Pinkie Pie is leaving you at home for a week so she can go run off to the Crystal Kingdom with her friends. You two lead a very loving romance, tons of sexual exploration. Perfect right? Well no matter what the situation she will not, under any cir
[In your eyes the world around you shattered. Only Cheerilee in front of you remained. Golden gates seemed to appear behind her, as the gates opened, clouds poured out from them and tiny pegasi came flying out, blowing on gilded trumpets.]
^^this right here and the Zelda references PURE GENUIS have all the staches...ALL OF THEM
Nice chapter. Though at the end Twilight, and the others are either big idiot, or racest. They get some randome letter, and instead of going to Pinkie to see if it is true they just belive ir and assume the worst.
Seeing this new ehapter certainly made me give an excited cheer, but one part of it made me shed a tear. You definitely made this fun with the different references coming into the bout. Especially when Lilo & Stich was brought about. But one thing escapes my mind as I cannot yet fully understand, is what caused the Mane 6 to make me think, "Oh shit, we're fucked man!"
2266822 Oh chuck you so silly 2267184 Im glad your excited ^_^ 2267387 Childhood influences :) 2267424 Its happening, although... expect some delays O.O 2267794 Foreshadowing in present time 2267962 It was the letter sent by Carrot Cake 2268011 Just one week? 2268092I see what you did there and i promise quite a scare 2268139 ^_^ Normal as normal can be
It was a story where a parasprite infestation in Canterlot was used as a plot device to have Twilight's parents spend a week at her place. The parasprite extermination finished a few days early.
Carrot Cake you vindictive arse. A falsified letter through Spike to try and get Twilight to destroy our resident human in Equestria. Hopefully Pinkie's Pinkie Sense will alert her soon, otherwise I sense danger in the near future.
Mother of God the shitstorm that is about to incur after this chapter is going to be of epic proportions, good thing I brought my umbrella and my favorite masturbation lotions and oils. Let mayhem and orgy begin!
hmm, I can't see any of them being out for blood without waiting to hear an explanation... or asking Pinkie Pie about it, or questioning who sent the letter. other than that another good chapter.
AJ owns a farm, that means at least one shovel and maybe up to 100 acres, the human won't be found also I wonder how Shining will react when he finds out that he and Cadence have committed genocide
DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! THIS PLOT IS FLAILING AROUND MADLY!
This story started out pretty strong with an interesting protagonist, some good humor and the beginnings of an engaging story, but it's quickly devolving into a story that is just another "Hey wouldn't it be great if my character got to have sex with everypony." When it was just Cup and your protagonist there was a lot of feeling and emotion in the story. Then you introduced the three-way with Pearl and while I may have thought it was an exceptionally stupid move on Cup's part it still held true to your characterization of her and her issues with low self-esteem.
Now in this chapter you introduce Chrysalis whom promptly falls for the main character on extremely flimsy pretenses and transforms into Epona, which seriously made me facedesk right there. You also introduce the idea that a herd has around 5-6 mares, and would you look at that, the story just happens to have 6 available mares tied up in a handy package. Cheerilee's reveal was a great twist, but then she just fucks the protagonist regardless, and despite him earlier stating that he wan'ts a small herd of just Cup & Pinkie, he quickly invites her to the herd before he has any real connection with her despite earlier having rather strict moral problems with being unfaithful.
This story is trying to go so many different ways that you only now were able to get back to a pivotal plot point Carrot's letter that was introduced early in Chapter 2 and was then promptly not touched upon again until the very end of Chapter 4 as a cliffhanger for the next one. You should really consider condensing down your story and focus on the points that really make your story shine rather than trying to have a little bit of absolutely everything and ending up with a jumbled mess that can't seem to make headway in any one plotline.
Men is very sad, that Chrysalis is dying, I hoped she find a cure or something. Also, the 5 of them are angry? Just wait to see what Pinkie will do to them when she find out what they had done to the human, or are intended to do
I have to ask. How does a guy cheat on his girl/marefriend, then make the woman/mare he cheated on her with part of his harem/herd and worry about losing his old girl feel just fine doing it over and over again? not so much the cheating with cup, but the sleeping with yet MORE mares and then adding yet another mare to the herd without taking the original girl's feelings on the matter into account? Is this guy stupid, or just an ass? Don't get me wrong, i like this fanfic and will continue to read it, but this is just a point of frustration when i think on the character's........character. Please, feel free to point out something i'm missing here. To me it just feels like he either doesn't really care, or he is to dumb to realize he is digging himself deeper in the hole.
2270551 ^_^ Your comment was hard to read- O.O damn site way to flashy But now on to your comment - Yes it would be nice if the Protagonist could indeed just pork everyone, Sadly that would make for a boring story. I am glad that you cought on to Cup Cake low self esteem (Never forget that) also remember though she has a very important point to prove to a local draconuss. As fo Cheerilee, my thoughts behind it are as thus. There was enough of a emotional connection and with curiosity. "Frost" has known her for quite sometime. Yes he added her because she is close and there IS a connection there. As for the act of sex, it is mention before that "Frost" doesnt know all the rules, also he was instucted that this was Cup's idea as well. Cows As for why wasnt the letter touch until chapter 4. Time my friend. The ever flowing factor. It would make little sence for the letter to get there on Thursday or Wednesday. Monday evening was even a bit of stretch any later and it would seen unreal. Also there is my story telling style, you will find out that i drop "thread" hints here and there but find out in the end there is a large woven tapestry. As for Epona... I have no regrets. When your near death and you find something that makes you happy are you going to lose it? As for 5-6 mares bit. No your not going to be poking all the mane 6 in some super orgy. Just remember today is only Monday still and Pinkie Pie will be home on Friday. There are still lots of interesting things to follow Also: Comment on the clop too, seriously took me almost 12 hour to get the detail just right and no one says a single thing about it. 2271948 Nope he is smart and dumb and just doing the best with what he is given,
At teh rate Frost is going, he is going to have half of Ponyville in his herd by the time Pinkie gets back. What I want to see is his reaction fi eh meets Fleur de Lis. THAT would be awesome! Also, he said he would like to bag an alicorn, so why not give him the cuter of teh 2 alicorn Princesses: Luna? She deserves it
I have a feeling that Frost's gonna be in deep shit. Of course, since Frost is a heavyworlder, he might actually be a physical match for AJ. And Pinkie's gonna he pissed when she finds out what happened.
Anyways, the bit with Chrysalis seems kinda tacked on and not really relevant.
2274451 ;-;Its not tacked on Author takes offense But i can see what you mean though. Just think though its still Monday 2273117 Fleur de Lis, i never thought of that. As for luna she might play a small role later 2272568 Lets hope for the best. 2272426 FOREVER 2271572 We will see 2269847 A fellow king, i great thee verilly! 2270315 There is no running from twilight
*squee*
Right in the childhood. Seriously made me cry.
I love the ending!
So, Chrysalis. Ouch. I sorta feel sorry for her. Also, it was totally unexpected that she'd show up. But not in a bad way. I like Chrysalis.
That "rhyme" at the end... Foreshadowing, spoilers or just trolling? No idea, and I guess we'll get to see that later. It was funny, though.
Shit run!
Nice chapter. Though at the end Twilight, and the others are either big idiot, or racest. They get some randome letter, and instead of going to Pinkie to see if it is true they just belive ir and assume the worst.
When Pinkie Pie finds out that Twilight hospitalized her boyfriend over a simple misunderstanding, she's going to remove her wings.
I don't suppose the parasprites and finishing the week-long job two days early is a reference to 'Just One Week?'
Seeing this new ehapter certainly made me give an excited cheer, but one part of it made me shed a tear.
You definitely made this fun with the different references coming into the bout. Especially when Lilo & Stich was brought about.
But one thing escapes my mind as I cannot yet fully understand, is what caused the Mane 6 to make me think, "Oh shit, we're fucked man!"
2267962
True. Also, why are they so enraged? I thought herding was supposed to be normal.
2268139
We don't know what the letter said. Just that Anon was accused of making Pinkie cry. Not much to go by.
2266822 Oh chuck you so silly
2267184 Im glad your excited ^_^
2267387 Childhood influences :)
2267424 Its happening, although... expect some delays O.O
2267794 Foreshadowing in present time
2267962 It was the letter sent by Carrot Cake
2268011 Just one week?
2268092I see what you did there and i promise quite a scare
2268139 ^_^ Normal as normal can be
2268425
Still, the smarrt thing to do would have been to confront Pinkie about it. Not assume the worst and go on a revenge vendeta.
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQUF2-Rl3IybwEmk1SmuXX138ObwaX_3jS9bXnUgkGJwSKXUX_f
2268425
It was a story where a parasprite infestation in Canterlot was used as a plot device to have Twilight's parents spend a week at her place. The parasprite extermination finished a few days early.
the plot thickens. Also lira with pedobear in her butt scared....made me laugh soo hard.
big mac's into cows? thats udderly ludicrous
Well, the protagonist is screwed, and not in the good way either.
Please don't build this up so intensely that you couldn't possibly come up with a conclusion that wouldn't result in killing him.
Well done.
Cheerilee you asked me earlier if I wanted to talk I didn’t want to the,
I think you want to say than here
Oh "I'm" so fucked
Zelda references, so much table flip
alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/angry-desk-flip-l.png
Carrot Cake you vindictive arse. A falsified letter through Spike to try and get Twilight to destroy our resident human in Equestria. Hopefully Pinkie's Pinkie Sense will alert her soon, otherwise I sense danger in the near future.
I'd read this, but it's just TOO LATE at night...meh, screw it, I'll read at least SOME of it...
Mother of God the shitstorm that is about to incur after this chapter is going to be of epic proportions, good thing I brought my umbrella and my favorite masturbation lotions and oils. Let mayhem and orgy begin!
hmm, I can't see any of them being out for blood without waiting to hear an explanation... or asking Pinkie Pie about it, or questioning who sent the letter. other than that another good chapter.
That poem made me laugh so hard!!!
Chrysalis, Cheerilee, and Cup Cake? Get out of my brain.
AJ owns a farm, that means at least one shovel and maybe up to 100 acres, the human won't be found
also I wonder how Shining will react when he finds out that he and Cadence have committed genocide
2268532 Yes. It is gun be good :D
2267463 I do love staches
2268781 Who wouldnt want pedobear in the bum?
2268804 who wouldnt want a romp with a cow?
2268801 :3 sweet i need better bandwidth
2268863 :3 you have no idea
2268874 ;-; i cant i am no artist
2269166 I don't know if that's good or bad ;-;
2269176 yes. yes u r
2268961 there is no gore tag
2269301 clop now, read later
2269344 lh4.googleusercontent.com/-_J6OBOMGfPM/T85-ML5R8qI/AAAAAAAABGA/FzdEuS3tsvo/s446/So%2520It%2520Begins.jpg
2269346 "Being out for blood is a general term for ventictive people, there not litterally out to go kill... just mame and hurt a little
2269433 im glad i ended on a funny note ;-; not alot of comedy in this chapter
2269648 ^_^ not done yet remember its still monday
2269855 I hear you, I just feel that they (especially Twilight) would get the whole story first. I'm still looking forward to where this goes.
well there are a few hot women I hate out there that I would do in a pinch.........OHHHH!!! you mean the animal.....*shrugs*
oh shit run forest run
I read this for the plot.
2269855 I know, but from all that build up anything written less extravagant after that will doubtlessly be anti-climatic.
DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! THIS PLOT IS FLAILING AROUND MADLY!
This story started out pretty strong with an interesting protagonist, some good humor and the beginnings of an engaging story, but it's quickly devolving into a story that is just another "Hey wouldn't it be great if my character got to have sex with everypony." When it was just Cup and your protagonist there was a lot of feeling and emotion in the story. Then you introduced the three-way with Pearl and while I may have thought it was an exceptionally stupid move on Cup's part it still held true to your characterization of her and her issues with low self-esteem.
Now in this chapter you introduce Chrysalis whom promptly falls for the main character on extremely flimsy pretenses and transforms into Epona, which seriously made me facedesk right there. You also introduce the idea that a herd has around 5-6 mares, and would you look at that, the story just happens to have 6 available mares tied up in a handy package. Cheerilee's reveal was a great twist, but then she just fucks the protagonist regardless, and despite him earlier stating that he wan'ts a small herd of just Cup & Pinkie, he quickly invites her to the herd before he has any real connection with her despite earlier having rather strict moral problems with being unfaithful.
This story is trying to go so many different ways that you only now were able to get back to a pivotal plot point Carrot's letter that was introduced early in Chapter 2 and was then promptly not touched upon again until the very end of Chapter 4 as a cliffhanger for the next one. You should really consider condensing down your story and focus on the points that really make your story shine rather than trying to have a little bit of absolutely everything and ending up with a jumbled mess that can't seem to make headway in any one plotline.
Men is very sad, that Chrysalis is dying, I hoped she find a cure or something. Also, the 5 of them are angry? Just wait to see what Pinkie will do to them when she find out what they had done to the human, or are intended to do
I'm happy as long as you kill noone andnopony...Carrot Cake notwithstanding.
love it
I have to ask. How does a guy cheat on his girl/marefriend, then make the woman/mare he cheated on her with part of his harem/herd and worry about losing his old girl feel just fine doing it over and over again? not so much the cheating with cup, but the sleeping with yet MORE mares and then adding yet another mare to the herd without taking the original girl's feelings on the matter into account? Is this guy stupid, or just an ass? Don't get me wrong, i like this fanfic and will continue to read it, but this is just a point of frustration when i think on the character's........character. Please, feel free to point out something i'm missing here. To me it just feels like he either doesn't really care, or he is to dumb to realize he is digging himself deeper in the hole.
2270315 Ohh.., I see what you did there with that profile pic and the story hehe
2270551 ^_^ Your comment was hard to read- O.O damn site way to flashy But now on to your comment - Yes it would be nice if the Protagonist could indeed just pork everyone, Sadly that would make for a boring story. I am glad that you cought on to Cup Cake low self esteem (Never forget that)
also remember though she has a very important point to prove to a local draconuss.
As fo Cheerilee, my thoughts behind it are as thus. There was enough of a emotional connection and with curiosity. "Frost" has known her for quite sometime. Yes he added her because she is close and there IS a connection there. As for the act of sex, it is mention before that "Frost" doesnt know all the rules, also he was instucted that this was Cup's idea as well.
Cows
As for why wasnt the letter touch until chapter 4. Time my friend. The ever flowing factor. It would make little sence for the letter to get there on Thursday or Wednesday. Monday evening was even a bit of stretch any later and it would seen unreal. Also there is my story telling style, you will find out that i drop "thread" hints here and there but find out in the end there is a large woven tapestry.
As for Epona... I have no regrets. When your near death and you find something that makes you happy are you going to lose it? As for 5-6 mares bit. No your not going to be poking all the mane 6 in some super orgy.
Just remember today is only Monday still and Pinkie Pie will be home on Friday. There are still lots of interesting things to follow
Also: Comment on the clop too, seriously took me almost 12 hour to get the detail just right and no one says a single thing about it.
2271948 Nope he is smart and dumb and just doing the best with what he is given,
I think that Mr. Frost is going to deal with a cataclysmic flaming shit storm, but chances are good that things will be vanilla in the end.
At teh rate Frost is going, he is going to have half of Ponyville in his herd by the time Pinkie gets back. What I want to see is his reaction fi eh meets Fleur de Lis. THAT would be awesome! Also, he said he would like to bag an alicorn, so why not give him the cuter of teh 2 alicorn Princesses: Luna? She deserves it
I have a feeling that Frost's gonna be in deep shit. Of course, since Frost is a heavyworlder, he might actually be a physical match for AJ. And Pinkie's gonna he pissed when she finds out what happened.
Anyways, the bit with Chrysalis seems kinda tacked on and not really relevant.
2274451 ;-;Its not tacked on Author takes offense But i can see what you mean though. Just think though its still Monday
2273117 Fleur de Lis, i never thought of that. As for luna she might play a small role later
2272568 Lets hope for the best.
2272426 FOREVER
2271572 We will see
2269847 A fellow king, i great thee verilly!
2270315 There is no running from twilight
2272553 2270551
A think that when he was talking about the main 6, it was about Lyra, BomBom, Cup, Pinkie, Cherilee, and Crysalis.
Also man it makes me a little sad about the fact that ponies in this story dont live more than sixty years why dude WHY!!!!
He is going to outlive Pound and Pumpkin Cake
It is so freaking sad