Time Out (Featuring Special Guest Narrator Pinkie Pie)
TIME OUT (Featuring Special Guest Narrator Pinkie Pie)
Wow! Those last two chapters were super dark and sad! I don’t know about everypony else, but I need something fun to get that out of my head.
I mean, first Star Swirl was like ‘Twilight, you’re a changeling queen’ and Twilight was all ‘no way!’ but she totally was. And then they went to go erase some lines in time or something, I didn’t really follow what they meant. I usually like to color outside the timelines anyway.
So anyway, they got there and then Queen Sparkle was all ‘Rar! I am evil and a meaney who does mean things but I’m also a victim of tragic circumstances so you should feel bad for me, rar!’ and she bit Twilight with that mind control poison stuff! But then Twilight was all ‘no way, I’m Twilight Sparkle and I’m totally too badass for that,’ and she fought back against it. Then they hid in a big vault and Twilight was gonna use the Element of Magic but it was like ‘nuh uh,’ when she touched it and then ‘uh huh’ when Star Swirl did so he used it instead of her. Meanwhile Twilight was talking to Queen Sparkle and saying that they should let them cast the spell and not kill them, because if they did it would mean that when something killed her it would kill her for real. But she was totally lying!
So anyway, the two of them came home and Twilight was all sick and stuff from the changeling venom so she went to the hospital. Star Swirl and Luna came to see her, and there was this awkward moment where Star Swirl was sorry because he youth-anized her, although I don’t know why because she looks great for her age. Then she was like ‘Yes you dreamed about it in the future-past and I already knew that. Twilight did this in Hard Reset too about the timeline where we slept together. Why do so many ponies dream recaps of major plot points?’ and then they kissed and made up and I was all ‘awww!’
Then Azalea came to see Twilight and I was all ‘SQUEE!’ because even though Twilight hasn’t known her very long the two of them have been ultra totally into each other since they met and it’s adorable, but then Azalea accidently used the changeling venom to make Twilight tell her everything. And you know, everything is a lot. Like if I told you everything about a normal day for me you’d be all ‘Pinkie, that’s silly,’ or ‘Pinkie, thirty thousand danishes is way too many for eight ponies,’ or ‘Pinkie, that isn’t even physically possible.’ But it was even worse ‘cause Twilight was telling her everything about a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and Azalea got all freaked out and ran away from her, even though before she had been all like ‘I care about you super a lot and I’ll be there with you forever,’ and last time I checked four evers was way more than a couple of days. That’s not even a tenth of one ever! Not nice, Azalea! Plus now Twilight is all angsty and stuff.
And the worst part is that I never got to make a joke about anything being recursive!
So it’s a sour mood when all of my bestest friends come with me to pick up Twilight from the hospital wing of the castle the day she’s getting out. Not the good lemon candy kind of sour either. She comes out with her travel bag like she’s ready to come home with us, but she doesn’t look as happy as somepony who beat up a giant bug monster should.
“Twilight, dear, how are you feeling?” asks Rarity.
“Same as yesterday afternoon,” she says, which mean she’s still all mopey and cry-ie like she was when we checked in on her before and she told us what she and Star Swirl did. I read the last two chapters myself though, and she so left out a lot of parts. Then she told us about the fight she had with Azalea and Applejack was all mad because she had worked really hard picking her out just for Twilight, and she said that the two of them were going to have words.
I hope that at least one of them is ‘hortatory,’ or maybe ‘tatterdemalion’ because those are really neat words.
“Are you sure that the last of the changeling venom is gone? I’ve never made any antidote for that before, I’ve only really practiced that when Mr. Mongoose and Mr. King Cobra get into arguments,” says Fluttershy.
Gasp! I just had the best idea ever!
“I know, I know,” I say. “Twilight Sparkle, I order you not to be mind controlled anymore. Did that work?”
Twilight blinks a few times and kind of tilts her head a bit like she always does when I use a best idea ever. “You know, I think it did work. Thanks, Pinkie,” she says. More important, she smiles a little tiny bit which was the real point anyway. “Anyway, Star Swirl wants a couple days to spend with Luna, and the worst of the time problem is solved. A little longer working through the math and we should have a way to tie up all the loose ends now that the big one’s gone. I wanted to get it over with, but Celestia came by after you left and told me that she was ordering me to go home and get better first.” Wow! A Princess order that’s also a mind control order? That’s one doozy of an order!
“Well, we’ll certainly be glad to have you back,” says Rarity. “Remember that if you ever want to talk about things with Azalea there’s a whole gallon of ice cream in my freezer with your name on it.” There is? I didn’t think they made Twilight Sparkle ice cream. I wonder if it really tastes like her, or it has little Twilight Sparkle pieces inside.
Actually that sounds kinda icky.
“Whoo hoo, Twilight on vacation, finally! Your life has been way too low on hijinks these last few weeks, and those are the friendliest kind of jinks because they’re always saying hi! You’ve been super unlucky lately, like all your hijinks have turned into a jinx. Do you think that’s why you got stuck in the time loop? Have you been buying off-brand jinks?”
“No, Pinkie,” says Twilight.
“Well don’t,” I say. “Now, come on girls. We’re going...”
-----------------------
“...back to Ponyville!” I say as I jump out of the door of the train car.
“Finally,” says Dashie. “Gotta tell you Pinkie, I was getting kinda worried when you just trailed off mid-sentence back there and then didn’t say anything the entire ride home.”
“Silly Dashie! That was a scene transition!”
Dashie rolls her eyes in that way that ponies always do when I’m right about something but they don't understand why. “OK, Pinkie. Sure it was.”
Twilight looks really tired, so we can’t have fun right away. I have just the solution, a Pony Problem Panacea Party! There’s so much I have to do to get ready though.
“Twilight, in two nights we’re having a PoProPanaParty!”
“A what?” she asks. Silly Twilight. Who hasn’t heard of a PoProPanaParty?
“You’ll get the invitation soon,” I say, and I run off.
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When I come to Twilight’s library the next day, she's sitting around reading a book. This vacation she’s on is starting to look suspiciously like a not-vacation if you ask me.
Gasp! In the corner! It’s Home Run! She said she left him in the other timeline, but he made it back! This confirms my theory that Home Run is secretly from an alternate universe where Equestria is populated by sporting equipment and when he and his friends were thwarting the evil Empress Walk Off the Elements of Athletics tore a hole in space-time and he fell through it. Now he wields the Element of Strikeouts and travels the multiverse fighting evil and righting wrongs, hoping each time the next leap will be his leap home.
The other girls will probably just say that Twilight bought a new baseball bat yesterday, but I like my theory better. I’m on to you, Home Run. Taking off the name we put on you before we gave you as a present to Twilight might have fooled the others, but not me.
What was I doing here again?
“Hi Twilight, can you tell me what I’m doing here?” I ask.
“Well, you’re carrying an envelope and wearing a shirt that says ‘I Just Invited Twilight Sparkle To A Party And All I Got Was This Neato T-shirt And A Party’ so I’m going to take a wild guess and say you’re inviting me to the party you mentioned yesterday,” says Twilight without glancing up from her book.
That sort of keen deductive reasoning is why we let Twilight do most of the super hard thinky things.
I have a ton of stuff I still need to do before tomorrow night, but something about Twilight’s face makes me stop. I don’t think she even knows that she’s frowning a little and her eyes are just a bit less bright than they should be and all the other tiny things about her that just scream ‘Hug Me!’ so that’s just what I do.
“Pinkie, what’s this for?” she asks.
“I just wanted to,” I say. “Twilight, I’m super duper sorry about Azalea. I know you liked her.”
“It’s OK Pinkie. I mean we only had one date,” says Twilight. As if she could pretend she didn’t have a super good time on that date and really wanted there to be more.
“Maybe it’ll work out. You’re both my friends. I know my friends from A to Z and I think she’s really sorry too. Although I can’t be sure because even though I know her A to Z she still has four more letters after that.”
Now Twilight looks really sad, and not just the general passive background kind of sad. “Do I want it to? When I really needed her, she just made everything worse.”
“But you aren’t gonna feel better if you don’t talk to her. Even if it’s just to tell her for sure you don’t want to see her again and that she made you feel angry and hurt,” I say. “I know a lot of bad things have happened to you lately, but the Twilight Sparkle I love gets out there and happens right back at them!” I say. Twilight smiles, and even if it’s kind of a sad one it’s still a smile. Mission accomplished! “I’ll see you at the party tomorrow, OK?”
“Okey, lokey, dokey,” says Twilight, returning my hug with a quick squeeze.
I love her to death, but Twilight has got to leave that kind of thing to us professionals.
-------------------
This party is going to be so great! The guests should be here any minute, only the best and most important ponies along with fun and games and streamers and everything! There a knock on the door and I’ve never been so excited except for right before all my other parties, which means pretty much all the time.
“Surprise!” I say as I open the door and see my five friends standing there.
“Pinkie, you told us about this party. It’s all you’ve been talking about for two days,” says Rarity.
“Exactly! The last place anypony expects there to be a surprise party is at the party they’re already going to! It’s my own special party-judo,” I say.
They walk in, and take a look around the room. I hold out for as long as I can, which turns out to be just under a second and a half, before I have to show them the first party surprise.
“OK girls, let’s get started. I came up with a brand new super special recipe for this party, and we’re all gonna have some,” I say.
“Let me guess, cookies?” asks Rainbow Dash.
“Nope!” I say. “Guess again, guess again!”
“Some new sort of cake?” asks Twilight.
I can’t contain myself any longer. “Nope! Shots!”
I pull out a tray of tiny glasses from wherever it is that I pull anything out of. The others look a little taken aback.
“Pinkie, I don’t know...” says Twilight.
“Just one! Then you can switch to whatever you want to drink for the rest of the night, and if you really don’t want to that’s OK too. I can fill a shot glass with root beer or something for you,” I say.
“You know what? Why not?” asks Twilight. She lifts up a glass with her magic and as she does the others reach for theirs too.
Fluttershy looks down at hers. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Liver,” she says.
“To the best party ever!” I say. We all clink our glasses together and down them. The others all cough and choke as they do.
“Pinkie, what are these?” asks Applejack.
“I came up with the recipe and I thought to myself, ‘Pinkie, what should you call something that makes ponies act all crazy, and do whatever you dare them to, and say things that they regret the next morning?’ and the answer was obvious. I call ‘em Changeling Venoms!”
Judging by the way Twilight starts hacking and coughing again when I say that I just know she thinks the name is great, even though the rest of my friends are looking back and forth between me and her.
“Pinkie, don’t you think that these might be a little tasteless?” ask Rarity.
I giggle. “I wish they were tasteless. They taste awful! That’s why you have to shoot them,” I say. The girls start to chat with one another and I mingle with them for an hour or so. Twilight even takes a second shot of Changeling Venom and I’m a bit surprised. I figured she of all ponies would have stopped after one. Don’t tell her I said this, but she’s sort of a light weight.
There’s another knock on the door from downstairs. “Yay! The rest of the guests are here!”
“Ah thought it was just the six of us tonight. Who else did you ask to come?” asks Applejack, but it’ll be quicker if I don’t answer and just bring up our other guests.
I yank the door open and Star Swirl is there. “Hi Star Swirl!”
“Hello, Pinkie right? Princess Luna and Princess Celestia send their regrets, but they have to work.” he says.
Someday. Someday I’ll have both Princesses cutting loose at one of my parties while they’re both at full power. It’ll be epic. “Welcome! Come in, we’re just getting started,” I say.
I lead him back upstairs to the party. Twilight is sitting by the drinks, and there’s a third and a fourth empty shot glass hovering in the wobbly magic around her head.
Uh oh.
“Star Swirl? Horse apples, I didn’t just teleport us all to Canterlot, right?” she asks. She gets up onto her hooves unsteadily, and I wonder if I didn’t make those Changeling Venoms a little too strong.
“Twilight, are you OK?” asks Star Swirl. She’s managed to become the center of attention, and the Twilight I know always likes to stay just at the edge of attention when she's not being a super great leader, and right now she's not. I’m not so sure that shots were such a fun idea at all. In fact none of this seems quite as fun as it did a minute ago.
“I’m better than OK!” says Twilight. “Why wouldn’t I be? Just because Azalea and I broke up? Pfft, like that matters. Who cares about a sweet, clever, snuggly, smart, funny, sexy mare like her? I would have hated to end up spending a blissful, wonderful lifetime with a filly like that,” she says. For some reason, I’m reminded about the stuff Rarity was explaining to me about subtext. “Don’t deserve her anyway.”
“You broke up with Azalea?” asks Star Swirl.
Twilight stops all of a sudden. “I should have. I should have dumped her the moment she said that I love her. I mean that she loves me. Who says that after one date? Crazy ponies, that’s who. I’m not crazy, you know. I wouldn’t actually do the kinds of things she thought I would. I don’t know why I told her I would. Just because... just because I saw... hey, are there any more shots?” she asks.
“Nope, all gone. Just water and soda left,” I say as I hide the shots still on my tray behind my back.
“Well get me whatever soda has the most alcohol in it,” she says.
“Hey, know what sounds like fun? A game! Let’s play ‘How long can Twilight lie down on the couch,’” I say. Actually, that could be a really fun game with the right rules for tickling and other props, but tonight I just want Twilight not to do something she won’t want to hear about tomorrow.
“No, I wanna play something else,” says Twilight. “Let’s play ‘How many time loops!’ I’ll name an atrocity, and you girls guess how many loops it took before I was willing to commit it. Closest without going over wins,” but she lets me lead her to the couch and lay her down on it. Our friends obviously know that this is shaping up to be my worst party ever. One of them turned down the music and the others have gathered around us. I take Twilight’s hoof and when I do she grabs me and pulls me towards her. “I’m not her. You know that I’m not her right?” she says.
“Shhh, you’re you,” I say.
Twilight still looks haunted. “Exactly, Pinkie. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
With that Twilight lies down on my couch and closes her eyes. The rest of the girls look sad, but Star Swirl looks really angry. “Where does Azalea live?” he asks.
“Easy there, sugarcube. No need for that. You want to have a nice, calm chat with her, talk to her when she’s sellin’ flowers in the market tomorrow,” says Applejack.
“Maybe I should take Twilight back to the library. I think she’s had enough for one night,” he says. I can’t argue with that.
“I’m sorry, I just thought if she was with all of us she might feel better, but I messed everything up,” I say.
“I’ll come with you and help you tuck her in,” says Fluttershy. “Don’t worry Pinkie, this wasn’t your fault.” But it was my party! Anything bad that happens at my party is at least a little itty bit my fault. The two of them leave carrying a very sad Twilight, and I sink to the floor.
“It didn’t work,” I say. “I really thought we could remind her of how everything could be good and fun again," I say. Not only is Twilight all sad still but now I am too! I can't believe she'd act like that after a few drinks, she's usually so in control. Even though I made the shots it's not like when I made up the recipe I secretly poured one shot to rule them all that would let me turn anypony who drank them unhappy.
“Hey, if any party could fix Twilight, this Pinkie Pie party would have done it,” says Rainbow Dash.
“Thanks Dashie,” I say. I really do appreciate her reassurance. Now I’ll need to plan an even better Sorry Your Last Party Wasn’t So Good party for Twilight. I thought this was supposed to be a light and funny breather chapter! This isn’t what I signed on for!
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The next morning I go out to the market to buy some ingredients that the Cakes say we're running low on. When I get there the very first thing I go to do is say hi to Applejack, but she's not in her usual spot. Instead she set up a few rows down.
"Hi Applejack," I say as I walk up to her, "how come you're all the way over here today?"
"Didn't want to set up so close to Azalea. The way Twi was hurtin' last night still has me a bit riled up, and it ain't a good idea for me to talk to her 'til ah cool off a bit," she says.
"I'm really worried about Twilight," I say. "Do you think we could find her a new marefriend? Of the seven thousand, four hundred and thirty nine mares who live in Ponyville, eight hundred fifty three of them like fillies at least a little bit."
"How do you know it's exactly that many?" asks Applejack.
How do I know that? Oh yeah! A couple weeks ago Mayor Mare was giving a speech and said that the hydra attack that had happened was a senseless act of violence, but I was thinking about balloons and not really listening so I thought she said it was a census act of violence and I thought ‘Silly mayor! You can’t commit an act of violence with a census!’ But then I was like ‘or can you?’ and I went around for the next couple days asking everypony in town probing and embarrassing questions and sometimes watching them sleep. Then by the time I was all done I remembered that even if I could commit a census act of violence it probably wouldn’t be very nice of me to do it.
“Pinkie? You there?” asks Applejack. I look up at her.
“If you were doing a hydra census, would you have to count each head separately?” I ask. These are important questions!
“Uh, ah’m not really sure sugarcube,” she says. Before I can ask if she knows what a census act of violence is I happen to look over her shoulder.
“Hey Applejack? You said a second ago that the smart thing to do when you’re furious at a pony is to not talk to them until you calm down a little bit, right?” I ask.
“That’s what ah think, anyway,” she says.
“And Star Swirl’s pretty smart, right?” I ask.
“Twi sure thinks so. Ah can’t make head or hoof of what they say to each other half the time,” she says.
“Then Star Swirl must not be furious any more, because he’s going to talk to Azalea right now.” Applejack turns and sees him going past us. Funny, he still looks pretty furious. “Should we go with him?” I ask.
“No, ah think we should stand back and watch the fireworks. Azalea’s my friend and ah don’t want to say anything to her that ah’ll regret later, but ah’d be a liar if ah said ah didn’t want to see her get a little sass for the way she treated Twi,” says Applejack. Wow! There’s going to be an argument and fireworks?
“Maybe he just wants to buy a flower,” I point out.
“Ah think we’re gonna find out one way or the other,” says Applejack.
Star Swirl stomps a hoof on the ground to get Azalea’s attention, and whatever he’s saying to her I can’t make out most of it from here, but he must really want that flower. I’ve never heard of a ‘you just threw away your shot with the greatest mare you’ll ever meet, you weak and stupid coward’ flower. They must not grow around here. I guess Azalea doesn’t have what he’s asking for and she must have really needed the sale because she’s starting to cry. Then Star Swirl tells her she’s missing out big time because in his experience mares who have the potential to become dark evil monsters are great in the sack. I’ll have to remember that if Azalea and Twilight get back together there’s going to be some crazy competition at the Ponyville Track and Field Sack Race next month. Now Azalea’s blushing and crying at the same time. That’s a neat trick, although a little sad too since, you know, crying.
I guess Star Swirl knows he isn’t going to get that flower he wanted, because he turns and stalks off. Applejack is watching him go and she looks a little mad. I don’t think she expected him to want the flower that much, and she might feel a little guilty that she didn’t do anything to stop him from making Azalea cry. “Pinkie, stay here,” she says as she chases after him.
Like that’s really going to happen.
-------------------
“Hey, you!” yells Applejack, Does she know that I’m hiding out here in the bushes? Wow, she’s good. I totally camouflaged myself and then I painted over the camouflage paint with another layer of it, so I’m double camouflaged.
“What?” asks Star Swirl, turning to face her. “Maybe I was out of line, but that mare can go buck herself. I won’t apologize,” he says.
“Azalea’s my friend. Why did you say what’cha did?” asks Applejack.
“Because she deserved it! She’d just the most miserable... ungrateful... she wouldn’t know a good thing if it smacked her in the face!” says Star Swirl.
Applejack raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Why do ah think that by ‘good thing’ you really mean ‘Twilight Sparkle,’ hmm?”
“Of course I do! Twilight... do you even know what she was willing to do? She told me to run away and leave her to be tortured to death for decades to save all of you ponies. I wouldn’t have done that. But then she gets back here and that arrogant brat just dismisses her because of what she might have done! As if the only things she might have done were awful ones,” says Star Swirl.
“Seems like you’re awfully fond of her. Are you sure you aren’t sweet on Twilight?” asks Applejack. Oh man, that would be a totally crazy plot twist if it’s true!
“Ew! No! She’s... I don’t know. She’s special, but not like that. She’s just... She’s smart, and she’s so dedicated I want to strangle her sometimes, but when I see her hurting I just want to strangle whoever’s making her feel that way. There’s no word for it.” he says.
“Ah can think of one,” says Applejack. “Family. She’s family to you.”
“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” mumbles Star Swirl.
“Ain’t nothing to be ashamed of, even if it ain’t by blood. Ah feel the same way about her, and ah reckon the rest of the girls do too.”
“I didn’t think any of you were related,” he says.
“You ain’t listenin to me at all, are you? I don’t know every little thing she’s been through, though lord knows ah’ve asked her to tell me. Then again, ah suppose a mare deserves to keep her secrets. Ah’ve seen her pushed way past what anypony’s breaking point should be. Maybe she did do bad stuff, but ah don’t much care. Ah’d follow her to the end of the world if she asked.”
“I wouldn’t. I’d tell her she’s insane.”
“Ah betcha would. That what you said right before you followed her into a whole other universe?” she asks.
“That was different. We were... shut up!” he says.
Applejack chuckles. “You know, Twilight told me a bit about you. Said you were a whiny, arrogant jerk of a pony who’ll never amount to anything unless he changes his attitude, but ah think she was wrong.”
“Oh yeah? What is it you think of me?” he asks.
“Ah think you’re a whiny, arrogant jerk of a pony who just might turn out to be something special despite yourself,” says Applejack. “Try pullin’ your head out of your plot sometime. And stop treatin’ ponies around you so awfully. You might be surprised at how many of them would like you if you gave ‘em half a chance. Now ah’m goin’ back there to comfort Azalea, ‘cause she’s hurtin’ over all this too. Ah don’t know if they broke up for good or not but ah know she’s a pony with a good heart or ah wouldn’t have set her up with Twi in the first place. Don’t follow me.”
Applejack walks off leaving Star Swirl just sitting in the path for a minute before he turns and leaves the other way, towards Twilight’s library. I’m totally going with him to see how Twilight’s doing. I’m really good at being just the sneakiest pony ever and he doesn’t even realize I’m there until I pop out of the door of the library when he opens it.
“Surprise!” I say.
“Gah!” he shouts and staggers back. “Pinkie? How did you get in there?”
“I was following you after you talked with Applejack, and I saw that you were about to go into the library and I thought ‘wouldn’t it be funny if I popped out of there when you opened the door?’ and so I did and it was,” I say.
“But how did you actually get into the library?” he asks.
“Silly pony! I just told you! Pay more attention next time,” I say.
He just walks past me and into the library. Twilight is sitting at the table with her face flat against it with a steaming mug of coffee sitting next to her. “Twilight, you can’t drink coffee through the surface of a table,” I say.
She groans. “Pinkie, please be quieter. I feel like I just had changeling eggs laid in my brain again. This might actually be worse,” she says.
“Well when you’re up to it you should take a look at this,” says Star Swirl. He brings the Element of Magic crown out of the guest room. I guess it’s the second one, because Twilight brought hers back to Ponyville.
Twilight’s the only pony I know for who having something to think about makes her hangovers better instead of worse. She perks up and we both look at it. “Hey, I thought you said the jewel part was black. That looks a lot purplier than I thought it would,” I say.
“The color’s been shifting. What about yours?” he asks. Twilight walks up to her room and carries the other Element of Magic down to the table. I’m in the magicalest library ever!
“Looks the same to me, yours is still a little darker,” says Twilight.
“Yours matches your coat, just like ours! It must mean you’re EMBFFs! Element of Magic Best Friends Forever,” I say.
“I don’t feel any interaction between the two of them,” says Star Swirl. “Do you think anything would happen if they touched?” he asks.
“Omigosh! I totally know what would happen!” I say. Twilight and Star Swirl look over at me. “I bet there’d be a big magical explosion and you would swap bodies or something! And then you’d try to hide it from everypony else because obviously it’s funnier that way and you’d both have to go back to Canterlot to fix it for some reason. Then Star Swirl would look like Twilight and Princess Celestia would think he is Twilight and she’d ask you for a friendship report and you’d have to make one up on the spot but you’d have an epiphany about how amazing friendship really is! And while Star Swirl’s doing that Luna will find Twilight who looks like Star Swirl and she’ll be all ‘come to bed, lover’ and Twilight would get to bang Luna again, and it would be super awesome but you’d end up with all sorts of gender confusion issues because at this point I think you should just go ahead and try to collect all the different kinds of mental problems one pony can have. Plus then you and Azalea can make up but she’ll find out somehow and she’ll be like ‘how could you? We were only taking a break,’ and Twilight would be all like ‘you’re the one who left me!’ Then you two would start casting the spell to fix the rest of the time stuff only you have to do it up in the sky for some reason and while you two are casting it Azalea and Luna would have a climactic sword fight on top of a zeppelin to win Twilight’s love once and for all and then Star Swirl is fatally wounded but he gets to tell Luna he loves her one more time. Then Twilight will be all ‘oh no, but time!’ and Azalea will reveal that she’s been the real Star Swirl all along! Then our readers will be all like ‘I have no idea what’s going on and I love it!’”
I gasp for breath. The rest of this story is going to be the greatest thing ever!
“Yeah, we’re not doing that,” says Star Swirl.
“I’ll put mine back somewhere safe,” says Twilight and levitates it upstairs to her room.
Sorry guys, I tried.
“We should do some more work on the math to collect all the little timelines that are still out there. The divergence won’t be as great but if there’s enough of them they might create problems eventually,” says Star Swirl.
They start to talk to one another and I don’t think I’m gonna pay attention to that anymore. It’s not fair, my idea was really good and neither of them wanted to do it! I walk out the library and they don’t even notice, so I just sit on the steps. I don’t wanna stay sad, and at least the time problem made her stop feeling like a fuddy duddy stick-in-the-muddy.
“Hi Pinkie Pie,” says a voice from above.
“Derpy!” I say. Finally, a mare whose thought process makes sense to me. “What’s up?”
“I am!” she says and we both laugh. “Actually, somepony important said I needed to give a letter to Twilight. Is she in there?” asks Derpy.
“Yeah, but she’s doing time stuff with Star Swirl right now,” I say.
“Perfect! That’s who I’m supposed to tell her to pass it on to. Would you give it them?” asks Derpy.
“Sure,” I say, “I’m always happy to help.” Derpy passes the envelope to me and flies onward, but when I turn it over the letter inside slips out. When I pick it up I can’t help but read what’s written on it. I walk back into the library. “Twilight, Star Swirl, check out this letter,” I say.
“What’s it say?” asks Twilight.
“It says that you and Star Swirl are going to go... to the End of Time!” I say.
…
“It’s a watch store in Canterlot. I guess something Star Swirl ordered came in,” I say.
Wait, what do you mean that was supposed to be the start of the next chapter? If I’d stopped right after ‘the End of Time’ it would have sounded like some kind of big-deal cliffhanger.
Hey! You were gonna do that on purpose! That’s mean!
I’m not gonna stick to the script if you’re gonna write things like that, it’s practically like lying!
Well, fine, maybe I didn’t want to be the narrator any more anyway, you big jerky McJerkypants! I quit!
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This feels like it's a week early for some reason. Don't know why...
2319583
I can take it down if it'll make you feel better...
I was laughing for 95% of this chapter.
Oh, Pinkie.
2319589
Nonononononono
downloads chapter just in case...
Love it. While the past two chapters weren't as bleak as I expected, this hilarity was still a welcome break.
You are now officially my number one favourite author.
Please write an entire story from Pinkie's perspective.
I have no idea what’s going on and I love it!
2319589
Oh, no. It's totally fine. I'm sure we can all suffer through an early chapter, right guys?
2319648
Seconded. I love how you write Pinkie.
2318724
I call it learning rather than hindsight, as in hopefully youve learned there are better ways to communicate ideas than to be loud and obnoxious while claiming that you are doing it for the lulz and look forward to people being irritated by your comments.
Uh...what?
Pinkie is best narrator.
...
Can I hug Twilight?
PLEASE?!
Dear lord, I needed that chapter. Thanks, Eakin... I hope everything works out with Azalea, although that's probably the hopeless romantic in me.
I'm still snickering about "census acts of violence". Some of those puns hurt, man.
This chapter was painful to read.
I don't... What?
I don't... What?
Yeah, normally not a big fan of the whole 'Pinkie Pie blatantly interacting with the narrator/story format' trope. But you somehow managed to balance Pinkie's saccharine style with some actual drama and plot development; even without writing from Twilight's POV, you still made it quite clear what she's going through, and did a brilliant job of describing the important events throughout the chapter.
It also helps that your 'recursive' joke is one of my favorite running gags to date, and God damn if those last few lines didn't make me burst out laughing.
Long story short, damn I'm impressed. Fantastic job.
I graveled my way through this chapter only because I wanted the story elements.
I dislike such changes in narration and it felt to me like it was messy and confusing.
It felt painful to read and suddenly I don't want to do anything.
Pinkie is only Mane6 I dislike and that may turn my perspective a bit.
You're the author and it's your choice of sudden turns in writing style. I'm just providing feedback.
2319670
Duel Nature. It's on my story page.
2319648
2319671
It's fun, but damn is it draining. I also don't know that I could carry a story AND keep up the level of insanity here.
2319589 or you could transfer it to a blog, that would keep the flow of the story, along with the mood in check. but other than that Nice third wall shattering pinki chapter.
2319726
Don't worry, it was just for the one chapter. Back to Twilight now.
Pinkie always makes my eye twitch. Also I almost relieved myself reading this. Bravo sir.
2319742
Yeah, I know that. I'm writing a crazy story (amongst others) and simply maintaining momentum is a challenge. It is, however, very cathartic to write without limit like that.
Like climbing a mountain. Hard work, but the view is worth it.
I laughed. This whole chapter was a barrel of laughs.
I can only assume The End Of Time is owned by one Dr. Time Turner, PhD.
2319742
I can imagine. Pinkie's world doesn't follow the same rules as everypony else's.
This is either the most crazy or most ingenious thing that I've ever read. Or both. Or neither. It's hard to tell with Pinkie...
>Fluttershy looks down at hers. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Liver,” she says.
could you make this an alternate ending. It would be magical. 
>It would be the greatest thing ever!
Please sir,
BEST CHAPTER EVER!
Well, pinkie is the best narrator ever.
This. This chapter is full of gems for pinkie, but this is the diamond of the batch.
Somebody make this a story.
Like, right now.
Because I would read it.
I would read it so hard.
Okay, I have 3 issues with this part of the story:
* Twilight Sparkle has to deal with Pinkie Pie almost every single day since she was moved to Ponyville.
* Pinkie Pie just made a drink called Changeling Venom, which is why she was in the hospital in the first place.
* Twilight Sparkle has to deal with Pinkie Pie almost every single day since she was moved to Ponyville.
Pinkie, what are you doing?
Starswirl, what are YOU doing?
I'd say this is a mess, but it already was, on several levels.
I feel as though each of Pinkie's monologues is preempted by an unstated
'I will give you the mother of all headaches but you will love me anyway. Deal with it.'
You write Pinkie very well. Congrats.
On another note:
profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc6/211035_160610677338504_3838183_n.jpg
...
(Statistics show that a meme can be made funnier via omission of its primary written component. After significant exposure, we come to so strongly associate the image itself with what words usually accompany it that we make the connection to why it is funny much faster when we see just the image than when we see the image with the written text. Also, after an extensive period of time the text becomes not only superfluous but painfully redundant and can, in fact, cause the meme to depreciate in comedic value.)
...
Uh, I mean, the full meme is too mainstream.
to quote pinkie pie. "I have no idea what’s going on and I love it!"
this chapter is best chapter.
I apologize in advance if this shows up more than once...
"At this point I think you should just go ahead and try to collect all the different kinds of mental problems one pony can have."
I truly love all of the mental anguish poor Twilight has had to deal with in these stories, but that line was easily my favorite of a very funny chapter. Nice job keeping things lighter and still working some good drama in there... Twilight's breakdown at the party was touching, and Azalea's dressing down by Starswirl handled well.
I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with the remaining chapters!
hitch-hiker's guide to the galaxy!
My head hurts, and I'm not sure if it's because of what I couldn't follow in Pinkie's thought process, or what I could. Good chapter, keep up the good work.
To heck with Azalea ...
PinkieTwi FTW!
2319589 if it wasn't for my migrane, I'd hve loved this chapter.
But I literally HEARD Pinkie's voice narrating and it made my migrane feel like a hot iron spike running through my skull.
I'll re-read after my migrane passes to give a proper reaction. But I'll most-likely love it.
2319872 ALL OF MY THIS!!!
Bwahahahahaha!
That has got to be the funniest chapter so far. Seriously, laugh-out loud hilarious.
Bonus points for managing to work the drama in around and through Pinkie's narrative.
Is it bad that I still don't want things to work out with Azalea? I feel like Twilight could do way, way, way better.
You, Sir, have just made this old man's Monday.
Oh pinkie! XD
My god this chapter is silly. Even for Pinkie Pie. Eakin, what did you give her before she started narrating!?
2319899 stop trying to bring logic into this
2320394
I'll bring logic into this as much as I want to!
You win everything.
Pure comedic gold, right there. That's how it's done!
One shot to find them,
One shot to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
Another great chapter... and the insane of Pinkie Pie's head gives me headaches.