Age 19
"Bonnie! I came as soon as I heard! Are you alright?"
"I am now, thank you, Lyra."
"Does it still hurt?"
"A little bit, but not as much as before."
"What exactly happened?"
"I was in the middle of a dance recital, and during one of my spins, my hoof caught on a tiny gap in the floor, and I fell, breaking my leg."
"Ugh, I'm sorry."
"It's alright, Lyra. It's past now."
"So how long are you going to stay cooped up here? I don't know about you, but I hate the smell of hospitals."
"Just another day. The doctor said he would check to make sure nothing else is wrong before releasing me."
"How long till you are back on the stage?"
"Well, the cast is going to be on for about 6 weeks... but I don't think I will be dancing again."
"What!? Why not?"
"Apparently there is some history in my family of weakened bones. There is a small chance of being born with it. My grandmother had it, and now apparently I have it. We just didn't know because I had never broken anything before."
"Oh my gosh, Bonnie, I'm so, so sorry!"
"I may have a slight limp the rest of my life."
"What will you do then?"
"I don't know."
"Well is there anything I can do?"
"Will you stay with me a while?"
"Of course, hon."
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Look at all these deleted comments!
Were they all saying they didnt like this story?
So I was a dipshit and didn't read the description before raging about the story being only dialogue, I apologize for that. However, the story being only dialogue makes it uninteresting, we don't know how the scenery is, how Lyra and Bon-Bon look like during the first chapter, how was Bon-Bon dancing, etc.
That kinda stuff is what makes a story enjoyable, so having only dialogue makes things boring. I really like what you're trying to do but I think it just didn't worked.
2775915
And that, Theater, is how you criticize someone's work.
Those deleted comments were from my prereader/editor, and he suggested I delete the comments before submitting the story. I had no idea it would leave all this junk behind.
2776153
The point of dialogue only is for the readers to have some imagination. Is it not clear where they are or what they are doing? My editor said it was clear.
2776183
It is, but the problem is that we don't have any details on how anything looks like or what exactly the characters are feeling, so the reading of the story just becomes boring and bland.
2776203
I guess it's not for everyone. I thought the point of these stories was the characters and what they are doing, not what their surroundings look like. I went searching for examples of other dialogue only stories and found this one: http://mjshorts.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/tea-time/
What do you think of that one? Does it have something I don't have, or does it feel the same?
2776243
Yeah, but describing the scenery helps the reader get sucked into your story, I also think that is more powerful a image described by the writer than one imagined by the reader.
I think that was a pretty good joke
But seriously, the difference between that story and yours is that the fish story doesn't lose anything by not describing stuff while your story could be more engaging if it had more descriptions.
Good story.
But what did Bon Bon give Lyra for her B Day? A kiss?
more! must have more!!
I have to say I quite like it. An easy read that leaves a lot to the imagination. Very nice. Thank you for writing it!
2776176
Neither did I. Next time I'll write my thoughts down in a text editor. Sorry about that.
Going to attempt to add a bit more detail to the story to give some clue to their surroundings, as per comment suggestions. I'll add more detail to existing chapters before posting a new one, so don't be too disappointed if you see update messages :) We'll see what happens.