KingofSquirrelz
Joined 15th May, 2012 ·
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Ted reference third paragraph in, +1 Will make real comment later.
Ahhhhuhhhhhmmm....
Can't brain right now. I have the dumb.
Dat gracious ass is bodacious.
...
Thumbs up for the last part alone, great story. I notice it's incomplete? I hope that means there will be much more, after all this is only day one of Pinkie Pie being gone am I right?
Not a bad start, there's a good bit of potential here. You definitely need a pre-reader/editor though. There are a lot of misspellings and a few sentences that confuse. I'd be happy to help on future chapters.
Great, but the story does need a bit of fixing up. I'm honestly not even sure what the last half of that sentence is, it's so garbled.
2139966 Corrected, thanks for the catch. I do three rereads before i post. Even then i cant catch them all. English is my third language.
2139939 Correct the incomplete tag is meant to be there, more chapters to come.
2139826 Nice catch, i was hoping someone would notice.
2139854 Dat ass
2139942 Might take you up on that.
2139890 ...
hmm i dont like clop.... but i like your writing....... dammit a rock and a hard place here......
screw it ill read it...
ok now that ive read it id just like to say i laughed my ass off
mother of god i lost it. good job squirrels, looks like your still the king for good reason
So much ass, so much awesome, so much....everything.
Have five
. I eagerly await a new chapter/sequel.
2139826 As someone who has both not seen that movie and is an avid fan of Scrubs, my life -after- that movie has been very, very confusing and slightly disappointing.
I would also like to point out that this was added to the 'shipping' group but not the 'clopfics' group yet. As someone who is subscribed to both, this has done nothing to alleviate the aforementioned confusion.
All of that aside, I will probably give this a look later
EDIT: Started reading, noticed many errors early on. I stopped the first time I saw "there" instead of "they're"
It may be good and it may not be, but whatever the case, you need a prereader, man. I'd be willing to give it another go once it's fixed, though
EDIT EDIT: Nevermind. Just...just nevermind
NICE!!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS THAT IMAGE SAFE FOR WORK?
Uhhhh... UHHH...
Dunsparce used Leer!
Story's Defense fell!
Story used Harden!
Dunsparce fled using it's Run Away!
I'm going to follow this but if carrot cake does anything to pinkie I'm done
need I say more?
Interesting...
I thought this might be an anthropomorphic story since they're anthropomorphic on the cover but after skimming through it a bit... its not...
Nice, however you may want to take a look through. Spotted a few grammar mistakes
Interesting story, but you really need a proofreader, there are way too many errors.
Can't thumb it yet due to all the typos, but i'm definitely keeping an eye on this one.
Lol at the TED reference
Will read later, but I'm finding errors.
First off, there are multitudes of tense changes. Stick with one. I'd say go with past, but your choice.
Secondly, it's "mulled over" not "mauled over." Mr. Cake is not a bear.
I'll continue later. For now it looks pretty good and funny, so you get a like.
I feel that Carrot Cake is drinking in his off time because he seems to have some bad anger issues.
I would've said the same thing if Carrot just walked in on his ex-wife doing a human. :P
Loved it, new ideas on humans and their anatomy compared to pony anatomy. Density and volume differences, can't wait for some more stuff that you come up with. Also, last few sentences were hilarious.
2140806
i907.photobucket.com/albums/ac276/Beowulf1990/mr-bean-magic.gif
But yeah, noticed that a whole bunch of anthro sex stories are pushing the boundaries of NSFW more and more each day.
2141456
I actually think they are full pony in this. Notice one of the parts says Mrs.Cakes tits were nearly touching the floor? DOubt that would happen if she was Anthro. My conclusion is that this was the only image the author could find that had both Pinkie and Mrs.Cake showing off nice, big butts.
So, I had a few problems with this fiction.
#1 - The Title
Poking Pinkie Pie in the Pooper. Honestly, I know you're being blunt, but you should consider a title change. I won't offer suggestions, but that is just weird on so many levels.
#2 - Grammar/Misuse of words
I was going to point out a few. But, I think that's up to your non-existent editors to find them. Usually its a double use of a word, the wrong form of 'your', incomplete sentences, yadda-yadda. If you want me to find a few, I will.
#3 -The Fiction
It was interesting, but I was greatly confused. On the cover, you display anthro Pinkie and Mrs. Cake which instantly makes me think that this story is anthro. Reading through it, it's actually just pony/human. So, it appears as thought you're using that picture to just attract viewers because of how erotic it looks. If you honestly wish to do that, crop out Pinkie's ass, rather than showing us the anthro. Misleading the reader is quite annoying (in the aspect of the cover to the story)
On top of that, it seems this is just going to be about screwing Mrs. Cake and Pinkie Pie, rather than an actual story. Not that that is bad, or anything, just bland. Alongside that, the setting changes happen to fast. One minute, "you" are screwing Cake in the kitchen, the next, you're somehow in the upstairs room, in which you further go upstairs because Ms. Cake asks you to. I don't know, just odd.
All in all, this doesn't deserve my like. Nor does it my dislike. I'm not going to bother giving this anything, other than what I gave. Take with it what you will. If you've changed how you acted a little while ago, Squirrel, then you'll accept some of this, but not argue the rest. Again, if you want me to provide point-outs of where the grammar thing is, then I will.
Ta~ta.
"Well...I fucked your wife"...Lawled SOOOOOOO hard
2140868 It's kinda between SFW and NSFW. It's just on the edge of the earlier, so it's okay.
Wile I do love the cover art, I don't think I'll be reading this. Anything involving the words "butt" and "sex" makes me cringe a bit, even if it's hetero.
Wat real plot by god does not compute does not compute DOES fFHTFJYJIYYJUGFGFGTQD *head explodes*
It's actually fairly solid, but I think there's a big issue with consistency, both in tone and quality. Having this looked over ahead of time by somebody with practice and experience, or even looking it over more yourself, might lead to a much more polished fic. The concepts are great, the sex is good, and the characterization is... Moderate. I'm in favor of it, on the whole.
"You asked the all-knowing one, your cock."
Just for that line, I consider this one of the greatest fics on this site.
Oh look... more second person. It's not like we don't have enough of this hamfisted genre already. Apparently, people like stories better when they can cheaply insert themselves into it as some sort of cheesy way to get off.
"Well... I fucked your wife."
Best Line EVAR!
Spot on! Some of the lines were pretty damn funny and it felt like things were overexaggerated which, for me, made it better.
You know, clop used to have some sort of romance to it, or even have a little bit of cleverness. Now it's just awkward to read because it's in second person, and frankly I don't like it (Opinion). However, I guess this is pretty well done, just the whole second person thing tends to be confusing. I am not feeling that way, I promise you that. Plus, it's a human in equestria nightmare story. You know what these second person human in Equestria fics really remind me of...
Final Verdict: It's like coming home after a sexually confusing summer camp.
Oh my... you dedicated this to me... I... I don't know how to feel about that besides intrigued and aroused, more so than when I opened this story for dat erotic Mrs. Cake. Well, let's not tarry!
2141920 Somehow, I just knew I would see you in here complaining. It's one of the few things you can count on in life, like death and taxes. My question to you is: why whine about it, when you can do nothing about it? What is the purpose for your pointless griping? I must know.
Loathe,
Your Antagonist
2141991 I have opinions. And as a bi-product, I think people who don't share them are wrong, because I'm stupid like that. Point being, in my mind, I see no way in hell someone would ever like something like this, and while I know that other opinions exist, for some reason devoid to me, I think they're stupid, just like mine are to everyone else.
Did the next chapter will be coming soon? Perhaps tonight or tomorrow? I really want to see how it progress, and definitely want to study that book, if my girlfriend is as wild as Pinkie and like you said, somethings are better left along and make clear that they are a no-no. I would have read it as many times as possible, until I understand as much as possible or at least memories the no-no, things.
And after that even I would re check that book, 294 pages? I almost sure there is at least one code for a 3 some, and now they found a partner. Oh and please tell me that there is a code for royal 3 some. I want Celestia or Luna taking at least some interest.
Oh and for what I read, humans perhaps are not as big as stallion, but we highly compensated that with our hands, and win with our secret weapon, we can safely said that we please we PLEASE, she can't even stand up, that is a giant plus.
That is why I want to see the princess, I want to see how she could deal with our advantages, and with their magic and wings, I bet it could be a even fight to see who will cum first, and she win, he win double. Princess Celestia impress that she can still feel you inside, that certainly will be a big boast to the pride.
P.S: You talk about Celestia but what about Luna, did she could appear in some point in the story too?
2140664 My English isn't too bad, its my third language, also it is my first actual clop fic, did you enjoy?
2140752 thank you very much, wait until chp two.
2140806 Butts are always safe.
2140825 Author uses Poke' ball
2140868 The pic passed admin approval :P I am Innocent
2140919 next line : Oh, Ok.
2140966 Follow and i shall tell you a tail!
2141082 I read that one like several times and i couldn't see what you were talking about. Then i saw it, thank you for the catch, did you enjoy the story?
2141149 Quite, Did you enjoy it?
2141205 Nope, you are the only human, they are very real ponies.
2141248 ;-; i did, i STILL cant see them apparently everyone else can though. Author =
2141275 :D Will do, thanks, il try again to go in and catch the errors,
2141294 I was hoping lots of people would catch it :D +1 to comment
2141338 lol, thanks, i know it was a grammar mistake but now i want to keep mauled. That made me laugh.
2141342 Well honesty IS the best policy
2141456 I know the image is anthro but it is NOT anthro ponies
2141571 You are very correct, those pony ARE ponies.
2141634 Lol glad you likes it
2141683 The power of butts, so close and yet so far.
2141380 Dat ass!
2141729 :D well read and enjoy at your leisure .
2141748 I just started writing clop and now i went and killed one of my readers ;-;
2141785 Thank you, glad to see that
2142097
Maybe you should get a beta-reader?
Why are you such a waste of space
2142012 You could've just said you're narcissistic and closed minded you know. Now if you'll excuse me, after you read this, out of respect for the author I'll be deleting my comments.
2142146
Because time is a crime.
2142164 What says I didn't read it?
Point is, I didn't downvote this. I may not understand it, but I understand that it's someone else's preference no matter how dumb I think it is. SO take it easy before you hurl the insults.
So, now you're going to delete your comments so it looks like I was just rambling on by myself on this story?
Bummer.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I really like the introduction of comedy here. It really brings a whole new spin to the Clop genre. I actually enjoyed this one. That ending however, wins you five Raritys.
That was just too fucking priceless.