REAL Finale - Dear Afterlife Diary...
Dear Afterlife Diary. it has been 7 days since i arrived. and's it's been one heck of a time! seeing Twilight and her friends...well. except Rainbow. anyways. i'm still watching over my sister. i hope she is happy. also. i found out she got a puppy she named after me. that's so sweet. having a puppy named after me. i hope i get to meet Applebloom if i can find a way back to the living world. for now. i am fine here with Winona. this is Applejack signing off.
The REAL End..
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I must read this when I have the time... If I do not, I will draw you an apology cookie.
2192784
Thanks!
Why is there a gore tag?
I didn't read it, I'll be honest, cause I too lost a dog. Not by a car, had to be put down...she was old...heart failure...
Didn't want to start bawling on my keyboard, so you get an insta like from me.
2192903
Strangely enough.... Same.
Insta-like for you my good man.
2192838
for the Alternate Ending
2192903
wow...i am so sorry for your lost
276 VIEWS IN ONE DAY?! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT!
2201249
thanks
I'm sure simba misses you as much as you miss him, i hope you will both meet in the after life
2219731
Thanks
Okay, I am really mixed about this. Onto the review.
Positives: A deep story that I really like that I can honestly admire and understand, but.
Negatives: I really hate saying this. To me the story is way too short. That is not just a complaint about "I want more", to me it needed more. Just some more time to help describe the emotions going through Applejack's mind. It really kind of ruined it making it sound like, the dog died, she is sad because of that, and now she is happy because she gets to be with her.
Whatever you take from this do not say I am being disrespectful to Simba. I would break down as well when my dogs die. But with this lack of detail it sounds as if you are not letting the readers understand how she feels. And which is a shame because I really like where this could have gone but it just broke down to me.
Just how old are you?
I'm sorry, but I could only feel a certain amount of angst, and it was small. It was probably because the story was extremely short, the chapters were only around 100 to 300 words, and I couldn't quite get the grammar.
All in all, the grammar might have been terrible, but the story itself was tear jerking.
It seems that animals are real tear-jerkers.
I too know the cold sting of losing a pet...that cold sting has struck twice in my case.
I have lost two pets. It was the day of the royal wedding between prince William and Kate when I was informed that my little puppy had been ran over.... SHE WAS 2...
I barely got to know her...Then within the same hour of returning home to find her lying there, the guy who ran her over turned up and apologized. I forgave him, there and then.
And my other older dog, I lived with her for 15 years. We got her when I was born. Then after losing my other dog, her old heart just couldn't take it...
We had her put down...It was the best thing for her...
Darn I miss them...
Why was this just added to clopfics?
Good story.
Relatively okay grammar/spelling
This wasn't clop, so why did you put it in the Clopfics group?
2462827
I was wondering that too...
The first thing that I noticed, right off the bat, was that the description needs a good dose of commas.
Ahhh, the magic of commas!
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,
Will read in a moment...
2462511
I think that it was that Rainbow Dash wasn't dead yet, not that she was in hell.
Srsly, why is this even in clopfics?
Read this. Don't ask questions, just... read this. You really need to just read that guide over there.
I just lost my dog, Kimba (named after Kimba the white lion- the original- before Simba), we had to put him down. He was 19, and it was 2 days after my birthday. I can really connect with you, so I will follow you. How old are you?
2537055
It says the dog died in 2006 and that they were four or five years old at the time. Do the math.
2542060
I was just wondering whether it was 5 or 6, if I knew their age, I'd know which one it was.
This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society
Story title: (Dedicated to my dog. Simba) The Best Pet A Farmer Can Have....
Author: Ryanzombies01
Review by: BronyWriter
A story that could have been really touching as it had an emotional connection with the author as evidenced by the title. A title that itself has errors in it. There really isn’t much detail to go into with this fic, because it’s only the bare bones of what a fic should be. It needs to be fleshed out considerably. It is understandable that with a story like this, there needs to be ambiguity, but the author had too much of it. A re-write would be wise. There was certainly a great idea behind it as the ending proves, but it needs more meat to get there.
Full review with spoilers
Final Score: 0.5/10
2943778 Sir.........this story was made by a kid.11 or 12.How I know?Cuz I did the math.
13-6=7 years since Simba's passing.Ryanzombie01 says he was 4-5 years old then so 7+4=11 or 7+5=12 years old.so REDO that review with the fact that he's a kid.
3675213 Absolutely not. Firstly, I'm not with the ECS anymore.
Secondly, his age excuses nothing. There are other twelve year olds on this site who write better. All of the issues I pointed out are things that are just basic. Grammar, story, flow, characterizations, it's all part of writing this kind of a thing. What, you think if I took his age into account I'd suddenly give it a good review? Sorry, but no. That's not how it works. He asked me to be honest when reviewing it, and I was. I'm not biased against this story, I have no reason to be, and everything I pointed out was fact. This isn't me being a heartless jerk, this is me giving an honest, completely fair and un-biased review, which is exactly what he told me to do. If I took his age into account that would add bias.
Thirdly, what the heck are you doing giving me orders?! You're ordering me to re-do the review? Seriously?
3675257
And I hit someone's nerve again(facepalms myself on HOW I ALWAYS DO THAT).Not my intention sorry.But still you do at least feel sorry for the kid right?
3675269 In terms of losing the dog, sure. I watched my own childhood dog get put down, so I know it sucks big time. That doesn't improve the story in the slightest, though.
3675282 yeah kay I can see that.Anyway again sorry for hitting a nerve still have no idea how I do that a lot.
3675287 No worries.
Review-
I'm going to be terribly honest. This was AWFUL. The inspiration was nice, but in general the fic was awful. No basic understanding of English grammar. I found more mistakes in this than stars in the sky. Reading this felt like reading a half put together Twilight fan fiction about Bella losing Jacob after he's hit by a car.
Seriously.
0.01/10. It'd be a zero, but I could at least understand the idea.
EDIT: Found this-