A Time of Love, A Time of Hate
A TIME OF LOVE, A TIME OF HATE
Star Swirl and I have almost reached the front door when the scream echoes through the palace. Somehow I think the rules of this little ‘game’ just changed. “How quickly can we get the spell off?” I ask Star Swirl.
“It’s supposed to take about two hours, maybe if we cut some corners I can get it down to one,” he says.
We gallop out of the front door of the palace as a loud crashing noise comes from somewhere behind us. I turn to close the door and seal it behind us with my own magic. Every second I can buy counts right now. “Cut them. Turn the thing into an n-sphere if that’s what it takes. We don’t have an hour,” I say.
“Well to cast it any faster than that I’d need a lot more power. Like an order of magnitude more than both of us put together,” he says.
Even through the sealed door I can hear the hoofbeats of something very big and very angry pounding against the stone floor, coming after us. “We’ll think of something. Right now though, I think we’re going to need one of those illusion spells if we’re going to make it through the next five minutes,” I say.
Star Swirl nods and his horn glows as we’re wrapped in a veil that renders us invisible. We move as quickly as we dare, balancing the need to put distance between us and the queen against the need to move quietly. The streets of Canterlot look unusual; empty and abandoned. The shattered windows and broken doors of the buildings don’t look like they’ve been disturbed for weeks. Outside of the castle itself the city is a ghost town.
The doors behind us slam as something impacts them from the other side. I figure that Queen Sparkle will need ten, maybe fifteen seconds to unravel my ward, and I’m betting she doesn’t have the presence of mind to just teleport through.
Turns out she does neither. The door is still for a moment, then an enraged changeling queen bursts through the foot-thick marble wall next to it like it’s made of wet streamer paper. “YOU! BROKE! MY! LUNA!” she screams in the Royal Canterlot voice. Guess she inherited that too while she was draining the Princess. She looks around, but her eyes pass by without spotting us.
“Not again. This wasn’t supposed to happen any more. Forever was going to be OK if I could just spend it with her,” says Queen Sparkle, more quietly. I doubt she intended that for our ears. “TWILIGHT SPARKLE, YOU VICIOUS, EVIL MONSTER! I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU! I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU PIECE BY PIECE, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, UNTIL YOU’VE PAID FOR EVERYTHING! TELL ME WHY! WHY? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU THAT YOU’D SLIP IN HERE LIKE A COWARD AND MURDER THE PONY I LOVED? WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST HAVE COME FOR ME INSTEAD?” she calls out over our heads in the Royal Canterlot voice again.
She can’t possibly expect us to answer her. Maybe I can use this to my advantage. There’s a trick I picked up back during a magical sparring match with Luna that got a little out of hoof one time. I cast a ventriloquism cantrip on myself and redirect my voice so it’s coming from a nearby clock shop. “That wasn’t love. That was something sick and wrong. You hurt her. What did she think of you when you weren’t raping her brain with that venom of yours?”
Queen Sparkle rushes past us over to the shop and stops in front of it. Her horn flares as she wraps the entire building in a field and braces herself. Windows and walls crack apart as the frame of the building buckles and implodes. Not satisfied with the sphere of rubble that remains Queen Sparkle keeps casting, squeezing even tighter until it grinds itself into dust and sand.
Holy buck.
“Don’t listen to her, Twilight,” says Queen Sparkle. “Every couple fights sometimes. Luna loved it when you bit her. She said so. It’s her own fault I had to bite her in the first place. If she would’ve just stopped screaming long enough for me to explain, I could have shown her how much better it was this way. Nopony can tell you that you were wrong. It was the right thing to do,” she says, a barely audible whisper.
“No it wasn’t,” says my voice from the shell of a nearby cafe. “I know what you went through. I was in the time loop too, remember?”
“YOU AREN’T ME!” screams Queen Sparkle. She surges across the street and through the picture window of the cafe. Tables and chairs come flying out as she rummages through the building looking for us. Star Swirl puts a hoof on my shoulder. I can’t see him through the invisibility charm, but I can hear his whispers. “We should move,” he says. I nod to him, then realize that he can’t see me either.
“Down towards the street corner,” I say. Maybe we can lure her away and then... I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.
“YOU AREN’T ME, TWILIGHT SPARKLE! I DID EVERYTHING YOU DID! EXACTLY! REMEMBER THAT PERFECT RUN, WHERE WE USED THE ELEMENTS ON CHRYSALIS? FOR YOU IT ENDED THERE, BUT NOT FOR ME! YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO GET AWAY AND LEAVE ME BEHIND? AND THEN YOU DARE TO JUDGE ME?” asks the queen’s voice from back behind us.
When she doesn’t get an answer, the clattering from the direction of the cafe stops. Everything is quiet for a moment, and I start to let myself think that she might have wandered off in another direction.
“I don’t need to see you to find you,” I hear her voice say from somewhere above us. I look up to try to spot where it’s coming from, but I can’t see her in the late evening light. The sound of Star Swirl’s hoofsteps has stopped, and I have no idea where we are in relation to one another. “I can hear your hearts beating. I can smell you. It’s only a matter of time. Every minute you wait to give in to the inevitable is going to mean another month I spend breaking you.”
I see a shadow pass over the ground in front of me, but it’s gone too quickly to see where it came from. I feel totally exposed out here like this, despite the protection of my spell. I creep silently over the threshold of a nearby house, into what used to be a home. A dusty picture sitting on a nearby table tells me that a family of unicorns used to live here. Their smiling faces speak of happier times and hope for a future that this timeline was never lucky enough to see.
A floorboard upstairs groans. Just the building settling, or am I not alone here? I stand stock still for a long time, but there’s no other sound. It’s getting progressively darker outside, and it won’t be too much longer before my invisibility becomes redundant. I have to make a move, and soon. I gradually slide towards the house’s back door. Nothing happens. I strain my ears to listen for anything I can hear, but not even the chirping of evening crickets is audible. This place is completely dead. I push the door open.
Creeeeeeeak
I should have known the hinges would be rusty.
The ceiling above me explodes. For a moment I pray that a falling rock will just crush me and end my misery before it begins, but instead something heavy lands on me and pins me to the floor. As the dust settles, I feel two jagged hooves rolling me onto my back. I can see my own mane flopping over my face as they do so; the impact must have disabled my invisibility. Because I wasn’t helpless enough already.
“Well that didn’t work,” says the grinning changeling queen towering over me. “Remember that phrase? Remember how beaten and hopeless you felt every time you heard it? Get used to that feeling, because you’re mine now. I am going to devote every single second that I would have spent snuggled up in Luna’s arms to filling your existence with suffering. You will plead for death, and at first I will deny it to you. Only at first though. I don’t know how yet, but I will spend as long as it takes to trade places in the time loop with you. Then I’ll kill you. And then you’ll wake up again. And then you’ll die again. And then you’ll wake up again. Maybe after a few decades of that you’ll understand why I chose to do what I did. Meanwhile, your little friend and I are going back to your timeline. The timeline that I earned. You took my future when you killed Luna. Now I’m taking yours,” she says. I quiver underneath her, wordlessly, but I look her dead in the eye. I won’t give her the pleasure of watching me beg.
Queen Sparkle perks up her ears and looks around the room. “Where is Shooting Star, anyway?” she asks. When I don’t answer her she sighs. “Well, I suppose it won’t be that hard to flush him out. Scream for me, Twilight. As loud as you can.”
I take a deep breath, look up, and spit in her face. She doesn’t even flinch.
“Defiant to the end, I expected nothing less. I hope you enjoyed making that choice, because from this moment forth...” she opens her mouth, and those awful fangs slide into place, “...your mind belongs to me.”
She brings her head down and bites deep into my shoulder. I do scream, finally, at the sensation of fire in my blood that I grew familiar with over all the loops where Chrysalis took me alive, turned me over to her side until the blessed cleansing flames from the Elements reset everything. But the Elements are gone now. The first hint of the dizziness and confusion to come starts to seep into my head.
“Get off of her, you overgrown mosquito bitch.”
A blast of magic from out of nowhere catches Queen Sparkle in her side. Even from a few feet away the residual power coming off of it is strong enough to singe my coat. The queen’s fangs leave deep gashes as they’re torn away, and Queen Sparkle goes flying. She leaves a hole when she crashes through the nearby wall where a kitchen window used to be.
I struggle to lift my head, and there’s a disembodied glow of magic a little ways away. Star Swirl’s invisibility falls away as he runs over to me. “Let me see,” he says.
His eyes dart back and forth over my hurt shoulder and he frowns. “The cuts aren’t too bad. I can patch them up, although they might scar. I’m more worried about the venom though. How do you feel?” he asks.
I don’t know why he’s so concerned. My shoulder doesn’t hurt at all. In fact all the little aches and pains in my body have just gone away. I’m so tired, but there’s this wonderful feeling creeping through my brain. I’ll slip away into a safe and happy place soon. “Mmm... Feels so good,” I say just to let him know he doesn’t need to worry.
“Damn it. Twilight, pay attention. I prepared the anti-venom spell before we left but it won’t cure you, just delay the poison’s onset. I can’t completely fix that without getting you back to a hospital. The spell will give you a chance, but you’re going to have to try as hard as you can to fight this off.” His horn glows again and I groan as all the aches and pains reappear. The pain sharpens my mind, though, and I find that I can concentrate on my own thoughts again. The happy fog I’d been sinking into recedes, but I can still feel it gently pressing in on me. “Hurry up, we have to move.”
He doesn’t wait for me to get up before he channels a spell as something rustles in the bushes outside. I catch a glimpse of Queen Sparkle readying some fatal burst of magic before the world disappears.
When it reappears, we’re in another room altogether. I can hear a frustrated scream off in the distance as I glance up at Star Swirl’s smile. “Come on, back on your hooves. She’ll be able to track that teleport before too much longer,” he says.
“Hmm?” I say. Focus, Twilight! “Sorry, my head hurts. Get moving, yeah,” I say. He walks out of my field of vision and my head is slow to follow him. I’m not going to be operating at full effectiveness. Soon enough I won’t even have the sense to realize how compromised I am. “Star Swirl, wait.”
He pauses. “We don’t have time for waiting,” he says.
“Just listen, then. I’ve been under the effect of this stuff before, and even with your spell I can feel it. It’s in my head, and I’m not strong enough to fight it off,” I say. Star Swirl watches me, sizing me up as I go on. “In a few minutes, maybe a half hour tops, I’m going to start to get really suggestible. If Queen Sparkle gets me alone I could go from asset to liability in a single sentence. We can’t risk that. We should split up,” I say.
“And then she captures you and orders you to tell her where I’m going so she can catch me off guard while I’m casting the spell? Thanks but no thanks,” he says.
“No, you wouldn’t tell me where to find you,” I say.
“So how do we meet up later?” he asks.
“We don’t.”
The full implications of what I’m suggesting hit him. “Absolutely not,” he says, “there’s a stable time loop, so I must be able to get back no matter-”
“Because she’ll take you back! She’ll use you to unleash herself on our timeline. She’ll do to our Luna what she did to this one, is that what you want? Order me to lead her away to the best of my abilities, then deafen me. A few pounds of telekinetic pressure to each eardrum should do it. That’ll buy you enough time to find some out of the way spot to cut this timeline off from ours forever,” I say. It’s disturbing, how quickly this plan came to me. Maybe on some level I started to come up with it days ago, the instant I heard I’d become a changeling queen.
“Buck you, Twilight. I’m not doing that,” he says.
“Why not? Why is my life worth risking all of Equestria for?” I scream at him in frustration. Like this isn’t hard enough for me to even suggest. This isn’t what I want. It’s just the best chance our timeline has. The only reasons not to follow through with this are selfish ones.
“Because, you moron, you’re my friend! Maybe you’ve got enough of those to throw some of them away this casually, but I’ve only got one,” he says back. He seems embarrassed by the outburst and shrinks away from me. There have been a dozen times where he should have been embarrassed by his behavior before, but wasn’t. What’s so different about this time? “Both of us go back, or neither of us do,” he says quietly.
“You already know you go back,” I point out.
“Well then so will you,” he says. He’s being completely irresponsible and irrational and damn it why is he making it so hard to be angry at him?
“You’re a stubborn, completely unreasonable ass, you know that?” I say.
He just smiles.
I get up to my hooves, and shake my head as I try to clear the cobwebs from my mind, unsuccessfully. “I have an idea,” I say, although if I’m being honest it’s only half of one. “We need to get to the vaults. I know how to open them, assuming the queen never changed the locks. The defensive enchantments there might actually hold her off for a few minutes.”
“Then what?” he asks.
“There’s no time to explain, and you wouldn’t like it if I did. Trust me or leave me, your choice.”
We stare one another down for several seconds that we can’t really spare, but Star Swirl gives in first. “Fine, right, of course I’m following the plan of the mind controlled pony who’s leading me into a completely inescapable corner with the changeling queen from Tartarus chasing us, and she won’t tell me what her plan even is beyond that I’ll hate it. Surely, this can only end well,” he rants and throws one of his hooves into the air.
“Less whining, more fleeing,” I say. It’s a little harder to focus my thoughts through the haze of venom, but with a burst of magic we disappear again and reappear on a castle balcony. I turn to look out over the city and see Queen Sparkle gliding over the residential district. As the energy around us dissipates I see her head snap in our direction and for just a moment our eyes meet.
I stick my tongue out at her. Because buck being a mature adult right now. Somehow, she gets even angrier than she already was as Star Swirl and I turn and gallop into the castle.
“Do you hear that?” I ask. I could swear there are voices just at the edge of my hearing, trying to whisper something. I suddenly feel a powerful need to understand what they’re saying to me. It’s a matter of life and death.
“That’s the venom talking. Keep going,” says Star Swirl. We do, through the twisting hallways of the castle. We pass a number of changelings but they make no move to stop us. For Queen Sparkle, this is personal.
Suddenly there’s a surge of noise and pain. I cry out and fall to my knees. I try to cover my ears with my hooves but that doesn’t reduce either one.
Twilight... Why are you running Twilight? Do you expect to get away?
“What now?” asks Star Swirl.
“She’s in my head!” I wasn’t expecting this. Chrysalis could never do this.
Just lay down Twilight, and I’ll make the hurting stop. Isn’t that what we both want? For the hurting to stop?
I feel myself sliding along the floor and look up. Star Swirl’s grabbed my tail in his magic and is pulling me along the floor as he presses on. The sheer indignity of it all inspires me to do something I know I’m going to regret.
“Hey, Queen Sparkle, how much do you want to bet this link of yours works both ways?” I ask aloud. I gather up my magic but instead of projecting it outwards I push it down and into my own brain. The pain is incredible, but I’m not the only one feeling it. The link breaks.
“Twilight, you’re hurt,” says Star Swirl. I wipe my muzzle and my hoof comes away bloody.
“ ‘M fine,” I slur. “Go.”
We press on and thank goodness the vaults are finally in sight. I can feel the toxic pinpricks in my head as the Queen tries to reestablish the link. I stagger to the door and try to focus on the series of commands the doors need to open. They keep slipping away from me. I can hear the queen coming for us, distantly. The fear helps me push through my disorientation and the last rune of the sequence falls into place. A mechanism inside the door shifts and it swings open. I have to lean on Star Swirl for support to get inside. The door swings shut behind us, and locks once again.
I instantly feel a second wind coming on. The connection the queen was exploiting to weaken me must be blocked by one of the many wards built into its security system. From in here, we have so many more options. I focus my will on the door and reset the passcode that will allow access to it.
Not a moment too soon. A few seconds later something slams into it. I try to ignore that and turn to regard the vault’s interior. The treasure horde is untouched, and also completely uninteresting as far as I’m concerned. All I care about is the pedestal in the middle of the chamber. There are six indentations on it, only one of which is occupied. In it is a crown topped by a jet black six pointed jewel. I pause for a moment and reach out to touch it, to remind it of its proper Bearer.
The resulting bolt of energy flings me hard against the wall of the chamber and holds me there for a moment while it rips into me, rejecting every fibre of my being, before it lets me fall to the floor.
It didn’t work. It was supposed to work.
“‘M na hrr,” I choke out.
“Twilight? You OK? What was that you just said?”
Tears sting at my eyes. The Element of Magic was my last hope. It most of all should understand the difference between me and the queen. But it rejected me.
“How many times do I have to say it?” I whimper. “I’m not her. I’m not.”
To his credit, Star Swirl doesn’t try to offer me any hollow words of encouragement or false reassurance. He just wanders off to a far corner of the room while I collect myself. It takes much too long. My head seems like it’s stuffed full of cotton. I hate feeling this way, being violated in slow motion like this as my will and capabilities slowly slip away from me.
“You do it,” I say.
“Do what?” he asks.
“Take my Element. Use it to cast the spell. I can’t, it doesn’t want me. Maybe you can.”
“You can’t be serious. The Elements don’t work for just anypony. It’ll rip me apart. I just watched it throw you against a wall, and you’re its Bearer.”
“You said an order of magnitude more power than both of us combined, right? Well, that’s where you’re going to find it. The queen will find a way in here within the... nnngh!”
A fresh jolt of pain rips through my mind.
“She’ll make us both so happy. Why are we fighting her at all? I should just open the door for her right now shouldn’t-”
Star Swirl slaps me.
“....Ow.” I say, but it knocked some sense into me. “Thanks.”
“Was I helping? I just wanted to slap you because you locked us in here with such a stupid excuse for a plan,” he says, but he’s eyeing the pillar with the Element of Magic on it.
“Star Swirl. I might not be myself for very much longer, so please listen to me. No more snark. No more banter. If anypony is qualified to wield my Element, it’s you. Wielding the Element of Magic is about friendship, and I know you don’t think you can do it, but you can. I didn’t think I could either, my first time. You’re my friend, and I believe in you. Just remember to AHHHHHHHHHGHHHHH!”
Whatever was holding the queen back she’s found a way around it.
Open the door, Twilight
“...no,” I moan.
OPEN IT!
I black out. A few moments later I come to again, but I’ve moved from where I was before. I had been in the middle of the vault, but when I reawaken I’m that much closer to the vault entrance, and my horn is tingling in preparation for releasing the locks.
I turn to Star Swirl. The queen’s power has even taken from me my ability to speak. All I can do is meet his gaze and beg with my eyes.
It works. Hesitantly at first, he gently touches the sole remaining Element of Harmony. When it doesn’t disintegrate him on the spot he lifts it and places it on his own head.
The reaction is immediate, and I’m blown back by the waves of power emanating from the union between the two. I feel a little more like myself, but still with the sickly and miserable influence of the queen clawing at my mind.
"What was that? What's going on?" asks Queen Sparkle. The vault door shakes again.
"Star Swirl's casting the spell," I say.
"Star Swirl? You said his name was Shooting Star."
I smile even though I know she can't see me. I forgot to lie. "It's not. He's Star Swirl. Yes, that Star Swirl."
"You traitor! It was his spell, he's the one who put us here! How can you work with him after he wronged us like that?" The pressure of the queen's will redoubles. "Kill him. Kill him for what he did to us."
To my horror, my legs start to move of their own accord and I take a staggering step towards where Star Swirl is weaving together the threads of magic to fix the time spell. My horn glows and it's all I can do to press my face into the floor so I won't be able to interfere. Star Swirl glances up and sees what's happening. "Stop, Twilight."
I seize the opportunity to obey the new command and the glow of my horn dies down. The part of my mind the poison does control cools from bloodthirsty to pacified in a heartbeat.
"I said kill him!" The new command overrides the last one, and I take another step.
"Stop!" says Star Swirl and I take it back. This isn't a long term solution. The spell is getting more and more intricate and soon it will take enough focus that he won't be able to tell me to stop. Not to mention that having my psyche battered back and forth like a ping pong ball is wreaking havoc on my ability to focus. There has to be something I can say, something I can offer her. If anypony can deduce how she thinks, I can.
After all, she's me. And if I'd been through what she has I know exactly what I would want.
"Queen Sparkle, wait! The spell he's using will stop the time loop. It's disconnecting this future from all the others, so you won't be able to go back to the beginning again," I call out. Star Swirl looks over at me, confused, but some of the pressure in my mind starts to lessen.
"...it will?" asks the queen. I can't see through the vault door, just listen. Without the visual of the giant scary bug monster, that's just the voice of a very hurt and very scared little filly.
"Yes, it will. Once we cast this, there's no more going back. No more 'well that didn't work.' I should have told you earlier." I say. All the effort she put into the lies she's been deluding herself with for so long, please let her believe one more.
"So the next time I die this will stop? Instead of more loops there will just be nothing?" she asks. She sounds almost hopeful.
"You can rest soon, Twilight," I say.
"Do you promise?" she asks.
"I promise," I lie even though the words feel like ash in my mouth. I try to tell myself that this is necessary, that Queen Sparkle isn't innocent. But the only reason this is going to work is because on some level that's exactly what she is. "I'm sorry."
She misunderstands. "Don't be sorry. I'll be with Luna and Celestia again. All my friends too, soon." The spell is growing in power behind me. "Twilight, do you think I'll be able to tell them that I'm sorry? Do you think they'll remember everything I did in all the different loops? Do I have to remember them?"
"I don't know," I tell her. My head is pounding, and it isn't all from the venom.
"Me neither. I think that's the best part, not knowing what comes after. I've spent too long knowing already."
"Time to go, Twilight," says Star Swirl. Looks like my distraction bought us the last few minutes he needed.
"We're leaving now," I call out through the vault door.
The coins and gems start to rattle and shift throughout the room. I join Star Swirl in the glowing circle and the arcane energy tingles on my horn and skin. The rush of power fills my ears, but I can still make out one more thing Queen Sparkle says. The meanest thing that she possibly could.
"Thank you."
--------------------------------------
The trip back to our timeline is a whole lot worse than the one that took us there. Star Swirl wasn’t kidding when he said he was cutting corners in the casting of the spell, and I briefly wonder if I’m going to arrive in three different pieces or four. Somehow, we make it back alive and reappear in the library of Canterlot castle. I only just register that both Celestia and Luna are waiting there for us, as well as all my friends, before I collapse. I feel a surge of nausea well up and I vomit on what I’m pretty sure is an irreplaceable ancient text. All my willpower to fight against the poison is gone, but thanks to the countermeasures Star Swirl took I’m not drifting off into euphoria. I’m just staring at the ceiling watching it spin like I just took thirty or forty shots of Applejack’s special cider reserves.
Star Swirl arrives in far better condition than I do, though still looking worse for the wear. I can’t help but notice that we’ve picked up a stowaway. The Element of Magic crown is still resting on his head. “Changeling venom,” he manages to gasp out before he too staggers on his hooves.
“Oh my goodness!” shouts Fluttershy and darts forward before any of the others can react. It’s the last thing I see before I mercifully black out.
---------------------------------------
I come to and find myself lying in an infirmary bed in what’s probably still the castle. The first thing I see is Fluttershy hovering nearby. Not literally hovering, you have to specify that when you’re dealing with pegasi, but knowing her she hasn’t left my side since I collapsed.
“Hey,” I say. The sound of my voice is pathetically weak.
“How are you feeling Twilight?” she asks.
“Pretty awful." I reply. Not because of the poison though. Because of what I just saw, and what I just did. I decide to try sitting up.
“You lie down right this instant, young mare!” demands Fluttershy.
My back arches and the back of my head slams back down against the pillow without at any point consulting my brain, and it isn’t because of the force of Fluttershy’s personality. It seems the mind control effect of the venom hasn’t worn off yet.
There’s a chuckle coming from somewhere nearby, and I can at least turn my head enough to see Star Swirl sitting up in the bed next to mine.
“Twilight,” he says, “poke Fluttershy’s nose.”
My hoof comes up involuntarily and gently taps Fluttershy right on the tip of her muzzle, which sends Star Swirl into full-on convulsions of laughter.
“This isn’t funny!” I insist, despite all appearances to the contrary. Fluttershy is trying to pretend not to smile too, and poorly.
“Be nice, Twilight,” she says. “After you passed out, Star Swirl told me all about what kind of poison the queen had used on you and helped me mix up an antidote. He even refused to let us help him until you’d been taken care of.”
I look over at the stallion in the bed next to mine in amazement, and I guess it shows on my face. “She’s making it sound like a bigger deal that it was. I only had a few cuts and scrapes. You were much worse off. Fluttershy’s the real hero. If she hadn’t known right where the bloodwort grows in the castle gardens you wouldn’t even be awake yet,” he says.
Fluttershy blushes, but quickly recovers. “The important thing is that you’re going to be just fine, and the last of the side effects will wear off by tomorrow evening. Until then just stay in bed and do what the infirmary nurses tell you to.”
“Not that you have a choice,” Star Swirl feels that he just has to add.
“How is it you were all right there in the library when we came back, anyway?” I ask.
“Princess Celestia told us after you left, and we wanted to be there to surprise you. I guess Star Swirl told her a long time ago exactly when you’d be coming home, and where.”
“After I go back to the past, it’s one of the few details I’ll be able to mention without messing everything up,” he says.
“I’ll go tell the rest of the girls that you’re awake. They’ve all been so worried,” says Fluttershy. She walks out of the room and Star Swirl climbs down from his bed. Once she’s left the room and closed the door behind her, he turns to me.
“I haven’t told them anything about the other timeline. Or what you said at the end there to the queen. How did you know that would work? That she wanted... that?”
I wince at the reminder. “I wasn’t in the time loop for nearly as long as she was, and even when I got out... that’s what I wanted.” I squeeze my eyes shut before looking back up at Star Swirl. “Do you think there’s any chance it might be true? What I told her?”
“Anything’s possible,” he says. That’s just an unnecessarily complicated way of telling me no. “That timeline should be inaccessible from this one now, and vice-versa. I doubt we’ll ever know for sure,” he says.
“You were right,” I say.
“About what?”
“What you wrote. Saying I’d give myself over to madness and death. That’s exactly what I did to her. She wasn’t exactly stable to begin with. How do you think she’s going to react when that last little scrap of hope I dangled in front of her is yanked away? She might even be too far gone to replicate the conditions of that loop.”
Star Swirl scoffs. “She deserves it.”
“No. Nopony deserves that,” I say quietly.
Star Swirl shares a moment of silence with me. I don’t know what he’s thinking about, but my mind won’t stop churning through all the ways I already suffered in that loop, and the infinite variety of ways I could have, and how the other me is going to have the chance to live every single one of them.
“I was wrong, actually,” says Star Swirl.
“How do you figure?” I ask.
“Because she isn’t you,” he says.
“Indeed,” says a new voice from a shadowy corner of the room. “Placing blame for our decisions on forces such as fate or destiny is a trap many minds fall into. We cannot be absolved of blame or praise for our actions nearly so easily.” A moment later, Princess Luna steps out from nothingness to join the conversation. “Expending energy worrying over what might have been is a great waste. We must all do our best with what is, even if what is sometimes is the product of great mistakes or tragedies.”
Star Swirl doesn’t look like he’s ready to see her, not after what happened back there. “Luna,” he says, “I... I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you again,” he says.
“What a shame. I was rather looking forward to hearing you do so,” she says with a gentle smile.
“I... There was... In the other timeline...”
“I know. And I would have chosen the same fate for myself as you did.”
“You know?” I ask, incredulous. How does she keep doing that?
“I always have, though not all the details until today,” she says. “I know you are in great pain, my love. You will be for some time. What you did was traumatic, and consequently it will sometimes be the subject of your nightmares.” She steps over to him and wraps him up in her wings. “Yet you will always wake from those nightmares, and when you do I will always be there for you. Because that is the essence of love, Star Swirl, and I love you. Always.”
Star Swirl is too stunned to do or say anything for a few moments, so Luna just holds him. “What I said before... I owe you an apology,” says Star Swirl.
Luna regards him for a minute in which Star Swirl remains silent. “One traditionally follows such a statement with the actual apology itself,” she says.
“Right. Sorry,” says Star Swirl with a sheepish grin. “Luna, I’m sorry. I came here and I saw that you were different, and I just assumed that you were... somehow worse, or diminished.”
“You were correct. I am somewhat less than I was. And though your method of telling me so was arrogant, and belligerent, and callous, and deplorable, and-”
“I think I get the point,” grumbles Star Swirl.
“Very well. Despite the fact that the way you pointed it out to me was somewhat lacking, I did need to have it pointed out. So I forgive you. If only because these next few days will likely be my last chance to say goodbye to you, and I have foalishly been squandering this great gift for petty reasons.”
I look at the two of them, and it’s wonderful to see them back together again. I realize that for each of them this has been bittersweet. For Luna, of course, just seeing him again must be reopening old wounds. She must be acutely aware of just how finite her time with him is. I’m struck by a fresh surge of annoyance at how he treated her in the library last week.
In a way though, for Star Swirl this is even worse. He’s going to carry the burden of knowing what happens to Luna, what she does to Celestia and her foal and all the other ponies she’s going to kill, and he’s going to have to lie to her by omission about it. And yet somehow, they’re going to love one another for decades to come. I’m not sure I can comprehend that kind of resilience. I can only hope that it runs in the family.
“You should tell her,” I blurt out. I want to kick myself for intruding on the moment they were sharing. “When you go back to the past. Forget keeping the timeline stable. You can make a better future together. You can tell Luna she doesn’t have to feel alone, and you can stop the whole Nightmare Moon fiasco before it even starts.”
Luna looks over at me, somewhat perturbed at my meddling. “That is a rather arrogant suggestion to make, Twilight. The events are six hundred years distant from one another. Although it is true that in retrospect, several events from around that time were the seeds of Nightmare Moon’s genesis.”
“They were?” asks Star Swirl. “Like what?”
Luna just smiles, cryptic and sad at the same time. “Tell you? And spoil the surprise? You should know me better than that, dear.” She turns to me. “Meddling in the tragedies of the past is an understandable impulse, but tiny changes can have unforeseen consequences. Who is to say what the impact of such knowledge on me would be? Perhaps, as you suggest, I would be able to resist it. Or perhaps I would resign myself to it sooner. If I were banished fifty years earlier than I was, and I returned after the same interval of one thousand years, you and your friends would not yet exist to stop me. Whether Celestia would be able to come up with another plan is unknowable.”
“Plus if you don’t become the Bearer you probably won’t be able to use the time loop spell, and then you won’t bring me here to learn the information to give it to her when I go back, and then there’s a paradox. The universe would collapse, and we wouldn’t ever get those snazzy matching hats,” says Star Swirl with a grin.
“The Element of Magic is a tool of the divine. The Leader of Equals. It is an essential part of the fabric of the universe. It is not ‘a hat,’” says Luna with a small frown.
“What are we supposed to do now that we have two of them?” I ask.
“Star Swirl will take the second one back to the past with him,” says Luna.
“I will?” asks Star Swirl.
“Trust in me, love. Some day things will be clear to you.”
I know better than to expect a straight answer out of either Princess when they’re like this. Still, something’s bugging me. “Princess, carrying around all these secrets, I get why we have to but it just doesn’t seem right. I tried to keep everything that happened to me in the time loops to myself and it nearly tore me apart. Wouldn’t it be better to just be completely open with one another?”
Luna smiles. “Many things are less harmful to us when they are brought to light. Others are best left in the dark. Does knowing everything the other you did to become the changeling queen make you feel better?” she asks. She holds up a hoof to forestall my protest. “I know that she was not you, that is not what I mean to imply. You bear no culpability for her actions. Yet I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way to you. Your distress is understandable, but irrational. Others would likely feel the same way. Once the shock of what happened wears off I suspect your angst will dissipate on its own. Give it a few days to see if this is the case before you burden others with your tale,” she says.
Luna’s ear twitches. “Star Swirl, let’s give Twilight some privacy. She’s about to have a visitor. I’m sure her friends will be by soon as well. Besides, I intend to make the very most of the time I have left with you.” She steps over to him and caresses his cheek with her hoof, slowly and gently dragging it along his skin until it comes to rest on his chest. “Bring your new hat.”
The two walk out of the room and leave me alone with that disturbing mental image for a few minutes before there’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” I call out.
The door opens and Azalea enters. When she sees that I’m awake and alert a wide grin breaks across her face. She rushes over to give me a hug. That’s how I discover I also have a bruised rib. I give a little yelp of pain and she lets go immediately. She lingers for a second, reaching out an unsure hoof to touch me then pulling it away as if she’s afraid I’ll shatter at her touch. I smile and make up her mind for her by laying my hoof over hers.
“Applejack told me yesterday that they were all coming to see you when you got back from where you were going. I followed as soon as I could. I can’t believe I missed you getting back. By the time I got here they told me you had collapsed. I was worried half to death! They wouldn’t tell me anything except that you’d been poisoned somehow. Are you OK?”
“I am now,” I say to her. “Thank you for being here, it means a lot.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Count on it,” she says and leans in to peck my cheek. She glances over her shoulder like she’s afraid she’s being watched by somepony. “Technically, you’re on a controlled diet but I tried some of the food here and it’s not very good. So I snuck something in for you.” She opens her saddlebag and pulls out an azalea. “Sorry it’s a bit smooshed.”
My stomach growls at the sight of the snack and I grab it from her eagerly. My first impulse is to cram it all into my mouth at once, but instead I just pull a few petals off and suck on them, closing my eyes and savoring the flavor. When I swallow them and open my eyes again, Azalea is looking at me with tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Sorry. You’re the one who’s hurt, and I’m the one who’s turning into a mess,” she says. “What happened where you were? Was it as scary as you thought it would be?”
“It wasn’t so bad,” I say. It’s a gentle lie, and a harmless one. I’ll see if Luna was right before I spill the entire story to anypony. It would be a lot more to take than even what had happened during all the loops I survived. At least that had a happy ending I could be proud of. But as awful as what I just saw was, it feels a little more detached. Wallowing in it won’t help. I’d rather just move on.
Azalea climbs into bed with me and lays her head down on my chest. My forelegs move automatically around her. A perfect fit. “I’m glad,” she says. “Tell me all about it.”
That moment crystallizes in my mind as I comprehend the words and I realize everything is about to go horribly wrong. It’s just a poor turn of phrase. She could have said, ‘tell me anything about it,’ or ‘do you want to talk about it?’ or ‘I’m here to listen’ or almost anything else that would have meant exactly the same thing. But no, she worded it as a command, albeit a gentle one. And the venom still coursing through my system takes it literally.
I fight it as hard as I can, but a few seconds later the whole story starts to pour from my mouth. It isn’t that bad at first as I’m telling her about getting captured and taken to the throne room and what we found there. The first time she reacts is when I repeat what Queen Sparkle mentioned about our sleeping with Luna. At that she pulls away from my chest and sits bolt upright in bed next to me, looking at me with an expression that’s both a little hurt and a little impressed. I want to scream at her to interrupt me, tell me to hold on so we can talk about that and I can warn her about what the venom actually does. But my mouth is otherwise occupied.
It’s only when I start telling her about going down into the dungeon that I start to truly panic, looking at her with pleading eyes and trying to will her to stop me. To cut me off with one of those wonderful kisses the way she’s done before. But she doesn’t. I start to repeat everything Chrysalis said word for word, including every single time she intentionally used the pronoun ‘you’ to describe Queen Sparkles actions to me. I want to curse myself for having spent so long honing my memory, doing all sorts of exercises so I’d be able to recall in an instant every word of one of Celestia’s lectures.
Azalea has pulled as far away from me as she can, working herself subconsciously down towards the foot of the bed. She’s staring at me like I’m a completely different pony, her eyes full of fear, but I still can’t shut up. When I get to our being pursued by the queen and all the hateful accusations she flung at me Azalea closes her eyes and shakes her head. I’ve almost reached the part where we holed up in the vault when Azalea says what I would have given anything to hear ten minutes ago.
“Please stop,” she begs.
I finally can. “Azalea, I am so sorry. It’s the venom that’s still in my system, that’s all. Otherwise I wouldn’t have told you all that.”
“But that’s what happened?” she says.
“That’s what happened. It’s over now. I promise,” I say.
She stares at me like she’s trying to figure something out. “If you had been the one stuck in the loop, that wouldn’t have happened to you, right? I mean, you’re strong. Nothing could ever push you to do such awful things to a pony you loved, not in a million years. Tell me the truth.”
I wish she hadn’t added that last part. “The truth is that those were unique circumstances, and it all turned out fine. Those things didn’t happen to me.”
“That isn’t what I asked. True or false; Nothing could ever really make you do any of those things,” she says as she stares at me.
“...False,” I say. Azalea squeezes her eyes shut like she’s trying to block out the whole world. “Azalea, listen. You don’t understand just how bad it would have gotten for her. Any pony in that situation would end up the same way eventually.”
“I wouldn’t. Ever. No matter how bad it got, I would never do to you what you say she was doing to Luna. And I can’t believe that you could even say there’s a set of circumstances, no matter how unlikely, where you could treat somepony that way,” she says. “Just the fact that you say you can understand how she could...”
“Hey, Azalea, it’s going to be OK. I’m going to be OK. I want to put this behind me just as much as you do. Why don’t we talk about something happier, like what we want to do for our next date?” I ask. I reach over to her and stroke a bit of her mane. When I do, the worst possible thing happens.
She flinches away from me as I touch her. Even worse, she’d been sitting precariously on the bed’s edge. The twitch shifts her off balance and she topples backwards to the floor. “Azalea! Are you hurt?” I ask.
She gets up slowly and stiffly. “I think I twisted my wing a bit. I should go to the nurses station and get an ice pack. I should... I should just go,” she says. There’s a faraway look in her eyes and she won’t meet my gaze. “I think I need a break.”
“A break? You mean from talking about this, right?” I ask, desperate. Please don’t let this be happening. Not like this.
“Just... I need some time to think about things,” she says and walks towards the door. She opens it, and stops in the frame. “I’m sure I’ll see you around town some time, Twilight,” she says without looking back. She steps through and the door closes behind her with a dreadful finality.
I want to leap out of the bed and chase her down, make her understand that she’s wrong about me. About us. I can’t seem to will my legs to move though. After several unsuccessful tries I remember Fluttershy telling me to stay in bed earlier. Until the venom clears or somepony tells me otherwise this bed might as well be a cage. All I can do is bury my face in my pillow and impotently scream my frustrations out.
Later that night, I have a nightmare about being back in the time loop. The first one in months.
Azalea isn’t there for me when I wake up.
Stats
Page generated in 0.028 seconds
Total duration
716 users online
1,038,395 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Oh god, that alternate timeline is
as fuck.
I feel sorry for changeling!Twilight.
Oh. Damn. Bad timing, Azalea. Just very bad timing.
God damn it Azalea this is why you talk to the nurse and see if thier is any unique circumstances that you need to know about.
I dislike Azalea immensely.
Ouch.
Wow...harsh but great chapter ending
I think the best lesson I ever learned was to not ask questions I don't want the answer to.
And just when she comes back from hell...
She probably lost her filly-friend. I rather hope not.
Also, Starswirl with the Element of Magic? That will either come in real handy for the rest of them or backfire. It is nice to see Starswirl and Luna get back together, though.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wait, what about Luna's order to "Give it a few days [...] before you burden others with your tale"?
Thank you.
...Get it? ;D
DAMMIT! crying before work is unacceptable!
Congrats on a broken heart!
2307239
New orders that directly contradict old orders override the old ones. We saw that in the bad timeline.
While I understand Azaelas reaction, I agree with Twilight. Anyone is capable of anything, especially after a descent into madness, and judging people for something that happened in an alternate timeline, as well as something they obviously hate, just seems stupid.
I don't think Azaela can truly look past what she knows now, maybe forgive, but never forget. Which is too bad, I liked her.
Excellent chapter, as always, and I look forward to the next
2307252
It's not a direct contradiction, though, Azalea didn't say 'tell me all about it right now.' Twilight can still obey both orders by waiting a few days, and then telling Azalea everything. But the venom will have worn off by then, so she won't have to.
2307273
I didn't really intend for the venom to be that clever. My conception of it was that it just gave you the irresistable impulse to do something, not something you can 'lawyer' around like that.
I'm rather surprised that twilight didn't get angry. Maybe because she was an emotional wreck at this point and having Azalea leave, on top of being injured and full of changeling venom, has affected how she would react but i would have been furious at Azalea. How can she just stand there and judge twilight for something that she didn't commit, and then when she's shocked to find that someone who has lost their sanity does INSANE things, says she would never do something like that. Fuck you. The thing about insanity is that it doesn't follow a moral standard and anyone of us can fall into it given the circumstances . To have her look down on me like that would have pissed me off. And we know Twilight is capable of giving scathing remarks, what with how she talked to Celestia about death in the first story and to Starswirl in the library here. If she can't get over something like this, then Twilight deserves better and Azelea can go rot for all I care. Oh, and your welcome for the universe, you know the one she just saved. Fucking prick.
2307304
Bah!
Twilights mare friend is NOT best pony. Poor Twi.
2307273
I think it would count as being implied. Maybe the changeling venom works based upon how the person takes an order, and given that in normal conversation that would be implied as telling her now, Twilight subconsciously accepted it as an order to tell her now.
Damn you, Azzy. Maybe you should try dieing hundreds upon hundreds of times and see how your sanity stays in check. Yes, Queen Twilight was straight up evil. Yes, she had the same (if time divergent) spirit as our Twi. But our Twi didn't make those choices--you can't judge her for choices she didn't make!
Azaela, you claim you would never do what the other Twilight did. If I could put you through what she went through, you really expect me to believe you would just lie down and wait for the inevitable every TWO FUCKING HOURS?! You would fight like everyone else and your high and mighty 'moral compass' would break without you noticing (or caring if you do) JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! Get over yourself and just leave the 'what if?' where it belongs: trampled into the ground and forgotten
Annnd relapse. All that healing out the window.
Changelight puts her affairs in order, then jumps off the highest tower in the caste. Everything goes black.
"Well that didn't work".
Maybe with the sudden violent insanity those four words cause, she'll be able to break out of the loop.
And Azalea, stupid pigheaded Azalea, Twilight isn't a horrible bug monster, she's just a pony who screws around with timelines and universes and such! Myickle pohnee, myickle pohnee, uhhh uhhh uhhh uhhhhh
Now we get to see the measure of the mare. Azalea will either forgive Twilight or she will not. At best she will be able to see Twilight as an equal. At worst she will have her original thoughts of Twilight completely inverted.
I knew the Azalea scene would provoke some reaction
Besides the obvious compare and contrast between Luna/Star Swirl and Twi/Azalea that was happening in that scene, Azalea has some very specific character flaws in my head (so does Twilight, obviously). She's simpler than Twilight, and I don't mean that she's stupid. She's not caught up in all the craziness and epic deeds that the Mane Six are. In some ways that makes her perfect for Twilight, who really does need that 'grounding wire' in her life. In others it means she's put Twilight up on a pedestal a little bit and doesn't fully appreciate what her adventures are actually like. Saying things like she would never do something like that probably reflects a more limited and naive world view. She just got slapped in the face with some very hard truths, and they scared and upset her. She didn't dump Twilight or say she's actually a monster, she just ran away. Maybe that makes her too weak for Twilight, time will tell.
For what it's worth, this isn't the last chapter she's in, nor even the last word in this particular conversation.
2307357>>2307354>>2307321>>2307314>>2307272>>2307234>>2307183>>2307181
Wow. Listen about something absolutely horrible that Twilight went through, then leave because you're sickened by it.
What a bitch.
"I would never do anything like that. EVER!" She says while forcing Twilight to relive awful memories under the influence of changeling venom.
It's official.
I hate Azalea. Time to bring out the bat.
2307453
hmph, she set back Twilight's recovery as well. I hope Luna or S.S. or even Celestia gets a chance to talk to her about this. Hopefully S.S. since he could- and most likely will- bitch slap her with the simple truth she needs: namely most of what I wrote (imo)
2307453
In that case I'm very curious as to how their relationship will develop, or won't, depending on what happens.
And I forgot about this in my earlier comment, but the Alternate timeline Element of magic and the "real" element of magic are obviously the same
Because wibbley wobbley timey wimey.
You know, I'm more worried about Queen Sparkle than the other one. Even if she's a psycho bug pony, it's still kinda sad how she ends up. Crazy, friendless and a monster. I wonder how she'll react if she dies and everything starts all over again.
If that is what happens, at least. The spell wasn't supposed to remedy the time loops, right? If that's the case, well then Twilight might have to add a few locks to her door, as Queen Sparkle may be coming for her.
2307398
If I ever turn this into a trilogy and there needs to be an epic final battle, she'll certainly be involved. No promises on whether that happens though, one page at a time.
2307464
I read that as more a coward than a bitch
2307471
She didn't actually know the poison did that, FWIW. Some pony probably should have mentioned that.
2307488
...Have you been reading my notes?
2307542
notes as in I'm a psychic or notes as in A/N and/or blogs? to the first, I could legitimately say 'called it!' to the second, I follow near 600 people. If I read every blog post, I would never get to a story I want to read. I tend to skip A/Ns though
my questions can wait until the next chapter if the answer contains spoilers
2307496
2307531
Considering how many times Twilight outright states to herself that she's lying, I'd say there's a 99% chance that Queen Sparkle killed herself and woke up in another loop. But don't worry. I'm sure that will be great for her mind.
Yes, what Twilight did to her is legitimately awful.
2307573
You get to legitimately say 'called it'
Well, that was... different.
Hopefully, Twilight hasn't just lost her
firstsecond fillyfriend over all this.I hope Twilight manages to get Azalea back, or atleast get over her.
Also, is it a bad thing that when I read the alternate ending for the last story, my immediate thought was "I would have written it as Twilight living her entire life, growing old, and then, when she's a hundred or so years old, dying of old age, surrounded by friends and family...
followed by "Well that didn't work."
Yeah, I think that would result in Twilight using her now considerably greater magical prowess to tear Canterlot apart brick by brick.
2307471
To be fair, Azalea had no idea what she was getting into.
There's really no one to blame aside from possibly Queen Twilight.
Wow, mind controls a bitch. And twilight lost her marefriend. Great day.
i REALLY want to know if queen twi gets to finally die... it would seem to cruel not to let her have that after all shes been through, yes she snapped and went all evil, but who wouldn't? i feel sorry for her. I do hope we actually get to hear what happens to her rather than the open ended situation we got. let her die, or perhaps she goes through ONE more loop, finally getting her perfect run and the life she was supposed to have.
I had to get up and leave for over half an hour in the middle of that, right when they were about to start the spell. That was horrible. Mark of an awesome chapter right there. The worse it is to leave in the middle of it... Yeah.
Excellent chapter. I kept on freaking out thinking it was going to turn out bad. And that part with the Queen Twi as they leave? *shudders*
I'm definitely looking forward to the next one.
Wow, Quite amazing. too bad we are so close to the end, I rather vastly enjoyed this story so far. Looking forward to the remainder.
...What a bitch. Also DAMN YOU CLIFFHANGER MAN!!!!!!
2307580>>2307531 You know, I'd like to see her again too, but sane this time. Given time, all wounds heal after all.
She is unable to defeat Queen Chysalis again - the story is still consistent as there are no "drawn out" loops, besides the canon Elements of Harmony one.
And what would this poor, mad, broken mind do with all the time in the universe? Sure, she might rage and get even crazier for a trillion loops or so - but she has an eternity before her. Rage would eventually subside, no matter how great. With 'denial' being the time she spent as a changeling queen, she goes through the stages of coping with her condition and arrives finally at 'acceptance'. And then she is able to look back and see what truly is there to see, images clear and uncorrupted by the diseases rending her mind in the past. As she is able to think and reflect, she achieves serenity at long last.
An untold amount of loops went by; her mind, now pure and clear, slowly shapes itself to comprehend the concept of 'forever'. There is nothing she is unable to understand, to know, to think about, to analyze and ponder over - for she is eternal and everlasting. She simply is. A mind of a god locked away in a simple body - undying but still very much not divine.
And that simply can not be, can it?
The reality would surely correct this stain on its magnificence...
Ouch... the universe just loves kicking Twilight while she's down, doesn't it?
There better be another new chapter of this soon because this was the last update I read today and I SERIOUSLY don't want to be sad all day again
"Well...that didn't work"
And all of a sudden, in Twilight's mind, it was if a million voices rose up and were suddenly silenced
Hu... I don't hate Azalea the way a lot Of people seem to be. While I'm ticked at her I can also understand her situation. She doesn't have all the details and can't understand what it's like for Twilight... But no one has really tried to tell her yet.
Ouch. Just... ouch.