent too much time studying and not enough time with her lover and lost her because of it.
At first I thought it would be where you were going with Rarity and Twilight, since when she was the element of Generosity she was doing stuff all the time and working to the bone, and you showed how she loses track of time.
Hell while the Vinyl thing didn't go like I wanted it made total sense and was well done since Vinyl learned what went wrong in her relationship too. The only issue being she had no reason to be Twilight's sister since they could be just as close without that.
But no, Twilight is all in the wrong. Twilight is fairly intelligent, she would not have fallen for Rainbow AND acted on it without telling Rarity MULTIPLE time. Believable if it was the one time and Rarity left but you made it a full on relationship behind Rarity's back when both of them should have been close enough to want to tell her about this.
Let alone, why did Twilight's feeling's stray? I'd assume it was similar to the Scootaloo thing where Rarity was working too much and didn't spend time with Twilight, but all we got was a new plotline about Rarity having high blood pressure and needing meds, something Twilight knew about and still hid the trust from Rarity for so long.
Yet what did Rarity learn from her relationship with Twilight that would be a positive influence on how things go with Octavia? NOTHING
At best, Rarity would be paranoid about Octavia spending too much time with other women because Twilight cheated on her with someone they both mutually knew very well and trusted and was able to keep under wraps because she trusted too much. This would cause way to much clinging or having a lot of jealousy that would either break them apart, or be something she at least needs to overcome.
It's why I thought Octavia was going to be more of the buffer relationship that would help Rarity either get over her issues and either get back together with Twilight who also learned something, or Rarity would get a new lover that is just a bit part at the end of the story or hell follow through all the way to the sex like you did here.
But honestly everyone in this story grew except Rarity.
Using any of the other three main characters would have been a better idea with this case.
Octavia because she had to get out of a relationship with Vinyl that was bad for her and find a better one, while we see her cheat on Vinyl so we know where she went wrong and she learns something.
Vinyl for how she reacts and what she comes to understand about herself through this story.
And even Twilight who wronged a best friend and lover and struggles to finally just admit her wrongs and grow as a person.
All three of them have a far better and more interesting story to tell than that of Rarity because Rarity didn't have an arc and didn't need one in this story. But that means she doesn't work as main character material.
It's why I give this a thumbs up, but I can't outright favorite this story despite it being on the higher end of quality on this site and better than half the things I favorited. because the skill you possess only brings out the story faults even more to me than a writer less skills so I can understand and be surprised when they pull the same sort of stuff you do.
2916311
I don't see a completed tag...
I've taken a long break from writing to wrap my head around things and kind of take a moment to step back from the fandom, see where things are, see where they're going, and whether or not I want to remain a part of it. As it stands, I plan on returning within a week with a new chapter for this story. It's not finished yet, and has maybe 2-3 more chapters. Possibly more, now that I really think about it.
But no, many of the issues you've put in your comment can and will be addressed, or maybe they won't. Who knows? Well, I do. Or at least I think I do. But anyways.
No, the story is not completed yet, with plenty of room for Rarity to grow as a character.
Also:
Don't you think one month (or was it two?) is an awfully short time to know someone before marrying them?
2916598
That is interesting actually, but I'm still on the fence even with that because while you could show Vinyl and Twilight changing, as far as character they already seem to be perfectly fine ending where they are.
Everything just comes off as the next chapter can just be the end right there. One month may be too soon, but this is a land with magic and they were encouraged by Celestia herself so I sort of ignore stuff like that in fictions.
Hell if you believe love at first sight theory, Rarity basically is dating Twilight again only with slight diff......Fuck now I gotta favorite.
2916934
HAH
Mission accomplished
This story is absolutey wonderful. I can also see the reasons why Rarity hasn't grown as a character yet. She has been working her butt off for the past year? or two? (lost track of time) to support herself and help out her sister with little for reflection. When there is time for reflection however, she seldom goes there for fear of breaking down again as the pain is still too great. It adds to the story I find as I have been in a similar situation before.
I do however hope that it is revealed why Twilight cheated on her with Rainbow Dash and why Rainbow Dash went along with it. There are two or more perspectives to every story and I believe that this'll bring closure to what truly is one of my all time favourites (as is the case with many of the commenters).
I also hope for Octavia to show her just how fun anal can be.
Commence read.
A marriage proposal. To design the dresses then.