An icy blue pegasus meets an old rival and makes some new friends. Maybe they can mend a friendship, or even become something more?
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 10th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Jun 16th, 2012
Sympathetic Zombie
I will come up with this later. P.S. I can't stand spelling/grammar mistakes.
Sympathetic Zombie
Joined 10th Dec, 2011 ·
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hmm sounds good so far ill check this out
Somehow your character knows the name of the Carousel Boutique and Sugarcube Corner? Also your character randomly lands on the balcony of Twilight Sparkle and instantly she is ready and willing to lead him across town? Also your character speaks on an almost familiar level with the cast. And finally the CMC part didn't really flow nice.
Putting forth an admirable try, the things noted above are point of improvement I could see.
).
So try to improve (or not, it's your story
I'll definitely keep a little extra eye on this story and see where it goes!
Keep in mind though that all my critique is personal opinion, maybe a few other readers are willing to provide their input?
144179 Thanks for your input, I know there are some holes it the plotline which I will try to mend. As for the CMC, I was tired as hell and wanted to end the chapter. Sorry about that one, and wouldn't the stores have signs? In my story I say they do. About being almost familiar with the six, thhey are quite friendly, so I roll with it. Magic of friendship, you know. This is the longest thing ive ever written, so its a bit new to me. Thanks for your feedback!
144222 You're quite welcome!
i am sorry to say this but the really popular stories are long and yours is terribly short. make it longer!
this is an interesting start so don't give up!!!! this story has potential!