• Member Since 13th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Walt2012

Self-confessed maniac and prolific writer since 1979.

Walt2012 Joined 13th Sep, 2012 · Offline

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Typically, not all nights are like this, but Princess Luna's schedule sometimes has some very . . . interesting ponies in it.
Chapters (1)
Complete Published: Feb 5th, 2013 Download
8,602 words
Comments ( 11 )
TheSexyMenhir
TheSexyMenhir #1 · Feb 5th, 2013 · · ·
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The 'honk' sold me. xD

Bronzedragon
Bronzedragon #3 · Feb 6th, 2013 · · ·
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All I can say is that Groucho, Chico,and Harpo would be proud

Walt2012
Walt2012 #4 · Feb 6th, 2013 · · ·
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2082170

Harpo Marx - the original Pinkie Pie. :pinkiehappy:

His name in Horsefeathers was Pinky, if I recall correctly. :pinkiecrazy:

Bronzedragon
Bronzedragon #5 · Feb 6th, 2013 · · ·
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Pinkie it was. Very good. By the way. I'm still trying to get someone to use the “Whose on First” routine. From your stories you would be a prime candidate. ????

Walt2012
Walt2012 #6 · Feb 6th, 2013 · · ·
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2084863
Hmmm ..........

marmelmm
marmelmm #7 · Feb 27th, 2013 · · ·
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2084865

"Owloysius, which pony is first to see me?"

"Whoo?"

"The pony."

"Whoo?"

"The first pony to see me!"

"Whoo!"

"That's what *I* want to know!"

"...Whoo?"

"(sigh) I don't think this is going to work." :derpyderp2:

Captain_Hairball
Captain_Hairball #9 · Nov 4th, 2015 · · ·
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Upvoted one para in for using the term "Diarchy".

ShadowLDrago
ShadowLDrago #11 · Nov 12th, 2015 · · ·
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Most ponies will tell you that the Royal Guards all look alike. This isn’t because they’re chosen to look that way, but is instead a function of their armor. As soon as Steel’s black Lunar Guard helmet was firmly on his head, his coat changed color to a uniform charcoal gray with a black mane and tail. He grinned, the glamor making his teeth look like a shark’s. “See you at breakfast.”

This. This is what sold me. I've seen this as a bit of a common theory among fans that the armors of both Guards are enchanted to make them look all identical for whatever purpose, and it's nice to see a bit of worldbuilding which I'm a bit of a sucker for. Besides, it shows that this isn't all comedy, there are some normal moment. One thing though, I think it's glamoUr. Not sure though.

Well, that was the stereotype, but no one really expected a pony to stay like that for their entire shift. Again, it was the armor that did most of the heavy lifting, just as it did for the Solar Guard detail that had been relieved four hours earlier.
An hour on post, and an hour on patrol; that was the drill. It kept the guards alert.

Clever.

“Can we get on with this?” the winged Guard asked, rustling his pinions irritably. “We do have jobs to do, you know. Work on your stand-up act later.”

Killjoy.

The ponies watching laughed and applauded. It is a matter of conjecture whether they applauded the shot, or the belch. To the unicorn’s credit, it was a fine belch, of a properly masculine depth and timbre.

Of course.

The earth pony keeled over in a dead faint as Princess Luna leaped upward, powerful wings sending a gust of air down the alley as she took wing for the Castle.

Luna enjoys pool, cider, and can change her gender. Or at least pretend to. Neat.

“Yes, Your Highness. The defendants were attempting to raise chickens,” and the stallion glanced at the defendants.
“Until the accident,” Stern Wheeler said in his monotone. His accent indicated that he, and presumably his wife, were not from Manehattan but from somewhere quite rural.

Eh?

The Advocate took up the tale. “The Wheelers were using a mana-powered incubator, Your Highness. It was, sadly, defective.”
“So the chickens are - ?”
“Quiche,” the Prosecutor said.

Oh dear.

“She passed away in her sleep,” Stern said gloomily.
Everyone waited.
“On the railroad tracks.”
The Prosecutor’s wings drooped to the floor.
Cart said, “The railroad never even charged her for the ride.”

I can't help but feel this is similar to an episode of Night Court.

The earth pony mare nodded. “Oh, yes. Granny left us a pretty substantial inheritance.”
“What?” the Prosecutor asked with a derisive snort. “A dead vole and a packet of Gekko Wafers?”
“No,” Stern said, still as deadpan as ever. “Two hundred fifty thousand bits.”

Whoa.

“Might be a cat.”
“Yeah, but might not be.” The two moved carefully to the entrance of the alleyway, and Iron peered around the corner.

Good logic.

“That’s a lie!” the earth pony protested. “I sold the code and TWO pair o’ plans!” He grinned up at the throne. “That’s a good one, huh Princess?” Behind him, a Guard facehoofed.

Moron.

Chinco Teagui waved a dismissive hoof at the limit of his shackle chain. “They’re better than that. Ain’t you heard that camels are the ships of the desert?”

Wat.

“Everypony knows there ain’t no such thing as Sanity!”

...

Luna swept the red-maned pony off the throne and off the dais, causing him to slide a third of the way across the polished marble floor. “Consider yourself fortunate that I do not charge you with lese majeste,” she growled.
“You make him Da majesty, he’s gonna be lazy. He’ll no get up before noon.”

Hey Luna, does this help?

Luna sat there in shock. She’d been unaware how well her guards sang. Perhaps next Hearth’s Warming Eve . . .

Perhaps...

The unicorn leered shamelessly at her. “I think I left my horseshoes there last night.” He wiggled his bushy eyebrows at her.

You really want to piss off an alicorn?

“Aw, c’mon, don’t give him the clap, Your Lazy Majesty,” Chinco Teagui protested.

Big mistake.

“How about ‘I am?’ That’s the shortest sentence I know,” Colic said, taking another puff on his cigar.
“Careful, Counselor, lest you argue yourself all the way to the chopping block.”
“Do I get a chopping bag to bring my head home in?”
“What?”
“Well, you have to have a bag with you when you go chopping.”

I can't tell if he's an idiot or insane.

“We went to high school together, Kicker,” Iron grumbled. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten that little episode at the senior prom. What was that filly’s name again?”
Kicker’s glamored blue eyes widened. “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh? I’ll shout it from the Observatory Tower. Now, let me pass, okay?”

I don't think he's bluffing.

“True.” The Princesses were laws unto themselves, and some cynics occasionally questioned why a Solar and Lunar Guard was even required for their protection. Watching over two immortal goddesses incarnate tended to be among the more interesting jobs in Equestria. “Just be careful, okay? Captain Nightshade would tear his mane out if anything happened.”

More for Equestria's defense or for more mundane threats than their protection I'd think.

“G’night, Luna.”
“Honk!”
“What the – “
“OUT!”

How did he even get IN there?

2187651

You win.

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