• Published 30th Jan 2013
  • 491 Views, 2 Comments

The General's Daughter - Mordy



Forever shadowed by her mother, Beatrice seeks to escape the deeds of her mother and distingush herself from all others and be known more than simply as the general's daughter.

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Chapter 1: First Memory

The General’s Daughter
By: Mordy

Chapter 1: First Memory

It was the beginning of spring as the morning rays of Celestia’s sun poured into the halls of Canterlot through the many glass stained windows. The clip and clop of servants could be heard echoing through the halls from the various servants and soldiers going about their normal routine duties. Some would acknowledgement each other with nod or a polite hello. Others would strike up a conversation, having a quick chat before returning to work. It was one way ponies could beat the tedium that came day in and day out.

Of all those in the castle there was one particular pony that went mostly ignored. Though, a better term would have been avoided. This pony was a member of the Royal Guard and a mare of exquisite beauty. However, any who knew her quickly forgot about her looks and anypony that approached her would quickly feel intimidated. It’s easy to be frightened by somepony that wears an angry scowl all the time.

This pegasi mare had one of the most pristine white coats since Celestia. It may not have majestic glow like her royal highness, but it was remarkably well kept. This was accentuated by her golden mane and straight tail of just average length. Her mane only reached just above her shoulders, her left eye covered by strands of hair that fell in front of her face. She always kept it covered like that leaving only her right deep blue eye to be seen. If one were brave enough to trace their eyes to her flank without staring to long they would be able to see her cutie mark. Her mark was of a sword with its hilt pointing up. From the hilt, two white wings stretched out only to curve and point their wing tips towards the end of the blade. Around the blade itself sparks of yellow electricity could be seen. None knew exactly what it meant, but some guessed it represented the spark she felt when fighting.

Anypony would be quick to notice that this mare wasn’t wearing the normal guard attire. She was wearing pure gold plates that covered her front frame and back, but it didn’t cover her flank like most of the uniforms. One would also take note that the very front of her armor had her cutie mark engraved into it. At this point a pony would realize she was of high rank as only captains or higher ranking officers were given custom armor and they would be correct.

This mare was none other than Commander Beatrice Whitewing. That rank was the only reason she got away with not wearing a helmet. Well, it wasn’t the only reason, but it was the first reason given should anypony ask.

As she slowly marched down the halls her eyes remained forward with her head held high and her shoulders back. She radiated confidence and righteous fury. Servants would quickly avoid her, knowing better than to get in the way of a member of the Royal Guard who was in a foul mood. A similar reaction was received from members of the guard as well. They recognized the rank and nothing got them sweating more than an angry superior just itching to take it out on a subordinate. Those who knew her on the other hand would avoid her gaze while some would look on sympathetically before averting her eyes when she took notice of this pity. It made her angrier.

If anypony knew here, really knew her, they would recognize that she was actually quite sad on top of being angry and frustrated. She wasn’t scowling as much as she normally did and closer inspection would show a frown hidden within. Of course she was doing everything she can to hide it, but recent events would give her no reason to be anything other than moody.

As another guard passed her gave her another look of sympathy she stopped dead in her tracks at an intersection and gritted her teeth as she glared daggers at the floor. There was nothing this day that could possibly make her feel better.

“G’Morning commander!”

Well, almost nothing.

Her head quickly shot back up and she felt just small traces of a smile tugging at lips as she peered over at the unicorn before her. A white coat and dark blue mane with lighter streaks of blue running through it. He was wearing lavender armor with gold trimmings and light purple six pointed star on his chest plate and was without his helmet. Captain Shining Armor was one of the few ponies she didn’t mind seeing.

He was saluting her with one hoof and waiting for her response. She was quick to oblige the little formality as she raised her own and saluted back, “At ease soldier,” with that they both let their hooves drop to the floor with a small clop echoing through the halls. She had to resist the urge to wince as she began to see the same sympathetic look enter his eyes as every other soldier who knew her seem to give. A quick change of subject to make him drop the look was in order, “You don’t need to salute me captain. No need to be so informal with me.” Truth be told, if any other guard had started a conversation with her without using such proper military etiquette they would have been on the receiving end of her growing frustration. Shining Armor was one of the incredibly few exceptions she would make.

“Aw, but commander, it wouldn’t feel right addressing a commanding officer in such a way,” Shining Armor smiled, the sympathy disappearing for a moment as he brushed his mane.

She closed her eyes for a moment as a small genuine smile graced her face, “I’m not your commanding officer though so don’t be so inclined to address me as such.”

“Should I just come up and lick you instead?” He smirked.

Not quite the response Beatrice had been expecting, but it got her to smile more, “Only if you want a broken jaw,” this was followed by a chuckle from the two of them.

They enjoyed the mirth for a few moments before Shining got solemn again, “So…” He tried to find the right words, but being vague seemed to be the better option, “How are you doing?”

It was a good question. How was she doing after all that had happened? She went through all the words that best described her; miserable, sad, depressed, angry, mad, frustrated, stressed, brokenhearted, and hopeless. She felt as if she was about go insane, having mood swings and had constant violent urges. One moment she would like nothing better than to beat somepony to death then next she wanted to just roll over and die. Through a very careful thought process she chose the word most appropriate to explaining herself, “Fine.”

Shining Armor didn’t believe her for a second, but he wondered if she was lying to him or to herself. Probably both, he assumed as he tried to put on a more reassuring smile. He was going to push it out of her. She was stubborn and would never relent until she wanted to. All he could do was make things a little easier for her and hoped that she would be more willing to talk.

He approached her getting close enough to be more intimate than he was meaning too as Beatrice had to fight off a blush from the closeness. He gave her a warm friendly smile and asked, “Would you care to join me on my rounds today? If you’re not too busy,” He quickly added knowing full well he shouldn’t distract her from her duties, at least not for very long.

Beatrice couldn’t help, but roll her eyes. Well, eye, seeing as Shining could only see one of her eyes with her hair blocking the view of the other. She wasn’t doing this because of his offer, but instead to the notion that she would be busy. She replied, “I’d love too,” She really meant that, “I’m anything, but busy… sadly,” she muttered that last part only loud enough for herself to hear it and looked away for a moment before returning her attention to Armor who was still smiling.

“Then feel free to follow along for as long as you want commander,” He saluted towards her with much gusto then turned down one of the hallways, leading her to his first stop of the morning.


The early morning wind bit at Shining Armor’s and Beatrice’s coats, still carrying some of the winter chill, but not nearly as bad as it had been a few weeks ago. Shining Armor shivered slightly and Beatrice barely even noticed the wind, let alone the chill. Only reason she did was because it brushed her hair to the side for a moment that one could just barely see her other eye. If anypony had been looking they might have noticed her other eye looked tired, red, and puffy. She was thankful no pony did.

As she and Shining walked along the castle walls she peered over to see the guard training. They were all in formation ready to march. A row of earth ponies, a row of pegasi, and a row of unicorns.

Looking down at them reminded her of something. She stepped over to get a better look as memories started to flood her mind. It made her think of chess….


“Beatrice!”

A calm voice called out. Despite how methodical it seemed, it held power and authority while seeming to barely contain a terrible fury behind it. The voice spoke again with the same calm and patience, “Beatrice, are you paying attention?”

The little filly pegasi looked up with her innocent eyes. Both could be seen and were so soft that it looked like they could shatter if one simply spoke to loud. She nodded and replied with voice that sounded like the smallest of bell chimes, “Yes, mommy.”

A pegasus sat across from her on a very lavishing red chair. The mare had a white coat, but it was duller than Beatrice’s. Her straight mane was bright crimson and fell passed her shoulders and covered her left eye. Her tail was long and would nearly drag on the floor had she been standing. She had eyes that seemed to burn with a mixture of yellow, orange, and the slightest tinge of red. Even with the way they looked those eyes felt cold, calculating, and cruel. Her cutie mark was that of sword with its hilt pointing up and a blade of red. From the hilt white wings opened up wide as if an invitation to battle. This was all contained within a burning flame.

Most would be cautious, if not afraid of a pony with such a cutie mark and piercing eyes. But the filly who knew her only as mommy knew not how dangerous she was. Her ignorance was a blessing and she would trust her without a second thought. Why would a daughter ever have reason not to?

She was sitting across from her mother on large matching red sofa with intricate red pillows that had gold silk sewed into them. It was very rich color and was a mild statement of the family’s wealth. Before her was a polished brown oak table sitting upon an exported rug from the Far East. Surrounding them were shelves and shelves of books of all shapes and sizes. This was the personal study, nearly as large if not larger than libraries of smaller towns. A personal collection of literature that had been accumulated over several generations. Tomes were not the only things that adorned the shelves. Various valuables such as busts and other foreign objects sat on display. One particular interest was a large section of one wall dedicated to a very particular collectible. This wall was adorned with countless chess sets. Some were merely boxed and shelved while some of the more intricate ones were actually set up and on display. The most valuable were contained behind a glass case that had been reinforced with a very advance lock system and magically sealed on top of that.

At this time though, the mother and daughters attention was on the table where a less valuable, but no less interesting chess board had been set up. Each piece was had been carefully carven and polished.

The pawns were of earth ponies, their armor designed to match the current uniform of the Royal Guard. They had one leg risen, ready to march into battle for princess and country.

The rooks were a traditional stone tower, but a miniature guard had been placed on top to over look the battlefield from his vantage point. The enemy would best be wary of being within sight of the tower.

Next were the knights and one of Beatrice’s favorites. It was a pegasi, standing on its hind legs, ready to soar through the air and past enemy lines.

From there was the bishops, robed unicorns sitting patiently. To forget them would be a fatal mistake on the enemy’s part.

Finally there was the king and queen. Due to this chess set being modeled after the current equestrian monarchy, the king was instead an alicorn, modeled after Princess Celestia of course. Her wings were spread back raised on her back legs and looking intimidating yet somehow the artist managed to carve a warm smile that seemed to disperse any fear one would have.

The queen was a different story. The piece had instead been modeled as a general. A heavily armored pegasi also on its hind legs with a face that scanned the battlefield with ferocity. This pegasi was more distinguishable as a mare than the other pieces that were far more masculine.

“Now, let’s review Beatrice. Even though they’re pawns and lack any special skills like magic or flight, why should the earth ponies not be underestimated?” Her mother asked as she fiddled with one of the pawns with her hoof. Her pieces were midnight blue while Beatrice’s were alabaster. Though her question might have been a bit racist, it was to drive a point home.

Beatrice held a hoof to her mouth in thought before setting it down to answer, “Well, they’re very strong and have a lot of… umm…” She tried to think of the word her mother had used, but resorted to words she understood, “They’re really good at being hit a lot!”

Her mother chuckled, understanding what she was trying to say, “I believe you mean they can endure.”

“Yeah, that!” She shouted a little louder than she meant.

“To add onto that, the moment you underestimate them,” She placed one of Beatrice’s pieces, her rook, diagonal of the one of her pawns, “Is the moment they will bring you down,” She knocked down the rook with her pawn to emphasize her point. Beatrice nodded, understanding what she was getting across.

“How about unicorns?” She motioned with her wing to a bishop.

Beatrice was quick to answer, “They can cast magic and umm… they can do lots of neat stuff?” She became less sure of her answer when she couldn’t think of more to add.

“Well yes, they can do a lot of ‘neat stuff’, but what you need to understand is that they can make spells do many creative things. So, in order to make the most out of a unicorn you must be creative with them as well. When they can think on their hooves they’re most formidable. With so many spells you never know when one of them can be handy,” She smiled as she finished her short little lecture. Her daughter nodded and then she went on, “So, what about pegasi?”

“Oh, they’re really fast and quick! They can fly and get away really easy!” Beatrice beamed at her answer, hoping it made her mother proud.

Her mother moved the knight piece over a few pieces as she talked, “Yes, this makes them good scouts and messengers. It also allows them get passed enemy lines,” She emphasized as she brought the knight over one of Beatrice’s own pieces, “And they can get a birds eye view, so to speak,” She let go of the piece and looked back at her daughter, “That speed makes them formidable in battle and when you get one that exerts the strength of an earth pony they’re a force to be reckon with.”

She looked over at the rook and just quickly went over it, “Our rook here is like a lookout tower. The moment it spots the enemy they lose any chance at a sneak attack. The element of surprise is the most useful weapon to have against any foe. Remember that.”

“Yes mommy,” She smiled as she committed it to memory.

Picking up the queen and king, better known as the general and princess respectively, she held them out to her daughter, “The queen or in our case, the general is the most powerful piece on the board. Easily the most powerful piece. In the case of our kingdom, the general directs all the troops and has the most power over the army,” She smiled slyly at the general piece before it faded as she looked over to the alicorn princess. She sighed, “It’s ironic that the most valuable piece is the weakest. Capture the king or in our case the princess, then everything else falls.”

“Eye-ron-ik?” Beatrice said, tasting the word in her mouth not knowing its meaning.

“Unexpected,” She explained and chuckled, “In the old kingdoms the king and queen would direct the troops, but one in particular had more sway than the other. Usually the one who was adored by the kingdom and presented the better leadership,” She waved the princess piece in her hoof and looked at it with boredom, “It’s funny; our princess hardly ever involves herself with the Royal Guard at all. It’s completely self sufficient, yet if she fell or was ever captured the guard falls with her. Even though it could continue the good fight without her,” She set the piece back down, “Only thing she’s good for is raising the sun and acting like a mother we need to get permission from in order to do anything because we can’t seem to think for ourselves,” There was a bit of anger towards the end of her statement.

Her mother was now glaring at the piece, “Years of experience may bring wisdom, but if we get caught in old ways we are unable to move forward with new and better ideas. I think if ponies would just realize that, they just might see her as…” She knocked the princess piece over with her own general, “…unnecessary.”

When she turned her attention back to her daughter, Beatrice was scratching the side of her head with her hoof. She stared at her blankly for a moment before laughing lightly in better spirits, “Sorry, that probably went over your head.”

“Yeah,” She replied honestly not sure what her mother had been going on about.

She waved her hoof dismissively, “It’s alright. It’s unimportant right now. So,” She scooted forward in her chair as she started to put the pieces back in place, “How about we play a round?”

Beatrice’s eyes lit up as her mouth opened in a wide smile, “Yeah!” she cheered with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. It greatly pleased her mother.

As the chess board was set up the stomping of hoofs against hardwood floors was heard and the door to their study was opened. Three members of the royal guard entered and the middle one trotted forward as they all saluted, “General Fury!”

Her mother stood up when she was addressed, “At ease.”

“Princess Celestia has requested your presence at the castle,” He answered as they all set their hooves back down with a loud clop.

She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply before slowly exhaling, “Very well. Allow me to get into uniform and I’ll make haste to the Princess,” As she said this a lime green pegasus mare trotted into the room. She had a lighter shade of red hair than General Fury and her cutie mark was of a tower shield with crossed swords emblazoned on it and white wings extending from the shield.

The mare was older than the fair general and was starting to get on in her years, but was still looking very well for her age, “Scarlet dear, whatever is going?”

General Scarlet Fury turned to her, “I’ve been requested at the castle. Mother, would you please look after Beatrice in my absence?” The guards were already making their way out, nodding to general’s mother as they left.

She smiled warmly at her then at Beatrice, “Of course dear! I’d be more than happy to.” She began to trot over to granddaughter with a bit of a skip to her gait.

“Thank you, I must be off,” She quickly exited, only glancing back at her daughter for a second before leaving the study.

Beatrice looked up at her grandmother’s smile and she smiled back. Her granny laid out their plans, “Okay, let’s see. How about we get some lunch and then afterwards I’ll read you a story?”

The mentioning of a story perked up her ears and she was jumping up and down with excitement, “Oh yes! I’d love a story!” She leapt up and gave her grandmother a hug which she gladly returned.

“Very well, have I ever read you the Mare in the Moon?” She asked as she carefully set Beatrice down to the floor. Beatrice barely stood passed her grandma’s knees as she shook her head no.

“Well, it’s a favorite of mine. A very old tale… like your ol’ grandma!” She chuckled heartedly as she made her way out of the study, “Come along Beatrice!”

“Beatrice…”

“Beatrice…”

“Beatrice…”

“Commander Beatrice!”

Beatrice shot her head up as she became aware of her surroundings once more. The cold wind, the early spring air, the guards marching in the courtyard below, and of course Captain Shining Armor who was looking a bit worried after she fell into a bit of a trance.

Shining got closer to her, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” It was actually an honest answer this time, though her mood was still foal, but the memory helped alleviated, “I was just remembering something,” A faint smile plastered her face as she let the memory linger for a bit longer.

Seeing the how genuine her smile was, Shining returned it, “Very well, shall we continue?” He suggested hopping her mood would improve as they proceed.

“Yes, I’d like that very much.” I could use more memories like that….

Author's Note:

So, some of you might be wondering why I started this up? Well, I've hit a slight slump with Roses for the Grave, but haven't abandoned it. With recent news dealing with the last episode of this season I have no excuse, but continue to make as much of that story as cannon as possible. I'll eventually get back to it.

Truth be told, I had originally wanted to write this story first and I'm now finally getting around to it. I may start throwing a bunch of my other stories up just to see what sticks.

I'm also somewhat unsure on story tags. If others suggest more tags as the story progresses I'll be inclined to listen. I'll definitely be adding more relevant character tags when they finally show up.

Anyway, Beatrice is the sole focus of this story and I hope she proves to be an interesting character for all of you. I have interacting with cannon characters of important when appropriate. At this time Shining Armor fits the bill. Expect many flash backs that lead up to her current predicament. Everything so far is taking place about some months before episode 1 when Nightmare Moon makes her return. Once the many flashbacks are caught up the story will continue on into current cannon events. I hope you all enjoy the story and what I have planned out. Errors, tips, questions, criticism to improve my writing is all appreciated. Beware, I might bite the head off of critics. :P

Comments ( 2 )

I kind of like it, but what seems extremely strange is the fact you used five paragraphs to describe a main character and her attitude. I expected it to be setting a tone of the environment around her, but as much as I have read, it is merely how others would react to her if confronted at present or what in the near future.

In shorter terms, be less descriptive about characters, maybe a para of five sentences would do.

Reveal more of the characters as the story line progresses. You just entered a trap that many other writers do fall into. You lump every single detail in one area of the main characther, leaving nothing much for readers to appreciate in their minds of her visual aspects and attitudeas the story goes on.It would be term as 'as expected' in reader's mind when action or visual description of her form is brought up again.

Less astute readers would call this main pony an off shot of a Mary Sue. Take for example, references to princess celestia herself of the beauty of her coat whitishness. You could have used another object or subject. Next is her armor. Yes, it is gold, but nothing special there even if she is of higher rank and the way it written along with long descriptiveness of the character contributes more that this is indeed a Mary Sue.

But I don't think so. It is just the over descriptive feel of the character that make her seems as such. If you pace it out instead of lumping it all in five paragraphs, she would be some pony nice to relate to and her beauty of her white coat and her no nonsense attitude would be loved.

Anyway, this is a nice read and I look forward for more. It is rare to read of a fiction incorporating the Guard that touches upon parent and child relationships. A nice change of pace.

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I had some worry about her seeming like a Mary Sue and I feel later on it will start to push even further in that direction. I'd feel weird to edit the story now after publishing, but seeing as she's the focused character I felt obliged to get all the details of her looks out of the way so I could focus on the story.

I'm hoping seeing her evolution from innocence to her current modern self and beyond will make for an interesting character and forgive some things that make her seem more perfect. Though the concept is that she's trying to be a perfectionist and it comes at the cost of emotional trauma and her sanity. I will admit I'm a bit worried.

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