• Member Since 16th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 28th, 2015

The_Silent_Hero47


T

My name is James Fullmer, I lived a normal (somewhat) life in earth. But then Discord found something that Celestia and Luna didn't know... I am an ancient Guardian of Equestria. I can't turn back now, Discord sent me here to serve my role as an Elder Pony, I intend on doing so.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 38 )

Your OC looks about as natural as a tree made out of platinum and gold.

Honestly, I couldn't get past the description. It's just so trite and overblown in an attempt to be fresh, but I just can't do it. It's boring. It's just really, really boring.

If you want to make it better, I'm sure you could find someone around the site who'd be willing to edit your story for you. :twilightsmile:

Excellent story, but the whole "Human goes to Equestria" concept is a little overused.

I liked this story from the beginning b4 u restarted it. PLZ post MOAR chapters liked and faved :D And the HiE is not overused in fact I think there isn't enough!

More description in the middle. It's a bit too slow. But I do see potential. :derpytongue2:

P.S. Maybe you can read my story, "My Day In Ponyville"

Proofread? :twilightblush:

Edit: I would want to give it a review, but I'm away from my keyboard, And instead, using an ipad. I'll try to do it when I'm back on the computer. But I'm guessing someone else will do it before I could.

2280339 Nope just thought the color's green and blue went nice together.

2280337 Well then would you mind showing me your skills in writing miss? No really I need all the editors I can get.:ajsleepy:

2294821 You seem a tad hostile towards me. I apologize if I offended you, but that was my honest opinion.

As for what you said on the HiE stories, you may have only seen three, but there are hundreds on this site.

In any case, due to personal issues, I am not able to devote large amounts of time to painstakingly editing stories at this time, but there are other people that would be willing to do so.

All you have to do is ask.

2294790
Hate to break it to you, but they don't.

2295086 I tried my best to not seem hostile, sadly that didn't work. You didn't offend me. As for asking last time my first editor who I asked. Never got back to me.

2295663 *sigh* darn it then what will? I can't have the typical, Black and Red.

2297186 Keep asking. Not everyone's going to want to edit your story, but there's someone here that will, I'm sure of it.

2297188
I suggest subtle tones or brushes that don't stand out too much. To get what I'm saying, look at this picture:
img.safeponi.com/samples/14/sample_8a2d4e6bf412578c78740ce05a6b5ac5e50eb5c6.jpg?13813
Notice how most of the colors - including the background, not just the ponies - seem to fit well with each other? Your eyes are relaxed when looking at this image because it flows nicely and coolly, as opposed to flaring out and being blatant.
If I was you I'd just take the colors from two already existing ponies and mix them

Comment posted by The Guy on Your Right deleted Mar 27th, 2013

2298538 How's this? I can't crop it yet I need to do it during school.

2332461 So other then the oc colors did you find the story interesting:rainbowderp:?

Kinda reminds me of my story "Life and Death", but yours is a bit more "dark". I'm interested in seeing where you plan on going with this.

2359470 Well I need an Editor for my 2nd Chapter, none have volunteered yet so if no one claims that part JXWheeler is going to go to work again unless I have Octavia1997 or Sweetiebellea127 don't know yet.:ajsleepy:

2359517
I'd help if I wasn't sick with a terminal case of Procrastination.

2359846 Good to know that you would help. So I guess I have to hit up JX again.

2332461 Hey if I give you my cover art OC can you crop him by chance?

ehhh. well it's not one of the best HIE stories i've ever read. here is what i have to say. thae chapter seemed very rushed and the dialoge didn't realy seem to go anywhere. also it would do you good to look over the gramer in your chapter too. i'm not really good for a grammer editor but i can tell at a glance that this story could use a little TLC. Anyway thanks for giving me a look at this chapter and i hope this review helps! If you get the chance maybe you could read and review one of my stories....if that's okay with you :fluttershysad:

2544136 Well the third Chapter isn't done yet soo.:twilightsheepish:

2544136 Dude you gave me a review I didn't even expect for an un edited chapter and unpublished. Of course I'm fine with reviewing the story/chapter for you.:scootangel:

You've got three strikes against you and I'm not even all the way through the first chapter, it's not looking good for you.

Strike 1: This is not a Human in Equestria or HiE fic. No, it's the HiE's younger and retarded brother the Brony in Equestria or BiE ifc. That is strike one. While an HiiE fic can be well done and there are examples of them on this site it's pretty much a 90% bad to 10% good ratio. A BiE fic on the other hand, well I've never seen one that was well executed for the simple reason that you have a person there that already knows the characters, plots and events before they happen. It also opens up too many questions like meaning that Equestria is real unless you go by the overly tired cliche of it just being a dream.

Strike 2: Brony is a mythical hero that will save Equestria. Yeah, this too has been done to death and usually is nothing more than some masturbatory fantasy whereby your OC who is actually supposed to be you is the one that will save the land, become a hero and get all that sweet pony poon that he wants.

Strike 3: Your descriptions. I don't know if this is intentional or if you're just trying too hard but when you say, "I walked to the bathroom to cleanse my body from my dark dream sins, as I was putting my clean folded wearing material on the sink I look at a nearby mirror. Only to see a drained face with messy hair, and slight stubble staring back at me" you've lost whatever point it was you were trying to make. It's convoluted, messy and really has no business being written. Why not just say, :"I walked to the bathroom to take a shower and tried to wash away the last vestiges of the nightmare. Looking in the mirror I saw a drawn and haunted face that matched how I felt inside." It's much cleaner and descriptive without heading into unnecessary word land. Adding more words than are necessary or trying to sound grandiose does not improve your writing or make you seem more intelligent. If anything it shows that you're trying to impress. Remember, keep it simple and don't use words that you wouldn't normally use in daily conversation.

3077256 Okay, I aprecieate your opionon and thank you for sharing it with me. First off I would like to say that I am not the best writer in the world, and I actually forgot most of what I wrote in the first two chapters. Yes I may have been too confusing, but at least I'm trying and or improving, if not then I need to focus on what I have to get though. Second off, I do not intend for the main charather James Fullmer to have all this pony porn shit, I'm a brony not a clopper. Third off, you have yet to see the third chapter of which I have had a very trusted editor of mine request to do. I am not hostile, I am not friendly. I am just giving my own state of mind of how I saw your comment. If I do seem hostile I am sorry, I'm currently going thorugh some very hard times at the momnet and my mind isn't in it's right place.

3090880

Okay, I aprecieate your opionon and thank you for sharing it with me.

Always a good way to start these things in a cold and formal kind of style. And yes, I'm being totally serious when I say that. Too many times the first response is overly emotional and filled with whines.

First off I would like to say that I am not the best writer in the world, and I actually forgot most of what I wrote in the first two chapters. Yes I may have been too confusing, but at least I'm trying and or improving, if not then I need to focus on what I have to get though.

You lose some points there for stating the obvious. Fact of the matter is this read like some kind of story by some guy that never really wrote anything before. The language used is overdone and overly grandiose which is the hallmark of a newb. This is not a bad thing in and of itself. It can be if you don't improve or continue to use words that have no place in the context of what you wrote.

Second off, I do not intend for the main charather James Fullmer to have all this pony porn shit, I'm a brony not a clopper.

That's nice. I don't care either way but the trend of people transported to Equestria and they're some hero foretold of in legend is overdone and typically goes in that direction. That's not to say that all stories of this type involve man on tiny horse action or in this case tiny horse on tiny horse action but the vast majority do.

Third off, you have yet to see the third chapter of which I have had a very trusted editor of mine request to do.

And? I'm not going to read the next chapter in the series or like some request to wait until it's all written before making any kind of criticism because that's not being realistic. If after the first chapter or even partway through the first chapter I can't read any more due to problems with it, why should I soldier on and read the rest in the vain hope that it will get better? The answer is I shouldn't and expecting your readers to do this means you're missing the point of it all.

If there are problems in your story and you want people to read the whole thing you need to fix those issues first before moving onto other things. Otherwise it shows that you've got no interest in what you've written previously or you consider your work to be too good to change. It's up to you how it is you want to continue your story and far be it from me to tell you you're doing it wrong. But I've been where you are now and I'm pretty much passing along the information that I got to you. You can choose to accept it or not and it will make no difference to me in the end but it can make a world of difference to you and how it is that your work is accepted in the future.

I am not hostile, I am not friendly. I am just giving my own state of mind of how I saw your comment. If I do seem hostile I am sorry, I'm currently going thorugh some very hard times at the momnet and my mind isn't in it's right place.

That was nowhere near hostile as far as I'm concerned but then I have really thick skin so your mileage may vary. I would however suggest that if you feel like this and you think that you might be misinterpreted that you take a step back and write this when you're in a better place.

And? I'm not going to read the next chapter in the series or like some request to wait until it's all written before making any kind of criticism because that's not being realistic. If after the first chapter or even partway through the first chapter I can't read any more due to problems with it, why should I soldier on and read the rest in the vain hope that it will get better? The answer is I shouldn't and expecting your readers to do this means you're missing the point of it all.

This is like judging an art work that isn't even completed in my eyes, you may see it differently but to me it's straight up Hippocratic.

3100013
The word you're looking for is "hypocritical" meaning being a hypocrite not "hippocratic" which means "of Hippocrates" and is associated with doctors and part of the oath they swear to do no harm. And even with that, the term doesn't apply.

To call somebody a hypocrite means that they effectively say to have something such as morals when in reality they don't. I don't see any hypocrisy in his words and it's possible that you meant to use a different term there or didn't quite understand the meaning of the term you used.

Now while you might see this as wrong and you need to judge the work as a whole before saying anything, you yourself are now being a hypocrite for suggesting such a thing because I doubt you practice what it is you preach. Suppose you see a movie, and it's the most boring piece of crap you've ever seen. It;s just dull, and pedantic and you know the director is going for grand but he doesn't know how to do grand so he spices it up with explosions and car chases that have no real place in the movie. You walk out and ask for your money back which the theatre gives you. Are you being a hypocrite for doing so and stating your opinion? No, you're stating your opinion which is what 3093293 did.

Same goes for a TV show. When Glee came out I heard from all the critics that it was a great TV show and the critics all loved it so I curiously turned into the first episode expectuing something funy. By the first commercial break I was deathly bored. By the second commercial break I was no longer paying attention to the TV and switched it off. Am I being a hypocrite for not watching the rest of a TV show that in my eyes was painfully unfunny and boring? No, I simply have different tastes that what the critics or the masses want. I don't need to see the rest of it because I'm not invested in the story.

The same thing goes for this story. It's obvious that 3093293 didn't like it and is not interested in continuing. You might see this as art and your magnum opus but that's only because it's so close to you. In reality, I feel the same way he does. The first chapter failed to spark any kind of interest in me to continue to read what you wrote. You can feel this is unfair as much as you want but I gave you the chance to gain my interest all the way through the first chapter and you didn't get it. All that means is that this story isn't for me. I would also say that more than half the people that have voted on it feel the same way.

But don't let that discourage you. Continue to write as you see fit especially if you're writing for yourself and don't care what others think of your work. But, if you want to write for others then the words of a critic carry the same amount of weight as those of a fan. Listen to them and maybe you can get more thumbs up than thumbs down next time.

3100013
Sorry doesn't work that way. There's nothing hypocritical about quitting something halfway through if you don't like it.

You're only feeling this way because it's your work that I'm talking about. Had it been somebody else's you wouldn't have cared.

And you didn't use the little response icon in the top right hand corner. I wouldn't have seen this had Blackie not referenced me in his response to you.

3108881 I'm a little Dyslexic, but I love reading and writing. You're right on some parts but I would care if this wasn't my own fic. I believe that even if the movie is so terrible that you want to get your money back to sit trough it and see if there's any potential at all near the ending, I give everything a chance. Maybe it isn't hypocritical but to me it's kinda down right disrespectful if the person doesn't even try to look at the slightly better works in the later future.
3110214 And you dear sir, have you read any of my other stories?

3113692

I believe that even if the movie is so terrible that you want to get your money back to sit trough it and see if there's any potential at all near the ending, I give everything a chance.

No, you don't give everything a chance. You sit there and accept it and hope that it gets better. Do you feel the same way if you're served food that tastes terrible? Would you finish every single bite simply to see if the last mouthful is somehow any better? How about listening to a song that grates on your ears? Do you listen to it all the way through just in case the last stanza suddenly pulls it all together? If you buy a pair of shoes that pinch your toes and give your feet blisters, do you continue to wear them constantly in the hopes that one day they'll be comfortable?

No, you'd return the food to the kitchen, skip to the next song and get another pair of shoes because I don't believe for a second that you're stupid.

Maybe it isn't hypocritical but to me it's kinda down right disrespectful if the person doesn't even try to look at the slightly better works in the later future.

So now I'm not giving you the respect you feel you deserve? That's quite a sense of entitlement you have there. But the fact of the matter is what you've written does not deserve it. You need to understand that right now, you're just starting out. You're a n00b and this is where you learn your craft. And do you know how you learn? By writing and having people tell you where you went wrong so that you don't make the same mistakes in the future. There are very few that have hit a home run their first time at bat or written a great story with little experience. And those that do usually can't maintain it.

So really it's not me that needs to give you the respect. No, it's you that needs to give this to your readers to have them come back and want to read the next chapter, the next story and to follow everything you do. And until you've earned that right, I'm not going to do anything.

That is the power of the reader. If you want me to come back time and time again, then you need to make it happen.

3113692

And you dear sir, have you read any of my other stories?

No I haven't and honestly I doubt I will. Fact of the matter is you didn't impress me with what you wrote this time around and I feel that anything else you might have written would simply be the same.

There's no need to get defensive about this. Your story needs work and as far as being an author, you're really not doing it for me. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to let you have the last word and that's it. Accept the fact that I did not like this story and either learn from this or don't. It's up to you.

3114265 Alright, alright. I guess if you won't read anymore of this story or any others of mine then there's no forcing you to try to read them. I'm sorry if I seemed defensive and will leave you alone if you want to after this comment. But give me a chance for at least trying to do my best, it's just that when I was younger all of my ideas were always shot down or taken and used and not given me any credit whatsoever.
3113921 Okay, maybe we're getting a little out of foot here. I'm sorry I'm an arrogant bastard who doesn't catch on to quick, I just wanted to see if people would at least see if the second chapter was better than the first but clearly that's never going to happen. You can think all you want about me and some of it I would care, but one thing I know for sure at the moment is that I'm not going to win this argument. I hope that you give my future works a chance even if this one sucks and has no taste. I really want to know if I'm a decent writer with different genres.

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