Another day another wedding and another deadline.
Image by Conicer. Used with permission.
Chapters (1)
Spice of Life
Joined 21st Jun, 2012 ·
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aww poor raarty :( all alone when everyponys have[ing a weddng :'(
Twixie likes your concept, but your lack of focus threw her off. After reading the description, Twixie expected inner, meditative thoughts from the unicorn with maybe a few side stories of her enviously watching her friends, reasons for why she had failed in her own search. Instead you left The Gweat and Impatient Twixie waiting while you went on about dress making and having a lot of clients.
1999852
I really hate the description I have for it but then again I hate all my story descriptions with a passion. I spent two days trying to think of a better one and even had five other people read it and no one could think of one that fit the story better than the one it has now. If you can think of a better description for it then let me know cause I'm drawing a blank.
Twixie always lends a hoof!
Perhaps it's even the story's title and not entirely the description that gives false assumptions. You never mention that she's a bridesmaid to the point where Twixie remembers it. The initial implication is that Rarity is having a romantic crisis. That crisis is characterized through always watching somepony's special day, embittered on the sidelines. She for some reason can't find a special somepony and it's being shoved in her face by her good-willed friends hoping for the fashionista's help.
That is the conflict that Twixie wanted to see. Instead, the most she got to see was Rarity trying to morally approach dress making as to not let herself fall to embitterment. There were hints that she was sad, but they were all too subtle and unspoken to directly evoke the coveted "feels".
2000024
I'm actually not much of a fan of the title either but everyone else seemed to like it, it implies what I wanted pretty well, in that everyone else is getting into relationships except her. I probably should have mentioned her being a bridesmaid, although she was one in the royal wedding episode and you have to assume she would be one in her friends weddings. I don't think she would let herself become embittered over it but I certainly left hints in the story that the feeling of being single while all of her friends have their special somepony is getting to her.
I can't really do sad too much since I tend to be pretty cynical about it, a direct attempt to tug at my heart strings will probably fall flat for me but something more subtle tends to be able to worm its way past my defenses. Then again that might be, because I knew just what I was going for here.
You should have a sequel to this where Rarity has somepony (Hmm, there aren't very many characters left single....perhaps Luna? They did say that she became Nightmare Moon due to Ponies ignoring the work she put into the night sky, something that I'm sure Rarity could empathise with, not to mention she would even have her old dream of marrying into the monarchy, there should be some sort of happy ending sequel anyway)
Twixie supposes that perhaps it'd be better to say there is a difference between subtle and vague.
Instead of subtly conveying the more powerful emotions Twixie was expecting, it came off as vague. Not in the sense that she doesn't know what you're trying to say, but that it isn't really said at all.
To guess at the conflict of your story, it's, at core, about Rarity not finding a special somepony. Yet, that is only barely touched on in the last paragraph. That is Twixie's complaint and her advice would be, not to write subtly, but to show subtlety. You don't need to have her cry her eyes out, but showing something besides, near, total stoicism might have been more interesting to read.
2000866
I've thought about writing a sequel where she finds someone but since all the main characters are taken I would either have to create an OC or go with some background character for her. If you want to see a story with her in a relationship you could also check out one of my other stories called "I dream of Pink" located right here http://www.fimfiction.net/story/50330/i-dream-of-pink
2000900
I thought about making it more obvious, in fact my first draft of it was much worse in her being stoic and portraying the imagine of her being totally fine with her life. One of the lines I had earlier on was her saying "I should really thank celestia for letting me make her dress, its brought me so much business." But that ended up just making her sound much too ok with things. If you can think of something I can put in then let me know, from my perspective it just seems like anything I put in now to make it more obvious would end up being something that would make me roll my eyes if I saw it in another story. But then again, I did write this so I already know what I wanted from it so my perspective is skewed.
All the warm and happy feels I had from looking at beautiful artwork died slowly as I read this story. All that's left are my sad feels and my writing inspiration. Why does that lack of the warm fuzzies make me feel good though..? It might have something to do with the Rarity-centric chapter I'm writing but that's just me!
Was linked to this story via your post about needing a new story description. Since I
Rarity, I like to read any story that involves her (except Sparity pairings), and I thought I'd give it a read, and provide my input.
I'm an editor for a group on the site, and I'm always looking to lend a helping hand where I can.
2001262
Dang, how did I miss this message for so long, glad you enjoyed it and got what I was going for out of the story.
2501047
Thanks, Rarity is also my favorite character and I also dislike sparity. I actually just finished going over another Rarity story I wrote called 'I Dream of Pink' with a fine tooth comb last night. If you feel like it, go ahead and let me know what you think of it.
2501284
I have a group dedicated to Rarity shipfics (No Sparity), and thought I'd let you know about it. Once I read your stories, I'll be sure to add them to my group, if that'd be okay with you.
The group is here
2501659
Sure, that sounds good to me, I went ahead and joined it, hope you enjoy the stories.