Twilight Sparkle and Spike, both at home from a long day of adventure and relaxation, find themselves reading a new and mysterious book gifted from Princess Celestia, which may be comedy, tragedy or just a plain old spell book, but can the words twisted inside of the book send a dark spell out to attack the elements of harmony, or elements of a different kind?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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“Out of all the elements, the strongest of them all is...” Apple Jack glared down at the page and squinted. “potassium. What the hay is a potassium!”
^^ Best part right here my friend. Keep up in your writing my friend.
2220508 Thanks, I'm glad someone is posting comments.
I'm working on the periodic table of elements at school, and that was my same reaction xD
2223939 Hmmm? Elements, do I hear? Chemistry?
- so she lived in a map? Might want to use a comma between "in, a." dat grammar and punc mean a whole lot.
- What is this info relevant to? Might want to take it out, or add a little more info to make it relevant to something.
- why? Useless info.
- Put a comma before that 'and'; it's a incomplete sentence; a clause, but not subject.
there's more... alot more, but I don't feel like exposing all of these 'follies', and if you're doing this in the middle of your systematic educative program, like after school or something, or just doing this in a rush, I advise you to take a little more time reading what you write, or 'type' to be correct. Why? Mainly because there is an unprecedented amount of obscurities residing within the text. Either proof or pre-read before you submit, lest you have an entire story filled with this 'atrocities' they call 'errors.' Just a bit of, what they call, 'friendly advice.'
2228082 Thanks for the corrections, and i am doing this literally, during, school. I just don't care to learn for social studies.
I have had a history for excluding commas and repeating capitalization, and it is a help when people tell me my "errors" and give me friendly advice on how to fix it, which I will do so.
If you're going for editing, I believe it is "Fluttershy," not "Flutter Shy." Other than that, it's not too bad and is still holding my interest. Keep writing when you can!
someone say berries? ahhh, I'm anticipating the excitment, not really seeing anything happen here.
2258150 This was just more of a getting out chapter. I needed something to post Twilight telling R.D. and F.S. About the meeting, but I enjoyed writing Berry.
2256785
Thanks! I'll keep bringing out what I can.
D'aww, thanks for the mention
But seriously, glad to help any way I can.
BTW, near the middle of this chapter, it sounds like Quicksilver and Berryl could have their own reality TV show, the way they're arguing.
I decided to come back and read the new chapters, and I'm glad I did. By the fact that you're currently studying the periodic table at school I'm going to guess that you're either in middle school or high school, and in either case this is pretty impressive. Definite improvements from when I read the first two chapters and I'm looking forward to more.
