celestia smack down, layen that law down hah. Wonderful chapter , answered a few questions I had about the rarity/twi fiasco . Any how , hope this isn't the end ^_^ wants another concert and a wedding :p
Ok... what? I can understand why Celestia would want to get a bit involved in all this, what with one of the Elements of Harmony being in a dangerous situation, but this comes from so far afield that I can't rationalize it in the least. If Celestia didn't have qualms about interfering directly in the lives of her subjects, which, by the way, is creepy as hell here, why didn't she try to sort all this shit out four or five years ago? Why didn't she think to ask earlier why Rarity had suddenly moved to Canterlot and was avoiding her old friends like the plague?
There's also no explanation given as to why Sweetie Belle's tuition and rent are suddenly being payed by the goddamn Equestrian government. I would imagine that only the highest-honored students would be able to get this kind of stipend, and although you mentioned that Sweetie does well enough at the Academy, she either should have had a scholarship already, or the dean of the school should have handled it. The Princesses having that much power over the everydays lives of Equestrian citezens and then only using them arbitrarily and for a select few people they know is incredibly selfish of them and just plain unbelievable.
This whole chapter feels like a ridiculous case of Deus Ex Machina and a cop-out way to deal with the overblown drama you kept ramping u and introducing. Even though the problems have suddenly disappeared, nothing feels resolved. It seems like Twilight has been force-fed a friendship report, Rarity isn't being nearly as forgiving or generous as she should be, Vinyl has been handed a dramatic backstory for a get-out-of-jail-free card, and nobody feels like a real person to me anymore. I'm a fan of the way you write intimacy, but if I wanted a plot like this one, I would probably watch some telenovelas and get some Spanish practice in...
Sorry if I'm coming off as too harsh here, but I just figured I should let you know why this didn't sit well with me.
Wow, this turned out all too well. Normally this means something really bad is going to happen afterwards. Please tell me nothing bad happens afterwards
2642980 I appreciate the feedback, if nothing else... With Celestia's involvement, I'm trying to walk the line between powerful and mortal. She didn't really raise eyebrows at Rarity's move to Canterlot because on the outside, it seemed like she was moving to support her sister. Additionally, Twilight could have lied to her, as she did her closest friends.
When word of the conflict reached her ears, she did what she thought best. She intervened, learned all angles of the story, and acted accordingly. Knowing that withdrawing Twilight's support for Sweetie Belle would put Rarity in a tight spot, she resolved the issue by funding the little sister's education. While I didn't clarify, it's as thus: -The Royal Treasury is funding it, but only the portion that personally belongs to Celestia -She is not using any funds that belong to the government or citizens
Celestia intervening in the lives of her citizens is not only common, it's canon. She frequently involves herself in everyday goings-on. While she tries to keep herself out of it, I see Celestia involving herself more often than not. I.E. Lesson Zero.
Rarity really isn't the embodiment of generosity anymore... And honestly, can you blame her? The woman she loved more than anything cheated on her with one of her best friends, lied to her about it, and then tried to make her feel better with an arbitrary spa trip and jewelry. Personally, I would have killed Twilight for what she did. I think Rarity was generous enough to leave Ponyville, and try to deal with the severe emotional trauma on her own. (Furthermore, when she finally opens her heart to another person, she gets further assaulted by another magi. Her previous love's sister, nevertheless.)
So while your critique is both accurate and insightful for the rest of this chapter, I will not budge in saying I've portrayed Rarity accurately.
I'm sorry if you feel the story was rather anti-climactic. For this, I can apologize. I wrote this chapter while I was very tired, and had just finished a chapter in my other story, Archmage. Admittedly, this isn't my best work. But it's what I made, and I am not ashamed of it. On the contrary, I am very proud of what I've accomplished not just with this, but all chapters of this story. Perhaps it isn't my best, but it's what I felt worked. I'm sorry if you're uninterested in the hard work and care I've put into this hobby of mine.
Holy shit, that turned out bitter, didn't it?
TL;DR version: -I could have done better with Celestia's involvement -Rarity's character is accurate -Twilight's kind of a bitch -Vinyl even more so -Octavia's kind of caught in the middle -Sorry for anti-climactic ending.
2643130 I don't know if that would make for a very good chapter in this story, but maybe as a spin-off? I mean, the entire thing has been from Rarity's point of view; it'd be odd to suddenly shift perspective and tell it from Twilight's and Vinyl's perspectives all of a sudden. It would be better to have a spin-off of Twilight going through the same chain of events, but with her own happenstances, like a parallel storyline. One could even go so far as to suggest a short one-shot of Vinyl's chain of events/parallel storyline. But that's just what I think.
Well- that did not go at all how I suspected. I thought Twi was going to bring in Sunny D to force Rares to her will (or at least try to). I will admit that this all seemed to wrap up far too quickly and perfectly; Twi gets bitch-smacked by just about everyone, Vinyl gets rehab essentially, and it's a happily ever after in Canterlot. Prolly means everything's gonna hit the fan next chapter. But what do I know?
Ok, I have read three of your fanfictions now and I can confidently say that you are a very accomplished writer. I have enjoyed this fic because it delves into some very strong subjects and emotions and pulls it off perfectly, so I can't wait for more!
I am now going to spend the rest of the night reading your other fics and (possibly) indulge myself in pop-tarts, YUM!
2646060 Celestia is not stupid, how could Twilight pull the wool over the eyes of a princess who has probably seen this many times during her immortal lifetime which is who nows how long.
celestia smack down, layen that law down hah. Wonderful chapter , answered a few questions I had about the rarity/twi fiasco . Any how , hope this isn't the end ^_^ wants another concert and a wedding :p
Mane Medic
Ok... what? I can understand why Celestia would want to get a bit involved in all this, what with one of the Elements of Harmony being in a dangerous situation, but this comes from so far afield that I can't rationalize it in the least. If Celestia didn't have qualms about interfering directly in the lives of her subjects, which, by the way, is creepy as hell here, why didn't she try to sort all this shit out four or five years ago? Why didn't she think to ask earlier why Rarity had suddenly moved to Canterlot and was avoiding her old friends like the plague?
There's also no explanation given as to why Sweetie Belle's tuition and rent are suddenly being payed by the goddamn Equestrian government. I would imagine that only the highest-honored students would be able to get this kind of stipend, and although you mentioned that Sweetie does well enough at the Academy, she either should have had a scholarship already, or the dean of the school should have handled it. The Princesses having that much power over the everydays lives of Equestrian citezens and then only using them arbitrarily and for a select few people they know is incredibly selfish of them and just plain unbelievable.
This whole chapter feels like a ridiculous case of Deus Ex Machina and a cop-out way to deal with the overblown drama you kept ramping u and introducing. Even though the problems have suddenly disappeared, nothing feels resolved. It seems like Twilight has been force-fed a friendship report, Rarity isn't being nearly as forgiving or generous as she should be, Vinyl has been handed a dramatic backstory for a get-out-of-jail-free card, and nobody feels like a real person to me anymore. I'm a fan of the way you write intimacy, but if I wanted a plot like this one, I would probably watch some telenovelas and get some Spanish practice in...
Sorry if I'm coming off as too harsh here, but I just figured I should let you know why this didn't sit well with me.
YAY! their is gonna be a wedding!!! YAY!!
Wow, this turned out all too well. Normally this means something really bad is going to happen afterwards. Please tell me nothing bad happens afterwards
This can't be the end right? RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2642980
I appreciate the feedback, if nothing else... With Celestia's involvement, I'm trying to walk the line between powerful and mortal. She didn't really raise eyebrows at Rarity's move to Canterlot because on the outside, it seemed like she was moving to support her sister. Additionally, Twilight could have lied to her, as she did her closest friends.
When word of the conflict reached her ears, she did what she thought best. She intervened, learned all angles of the story, and acted accordingly. Knowing that withdrawing Twilight's support for Sweetie Belle would put Rarity in a tight spot, she resolved the issue by funding the little sister's education. While I didn't clarify, it's as thus:
-The Royal Treasury is funding it, but only the portion that personally belongs to Celestia
-She is not using any funds that belong to the government or citizens
Celestia intervening in the lives of her citizens is not only common, it's canon. She frequently involves herself in everyday goings-on. While she tries to keep herself out of it, I see Celestia involving herself more often than not. I.E. Lesson Zero.
Rarity really isn't the embodiment of generosity anymore... And honestly, can you blame her? The woman she loved more than anything cheated on her with one of her best friends, lied to her about it, and then tried to make her feel better with an arbitrary spa trip and jewelry. Personally, I would have killed Twilight for what she did. I think Rarity was generous enough to leave Ponyville, and try to deal with the severe emotional trauma on her own. (Furthermore, when she finally opens her heart to another person, she gets further assaulted by another magi. Her previous love's sister, nevertheless.)
So while your critique is both accurate and insightful for the rest of this chapter, I will not budge in saying I've portrayed Rarity accurately.
I'm sorry if you feel the story was rather anti-climactic. For this, I can apologize. I wrote this chapter while I was very tired, and had just finished a chapter in my other story, Archmage. Admittedly, this isn't my best work. But it's what I made, and I am not ashamed of it. On the contrary, I am very proud of what I've accomplished not just with this, but all chapters of this story. Perhaps it isn't my best, but it's what I felt worked. I'm sorry if you're uninterested in the hard work and care I've put into this hobby of mine.
Holy shit, that turned out bitter, didn't it?
TL;DR version:
-I could have done better with Celestia's involvement
-Rarity's character is accurate
-Twilight's kind of a bitch
-Vinyl even more so
-Octavia's kind of caught in the middle
-Sorry for anti-climactic ending.
2643014
Do you see a complete tag?
Because I don't see a complete tag.
I see an incomplete tag.
Story isn't over yet. Relax.
nice chapter
are we getting a chapter what happen with Twilight and Vinly in ponyville ? pretty please !
2643130
I don't know if that would make for a very good chapter in this story, but maybe as a spin-off? I mean, the entire thing has been from Rarity's point of view; it'd be odd to suddenly shift perspective and tell it from Twilight's and Vinyl's perspectives all of a sudden. It would be better to have a spin-off of Twilight going through the same chain of events, but with her own happenstances, like a parallel storyline. One could even go so far as to suggest a short one-shot of Vinyl's chain of events/parallel storyline. But that's just what I think.
This better not be the end of this story, or the chapter leading to the end.
Also, congrats... this story has made me from Vinyl to 'dear-celestia-i-want-to-murder-her'.
It's building down and losing tension rather quickly, but I still love how it's all working out
Well- that did not go at all how I suspected. I thought Twi was going to bring in Sunny D to force Rares to her will (or at least try to). I will admit that this all seemed to wrap up far too quickly and perfectly; Twi gets bitch-smacked by just about everyone, Vinyl gets rehab essentially, and it's a happily ever after in Canterlot.
Prolly means everything's gonna hit the fan next chapter. But what do I know?
Sums up my reaction to this chapter nicely.
2646768
ditto
2646060
haha sounds about right
Ok, I have read three of your fanfictions now and I can confidently say that you are a very accomplished writer. I have enjoyed this fic because it delves into some very strong subjects and emotions and pulls it off perfectly, so I can't wait for more!
I am now going to spend the rest of the night reading your other fics and (possibly) indulge myself in pop-tarts, YUM!
Commence read.
Celestia helps.
2681039
What kind of Pop-Tarts?
Aaaaand Celestia says pretty much everything I just said. But she says it a lot better, as is her wont
She came, she saw, she was a complete badass!
Thank you, for being best princess. /in this fic anyway/
2646060
Celestia is not stupid, how could Twilight pull the wool over the eyes of a princess who has probably seen this many times during her immortal lifetime which is who nows how long.