Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have always lived a life of luxury, however what they haven't had was a life of the average, to be able to walk, talk, joke and play with their subjects without restrictions, however after that may change, just for a little. *Note* The Alicorns, aren't OC's, their here for a visual aid, just read the story.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm... interesting. I haven't seen one that has both Luna an Celestia deciding to do a walkabout and take time off. Good start.
Dude, great start. I really enjoy your story, man. It should have been better if Solaris had pink mane.... but I guess that's fine.
you are bad ass, man.
161391 Thanks man! Well I did seriously consider giving her a pink mane but I thought it would be a little too much pink, but I thank you for your input, also I may slightly alter their designs because Im not totally happy with her current one, also stay tuned next chapter will be up soon.
Hmm... Reading the prologue now, and while I always enjoy the premise behind this fanfic there are some problems: First of all, you do have typos, and there are quite a few of them - plus, where they are makes for awkward reading.
“Yes I remember that night you hopping around like a little filly afterwards, you were so lucky.” - As you can see, it's kind of funky (and not really in a good way).
Likewise, there are similar instances where you have some awkward phrasing, or where you have Luna and Celestia both speaking in the same paragraph - though you have been pretty good about separating dialogue for the most part.
170923 I got a proposition for you, are you (or anyone you know) good at editing? Because my first editor has gone MIA, and she wasn't to great at pointing the finer details.
170939 Am I good at editing? I should say not particularly. Do I know anyone who is? Decidedly, no. Um... I feel bad for leaving you hanging, but I have to self-edit my own stuff too... Just as soon as I write something I'm happy with.
As callous as it is, the best thing I can tell you to do at the moment is to just learn to proofread your own work. Many find that reading it aloud helps with catching errors, as when you read it silently your mind subconsciously fixes all of the errors for you. However, my would-be editor friend - who is a horrible editor, because he skims things over (thus resulting in me learning how to edit my own work) - probably knows where to find one, so I'll ask him for you. It's the least I could do for ya'.
172145 Thanks, much appreciated my fellow brony.
I'm going to be taking that advice very seriously.
172770 Right, so I went and asked my friend... What you could try to do, based upon his recommendation, is to find a pony thread on the Giant in the Playground forum, and post your story - while asking for a bit of help. It's a rather nice, albeit strict (in a good way) forum, and is home to several prereaders from EQD. I hope that helps.
173835 Kk thanks man! /)*(\
929432 IT SUCKS! Fortunately IDGAF about this fic, and anyways, I just change the bodys they're in not their personality. Read at your own risk, it blows.
929432
Also, blocking your problems away, how funny. Learn how to write, and get some creativity.
so far i like the story and i'm trying to wait patiently for an update to it
1014573 There
#Swag