Stories In Equestria: The Rise of a New Guardian

by The_Silent_Hero47

Chapter 3: The Truth comes Out

Twilight and I were walking down the streets of Ponyville. I looked around as we were walking and noticed some of the background ponies that I knew; I saw Carrot Top watering her garden, Rose Luck selling flowers at her store, Derpy crashing into a wall and smiling with her tongue out, Time Turner (Dr. Whooves) walking outside of a store and being stopped by somepony. I was trying my best to hold my excitement, but my smile was from ear to ear as I looked every which way possible.

"Are you okay?" Twilight asked.

"Huh?" My smile was still showing, which scared Twilight.

"Don't do that, that's bucking creepy." Twilight then covered her mouth her hoof as if she had said a bad word.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It's just..." I had to think about what to say. "I'll explain later, alright?" I then tried to look down and avoid any unnecessary eye contact. A few minutes passed by and Twilight was really starting to question my silence when we reached the Library. Twilight opened the door and locked it, flipping the sign to “Closed”. She then looked around the huge tree house to make sure no pony was listening. She led me to a cushion and sat me down, sitting across from me.

"Okay a deal is a deal, now could you please tell me where you're from?" Twilight asked, slightly annoyed.

I looked at her with a serious face "Now before I tell you, I need to know that you won't tell anybo- anypony. Can I trust you?" I asked, looking at her.

Twilight groaned. "Not more secrets, I'm bad at this... Fine, I won't tell a soul."

I then opened my mouth to begin my story.

---

There was a maniac laughter as a bright light shone through the dungeon. Moments later the light died down, and a red pony with a black and red mane knelt on the floor. Sombra approached the pony and stated his alleged role in life.

"Your name is The Rogue Knight; your arch-enemy is The Silent Hero. You can master all types of magic, and you are a master of weapons of any type. I have created you to carry out my deeds in far lands. Now rise, my apprentice."

The pony declared as The Rogue Knight stood up and looked at him with deep sapphire eyes, awaiting an order. "Speak Knight, what are your weaknesses?" Sombra asked his new creation.

The Rogue Knight searched his black vest he was wearing, where he found red tinted sunglasses. Putting them on with his hoof, he then looked back at his "Master" and answered the question. "I have no weaknesses, Master." Sombra grinned and then motioned for his apprentice to follow him. He then explained the plan he was forming inside his mind. Sombra needed him to keep The Silent Hero at bay to do so.

---

It took a few hours to explain my backstory, and how I knew all about Twilight and the rest of the gang in My Little Pony. Twilight stared at me as I finished my tale, remaining shocked and silent.

"Umm Twilight, are you okay?" I asked after a couple of minutes.

"Yeah, it’s just hard to be told that your social life is a major priority in a show for little fillies, uh, I mean girls," Twilight said, trying to shake off the fact that almost her whole life had been part of a storyboard in another universe.

"So now that you know I'm not supposed to be a part of this world, could you help me get back to my own world?" I asked, trying to ease her off the gloom thought.

"I could possibly find a portal to do so, it’s just I need a lot of power from tons of unicorns. Lucky for you I know Princess Celestia," Twilight explained as she ran up to her room to write to the princess. I knew that it might take a while for her to sum up almost an hour of story time into a little scroll, so as I waited I looked around the library to see what kind of things Equestria held for me. I was in the Fiction section when I saw a book that caught my interest.

‘Pony Wars? That sounds almost like...’ I reached for the book to look at the cover art. I only saw a black pony wearing a cape and mask, holding a lightsaber in its hoof. I shoved the book to its rightful place before I burst out laughing. I then decided to just take a seat and wait for the letter to arrive. I was lost in thought about a theory I had, which was that all unicorns could communicate with each other through their minds. I wanted to try it out with Twilight but I had second thoughts about it. She did save my life so I really shouldn't creep into her mind and freak her out. As I was thinking I spaced out, blocking everything that could distract my mind. When I finally focused my eyes, I saw Twilight staring at me like I was a masterpiece. Naturally I flipped the fuck out.

"Ahh! God damn Twilight, you scared the shit out of me, fuck!" I said, startled.

Twilight jumped slightly at my reaction. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare it’s just I was wondering what you were thinking." She then gave a stern look. "And watch your language here, Spike could hear you!"

"Well what else could I have said? 'Ahh, don't do that'?"

Twilight snickered at the tone I used. "I just thought you would like to know that I sent a letter to the princess, there might be a response sometime soon." I just nodded and gave her an apology for my bad mouth. We started talking about different things: books we like, things we do as hobbies, and of course what it's like in the different worlds. For being almost as intelligent as Celestia, she had some great humor; guess hanging with RD can do that to ya. But during our conversation Spike walked in from the upstairs area carrying different books.

"Twilight I found the books you wanted me to get. Why do I-" He saw me stretching my wings out of discomfort, and dropped everything so he could bow to me. "Sorry, I didn't know royalty was here," he said in a sincere voice.

"Don't bow to him Spike, he's the reason why I made you grab those books. And besides he has a bad mouth as is." She gave me the stern look again.

"Look I said I'm sorry. God, do you want me to sing an opera about it?" I asked, trying to make her laugh.

"Spike, did Celestia respond back?" Twilight asked trying to avoid my silly faces I was making while pretending to sing.

Spike snickered. "Nope, not – pffft – yet." Within milliseconds after he answered he burst out laughing. Twilight just stared at him and giggled a tad bit, success on my part. After Spike left she went straight to a book called "Mythical Creatures and Other Life Forms Biology". I looked at Twilight with a worried look.

"You're not going to dissect me are you?" I asked. Twilight laughed which scared me a little.

"You kidding? I would never do that to another pony even if they were from an alternate universe. Besides, I can't handle blood," Twilight responded.

I smiled and then got up to get something to eat. I may have been full when I entered Equestria, but now I could beat Jaba the Hut in an eating contest. I started to walk towards another section of the library trying my best to contain my hunger but-

*grumble*

Twilight giggled. "I see that the effect of traveling through different dimensions does have a hunger effect. Let me make you something to eat." She proceeded two steps then turned around. "What exactly do you eat?"

I smile and said with a calm yet quiet voice, "Anything that’s not grass or hay."

I wasn't sure how to feel that one of the many characters in a show for little girls was treating me for lunch, and I'm not sure about the time here in Equestria, but she was giving me food from her own house. I had to find a way to thank her later. I'm not the type to let gifts go uneven or unleveled. It sounded like she was grilling something on a stove but the smell gave away what she was making.

"Well I hope you can eat omelets and rice," she called from the kitchen while she was cooking. I decided that if I needed to be on good terms with her, I might as well be on good terms with Spike; after all he's the messenger to Celestia.

"So, Spike. What's life like here in Ponyville?" I asked.

"Well, there's nothing really 'normal' about this place, I mean we have Ditzy Doo, or Derpy Hooves as other ponies call her. She has this strange thing with her eyes and she also tends to lose some mail, but to get on her good side just give her a muffin. Also, beware of the pink party pony named Pinkie Pie she just... Well I don't know how to even describe her. If I had one word to describe her it would be ‘defiant’." Spike continued on about the rest of Ponyville and how Pinkie is about more than just fourth wall breaking. I think somewhere along those lines she has more than one party cannon, not sure if I was just getting bored about hearing about one pony for the last hour.

"Okay so watch out for Pinkie Pie and give Derpy muffins, I got that down. Anything else?" I asked, trying not to sound like a jackass but might have failed at doing so.

"Well there is one pony who is better than them all. She definitely might be the only normal one in this town other than Twilight."

I knew exactly who he was talking about. "Who is this person then, Spike?"

Spike gave me a confused look. "What? What's a 'person'?"

I sighed. Of course he would seem confused about what I said; the only type of animals here were fucking talking horses and ponies, as well as griffons and zebras. "Sorry Spike, where I'm from we're called humans and we call people, or 'ponies' in this case, ‘people’ for plural and ‘person’ for singular. I've been born and raised to say that, so coming here to Equestria might take some time to change my language."

Spike shrugged it off like it was nothing. "No worries dude, it might be hard for me to keep pretending you're one of us."

"Point taken. Anyways, who is this pony you spoke of that might be the only normal pony here in Ponyville?" I asked. He did have a point, if word got out that another Alicorn was here in Equestria I'd have the press all over me. Speaking of which, how did Twilight and I get here without any type of paparazzi chasing us? ‘Oh well, I guess I'll ask her later,’ I thought before Spike answered my question.

"She's more beautiful than all of the ponies here, she can keep fashion in line, she’s more mature than all of them, and she represents the Element of Generosity. She is Rarity." He swooned at saying her name.

‘I totally called it. Oh well, at least I'm not in a world that’s all Anthro or something,’ I thought to myself.

"Well Rarity does sound like she does on the show, I'll give her a visit I guess," I said. I didn't really like Rarity that much but I could use any help I could to get out of here. A few hours later, Twilight and I were in a discussion of what my world’s justice system was like when we heard Spike burp loudly.

"Spike, is it a letter from the princess?" Twilight asked. Spike didn't respond but he gave the scroll to her to let her read it out loud.

Dear Silent/James,

I have heard about your dilemma, and would like to help out in any way I can. Concealed within this scroll is two tickets for a train heading to Canterlot. I'm expecting to see you here at about 10:00 PM. My sister and I will try to find the reason Discord brought you here. I hope that the hospitality Twilight is showing you is friendly and warming as can be. As for your appearance as an Alicorn, Twilight knows a spell that changes your appearance to other ponies mentally. Seeing as how you're getting used to magic, just keep pretending that you're a Unicorn until we meet in person. James, your presence here in Equestria is quite strange and might interfere with the universal time space and events. I do hope to see you at the Canterlot Castle soon so we can discuss these topics.

Sincerely, Princess Celestia

"Oh man, I haven't even been here for a whole day and already I'm going to be interfering with the time space continuum!" I said, not knowing what the hell I was talking about

"Well then," Twilight said, standing up and packing some books/other necessities into a saddlebag. "I say it's time you went to see Princess Celestia." Spike started packing up too but Twilight stopped him, telling him that someone needs to stay at the library and hold up their end of the budget they made in the show. With my green sunglasses stuffed into one of the pockets in my vest, I waited near the door where Twilight and I would make our way to the train station so we can find a way to get me back home on Earth.

Author's Note:

Editing goes to darkspirited Bakura.

Comments

[ElementOfHope]

ehhh. well it's not one of the best HIE stories i've ever read. here is what i have to say. thae chapter seemed very rushed and the dialoge didn't realy seem to go anywhere. also it would do you good to look over the gramer in your chapter too. i'm not really good for a grammer editor but i can tell at a glance that this story could use a little TLC. Anyway thanks for giving me a look at this chapter and i hope this review helps! If you get the chance maybe you could read and review one of my stories....if that's okay with you

[Umachan]

You've got three strikes against you and I'm not even all the way through the first chapter, it's not looking good for you.

Strike 1: This is not a Human in Equestria or HiE fic. No, it's the HiE's younger and retarded brother the Brony in Equestria or BiE ifc. That is strike one. While an HiiE fic can be well done and there are examples of them on this site it's pretty much a 90% bad to 10% good ratio. A BiE fic on the other hand, well I've never seen one that was well executed for the simple reason that you have a person there that already knows the characters, plots and events before they happen. It also opens up too many questions like meaning that Equestria is real unless you go by the overly tired cliche of it just being a dream.

Strike 2: Brony is a mythical hero that will save Equestria. Yeah, this too has been done to death and usually is nothing more than some masturbatory fantasy whereby your OC who is actually supposed to be you is the one that will save the land, become a hero and get all that sweet pony poon that he wants.

Strike 3: Your descriptions. I don't know if this is intentional or if you're just trying too hard but when you say, "I walked to the bathroom to cleanse my body from my dark dream sins, as I was putting my clean folded wearing material on the sink I look at a nearby mirror. Only to see a drained face with messy hair, and slight stubble staring back at me" you've lost whatever point it was you were trying to make. It's convoluted, messy and really has no business being written. Why not just say, :"I walked to the bathroom to take a shower and tried to wash away the last vestiges of the nightmare. Looking in the mirror I saw a drawn and haunted face that matched how I felt inside." It's much cleaner and descriptive without heading into unnecessary word land. Adding more words than are necessary or trying to sound grandiose does not improve your writing or make you seem more intelligent. If anything it shows that you're trying to impress. Remember, keep it simple and don't use words that you wouldn't normally use in daily conversation.

[The_Silent_Hero47]

3077256 Okay, I aprecieate your opionon and thank you for sharing it with me. First off I would like to say that I am not the best writer in the world, and I actually forgot most of what I wrote in the first two chapters. Yes I may have been too confusing, but at least I'm trying and or improving, if not then I need to focus on what I have to get though. Second off, I do not intend for the main charather James Fullmer to have all this pony porn shit, I'm a brony not a clopper. Third off, you have yet to see the third chapter of which I have had a very trusted editor of mine request to do. I am not hostile, I am not friendly. I am just giving my own state of mind of how I saw your comment. If I do seem hostile I am sorry, I'm currently going thorugh some very hard times at the momnet and my mind isn't in it's right place.

[Umachan]

3090880

Okay, I aprecieate your opionon and thank you for sharing it with me.

Always a good way to start these things in a cold and formal kind of style. And yes, I'm being totally serious when I say that. Too many times the first response is overly emotional and filled with whines.

First off I would like to say that I am not the best writer in the world, and I actually forgot most of what I wrote in the first two chapters. Yes I may have been too confusing, but at least I'm trying and or improving, if not then I need to focus on what I have to get though.

You lose some points there for stating the obvious. Fact of the matter is this read like some kind of story by some guy that never really wrote anything before. The language used is overdone and overly grandiose which is the hallmark of a newb. This is not a bad thing in and of itself. It can be if you don't improve or continue to use words that have no place in the context of what you wrote.

Second off, I do not intend for the main charather James Fullmer to have all this pony porn shit, I'm a brony not a clopper.

That's nice. I don't care either way but the trend of people transported to Equestria and they're some hero foretold of in legend is overdone and typically goes in that direction. That's not to say that all stories of this type involve man on tiny horse action or in this case tiny horse on tiny horse action but the vast majority do.

Third off, you have yet to see the third chapter of which I have had a very trusted editor of mine request to do.

And? I'm not going to read the next chapter in the series or like some request to wait until it's all written before making any kind of criticism because that's not being realistic. If after the first chapter or even partway through the first chapter I can't read any more due to problems with it, why should I soldier on and read the rest in the vain hope that it will get better? The answer is I shouldn't and expecting your readers to do this means you're missing the point of it all.

If there are problems in your story and you want people to read the whole thing you need to fix those issues first before moving onto other things. Otherwise it shows that you've got no interest in what you've written previously or you consider your work to be too good to change. It's up to you how it is you want to continue your story and far be it from me to tell you you're doing it wrong. But I've been where you are now and I'm pretty much passing along the information that I got to you. You can choose to accept it or not and it will make no difference to me in the end but it can make a world of difference to you and how it is that your work is accepted in the future.

I am not hostile, I am not friendly. I am just giving my own state of mind of how I saw your comment. If I do seem hostile I am sorry, I'm currently going thorugh some very hard times at the momnet and my mind isn't in it's right place.

That was nowhere near hostile as far as I'm concerned but then I have really thick skin so your mileage may vary. I would however suggest that if you feel like this and you think that you might be misinterpreted that you take a step back and write this when you're in a better place.

[The_Silent_Hero47]

And? I'm not going to read the next chapter in the series or like some request to wait until it's all written before making any kind of criticism because that's not being realistic. If after the first chapter or even partway through the first chapter I can't read any more due to problems with it, why should I soldier on and read the rest in the vain hope that it will get better? The answer is I shouldn't and expecting your readers to do this means you're missing the point of it all.

This is like judging an art work that isn't even completed in my eyes, you may see it differently but to me it's straight up Hippocratic.

[Blackguard]

3100013
The word you're looking for is "hypocritical" meaning being a hypocrite not "hippocratic" which means "of Hippocrates" and is associated with doctors and part of the oath they swear to do no harm. And even with that, the term doesn't apply.

To call somebody a hypocrite means that they effectively say to have something such as morals when in reality they don't. I don't see any hypocrisy in his words and it's possible that you meant to use a different term there or didn't quite understand the meaning of the term you used.

Now while you might see this as wrong and you need to judge the work as a whole before saying anything, you yourself are now being a hypocrite for suggesting such a thing because I doubt you practice what it is you preach. Suppose you see a movie, and it's the most boring piece of crap you've ever seen. It;s just dull, and pedantic and you know the director is going for grand but he doesn't know how to do grand so he spices it up with explosions and car chases that have no real place in the movie. You walk out and ask for your money back which the theatre gives you. Are you being a hypocrite for doing so and stating your opinion? No, you're stating your opinion which is what 3093293 did.

Same goes for a TV show. When Glee came out I heard from all the critics that it was a great TV show and the critics all loved it so I curiously turned into the first episode expectuing something funy. By the first commercial break I was deathly bored. By the second commercial break I was no longer paying attention to the TV and switched it off. Am I being a hypocrite for not watching the rest of a TV show that in my eyes was painfully unfunny and boring? No, I simply have different tastes that what the critics or the masses want. I don't need to see the rest of it because I'm not invested in the story.

The same thing goes for this story. It's obvious that 3093293 didn't like it and is not interested in continuing. You might see this as art and your magnum opus but that's only because it's so close to you. In reality, I feel the same way he does. The first chapter failed to spark any kind of interest in me to continue to read what you wrote. You can feel this is unfair as much as you want but I gave you the chance to gain my interest all the way through the first chapter and you didn't get it. All that means is that this story isn't for me. I would also say that more than half the people that have voted on it feel the same way.

But don't let that discourage you. Continue to write as you see fit especially if you're writing for yourself and don't care what others think of your work. But, if you want to write for others then the words of a critic carry the same amount of weight as those of a fan. Listen to them and maybe you can get more thumbs up than thumbs down next time.

[Umachan]

3100013
Sorry doesn't work that way. There's nothing hypocritical about quitting something halfway through if you don't like it.

You're only feeling this way because it's your work that I'm talking about. Had it been somebody else's you wouldn't have cared.

And you didn't use the little response icon in the top right hand corner. I wouldn't have seen this had Blackie not referenced me in his response to you.

[The_Silent_Hero47]

3108881 I'm a little Dyslexic, but I love reading and writing. You're right on some parts but I would care if this wasn't my own fic. I believe that even if the movie is so terrible that you want to get your money back to sit trough it and see if there's any potential at all near the ending, I give everything a chance. Maybe it isn't hypocritical but to me it's kinda down right disrespectful if the person doesn't even try to look at the slightly better works in the later future.
3110214 And you dear sir, have you read any of my other stories?

[Blackguard]

3113692

I believe that even if the movie is so terrible that you want to get your money back to sit trough it and see if there's any potential at all near the ending, I give everything a chance.

No, you don't give everything a chance. You sit there and accept it and hope that it gets better. Do you feel the same way if you're served food that tastes terrible? Would you finish every single bite simply to see if the last mouthful is somehow any better? How about listening to a song that grates on your ears? Do you listen to it all the way through just in case the last stanza suddenly pulls it all together? If you buy a pair of shoes that pinch your toes and give your feet blisters, do you continue to wear them constantly in the hopes that one day they'll be comfortable?

No, you'd return the food to the kitchen, skip to the next song and get another pair of shoes because I don't believe for a second that you're stupid.

Maybe it isn't hypocritical but to me it's kinda down right disrespectful if the person doesn't even try to look at the slightly better works in the later future.

So now I'm not giving you the respect you feel you deserve? That's quite a sense of entitlement you have there. But the fact of the matter is what you've written does not deserve it. You need to understand that right now, you're just starting out. You're a n00b and this is where you learn your craft. And do you know how you learn? By writing and having people tell you where you went wrong so that you don't make the same mistakes in the future. There are very few that have hit a home run their first time at bat or written a great story with little experience. And those that do usually can't maintain it.

So really it's not me that needs to give you the respect. No, it's you that needs to give this to your readers to have them come back and want to read the next chapter, the next story and to follow everything you do. And until you've earned that right, I'm not going to do anything.

That is the power of the reader. If you want me to come back time and time again, then you need to make it happen.

[Umachan]

3113692

And you dear sir, have you read any of my other stories?

No I haven't and honestly I doubt I will. Fact of the matter is you didn't impress me with what you wrote this time around and I feel that anything else you might have written would simply be the same.

There's no need to get defensive about this. Your story needs work and as far as being an author, you're really not doing it for me. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to let you have the last word and that's it. Accept the fact that I did not like this story and either learn from this or don't. It's up to you.

[The_Silent_Hero47]

3114265 Alright, alright. I guess if you won't read anymore of this story or any others of mine then there's no forcing you to try to read them. I'm sorry if I seemed defensive and will leave you alone if you want to after this comment. But give me a chance for at least trying to do my best, it's just that when I was younger all of my ideas were always shot down or taken and used and not given me any credit whatsoever.
3113921 Okay, maybe we're getting a little out of foot here. I'm sorry I'm an arrogant bastard who doesn't catch on to quick, I just wanted to see if people would at least see if the second chapter was better than the first but clearly that's never going to happen. You can think all you want about me and some of it I would care, but one thing I know for sure at the moment is that I'm not going to win this argument. I hope that you give my future works a chance even if this one sucks and has no taste. I really want to know if I'm a decent writer with different genres.